Wrong Side of Heaven

Nathan Hughes, DEA agent and informant for the MacNamara. Associate, 32, Bisexual, Widowed.

[nathanhughes-dea]

asset-harperx:

Zach watched Nathan, watched and waited and before long, finally the man delivered what he’d been meant to from the moment Zach walked through the door. Arms enveloped him, surrounded him and held on to him tightly as he shut his eyes. “I missed you too…” He murmured, burying into the skin of Nathan’s neck. His friend, his lover, his whole world. “Every minute of every single day.” It was an honest to God truth, he pulled Nathan closer somehow.

Leaning back, he took Nathan’s face in his hand. “Quit being so scared of doing what you want.” He murmured. “Just take what you want, Nathan. Because those things usually want you back.” Kissing him slowly, he shut his eyes. “I love you, how do you not know that?” Another kiss and a sigh. “I love you more than anything, you’re the sun for me. C'mon Nathan… tell me it’s the same way back…” It was a plea, broken and fragile delivered from his lips. “Tell me you love me too.”

It felt a bit like his chest was going to burst, like maybe all the feelings that Nathan had been hoarding inside there were trying to claw their way out. He wasn’t particularly good at dealing with grief, the best he knew how to do was to bottle everything up until he drove himself to the brink. But this, this was different, this was relief in the purest sense. He clung to Zach, reveled in the feeling of his breath on his neck. Cherished everything he’d thought he’d never have again. 

“I can’t always have the things I want. I don’t deserve all of them. I’m afraid of losing them if I move too fast and they realize that” Nathan spoke softly, honestly. He kissed Zach back, his hands clenched in the fabric of his shirt, never intending to let go again. Those words, they certainly didn’t stop the bursting feeling in his chest. Nathan leaned down again, capturing Zach’s lips before leaning back just enough that he could watch his face. “I love you. I love you so much. You’re the one who taught me I could love again, just by being you. You enchanted me the moment I met you. I am never going to stop loving you Zachariah Harper.” 

[oldfashionedvillain-deactivated]

Armie Hammer by Kurt Iswarienko

[nathanhughes-dea]

Home

[nathanhughes-dea]

hiddenjemsamuels:

“You deserve it. You’ve always been so good to me. And I love you.” The blonde smiled at the other. “You can cook with me. We’ll be one of those obnoxiously cute couples in the kitchen.” He couldn’t help but notice the effect the thoughts had on Nathan and grin with pride.

“Really?” Jem’s eyes widened with surprise and excitement. “Can we go on a trip? I want to go on a trip if that’s okay with you. Even if it’s just a day trip.” He wanted, he needed, to get out of the Tower for a day.” With that he focused back on the task at hand. Making everything of this night. Making Nathan feel just as ecstatic as the blonde felt. He winked up at the man before wrapping his lips around the head and slowly bobbing as his hand helped him out.

“I love you too.” Nathan’s smile softened as he looked up at Jem, feeling incredibly lucky. How could he have expected someone like Jem? He certainly didn’t deserve someone this bright and gorgeous. “We’ll be adorable, though I may have to see you in only an apron, for a few reasons” He winked up at the blond.

“We can go anywhere you want. Maybe we can finally go to that waterpark now that your arm is mostly healed. Stay in a nice hotel for the night” Nathan suggested, though really, he’d go anywhere Jem wanted. His fingers tightened in Jem’s hair as the other started bobbing on his cock, his hot mouth over the tip. He had to consciously think about not letting his hips off the bed, wanting to let Jem take his time with this. 

[nathanhughes-dea]

Home

[nathanhughes-dea]

hiddenjemsamuels:

“Good because I don’t think you’ll be able to. Expect cake all the time.” He teased, deepening the kiss. “And delicious dinners and breakfast in bed. And waking up to blow jobs every morning.” He replied, grinning in his state of utter content. Literally nothing could bring him down. 

