The Beauty of Life

My kala chasma gets me all the frandships.

[needamunchkin]

what if you peaked 6 years ago?

[needamunchkin]

I keep hitting this stage in life time and time again. I legit only have my mother who I can share this with (who gets worried so that is a no) and I have my best friend (may Allah bless her but I know gets tired of hearing me talk about this issue all the time). It’s all so so so isolating. A lot of thoughts race into my head like what if.

What if I had been more patient?

What if I had tried harder?

What if I had been nicer?

But then I keep thinking and I think if I had answered those what ifs then I would have not been able to look at myself in the mirror. Because I would have become the woman I promised myself I wouldn’t. 

A woman who’s dictated and insulted and demeaned by the likes of a man.

[needamunchkin]

There’s just endless sadness everywhere in my life

[needamunchkin]

How lucky are girls who have normal caring fathers

[needamunchkin]

Have never felt so alone in so long

[needamunchkin]

Sometimes we have people in our lives that despite wishing and wishing that they’d go far away from us they continue to remain in our lives.

[needamunchkin]

So like

Idk where this really stems from

But like I have a friend who’s new to the country right

And they don’t really go out bc they don’t have a car

But when they do go out they only post it on insta

And they never show who it was with

Bc obviously they need a ride

But like in my head I’m like what if they went with the opposite gender and magically just like want to be their friend and realize that I’m not the friend they want anymore

And then on top of that I can’t ask them who they went with without like sounding clingy or possessive

But then if they don’t want to talk to me bc they are tired or whatever then it’s like

The suspicions intensify

And I just don’t know

[needamunchkin]

do you ever wonder that you’re not going to be enough for them?

[adonischildsupportcase]

[jauntylittlefrillyboy]

vis @everlastingrandom

[scififantasystuff]

[needamunchkin]

how can i cry over the life i never even had

[needamunchkin]

I hate my dad so much

I’m so glad to not have to live with him anymore

[needamunchkin]

Sometimes I wonder

If traveling will ever not be a pain

[needamunchkin]

A day and a half and I’m out of this hell hole

.

.

.

And probs into another one lmao

[needamunchkin]

Forgiving the man that’s always been a constant source of pain for me my entire life

[needamunchkin]

I can’t stop overthinking this morning

[quotemadness]

People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (via quotemadness)

[needamunchkin]

Tell me your life has always been dictated by what your parents want without actually saying that.

I’ll go first.

I’m supposed to move for residency that’s supposed to start on July 5th. It would make sense for me to move maybe mid or third week of June right? When am I actually moving? June 29th.

Why?

Because my parents want more time with me. Because my mom can’t get time off in the mid of June. Because i don’t want to travel earlier with my dad since it’s like taking care of a child. Because I am an only child so I can’t do anything by myself and if I do try to I meet so much resistance that it causes me crippling anxiety that it’s not worth it. Bc if I do anything wrong I’ll have to get yelled at for wanting to be more “independent”.