STATE OF DREAMING @ncllysnge - Tumblr Blog

givcnup:

AS MUCH AS Griffin has tried to ease her into this the past days, nothing can fully take away the fact that this is all coming in so suddenly. Griffin had felt it himself, in that room with Plutarch earlier today, and he’s certain Silver had too. The pressure and the responsibility were heavy on both their shoulders, having to spread the word to as many loved ones in the tower as they could, but perhaps it was precisely that same pressure, that weight of responsibility, that kept them from spiraling into what-ifs. Griffin sees it happening to Nelly now, and he doesn’t blame her when he knows how unused to this sort of thing she is, but he needs to keep her grounded, otherwise they’ll be getting very little done.

“Nelly… Nelly, we can’t afford to think like that right now,” he says, moving in closer, squeezing tightly against her palm, one hand on her hair. “I know it’s scary, and I know that things could fail, but that’s precisely why we have to do everything in our power to make sure this ends well for us all. Okay? We can send in last minute sponsors for those in the arena, make sure they hold on until we’re able to pick them up.” Of course he’d thought about it all going down in flames; in the interim periods going from floor to floor and person to person, stuck inside the eerie silence of the elevator, he’d considered that. But consider is all he can do because he knows that once he starts to take that seriously, he’ll falter, and there will be no going back from that.

“Now I need you to listen very carefully to what I have to say,” he says, inching even closer, before proceeding to give her quiet instructions to the safe meeting place.

She knows she has to pull herself together. Has to think very carefully and listen to every word that leaves his mouth. He’s trusting her with this information. Well, of course he is, but it’s still a big deal. Nelly doesn’t want to disappoint him by falling apart right at the end, but not being able to handle this. She must hold herself together, or else, what will have been the whole point of this?

Nelly just has to remind herself of the world that will be on the other side of this. Of the peace and the joy she and griffin will be able to find. But there’s intruding thoughts even after she nods with furrowed brows to show how deeply she was thinking about this. “But my mother...” She thinks out loud, her eyes wide and beginning to fill with tears. “I never got to properly put her to rest.” Considering there was still a jar in her home that was waiting for it’s final resting place, she knows with these instructions, she’ll leave the woman behind forever, with no send-off. Not when she deserves one so much.

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin

givcnup:

IT’S HARD TO tell if Nelly is still taking it all in, or if she’s simply frozen on the spot; Griffin can’t blame her for either. It was easy to tell DeeZee, when the kid’s been nothing but ready for something like this for so long; easy to explain when he’d been more or less set to try and take everything in, going so far as to stopping himself from reacting too much so he could focus on the details. Griffin had known it wouldn’t be that way with the rest; there’s a reason why he’d gone specifically to him first. Having known that, he now tries to keep Nelly steady, tries to stay calm as he casually attempts to explain further.

“We all do, Nelly. Fava, Hudson, the other districts, everyone.” Her hand moves up to touch his wrist, her thumb rubbing there, as if seeking comfort. When she asks about the Games, Griffin practically physically readies himself. He doesn’t expect this to be an easy pill to swallow. “We won’t be able to see the Games to the end,” he starts, trying to word it carefully, but also making sure he finishes before she can get a word in to react negatively, “but the Tributes will be picked up, so we have to make sure they’ll have the best possible chances of making it together before we leave.” The expression on his face looks almost as if he’s begging her to understand, to see the logic behind it, as difficult as it is to make sense of right now.

Griffin has been easing her into this for days now. Nelly has been struggling with everything for a long time that this isn’t as disastrous as it could be. She can see the frantic look in his eyes and she wants to be good for him. Wants to be collected and understanding but Nelly’s not fully there, hasn’t been since the interviews. But she’s listening. Everyone needs to leave, like, get far away from here. That’s what she thinks he means.

She has to look away from him. Cast her eyes down, but she takes the hand that rubs her wrist and holds onto it tightly to keep her tethered to the ground. It was fast, it was sudden. They might have been inching towards this but those inches only took her so far and now she’s being shoved over the edge. “Where will we go? And what if... what if they don’t make it, and we can’t see them?” Is it better to miss their deaths or will be like they have abandoned them? She can’t decide which is more heartbreaking to her.

