what a time - chapter nine
*u can read here or on ao3*
chapter nine - wishful thinking
summary - Denali updates Mik and Liv about her relationship and our girls talk to figure some things out.
If someone told Denali a year ago that at twenty-seven, she would be semi-back together with her ex-girlfriend turned rockstar from her childhood— she would’ve assumed they were insane and in need of immediate medical attention.
But it was true.
Instead of waking up alone, in her quiet bedroom in Chicago, she woke up in the comfort of Rosé’s arms.
Last night, after they talked— or more like confessed their feelings, they ended up in the singer's bed. It crossed Denali’s mind that it may be too soon to be sleeping in the same bed together but at the same time, they had already wasted so much time tiptoeing around one another that sleeping and only sleeping wouldn’t cause any harm. That and the storm went on well into the night and it did help to have someone by her side— though she would never admit it to Rosé as it would only boost her ego to know she was right.
The sun was peering through the curtains in Rosé’s bedroom, shining against her pale skin. Denali was able to study every freckle, every crease and every line on the singer's face while she slept peacefully. Sometime while they slept, the storm must’ve stopped because instead of rain and wind all Denali heard was the sound of birds chirping outside like in some sort of fairytale.
Except this was no fairytale and was her very weird reality.
One of Rosé’s arms was wrapped loosely around the curve of Denali’s waist and her face was against the pillow. For the first time in forever, the singer looked carefree, youthful and happy— without a worry in the world as she slept next to Denali.
Denali felt the exact same.
Granted, they had a lot to talk about still but none of it mattered to Denali if this was something she would get to wake up to every morning.
The alarm clock on Rosé’s bedside table indicated that it was almost eleven o’clock and the brunette couldn’t remember the last time she slept in this long without worrying that she was wasting her time when she could be out and doing something productive. Right now, she didn’t care at all. She was going to milk this for as long as she can before she had to go back to Chicago.
Chicago.
Which was thousands of miles away from Rosé. She found herself frowning but quickly shook the thoughts away because she didn’t want to ruin anything. Rosé was right beside her and that was good enough for now.
Slowly, she removed Rosé’s arm from her waist and carefully got out of bed. She looked around her bedroom since she didn’t have a chance to last night because the two girls went straight to bed after their conversation.
The bedroom, unlike the rest of the house, felt a little more lived in. Rosé had clothes littered all over the ground, most of them coming from a suitcase that was opened on the ground. Denali gulped at the thought of Rosé leaving.
Not now, she desperately told herself.
Of course, under a shelf of awards, Rosé had more guitars leaning against the wall. Denali chuckled and started wondering how many guitars she actually had compared to how many she actively used. The signature on one caught Denali’s eye. She paused for a moment because she wasn’t sure if what she was looking at was real.
Though she moved closer to the instrument and the words were unmistakable.
“To my star, my heart, my Rosie
Happy Birthday
I love you.”
Denali felt her heart tighten at the sight. She had kept the guitar Denali gifted her for her sixteenth birthday. Denali remembered working endlessly at the corner store on their street and spending hours tutoring kids at school to make enough money to buy this for Rosé.
It never occurred to Denali that she would’ve kept it after their breakup but it was right here beside her bed, in her bedroom, after all these years.
They really were oblivious idiots.
Denali chuckled and wondered if Rosé kept any other memorabilia from their relationship because she knew she had. She smiled as she left the room, carefully shutting the door to not wake Rosé’s sleeping figure.
Maybe she could make Rosé some breakfast though her cooking skills didn’t surpass making a bowl of cereal. She trudged towards the room she was staying in previously and grabbed a sweater from her suitcase because it was cold inside this house with the air conditioning.
While she was putting on her hoodie, a constant buzzing sound had her searching for the source when she found her phone buried under the blankets of the bed.
Her eyes widened at the number of messages and missed calls, courtesy of none other than Mik. Some of them were from Liv but the majority were coming from her best friend. Just as Denali went to reply to him, she received an incoming call to FaceTime instead.
She cringed but swiped to answer nonetheless. The sight she was met with was Mik frowning on the other side of the camera, “About damn time!” he shouted.
Denali rolled her eyes as she made her way out of the room and towards the kitchen, trying not to get lost on the way, “I texted you!”
“Yeah because ‘Flight got cancelled, staying with Rosé’ is supposed to reassure me! Why didn’t you answer? I’ve been messaging you like crazy!” he screeched.
