... @nekopot - Tumblr Blog

Such a revealing season. Much need for true repentance.

Me: *rams right foot into door frame after taking contacts off, screams, and jumps over husband onto the bed*

Me (screaming): IT HURTS! CAN YOU CHECK IF MY "TOES MOVE"?

Husband: CODE BLUE!!!

Note to self

"Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen. " 1 Peter 5:8‭-‬11

Also, to pray for our pastor and the brethren.

4/25/2011 - 09/14/2020

Thank you so much for being in our lives and giving us endless joy and love. We love and miss you so much, dearest Baby ♡

It’s currently past my bedtime for work tomorrow. Here I am on Tumblr while my husband is washing dishes. Today, I had an emotional outburst towards him, blaming him for my shortcomings in caring for the home. It started out as small and dumb as me ringing the doorbell for him to open the door because my arms were full of heavy groceries, and him not hearing it and not opening it. I knew I was hungry and tired at the time. Raging at the sight of the rest of the napkins not put away after the napkin holder was filled by him. Raging at the sight of unsorted junk mail sitting on our dining table for days. I was also the one who invited guests over in the middle of the week and was overwhelmed by the list of things to do during the day. He served alongside joyfully without complaint; I was ungrateful. Even through all this, he was patient and asked me how he could better serve me...

This was a rough week so far. Hearing of a fellow coworker’s husband’s death. Another coworker’s husband intubated. Another coworker discriminated against because of her pregnancy. My first code blue and the patient not making it. My mom’s stressful return to work. My poor sick Baby. I don’t really do well with stress at all... especially when I’m not depending on God.

Got to listen to a brief talk by JMac today regarding work. It’s been unsettling with the bad news as well as the upcoming surveys and the changes with the new management. But regardless, as Christians, we are to work for the glory of God in our workplaces. We are to be submissive to those in authority. It’s really been a struggle to honor God in the workplace, but definitely something that’s been on my mind and in prayers.

Psalms 44

He has been faithful in the days of old, and even now. He is the one who allows afflictions upon our lives, yet He is still a good God. He knows all the secrets in our hearts that we hide from men.

“All this has come upon us, but we have not forgotten You, And we have not dealt false with Your covenant. Our heart has not turned back, And our steps have not deviated from Your way,” Psalms 44:17-18

I want to confidently be able to say and mean this.

It all goes back to the Gospel..

She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.” Now all this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet: “Behold, the virgin shall be with child and shall bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,” which translated means, “God with us.”

Matthew 1:21‭-‬23

When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. After coming into the house they saw the Child with Mary His mother; and they fell to the ground and worshiped Him.

Matthew 2:10‭-‬11

He was and is worthy of all our joy and praise

As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God? Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him. For the help of His presence.

Psalms 42:1‭-‬2‭, ‬5

A lack of desire for the Word and spending time with God this week.. I wish for a soul that pants for God. Even though life isn't particularly of despair, there is an emptiness within my soul when I do not seek and hope in God. What a fool I am.. praying for God to help me hope in Him..

Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness.

1 Timothy 2:9‭-‬11

Today was rough at work. I didn't sleep all that well last night due to the heat, but was strengthened with the thought of working excellently and joyfully for the kingdom. This all came crumbling out towards the end of my shift, and I felt like a failure yet again. I 'forgot' to depend on God and acting the way my flesh desired. But thankful that there are new mercies every morning!

But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. But we know that the Law is good, if one uses it lawfully, realizing the fact that law is not made for a righteous person, but for those who are lawless and rebellious, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers and immoral men and homosexuals and kidnappers and liars and perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound teaching, according to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, with which I have been entrusted. I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service, even though I was formerly a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent aggressor. Yet I was shown mercy because I acted ignorantly in unbelief; and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus. It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen. This command I entrust to you, Timothy, my son, in accordance with the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you fight the good fight, keeping faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and suffered shipwreck in regard to their faith.

1 Timothy 1:5‭, ‬8‭-‬19 NASB

eazypeazylemonsqueazy

“Prayer is the open admission that without Christ we can do nothing. And prayer is the turning away from ourselves to God in the confidence that He will provide the help we need. Prayer humbles us as needy and exalts God as wealthy.”

-John Piper

So blessed by today's accountability group.. I was initially reluctant to 'lead' because I don't believe that this area is my strength. I still don't, but thankful that the girls continuously show me grace. This past Sunday's sermon was really convicting to recognize the fact that Christ is indeed coming and that we as Christians must be alert and discipline ourselves to be sober minded, dependent on the Holy Spirit. It is so easy in our flesh to default to our desires of what the world offers, and we must fight it daily. We NEED the Word to guide us towards obedience, to be reminded of the God that we say we worship, and to discern His will. We NEED to be in prayer to recognize that we truly need Christ and remain humble.