Finally, she looks back up to Griffin. “This is scary, Griffin.”

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin

givcnup:

WATCHING THE GAMES, Nelly responds, but there’s so many places where they could be doing that from. He’s going to have to check the rest of the common area, their individual suites, and any number of watching rooms scattered everywhere about this floor and all the rest. God, he hates how scattered they all are, and he knows he couldn’t have controlled that when clearly everyone can move about anywhere within this tower, but that makes this so much harder than it already is. He squeezes Nelly slightly, hoping it’ll help calm his own frazzled nerves, keep him from sinking too deeply into thinking about things he can’t control at all, but then she pulls away from him. He’d felt her breath, had heard how strangled it had sounded, and now, he sees the look on her face, frightened and unsure.

Griffin wills himself not to panic when there are so many others, Nelly most of all, depending on him to be level-headed, and he needs to be after having already spent time planning for this with Silver as meticulously as the two of them could. With a sigh, he puts both his hands on either side of Nelly’s face. “Everything will be. We just need to make sure we’re all able to get ourselves and our loved ones to safety,” he practically whispers, voice wavering slightly. “I’m about to give you instructions, Nelly, okay? To get to someplace safe.” He presses his forehead against hers but keeps his eyes open. “I won’t be too far behind.”

This shouldn’t come as such a major surprise to her, should it? He’s been trying to warn her that something been going on under the radar for a while now, and here it is, finally taking place. That’s what he’s talking about, right? The rebels finally told him something and now they have to all have to get up and listen to the orders they’re given.

Her face is in his hands and it means she can only look at him, she can’t twist and turn and it’s not as though she’d want to but she feels frozen. Her stomach has sunk into her feet and her skin has grown cold. “I need to leave?” She repeats, her hand reaching to take hold of his wrist, thumb rubbing the soft skin where his pulse hides. “What about the Games? Did I miss something?”

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin

givcnup:

TWELVE IS ALMOST practically deserted by the time he reaches it, and Griffin feels a lot like cursing under his breath for this. Why couldn’t they all just be in one place so he could tell them easily and get them out of her sooner, right? Immediately, he goes from the common area and into the private rooms, deciding to start with Nelly first so he can at least have one more adult with him while this is happening. He has very little doubt that Fava will want to ask questions, won’t want to leave without knowing what’s going to happen to Wren, would likely be kicking and screaming before he can find a way to get her downstairs. He whispers a silent wish into the ether that Nelly will take this sudden news well, too.

When he sees her, he pulls her into a hug immediately, the same method he’d done with DeeZee, but this time, he can afford to stay a little longer, seeing as it’s Nelly after all. And he needs her warmth now more than ever. “Do you know where Hudson and Fava are?” he says in a normal volume, before lowering it considerably and whispering in her ear. “Remember what I said about being prepared? We need to leave soon. Six hours. I can tell you where to go to wait.”

Suddenly she’s wrapped in his arms and she feels the blood drain out of her body. She knew this day was going to come. She’d been mentally preparing herself. Griffin had told her that they were working their way up to this. But right now? And with so little time? Her hand places on the back of his head and she lets out a long and strangled breath. “I’m not sure where they are, Griffin.” Her hands then falls to grab his arm tightly, giving it a squeeze. “Maybe watching the Game?”

She pulls away from him, trying to get him to look her in the eyes. “Is everything okay? What’s going to happen, Griffin?”

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin

@givcnup

It had been a little while since she’d seen Griffin. She’d been sitting on the Twelfth floor trying to help those she loved, when the door open and he came in in a rush. “Why do you look like that?” She says as she stands, remarking Griffin’s rather frazzled appearance. He always looked a little disheveled, but this was more than typical.

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin #//#this is VERY short #i didn't know what else to do dfkgjdfdf

dcwnhardin:

He can only imagine how horrifying things have been for Twelve after those last few moments of the broadcast of their tributes. It had been horrifying enough to watch the attack, to see Bire killed, but then to see them immediately walk into a stand-off against Fava’s own brother-in-law, someone who everyone would hope would be willing to do anything and everything to help little Wren through this all, who would be on the right side of things, seeing what his sibling had gone through and helped start with it all… Dawn can hardly fathom what Twelve must be feeling right now.