“I don’t think we can do them all tonight. I’m not that good. Besides, we have a month to celebrate remember? But tonight.” The blonde paused, wrapping his leg around Nathan’s waist. so he was basically sitting on him as he kissed lower and lower. That hand in his hair great motivation. His teeth tugged down Nathan’s boxers before he laid gentle kisses down his member. “Tonight I have a few things planned.”

“Cake? You’re going to spoil me Jem, utterly spoil me” Nathan laughed, nipping at Jem’s lower lip. “I hope you’re going to let me do some of the cooking, though I’m definitely not going to protest blow jobs in the morning. That happens to be my favorite way to start the day” The thought already had him rising to attention. 

“I suppose now is a good time to tell you that I took a week vacation from the DEA? So I have all the time in the world for you. To do everything you want” Nathan grinned. His tongue slid along his lower lip as he watched Jem slide on top of him, and start to kiss lower. Fuck this boy was unfairly intoxicating. His breath hitched as he felt Jem tug at his boxers with his teeth, and then those sinful lips were on him. “I’m all for whatever you have planned gorgeous.”

[nathanhughes-dea]

Home

[nathanhughes-dea]

hiddenjemsamuels:

“I think I’d like to spend the whole month celebrating.” He replied, leaning more into the man so he could kiss him again because he was going to do that as much as he could. His fingers danced along bare skin. Appreciating it’s warmth and the ability to finally touch the man.

The blonde leaned into the hand carding his locks. “You. A lot of you. Mainly just you. How good it would be to have you here in bed so I could do everything I’ve been waiting to do. But I want you to rest if you need rest.” He leaned in more to start pressing kisses down the man’s chest. “You’ve had a stressful couple of weeks.”

“Well we can do that too, I’m not going to stop you” Nathan laughed softly, tilting his head so he could reach Jem’s lips better. There was an incredibly content feeling building up in his chest, finally home and with someone he loved. He knew that it probably wouldn’t last, previous experience dictated that, but he could pretend. And enjoy every single second of this, of being here with Jem.

Nathan was already shaking his head before he’d even finished, “I’ve had plenty of rest. I’ve been working to get back here, but without a lot of the MacNamara work, I’ve had plenty of time to rest. What I want more than anything is to be here tonight, to do all those things you’ve thought up in your pretty head. To make up for all the time I spent away from you” Nathan murmured, tugging playfully at Jem’s hair, watching him press his lips to Nathan’s bare chest. 

[nathanhughes-dea]

asset-harperx:

When Nathan reached out and grabbed him, it felt like his skin was burning. Not in a painful way but in a manner that could’ve left him to believe that perhaps Nathan Hughes was the brightest, warmest thing this tower had to offer. He did stop, breath hitching before he looked back. “When I see Ezra…. I know what he’ll do. I came back here unclaimed, Nathan. I came home unclaimed and if you think for a single second that Ezra will hesitate to do any of the things I hoped you would, you don’t know him.”

Eyes stayed on the man before him. Nearly pleading for the desired response he had wished for from the get go. “You love him. And for that, I’m glad. For that I can look past how much it hurt to be the first thing I heard about, whispered about me in these stupid halls.” He muttered. “But if you’re not going to show me how much you missed me, then let go. Because once upon a time, you wouldn’t have hesitated to wrap me up and make me feel like I was safe.”

The mention of Ezra made Nathan falter slightly. Because Nathan did know. Because part of him felt like Ezra was always step ahead of him, doing the right things instinctively where Nathan always overthought everything. It hurt actually, knowing that Ezra would get this right where Nathan seemed to constantly be on the wrong foot. “I know” He murmured softly.

At the moment Zach finished speaking, something broke inside Nathan. He’d been trying to hold back, but apparently that had been the exact opposite of what he needed to do. So in the space of a second Nathan was stepping in, wrapping up Zach in his arms, one sliding around his waist and the other following the line of his spine until he was cradling the back of his head. He was thin, it made Nathan’s heart ache. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” He murmured, his throat tight, “I always seem to be doing the wrong thing. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to touch you, and I was afraid I would hurt you. I missed you so goddamn much”

[nathanhughes-dea]

Home

[nathanhughes-dea]

hiddenjemsamuels:

“It made missing you easier because I wasn’t the only one.” He murmured, nuzzling the man’s neck before laid down on the bed and immediately reaching up to pull the man closer. “I can’t wait.” He whispered before the kiss. “Can we spend the whole week celebrating? Lots of relaxing and talking and maybe a good amount of sex because it’s been too long.”