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The Lord will protect him and keep him alive, And he shall be called blessed upon the earth; And do not give him over to the desire of his enemies. As for me, I said, “O Lord , be gracious to me; Heal my soul, for I have sinned against You.” Even my close friend in whom I trusted, Who ate my bread, Has lifted up his heel against me. By this I know that You are pleased with me, Because my enemy does not shout in triumph over me. As for me, You uphold me in my integrity, And You set me in Your presence forever. Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, From everlasting to everlasting. Amen and Amen.

Psalms 41:2‭, ‬4‭-‬4‭, ‬9‭, ‬11‭-‬13

"Yet the Lord was not willing to destroy the house of David because of the covenant which He had made with David, and since He had promised to give a lamp to him and his sons forever."

2 Chronicles 21:7

"How blessed is the man who has made the Lord his trust, And has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood. Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders which You have done, And Your thoughts toward us; There is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, They would be too numerous to count. I delight to do Your will, O my God; Your Law is within my heart.” (Psalms 40:4‭-‬5‭, ‬8)

"Since I am afflicted and needy, Let the Lord be mindful of me. You are my help and my deliverer; Do not delay, O my God." (Psalms 40:17)

I was sad today not being able to attend church today and worshipping with the brethren. It's just not the same at home streaming the service. Also, the cat never fails to attacketh the humans' feet during praise. I was and still am thankful for the job that God has provided, but lately have been resenting it at times especially with the covid exposures that prevents me from seeing loved ones and going to church. Today, I was wrestling with the command to honor my father. Given the past and circumstances, it's difficult to understand how I am to carry out that command. Also, struggling with sins of impatience and being judgmental towards others. Also prayers for peace regarding the dog turned into pleading to save her life... lol.

"'For behold the day is coming, burning like a furnace and all the arrogant and every evildoer will be chaff; and the day that is coming will set them ablaze,' says the Lord of hosts... 'but for you who fear My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings'" (Malachi 4:1-2)

I always love weekends because I can spend time with my husband. Our days together are pretty mundane - consisting of eating meals, getting drinks, and going to the market, but I love that we can do these things together. Today I bought more embroidery threads (I love collecting different colors and need to restrain myself from buying them all) and a new pattern (cause I'm still quite the noob). I started it to pass time during quarantine not long before the move, but dropped it because of the move. I quite enjoyed it, except the fact that it takes a looooong time to complete one pattern and I get frustrated cause it doesn't look as clean as I would like it to. Peter is here to remind me that I am in fact a noob and need to practice to improve.

Met Esmeralda briefly today when she dropped off a bag of Mexican candies. This girl knows what's up. Was encouraged by her sharing what she has been reading lately and how her perceptions have changed from anxiety/fear to joy in the Lord during this time of quarantine. Also, reminded that Christ is indeed coming, and we are to continuously ready our hearts for His return. Also encouraged by her heart and action of ministering to those around her. Talking to her always makes me reflect on my own life and whether I am seeking God's will and glory before my own, and honestly of how little I talk of Christ and find joy in Him despite my profession of faith.

"... Return to Me, and I will return to you,' says the Lord of hosts." (Malachi 3:7)

"'They will be Mine,' says the Lord of hosts, 'on the day that I prepare My own possession, and I will spare them as a man spares his own son who serves him.' (Malachi 3:17)

Missed a post yesterday... I thought about it past 10 pm last night but chose to go to sleep instead, with the classic excuse of 'I was too tired.' I was thankful to rest today. Didn't really do much... did some laundry, prepped breakfast and lunch, read a bit, and hung out with my mom for a few hours. I was extremely fatigued due to... reasons, heh. My dog seems to be doing much better and it's difficult not to be hopeful because she is barking, eating, and walking again. Unfortunately, the tumor in her mouth growing rapidly and aggressively reminds us that she is sick and that her time might come to an end soon. I'm not thinking of it all day, but man when I do, it's really difficult to imagine living in a world without her...

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"If you do not listen, and if you do not take it to the heart to give honor to My name,' says the LORD of hosts, 'then I will send the curse upon you and I will curse your blessings; and indeed, I have cursed them already, because you are not taking it to heart'" (Malachi 2:2)

"I will guard my ways that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle while the wicked are in my presence" (Psalm 39:1)

I really need a muzzle...

Also, God please help me to realize everyday the brevity of life, for my hope to be in You, and help me not act as a fool but to honor you with my life.

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