After twenty years as a stylist, even if he doesn’t know what it feels like to be thrown into the Arena, he’s seen over and over the way the circumstances can change people, or make them make choices that seem completely unfathomable to the outside. He’s seen what the weeks of training and primping leading up to them do, and he has to imagine that Gage had a rough go of that, when even from the outside it was clear most were focused on Wren over him. But it’s still horrible to see, and Nelly’s fear is founded, he’s afraid. He’s not sure how possible it would be to get Gage help, even if anyone wanted to at this point.

“It’s an impossible situation, none of you should have to be in, in or out of the Arena,” Dawn frowns, shaking his head. “I don’t know if it’s possible for anyone to feel good about themselves when the Games are what they are this year. We shouldn’t have to choose. I wish we could help them all somehow.”

Nelly wasn’t really close to Gage. He felt distant, and could sense how much she adored Wren, it seemed clear that he didn’t want anything to do with her, as much as she tried to make him comfortable and successful, too. He seemed turned off by it all.

Her hands rub together, and she looks down at her chipped nailpolish. She’s forgotten to touch it up for days now but she’s not going to fix it. She can’t. As much as she wants to wave her magical little escort wand and make it all better, she can’t.

“I wish that were the case as well.” She sighs, looking down at her lap. “But it’s one thing after the other and it feels like there’s no chance to breath or make the right choice. We’re just stuck, having to watch it all happen and hope that they do alright. Which, not all of them are.” And that reality is beginning to haunt her, the true helplessness of this year.

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. dawn

givcnup:

NELLY IS SILENT for some time, clearly deep in thought, and Griffin doesn’t interrupt this train, doesn’t interject with anything else. He waits until she’s ready, but what she does instead of simply answering him catches him off guard. Her arms wind around his body as she rests her head against his shoulder, nestling into his neck, and Griffin automatically presses close. She utters something he didn’t expect, not from her or from anyone at all, and certainly not in this moment — and it makes his chest ache. Griffin swallows, vaguely feeling a dull sting beneath his eyes for a second before it disappears.

Surely Nelly had seen his Games. Sometimes he forgets, but now, he can’t help imagining her, back when she was much younger, and he was too, both of them in separate worlds, him on screen and her watching. It hurts to consider that she’d witnessed all that. He wonders how heavy it must feel now, to see that happen to Gage, to finally, fully understand how much all this can affect a person.

He swallows, takes a few seconds to inhale, then exhale.

“It’s alright, Nelly. We can’t change anything about the past.” But we can change the future, he desperately wants to say out loud, to give the two of them a bit of hope, to maybe end that statement with some semblance of brightness — but he’s already done enough to make the Capitol think of him as a target, and he can’t risk doing more. So he lets that statement just sit there in the air between them, but he pulls her even closer, tightens his hold around her, hoping she can sense what he means without words, with just his actions alone. It’s become a pattern now; there’s so much Griffin wants to say but just can’t, and he ends up banking it all on touch, on warmth, on meaningful looks and glances. One more time, he squeezes and whispers quietly, softly, “It’ll be okay.”

What does ‘be okay’ mean? Nelly wonders exactly what those words entail. She knows that the world will never go back to the way it was before. She’s well aware that there will never be a day where she and Griffin can take walks in the Capitol, hand in hand. She knows that they will not be able to sit in her garden every morning. That she wont make him anymore green mugs. Her idea of ‘okay’, the one where Nelly spent her life with her head down and just trying to do what she could to chase after what her mother built, is far from reality.

What is this ‘okay’ then? Is it being able to sleep soundly at night? Is it children no one being sent to death? Is it that this pain will stop, and there will be no more new pain? She already feels plagued by the pain at her feet now, what will truly make this okay?

And what about those in the Quell. If there is a way to get them out, what will ‘be okay’ look like for them? Those who wont die, will carry death on their shoulders, like Griffin has, and she worries that they, too, will be plagued with sadness and anger for twenty years just the same as him.