 He nuzzled closer to the man, his hand running down the other’s chest. “I’ve been waiting for you. Thinking about when you’d come back. Thinking about all we could do.”

“We can spend the whole week celebrating if that’s what you want. I have to admit that I certainly wouldn’t mind spending the entire week in bed with you” Nathan grinned, leaning back a little so he could unbutton and take off his shirt, toeing off his shoes before sliding back down next to Jem. He had a feeling he was going to be here for a while. 

Nathan let one hand lazily stroke through Jem’s hair, combing it back from his face. “Have you gorgeous? What have you been thinking about all on your lonesome? Maybe I can make a few of those lovely ideas come true.”

[nathanhughes-dea]

Home

[nathanhughes-dea]

hiddenjemsamuels:

Every touch by Nathan made Jem shiver. It was like he was being touched by him for the first time. And those kisses. Those kisses were to die for. “I was staying here most of the days because I didn’t want Delilah to get lonely. But I couldn’t sleep here all the time without it going unnoticed.” 

He was worried Nathan had changed his mind about wanting Jem and blinked a few times in fear. But then Nathan was smiling and everything was okay. “Of course I want you to claim me. I’ve always wanted it. I was just scared. But, but with you being gone. I think I realized that I wasn’t your second choice to Zach and even if I was, I still love you. I love you with all of my heart and I want to be with you through it all. I want to be able to be waiting here for you every night and take care of you when you’re sick and celebrate all the holidays with you.” He reached up to push back some of Nathan’s hair. “I love you Nathan Hughes.”

“Thank you for staying with her. I’m sure she loved your company, I always do” Nathan slid his lips along the corner of Jem’s jaw. Just knowing that Jem wanted to be here left him with a warm feeling. He hitched the blond up further on his waist as he shouldered open the door to his bedroom. 

Moving inside, he gently laid Jem out on his bed, smiling as he leaned over him. “You’re not my second choice Jem. I wouldn’t ever want to make a choice between the two of you. I love you Jem. You’re the sunshine I didn’t realize that I was missing until you smiled at me. I’ll send in the paperwork in the morning.” Nathan murmured, bending down so that he could press a lingering kiss to Jem’s lips. He almost couldn’t believe this moment, like maybe he was still at the other apartment imagining the perfect welcome home. 

[nathanhughes-dea]

Home

[nathanhughes-dea]

hiddenjemsamuels:

Jem had himself wrapped around Nathan like he was a koala. Or a raccoon that loved Armie Hammer.  “Not as much as I missed you.” He replied, the grin on his face wasn’t going to disappear for days. “Bed. More room.” He couldn’t help but kiss all over Nathan’s face, just so he could know it was really there. “I was dreaming about this.” 

He sighed happily, just taking a moment to look at Nathan’s perfect face before kissing him deeply. “Will you claim me? Please. I don’t want to ever sleep in a different bed from you ever again.”

“I don’t know if you could have missed me more. I missed you so much” Nathan teased, one of his hands sliding up the length of Jem’s spine until he could press it gently between his shoulder blades, massaging there while Jem’s lips were pressed to his face. “Were you? I made sure I could come home when you would be here. I wasn’t sure if you were staying here.”

Nathan leaned happily into the kiss, moving them across the room and toward the door to his bedroom. The kiss left him a little dazed so he wasn’t entirely focused when Jem asked his question. It took a few moments for it to sink in, and then he was smiling brilliantly. “Really? You want me to claim you?” He’d been worried that Jem might not want him to, he had hesitated the first time Nathan had asked. 

[nathanhughes-dea]

asset-harperx:

In all reality, Zach had been dreaming of this moment. With a few changes, naturally. Instead of hesitation, Nathan had charged forward, barreling everyone out of the way to get to him. Instead of keeping his hands to himself, Zach had been wrapped up in the cage of warmth that was Nathan’s hold. And instead of the meek greeting, the obvious statement… Nathan professed that he’d been doing everything in his power to find him.

