depressed;dangerous.

I've been told happiness is like a butterfly; it flies away when you chase it, but once you're still it'll come to you. I've stopped chasing it, but where is the butterfly now?

[prkkjmn]

her smile that was once so radiant– right now it was no longer there. nayu just a drunk girl with a crooked smile, trying to walk in a straight line. instantly his heart sank, he wondered if that was how she lived her life after the pair had stopped contacting each other. well, nayu stopped, jimin had always tried to call her hoping he could at least hear her voice, but there was no luck. not until tonight, at least. 

he felt dumbfounded, a little embarrassed, too, perhaps. the eye contact caught him off guard, but he didn’t hesitate to rush towards the girl as she fell to the ground– it happened so suddenly he didn’t have time to ask if she even was nayu. 

“oh my god–” he kneel in front of the girl, his arm instinctively glides itself under her arms and holding up the fragile body without much effort. it’s odd, he remembered her being small, but she never felt this little in his arms. “are you okay?” he frowned, holding her close to keep her warm, at the same time examining her limbs to make sure she wasn’t hurt too badly. being so close to the girl he could literally smell alcohol from her, his frown that was once deep now even deeper.

“get up,” he let out a small huff as he got back up on his feet, pulling her with him, “we’re going home.”

[naayuu-blog]

“j-jimin.” she was piss drunk. she was laughing and hiccuping, all while her tears stained her cheeks messily, strands of her sticking to her skin. for the first time in forever she was discreetly inhaling his scent again, but this time they weren’t cuddling like when she did so. they weren’t kissing, their fingers weren’t intertwined. he didn’t catch her and he didn’t playfully tease her for it, and she didn’t distract him by showering him with kisses. she was drunk, he was worried. there was nothing more, possibly something less.

she felt safe in his arms again and she hated it. the feeling of his warmth so close to her again felt so foreign, and she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to let go of him when he’d have to leave. she was pathetic, so dependent on him yet pushing his attempts of contacting her away everytime, her hatred for herself only grew; she was in love with someone she used to be best friend with. he was that one person that she’d never imagine having even a small tiny bit of attraction to, but she fell hard for him. she let her guard down, she let herself get hurt.

and she never realized how truly vulnerable and drained she looked. her knuckles were covered in bruises and dried bits of blood, the scabs covering her wrists were barely noticeable by now but she could feel them whenever she ran her fingers over her skin-- she had been trying to find some form of relief, and for that night it was drowning herself in self pity and alcohol. she was putting the blame on herself, but he was the one that broke her. he took her smile with him as he left, her small giggles and laughs, her loud obnoxious voice, her heart. she went silent immediately though her eyes continued to water, she just didn’t feel like existing.

“you don’t remember where i live.” 

[prkkjmn]

“aish, this is no use–” irritated, words dripped from his plump lips as small mumbles; he was beginning to think that there was no possible way he could find her tonight, after all she didn’t even know where the hell she was. though as promised, he wasn’t gonna give up.

“yah, you just stay where you are, i’m gonna find you.” jimin frowned, his phone clamped between his jaw and his shoulder to keep in place as his hands were kept busy fixing the zipper of his hoodie. he supposed all he could do was to head towards all the places that nayu and himself could have and would have gone to when they were still in good terms, and hopefully find the girl loitering, drunk– or something. 

months worth of memories ran through his head like a short film, but he is fully focused on finding the girl. the idea of a drunk girl passing out on the streets at night did not thrill him at all. “hello? you there?” he’d keep repeating into the phone, listening closely to make sure that the girl was still around. sometimes she’d answer, other times all jimin could hear was what sounded like bad reception, though it was probably just nayu sniffling. 

honestly it took less time that jimin’d expected to find the girl. he’d passed by one of the old bus stops near the convenient stores nearby; from a distance he was able to make out a faint silhouette sitting by the bench, taking a closer look he was almost positive that the silhouette belonged to a girl none other than nayu. she was small and drunk, her plump lips easily identified. now that he found her, his mouth had gone dry. he didn’t have the courage to approach her anymore.