There’s not a tear falling from her cheek, just her eyes staring into the wall behind him as she grips onto Griffin tightly. She’s afraid of what things will look like next. What will become of what’s inside of them? Even if this stops, what then? How do you pick up the pieces. “I don’t think I’m strong enough for this.” She worries that she’ll cave. That she can’t carry this the way Griffin has for so long, like so many others. What if she snaps? What if she never comes back. Her mother was a broken woman, what if Nelly becomes that too? “I don’t know how anyone lives like this.” Lives with their eyes open so much, lives to see everything so clearly. There’s a part of Nelly that wishes she could just go back to blissful ignorance. At least things wouldn’t hurt so much.

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin #//#still no hug gif :///#still sad existential nelly :///

dcwnhardin:

He’s not expecting her to say no, but he won’t be upset if she does. Even if he doesn’t know Nelly as well as he probably should, he’s fairly certain they’re a little alike in a lot of ways, and being alone, especially during those particularly low moments, isn’t something that Dawn can ever really manage to take easily, always needing to be around someone to ground him. Her little laugh at his joke is shaky, but he thinks it’s a good sign she’s able to manage it at all considering the way things are going right now.

It’s such a small thing, the way she reaches out and gives his arm a squeeze as she tells him to stay, that he’s a comfort, but it means the world to him right now especially when it feels like nothing he can do or say has enough impact to help anyone in the ways they all need it. It all feels too enormous for any of them to take on well, so to know he might be able to help just by being around and offering support is motivating.

“Thank you, Nelly, that means a lot,” Dawn says softly, giving her a gentle smile. “Everyone in Seven scattered to try to find sponsorships, I figured I should do the same…and I needed a little break after seeing all of that, too.”

Nelly hums thoughtfully when Dawn explains what had happened for him back there in the game room. It was all pure chaos, in her opinion, it doesn’t shock her that his team was scrambling to do what they could and provide for Harbor. They all wanted to see their loved ones make it through this hiccup.

This whole thing, really.

“I don’t really know what we’re doing, what we can do. I think Fava’s trying to get something for Wren but Gage...” She trails off. Would they even want to help Gage? None of them want to see him die but he’s actively working against them. But it also seems cruel to favor one over the other. She knew that was so much of the young man’s grief anyways. It was a terrible place to be put it, and it felt awful.

“I just know that I don’t feel good about myself.” She frowns, looking at her hands. She tends to see herself as a good person. But how can she be when she’s picking and choosing who lives and who dies like this. Why do they get to put more value in Wren then in Gage? How is she supposed to walk away feeling like she’s the good one here.

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. dawn

givcnup:

THE QUESTION SHE asks breaks his heart a second time, just as much as the look on her face alone when she turns to face him does. Why did it have to be this way, she wants to know. Why did Gage, of all people, make that choice? It’s a choice that not only affect himself, or the ones who hold him dear, but one that’s affected everyone else around him. Wren, now lost and alone, her friends and allies, all separated because of him — and Chrysanthe, who, before this moment had seemed like a sure ticket out of here for that group, might not end up surviving at all if Gage truly has his way. Griffin hates that this is how things are turning out to be, and if their places were switched, he’d be asking the same thing Nelly is.

“It’s… it’s hard to predict what you’ll end up doing once you’re in the Arena itself,” he says, remembering his own Games. Having spoken to many other Victors over the years, he knows how true it is for everyone else too. “Being there, it… it changes you, in ways no one had ever expected you to be. in ways you’d never expected yourself to be.” He shakes his head and looks down.

“I’m so sorry.” Maybe we could’ve done better, he wants to say, maybe we could’ve prevented this if we just tried harder. But he says no more and simply lets his hand stay on Nelly’s shoulder, squeezing slightly. The look on her face tells him enough. She’s not crying, but her eyes are wide, and her mouth stays open even once she’s finished talking, her breaths like gasps, wheezes, showing him how difficult it is for her to be experiencing any of this at all. He sits beside her, next to the window as well, and grasps her hand in his other one, wordless still, letting her calm down a little more, trying to transfer his warmth to her.