There was none of that to be found. And suddenly, Zach felt venom. Perhaps he should’ve been glad to see Nathan, but now he just felt upset. He’d heard the rumors, the guards weren’t quite on the way back. “I don’t see Jem with you.” He murmured. “Perhaps he’s back in the suite. I’m glad my place was easily taken.” He shot before stepping around Nathan, not wanting to look back for fear that he might profess just how much he’d missed him. Only to be met by startling quiet.

It felt like he couldn’t breathe. He’d hoped that he’d get to see Zach again. That he’d be here, but he hadn’t actually let himself imagine the moment. He was so accustomed to loss. It still hurt, to see Zach this way, so frail and tired, and almost broken. But part of him was just so relieved to have him here, alive, that maybe for once he wouldn’t have to lose someone that he loved. 

Nathan didn’t even really think, didn’t even really process the words before he was reaching out to gently circle his fingers around Zach’s wrist. Just firmly enough to get him to stop. “Why would you think that? I love you, I’ve always loved you. You’re Zach, you’re beautiful and sweet and so brilliant it makes me want to kiss you all the time, there’s no one that could ever fill your place. I love Jem, I do, no one could take his place either.” Nathan took a breath, trying to ignore the little hitching thing his voice was doing, “I missed you, I missed you so goddamn much. Jem or Ezra, hell anyone can tell you what an awful mess I was and am. I was so afraid that I lost you Zach”

[nathanhughes-dea]

Home

[nathanhughes-dea]

hiddenjemsamuels:

Jem had been spending most of his time in the suite. Technically he wasn’t allowed to for too long considering he was an unclaimed asset but he was a lock pick and very good at sneaking around. Especially when it seemed everyone was so busy with themselves. He was more preoccupied with taking care of Delilah and waiting for Nathan to come back. The blonde was all fifty shades of lonely. And then he heard the words he was afraid he’d never heard. 

After just feeding Delilah, he was in the bedroom going through Nathan’s clothes, sometimes he did that just to have something familiar. But he wasn’t there for long. It took seconds for the blonde to go sprinting and straight up tackle the man with a hug. He kissed every part of Nathan’s face he could reach, his grip probably a bit too tight. “You’re back. You’re back. You’re really back.” It was like the perfect Christmas and birthday combined.

Nathan set aside his bag, slipping his coat off his shoulders. It was just in time too, because then he had his arms full of a beautiful blond. The hug definitely had the air leaving his lungs in surprised laughter as he fell back against the door, arms wrapping around Jem to keep him up. He didn’t even mind that it felt like Jem was squeezing the life out of him, because he’d missed this, he’d missed this so much. “I’m back.” He confirmed breathlessly, grinning like an idiot. 

After a few moments, Nathan properly hitched Jem up onto his waist so he could carry him into the suite. He tilted his head so he could catch Jem’s in a kiss. “I missed you, I missed you so much” He murmured, a soft admission, “Now, I’m a bit tired, cuddling on the couch or the bed? Because I’m not going to be letting you go for the next few hours at least.”

[nathanhughes-dea]

Trouble| Nate & Open

[nathanhughes-dea]

hiddenjemsamuels:

Jem nodded. “I love you Nathan.” He spoke quietly, a few tears in his eyes but they weren’t sad tears. They were hopeful tears. Because he would believe that he would come back. It was much nicer than thinking he wouldn’t. “I love you with my whole heart.”

At the admission, Nathan couldn’t help but smile. All of this going on and that was probably what could make him the happiest, knowing Jem loved him. “I love you too, so much Jem. I’m never going to leave you here on your own, you got that? I love you.”