[naayuu-blog]

she was getting tired-- her head was lowered as she stared at her feet, jimin’s voice loud and clear from her phone but not through her head. she could hear him just fine, but she wasn’t listening, his words were just going in from one ear and out from the other. she wasn’t sure if she was too busy enjoying the way he sounded so worried, or if she was just too drunk to focus on anything, though, she decided it was a mix of both, she could only focus on the tone of his words; she couldn’t quite understand them. 

nayu noticed when jimin suddenly stopped speaking though, and she held her breath for seconds to see if it was bad reception but she was positive she could hear the fetch and miss of his breathing-- and so she perked up and lifted her head, feeling her head reeling as she did so too fast, but she still looked around despite her blurry vision, eyes squinted in determination to find him. 

her eyes landed on a figure from a distance, she could tell it was a man but she couldn’t quite make out the face of that person, she couldn’t focus on anything else but she was hopeful-- both that it was jimin and he had finally found her, but also that it was someone else that’d be helpful enough to bring her home and jimin wouldn’t have to see her in such a vulnerable state. she had a feeling it was the former though, she felt it in her guts and no matter how drunk she knew she was, she felt that she was right. 

so she smiled, she tried at least, and she got onto her feet but she stumbled- she took one, two, three steps before her legs gave out and she fell onto the ground, a soft hiss slipping from her lips once she felt the sharp sting to her ankle. “fuck.” 

[prkkjmn]

he frowned. it’d been months but he didn’t realize how much the girl still thought about him, how much she still craved to be near him. the reminders gave him a stab in the chest, but all he could do was listen and apologize. he didn’t speak much then- he wanted to say it to her face-to-face. it just felt more.. right, that way.

he didn’t fully understand what the girl said, but she was most definitely drunk. jimin heard the part where she told him not to look for him alright, but he wasn’t going to leave her alone like that, wasted and emotional. “yah, just tell me where you are.” he told her sternly as he jogged down the stairs and exited the building, “one way or another i’ll find you, give me your location or i’m going around korea to look for you until i do-” he tried to sound as threatening as possible to make sure she felt his determination, and then he held onto his phone firmly while attempting to hide as much of his face as possible with his face mask in order not to attract attention. 

he kept talking whenever there was silence and he’d always managed to find something to talk about, even if it was just playful disses or sarcastic remarks– though it was also partly to make sure the girl was still concious.

[naayuu-blog]

“i really don’t know...” her eyes were starting to water at how much he seemed to care for her, her teeth sinking into her lower lip to stop herself from letting him hear her soft sniffles. she had so many questions-- too many, and no matter how much she convinced herself that his answers would ruin her more than he already did, she still wanted to ask him; do you really feel nothing anymore? are you really over what we had? but she could only wonder to herself, different scenarios playing out in her head and not one was realistic. if it couldn’t end happily in real life, she could at least imagine it end happily in her head. 

she looked around, trying to recall where she was but she was way too drunk, her legs having barely any strength left to walk any further and so she decided to sit down on the bench by the bus stop. she was too distracted to focus on the signs around, too distracted by the thought of being in his arms again, the familiar scent she’d inhale whenever he was close, their first kiss and how hard she fell for him, and before she knew-- or felt it, her tears were overflowing and this time she couldn’t hold it back. she was a mess, she missed him and she wasn’t so sure anymore if she wanted him to find her.

“jimin... i hate you so much..” 

[prkkjmn]

he’d began to worry for her. she didn’t sound very.. safe, by the tone of her voice and how much she sounded like she was choking back a sob. his frown grew deeper and she kept on rambling, but jimin kept quiet- he wanted to let her vent, she must’ve dreaded this moment for a long time. while she did, he’d been listening absent-mindedly while wandering around the practice room to gather his belongings with his free hand and stuffing them all in the red bag pack that he’d carry around. 

he could only apologize; he didn’t know what to say. he was dead worried for her once she’d made it sound like she was about to jump off a bridge; jimin didn’t know if she was really going to do it. she was so unpredictable. better to be safe than sorry, he was going to get her. he flicked his finger against the switch to turn off the lights, making sure that the room was locked and secured, “…yah,” he mumbled, keeping the phone sandwiched between his shoulder and his ear, “don’t hang up yet, where are you now? i’m coming for you.” 