Nelly was considerably young when Griffin competed in his Quell. Ten, in fact, which was a long time ago. She didn’t really remember all the details of everything, apart from there being twice as many tributes. She didn’t remember what Griffin went through, but knew it had been hard, and it had been plaguing him ever since.

Even if she’d done this for fifteen years, seen game after game, and last year had been stressful, and hard, coming to root for both of her tributes so much. But this was different. It feels like now she saw it, really saw it for all that it was, and she was haunted by it.

Griffin sits beside her, and holds her hand, but Nelly’s quick to let go and attach herself onto him, head nestling into his neck. “I’m so sorry you had to do this.” And she’s still so confused and sad and angry at Gage, but now understanding that it’s not as if Gage is like this. Or maybe it’s that everyone is like that, deep down inside, everyone has what Gage has, and it’s terrifying. But for Gage, and Griffin, and the others, to be pushed to these moments, it makes her body cold and empty.

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin #//#we donut have hug gif :/

givcnup:

FT. NELLY SINGE ( @ncllysnge ) | QUARTER QUELL, DAY 1. late evening, twelve’s floor, some time after gage’s hostility causes the split

GRIFFIN HAD CAUGHT the whole scene on screen while away from the group and had stood like a deer in headlights for a few moments after it, incapable of believing how wrong things had gone — and all because of something they could have controlled too. Gage wasn’t a fan of him, even when Griffin had tried talking to him, even when he’d asked about him from DeeZee and found out he’d been attempting to Mentor the man too, and he wasn’t a fan of Hudson, his own sibling, and while it was clear from the start that the bias had been on Wren, Griffin wouldn’t say they’d made zero attempts to try and reach out to him. He hates that regret always comes at the tail end of something, though, always comes last, always comes only when something happens to prompt it out of you. The effort was there, but it was minimal. They should’ve done better. They should’ve involved him more. Should have. Should have.

His legs take him back to Twelve’s quarters before he can stop them, on the lookout for people he ought to be talking to, and it’s Nelly he finds first, keeping to herself in a corner. And as much as he wants to start talking strategy with the kids, ( with Silver too, somehow, some way ) figure out sponsorships and the next steps, messages to give, things to send out, the personal wins out, and he goes over to her right away. “Nelly?” he says, voice colored with concern as he approaches, hand reaching out to touch her shoulder. “Nelly, how are you doing?” She can’t be taking any of that well.

It’s all a mess. It’s a complete mess and it’s all gotten so far away from them --- but how could it not? Nelly knows how these Games go and it’s always a complete disaster. At some point, something derails the entire thing. She just hadn’t thought that that moment would come from Gage. That he would take it upon himself to go on murderous rampage to try and win the entire thing. It’s left Wren all by herself and so many of Wren’s friends are now so vulnerable.

Nelly quickly and quietly excused herself the moment the screen cut black. She could feel her vision begin to tunnel and her hands trembled. She wasn’t alone in the elevator up but she did her best to keep her heavy breaths cloaked from obvious note, or so she thinks.

She’s the first one back on Twelve’s floor and she can’t even make it back to her room. She sits near the window, where the glass is cold from being so high up. Her body rocks and she brings her nail to her teeth, gnawing nervously. Who knows how long it is until Griffin’s touching her shoulder and she looks up at him, eyes wide. “Why did it have to be this way, Griff?” There’s not a tear in her eye but her throat is closed and her breaths sound more like wheezes. “Why did he make that choice?”

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin

dcwnhardin:

With the group scattered, and Harbor hurt, not to mention seeing poor Sage having to leave behind the person who was set to keep watch over her, it feels impossible to sit still. He knows that the rest of Seven is going to be focusing on finding a sponsorship for Harbor, to get medical supplies to him if possible, and that feels like the only way he can help, too, still having some of his own Capitol connections, somehow not having been entirely tainted––any more than he already was just by being who he is, and his history with Io. But it feels like now is the time to make sure everyone in that Arena has what they need, and he can’t help but worry about Sage, without her mother to look out for her, even though he didn’t know either of them well, can’t help but think maybe he should try to find help for her and Cabil while Twig, Robyn, and Ivory work on Harbor.