[nathanhughes-dea]

Home

@hiddenjemsamuels

Alright so maybe Nathan had been slightly strategic about this. He hadn’t been sure exactly if Jem was still staying in his suite, so he’d planned to come home around one of Delilah’s usual feeding times. He had a simple bag over his shoulder, containing all the things he’d taken with him to the other apartment. Why would he take anything else when he knew he was going to return? That other apartment wasn’t home, that was here. And more specifically, home was very rapidly becoming a gorgeous blond that had slipped into his life and made room for himself in Nathan’s heart. 

“I’m home!” He called after unlocking the door. If Jem wasn’t here, he’d let himself feel foolish in a minute. 

[nathanhughes-dea]

asset-harperx:

Back from the dead, that’s what they were calling it. More like back from the brink, but he didn’t care. As he was escorted into Macnamara tower, he felt safe. He truly did, but he didn’t feel like he was really home anymore. Home meant he would never have to leave. That he would be safe from the outside world, but even Bellamy was not without flaw in his grand palace. No, nowhere would be home ever again. And with the rumors already whispered into his ear, that Nathan had moved on too…. Zach wasn’t sure home had ever really existed.

As they dragged him in slowly, he managed to look up in time to see a bunch of curious faces, shocked. He supposed he didn’t much look the same. Thinner, more hagard. A birthday had come and gone too…. But when someone approached, bleak eyes managed to meet the other. “…. Bellamy’s waiting for me.”

Finally he’d moved back into his suite, it had taken a couple weeks for the DEA to stop sniffing around the tower. Nathan was also reasonably sure that he wasn’t under any sort of investigation, and his paranoia over the lack of information that he’d received in the time leading up to the arrest had mostly been baseless. It sounded like that they’d merely assumed that he wouldn’t be involved because of his recent undercover operations. And everything was hush hush so they could go in without the MacNamara knowing. It was safe to say that he’d expected things to go back to normal now, or as normal as they could be. 

It really shouldn’t have been surprising to find that particular worldview very quickly tossed out the window. All in the form of a thin young man being dragged past. 

“Zach?” The words left his mouth in a barely there whisper, but he repeated them louder. He finally figured out how to make his body move, striding toward the other man, reaching out as if to touch, then pulling back, unsure. Asking if he was alright just seemed wrong. “You’re alive” He said instead, breathing out.

[nathanhughes-dea]

Trouble| Nate & Open

[nathanhughes-dea]

hiddenjemsamuels:

“Just please come back.” Jem murmured into the man’s chest. “Please don’t leave. I can wait for a while just as long as you come back. Or at least say goodbye if you aren’t coming back and take Delilah, she wouldn’t be able to handle not having you around.” Jem wasn’t sure he would either.

“I’m not going to leave, and I’m not going to leave you. I’ll come back Jem” Nathan assured softly, also making that promise to himself. “And if I was coming back to get Delilah, I’d be coming back for you too. I’m not going to leave you here. I wouldn’t do that to you Jem”

[nathanhughes-dea]

hiddenjemsamuels:

“Okay but what if my cake making skills aren’t that great yet hmm? What if it just turns out looking and tasting like poop?” He grinned at the other because for a moment everything was normal. “You should only walk around in your underwear and I’ll only walk around in a swimsuit.”

“Well I doubt it will taste like poop if you’re using the right ingredients. But I’d happily eat it even if it didn’t look quite like you imagined” Nathan murmured. “Sounds like a plan to me, the two of us can have everything we want that way.”

[nathanhughes-dea]

Trouble| Nate & Open

[nathanhughes-dea]

hiddenjemsamuels:

Nathan’s lips on his head somehow made things much better. “I know. I know you will. And Delilah and I will be waiting patiently for you to come back. We’ll get all your favorite foods and drinks and movies and I’ll put the blankets in the dryer so they’re nice and warm and we can just cuddle up and spend the whole day relaxing.”

“Well now I’ll try to get home even faster knowing all of that is waiting for me. Thank you gorgeous. I know all of this isn’t ideal, that you’re probably not really happy about this, but just knowing you’re here? That I actually do have something to fight to get back to? It helps. A lot.” Nathan spoke softly, his hands clutching a little more at Jem’s back. If he didn’t have Jem, he didn’t know how this would have gone down. Would he have been trying to get back here?