[naayuu-blog]

“don’t come for me.” she was practically begging him not to, her voice soft and almost cracking. as much as she wanted to see him, she knew she wouldn’t be able to control herself. she’d start to bawl, hit him, or worse, kiss him, something she had been yearning to do for a while now. she’d be a mess. “i don’t know where i am either and you don’t want to see me like this, jimin.” 

“i still love you and being anywhere near you hurts so much because i know the only thing i can do is look, i can’t kiss you like i used to. we can’t do the things we used to do together, we aren’t the same anymore and it just really fucking hurts. now you look at him with the same eyes that used to look at me the same way, i can’t deal with the pain, jimin.” the way his name left her lips was different, it was almost as if she was saying his name for the last time before she disappeared off the face of the earth. a small part of her wished he’d find her miraculously, passed out on the streets, but she’d learn to be realistic. he wouldn’t, he was a busy idol that was engaged to his lovely boyfriend and she was a nobody, and it wouldn’t matter if she existed or not. 

“don’t look for me..” 

[prkkjmn]

he’d been staring at the screen of his phone for a good minute before finally deciding to answer the call. he wouldn’t know what to say, he didn’t know if he’d make it worse for the girl but he knew that it would be impolite for him to reject the call, considering he’d sent her a text message not even a while ago. swiping his thumb across the screen he swallowed nervously; not knowing what to expect, he hesitantly spoke into the phone only to get called a ‘bastard’, and yet it felt great. it’d been a while since he heard her voice and it felt soothing to be able to do it again. 

“…hello to you too,” the boy murmured, a small smile lingering by his lips. she’d always been mean to him, but he’d eventually realized there was never a bad intention there, and jimin would always gladly let her. “i just wanted to make sure you were alive,” he sighed, his brows suddenly closely knitted together and he looked up to find his own reflection in the wall mirror, apart from being extremely sweaty– he looked so small and defenceless. 

he wasn’t sure if talking about his ‘new boo’ would make the situation any less awkward, he just wanted to listen to her voice. “…are you drunk?” his thick busan accent naturally flew just as he wasn’t paying attention, he was genuinely worried, “you’re drunk, aren’t you?”

[naayuu-blog]

“alive?” she could only giggle at how foreign that word sounded rolling off the tip of her tongue, continuing to stumble about while she desperately tried to remember her way home, and at that moment passing out on the street didn’t seem like such a bad idea at all. “i’m alive, of course, i’m alive but it doesn’t feel like i am. i’m alive and it feels like a thousand knives stabbing me all at once. really fucking hurts, jimin-- but i doubt you’d understand how i feel since i’m the only one suffering, would you?” she snorted, halting for a moment to regain her balance. 

“that’s right, i’m drunk as hell.” she laughed this time, bottle raised to her lips before chugging it, her eyebrows knitting together at how horribly bitter it tasted but at least it’s not as bitter as i am, she’d muse to herself. “but what can you do about it? it’s midnight, i’m drunk and not just alone-- but lonely as well,” she paused once she felt the lump in her throat again, swallowing thickly while she held back her tears. he’d know if she was crying-- he’s an idiot, but he’d be able to tell, and she was already pathetic enough. she couldn’t afford to cry in front of anyone but herself. 

she was intoxicated and she was starting to feel sorry, not just for herself but this time for jimin as well. “listen-- stop thinking about me, it’ll only dampen your mood. i’d rather one of us be happy than the both of us be sulky. stop calling me, i’ll change my number.” and with that she tried to end the call, but she couldn’t; she had missed hearing his voice so, so much. 