That thought has him walking down the hall, headed towards one of the bars in the Tower he knows will be full of sponsors around this time, hoping Emerald might be around. Before he can get that far, though, he spots Nelly bent over, head between her legs, clearly in a panic, and with good reason. With Wren now separated from them all, too, it’s hard not to panic, especially given what was shown of Gage and Chrysanthe before they cut away. Dawn stops next to her, leans against the wall there.

“It’s my sixth sense,” he says, trying for a bit of humor behind it, but mostly failing. It feels like the truth, anyway, he’s always felt like he’s attuned to people’s emotions, and right now most of them are cycling through various states of different levels of low, himself included. “If you don’t want company, I can keep going, though.”

She’s not going to deny the company of Dawn. Hadn’t they said something about being there for each other just yesterday? Or something along those lines. She can hardly remember, but what she does know is that she’s struggling, and Dawn is known for his support in times like these. She doesn’t want to deny that.

She gives a shaky laugh at the joke he made. It’s not that she thinks it’s that funny but the light air is appreciated, at the very least. Everything is so dire, a joke or two would not be terrible in these times.

“No, no. Your company is comforting, please stay.” She reaches to give his arm a squeeze. “Seems you’re fleeing the scene as well, then.”

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. dawn

givcnup:

GRIFFIN TRIES TO think about how and why being stuck could be a good sign, when movement out of all things should be at the forefront during such a crucial time, but he supposes the fact that he’s able to say he’s stuck is… a sign that he’s still here, alive, trying his best to press forward, cognizant that he shouldn’t just be passively accepting all this. Or whatever. He figures it’s Nelly’s way to try and find some semblance of hope in the situation, a little something to hold on to, and he appreciates it. There was an attempt there, and it does reach him.

So he turns to her, and he smiles. It’s a weak one, barely perceptible too when there are so many other worry lines on his face, but it’s a smile all the same. “I guess it could be,” he says, nodding, hoping saying it out loud helps to manifest it somehow. But the smile disappears as quickly as it had come, and then he’s back to looking down at the ground. A sigh escapes him, his hands finding their way into the pockets of his trousers. “I just wish there was… something more we could do.” Something more than just wait.

HC END: Nelly wishes there was more she could do to ease Griffin’s mind, but there’s so much she doesn’t know and understands she can’t know. He’s a man who carries a lot of weight upon his shoulders and she wants more than anything else to take that away from him.

While she can’t provide him any answers or solutions, she simply takes hold of his hand, grips tightly, and reminds him that regardless, he’s not alone. They’re partners in all of this. And she’s much prefer to stand around with him all day and hide from what goes on in the room, but it’s not long before someone calls to them, and they’re being pulled back to the screens showing those in the Quell.

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin #//#PHEW ENDED

@dcwnhardin

WHEN: Not long after the fight between Gage & Chrysanthe cuts out WHERE: A hallway

Nelly couldn’t bare to see what would happen when the screen cut off and they were focused on someone else in the Quell. She couldn’t imagine seeing Gage dead, or seeing a body Gage murdered.

Nelly’s stomach was wrung tight, and she felt like the rubber band inside of her was going to snap. So she excused herself from the team, and rushed her way out of the room. Leaning against a wall, she stuck her head between her thighs and began to gasp for air. Hands balled up into fists against her thigh, she tried to ease her breath. She didn’t even let herself think about Wren, then she might completely collapse.

When she leaned back up, she found she wasn’t alone. The fact of being faced with Dawn, in such a vulnerable moment, she couldn’t help but laugh. “You sure have a knack for finding me at my lowest.”

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. dawn

givcnup:

IT’S SURPRISING TO him that he’d gotten any sleep at all, considering what the morning would bring, but he’d managed somehow, and maybe that had had something to do with Nelly being there beside him, all of last night. Hers is a warmth they wouldn’t exchange for any other person’s, a kind of brightness not at the end of the tunnel but of the sort you carry with you instead, like a paltry light in a dark room, or a small fire on a freezing evening. Her smile now is sad, just as sad as his had been, and it almost sounds like there’s a twinge of guilt there when she talks about the others. Griffin won’t disagree with her words, but he doesn’t believe she should have had to push herself the way he and maybe a few others have either. The situation in their District, of everything this year as a whole, is heavy enough of a burden to carry; she needn’t have concerned herself with all the many intricacies of every Tribute and every relationship in every District around them.

He understands what she feels, though, in a way. So to her remark, he shakes his head as well. “Not as much as I wish I did,” he confesses, quietly. Regret always comes at the end, and even though he’d made some effort to, in his search for alliances and united fronts, get to know these Tributes through their Mentors, he definitely could have stood to know them all more personally. Maybe he’d seen them more as moving pieces than as people — as roles, parts in this big fragmentary plot that no one but Plutarch seem to know the full details to. How fitting, then, that Nelly would make an attempt to ask about that now too. “Things and stuff” could mean anything at this point, but Griffin thinks it’s precisely what he’s been considering.

“For everything else?” he starts, eyebrows raised as he stares at nothing in front of him. He shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve been feeling a little… stuck.” Neither of them can talk about it out loud, nor can they make any hints that are way too close to the truth out here. “I don’t have good things to say.” He hopes that’s enough to convey the fact that he still hasn’t been contacted, still hasn’t been followed up on all this time, despite being part of the supposed team that would be working directly under this year’s Gamemaker. He hasn’t spoken to Silver either, but even if he has, he doubts they would’ve learned anything new either.

Nelly worries that whatever happens after all of this, wherever they plan to go, they’ll be haunted. Whatever choices they made, the choices they didn’t will reach around them and grip them tightly without escape. She wishes she had spoken to more people, had fleshed out more of them in her mind, gave them a sort of longevity she knows they wont have. And she worries for what will haunt Griffin, too, when she knows he’s so prone to it.

But the focus is on the difference, the change in things and stuff and he knows what she’s talking about but they can’t say much more specifics apart from that. Her lips press together and he nods. “Stuck.” She repeats. “It’s hard not to feel that way right now. But perhaps being stuck is a good sign.” It’s better than dead, that’s for sure.

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin #//#oof rip sorry for this being short

givcnup:

GRIFFIN THINKS OF how they’d spent last night, holding each other and trying to get some sleep in spite of the dread and worry. He doesn’t remember falling asleep, doesn’t remember what he’d thought or said or done last, just that he must have drifted off at some point and woke up again, as if a mere few hours later, with a pit in his stomach. He imagines Nelly leaving his side some time in the night, to do what she’d done, take out her notebook and start writing. She’d told him that before, and it broke his heart to hear about it, discovering then that she’d been doing it for years. It hurts to know there are names in that book of people he’d known personally even before this year.

“So that’s what you were doing, huh?” he says quietly, one corner of his mouth quirking up a little, but his expression is far too sad and pained for it to be anywhere near a smile. Griffin nods. “Okay, I’ll… I’ll help you fill it out. Maybe there’s stuff I can contribute about the others.” They do deserve that, he thinks, if some of these other people don’t make it out. He doesn’t want that to happen, of course, because what would it all have been for? What would Perri’s death have been for if help doesn’t come for them? But if they lose any more people, at least… at least they’ll be there, the memory of them immortalized in writing.

“S-Sage and Wren stay out…” he finds himself agreeing a little after, nodding. There’s more he wants to keep out too, but it’s hard. It’s hard to know who’ll make it and who won’t before this is over. Griffin wants to hold on to hope that a plan is being made, but it’s almost impossible to consider when he’s here, in the thick of it.

She wasn’t doing it for very long. In a moment where it seemed Griffin had managed sleep, Nelly had slid from his arms to sit at the desk and scribble for as long as her brain could allow. Maybe only about forty minutes. Then she felt herself run dry and it was time to go back into his arms and find some semblance of slumber herself. But all she could think about was how many people there were, how many stories and treasures and people that were connected to the ones in this Quell.

She returns his sad smile, looking down, almost bashfully at being found out for such a thing.