[prkkjmn]

          ayo ladies and gentlemen, 준비가 됐다면 부를게… jungkook’s voice echoes through the practice room coming out of the mini boombox; jimin has decided to stay behind with jin hyung to further develop the latter’s technique in order to make further improvements to his already-improved skills. it’s right in the midst of their promotions and the peak of bangtan’s career, jimin doesn’t want to waste a second, whether to practice his own techniques or help others improve theirs. 

          he lays himself down on the ground, panting and looking an utter sweating mess. he closes his eyes– his mind suddenly filled with nothing but the upcoming wedding with jungkook, and then he smiles. jin has decided that jimin’s persistence was too much for him tonight; thus gone to the bathroom for a quick break, leaving jimin alone, smiling towards the ceiling like an idiot. and then nayu comes up next. 

          nayu, nayu, nayu. guilt washes over him as he lies still, his smile fading and his brows closely knitted. nayu used to be a girl jimin had grown to be very fond of.. and then his one mistake happened, and it remains a memory jimin wishes he can redo. he still misses her, and even though he is almost completely positive that nayu hates his guts, however much the girl pushes him away, he always finds a way to keep her around as a friend. he rolls over onto his stomach with a huff and reaches for his phone, unlocking it with a passcode of 2112. it takes him almost an hour before he’s able to gather his courage to send the text message. 

          { text }: – nayu  “hey, how’s it going?”

[naayuu-blog]

it was a special night, one where she had something to do, something to occupy herself with, and that was drowning her sorrows with alcohol. she was drunk-- very drunk, much to the point where she couldn’t even walk one step without stumbling into a wall. with one hand gripping tightly onto the bottle of liquor and the other holding on to the wall for support, she slowly lifted her hand off of the wall and slid her hand into her back pocket to fish out her phone, her eyes squinting at the screen when his name appeared.

stumbling about, she clumsily typed in her passcode to read the message-- hey, how’s it going? she could only snort at how.. formal it seemed, almost as if they were texting for the first time after going out on their first date. oh how she wished that was the case, but they were way past that. being sober enough to only know that texting would be a hassle, she tapped on his name, knowing she’d regret the decision by the time she was fully sobered up, but she was the type to do things on an impulse, after all. 

“yah park jimin... how do you think i’m doing, you bastard?” she was slurring by the time he picked up her call, and boy, she was surprised how fast she regretted calling him in the first place. his voice was calm, he didn’t have his usual chirpy tone. instead, his voice was dripping with guilt, she could tell how hard he was trying to cover it up and it made it so damn hard for her to breathe when she felt her chest tighten. it was hard to force out the words she wanted to tell him-- i miss you so, so much, you asshole, and she swallowed thickly when she felt the lump growing in her throat. 

“why are you acting like you care? you have fun with your new boo.” 

[naayuu-blog]

[naayuu-blog]

does anyone know where tumblr users huffseok and misterbjoo went bc i really miss them 

[naayuu-blog]

misterbjoo replied to your post:That anon can't marry you but I can. u____u

So that’s how you’re gonna treat me?

No I'm sorry--

[svnshinekwon]

But why— I’m your mama— Male Nuts please.

[naayuu-blog]

We aren't even related by blood-- Te Noy please.

[svnshinekwon]

I don’t really know either. I think they’re softer than mine though.

[naayuu-blog]

You're kinda freaking me out. /laughs nervously;

[naayuu-blog]

(/ ^_^)／ Hello beautiful person! If you receive this it means you make someone happy! Go on anonymous and send this to 10 followers that make you happy, or some you feel need some cheering up. If you get some back, even better! ♥

omg aw

[svnshinekwon]

[`continues to pet his cheeks]

[naayuu-blog]

What are you doing? /blinks;

[svnshinekwon]

Your skin is really soft. 

[naayuu-blog]

...Thanks. /chuckles;

[okktthen-deactivated20150223]

Oh my god Barom I’m cryign

[-sigh]

[naayuu-blog]

I can't look at you the same way ever again-- /laughs obnoxiously;

[naayuu-blog]

That anon can't marry you but I can. u____u

throws a suit at ur face alright loser we gettin married

[svnshinekwon]

[`brings a hand to his cheek and stares] 

[naayuu-blog]

/stares back; ...Yes...?