“I know you’ve come to know some of them more than I have. I’ve just been following word of mouth.” She shrugs. And there’s a prang of guilt, that she didn’t work harder, that she didn’t try more to meet more of the people in the Quell. Instead she was too busy in her own world to be concerned of the one with others. She can’t help but be a little disappointed in herself because of it.

“How is everything else.” She squeezes his head, searching his eyes. “You know, with the things and stuff.” She doesn’t want to say it out loud, but she’s hoping in their moments apart, there’s promise that something good can come out of this tragedy.

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin

givcnup:

THERE’S SOMETHING TO be said about how powerful a simple touch can be in a moment like this. The warmth they share between their hands is nothing compared to the sheer amount of pain they’ve all had to face today and will have to face in the coming days, but it’s meaningful, it’s important. He gives her a squeeze before intertwining their fingers.

“Alright,” he says quietly. “It’s… a little hard to put into words for me, too. Like my own mind is pulling me over to several different directions all at once.” He swallows. It feels like some kind of exercise, trying to talk directly about their feelings like this, but it’s helping a bit to voice it out. He can’t give it a name, but at least he’s said it aloud, and maybe Nelly can find comfort in knowing he’s going through something just as ineffable and incomprehensible as she is. “But the kids are okay.” There’s been so much death today, but there’s always been so much death in these Games; that’s what they’re built on after all. It’s just hitting so much harder this year, for obvious, maybe more selfish reasons. But the kids are okay. A lot of them are. They just have to be able to keep that up somehow before help arrives.

At least they’re together. Nelly knows she wouldn’t be able to do this without him. If they couldn’t find each other to do this, she’d be lost. But his hands are still warm no matter what’s going on inside of his head. “Last year was so stressful. I don’t think I breathed the entire time. This year I can’t breath but I want to cry and I want to scream.”

Their hands are still connected but Nelly’s looking at her feet, jaw clenching and unclenching. “I stayed up last night adding everyone to my book. I don’t know them as well as I knew all of our kids but... I wanted to give them somewhere to live. They deserve that.” Her eyes will, thinking of all the people’s stories who cut short. Perhaps Nilla liked frogs just the same as one of hers, or maybe Ginger liked collecting buttons. She’ll never know, but she can take what she does and make sure they don’t get forgotten.

Nelly looks up, eyes red and blurred. “Maybe later you can help me fill it out more. But I’m not doing Sage or Wren. I don’t want them in my little book.” She chokes out. Those kids deserve far better than that.

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin #//#;-;#the book strikes again

givcnup:

IT’S HARD TO tell where Griffin’s mind is right now. Since the day began, it’s been torn every which way, and having to watch the Games has clearly only ended up making it worse. There are so many people to watch out for, so many different groups scattered about in that arena to keep track of. Having been in that same situation himself, he knows how hard it is to still follow through with whatever plans were made before once the countdown ends, but god, it’s nerve-wracking knowing so many key players are separate from one another. Does he think about Wren first? About Sage? Birch? Zero? The rebel plants? Does he focus on the deaths?

“Huh…?” It’s Nelly’s voice that momentarily brings him out of it, and as soon as he’s back to reality, he realizes what it was she’d asked him just now. He blinks, swallows, tries to nod. “Yeah… yeah, sure.” Shaking hands reach out to hold hers, and hold on tight. “H-how are you doing, Nells?”

Their hands find each other and they’re brought back to earth. Or maybe it’s just her mind. But she’s comforted being with him like this, where she can keep her mind on something tangible in front of her.

“I think it’s a little hard to put into words at the moment.” Is she exhausted, or angry, or sad? Is she all of the above? Nelly isn’t entirely sure but she knows it’s a lot of things, and it’s weighing down on her a lot. “But the kids are okay. That’s what’s keeping me forward.” She should feel more sympathy for the others, but Nelly is just thankful Wren and Sage have made it past this brutality. She’s not sure she’d make it if she had to watch Wren be slain on the screens.

#◦ ❛ 𝖓 𝖊 𝖑 𝖑 𝖞 ━━ ⌜conversation⌟#◦ ━━ ft. griffin

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