“Thanks for that by the way,” she replied sarcastically, “I fell asleep,” she shrugged like it was no big deal.
“What? For twenty-four hours? I thought you were dead!”
Denali sighed, “Mik, I’m fine. I told you I went to lunch with Gigi and her friend who’s apparently also Rosé’s friend— I’m not sure it’s all very confusing but when my flight was cancelled, she offered me a place to stay,”
“I know, I’ve seen the pictures of you leaving the restaurant— you guys are like, blowing up the internet right now gorg,”
Denali tried not to let that little piece of information freak her out as she changed the subject, “So what’s the big deal?”
Mik seemed flabbergasted, “You’re joking, right? Is she joking?” he turned his head and that was when Denali realized Liv was probably with him.
“Hey Liv!” she said into the phone.
“Hi, Nali…we were just a little worried about you, you know, especially after what happened the last time you saw each other. It was just sudden and we wanted to check up. Though I told Mik sending one message would be more than enough…” she teased.
“I thought she was dead! I thought you were dead— you’re my best friend, it’s my duty to make sure you’re not dead!”
Denali chuckled. He was dramatic but she appreciated his concern, “I can assure you I’m not dead. We came back to her place, she showed me around, I showered, fell asleep, we talked and then we fell asleep again so—“
“We? What do you mean we?” Mik asked.
“You guys slept together?” Liv questioned, finally coming into the screen beside her boyfriend. Denali sighed, she couldn’t lie to her best friends, “Yeah but—“
“No way! You broke your dry spell with an international rockstar?—“
Denali’s eyes widened at the assumption before shaking her head vigorously, “No! No! No!” she suddenly whispered, afraid Rosé would somehow hear her, “No we did not sleep together! No! Don’t even— just, no! We just slept together. In the same bed. We just slept, as in sleeping, that’s it!” she clarified.
“You’re going to give me a heart attack,” Mik groaned.
“You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack if you keep working yourself up over us,” Denali pointed out.
Mik grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, “So there is an us…” he trailed off.
She couldn’t hide the smile that made its way onto her face, “…there may…possibly…be…an us…I think,”
Though Mik was halfway across the country, his scream was enough to cause temporary damage to her eardrums. Poor Liv.
“Shhh! Relax! I’m not really sure what it is even…”
“What do you mean?” Liv asked.
“Well last night…we talked about things— feelings and kinda just,” she sighed and took a deep breath, “I told her I still loved her and…she said the same,” Denali felt her heart flutter at the memory.
“So what’s the issue?” Liv asked while Mik freaked out on the sidelines.
“There isn’t one…I don’t think. After we talked we went to bed and I mean— here we are now but we still have a fuck tone of stuff to talk about...like if we’re gonna do long distance or how this is gonna work considering she’s literally famous...and I’m just anxious I’m going to mess things up or something— I don’t know. I did tell her last night that I didn’t want to waste any more time just waiting around, you know.”
“Did you guys kiss?” Mik interrupted eagerly like a kid in a candy store.
Denali shook her head, “No! That’s the thing! We almost did but she stopped it!”
“Really?” both Mik and Liv said at the same time.
“Yeah but it was really sweet…she said she wanted to wait for the right time, she wanted it to be perfect,”
“Wow! She has got it bad for you, gorg!” Mik laughed, “So what’s next? You gonna talk to her today or…?” he trailed off.
She nodded, “Ideally…I just want to make sure we’re on the same page before it goes any further,”
“Where is she now?” Liv asked.
Denali’s head nodded towards the stairs, “In her room. Sleeping. I was going to make her breakfast but—“
Mik cut her off and burst out laughing, “You? Cooking? Cooking voluntarily for someone? Man, you’ve got it bad for her too!”
Denali rolled her eyes, “Yeah, yeah. I’d take her out for breakfast or something but I’m not sure that’s the best idea all things considered with those pictures online of us…”
“That’s probably best,” Liv agreed.
The three of them continued talking and catching up on things while Liv guided Denali on how to make breakfast without burning the house down. She made herself some coffee with Rosé’s fancy machine that looked like it hadn’t been used in months. She caught them up on her trip to Mexico and the news about her family which was tough considering her friends knew her parents well enough.
That was something else she needed to figure out soon— a way to help her parents out.
Right now though, she didn’t want to focus on the negatives now that there was seemingly a light at the end of the tunnel. Besides, she had little time left with Rosé and she didn’t want to dwell on the shitty aspects of her life while they were together.
They continued catching up until Liv had to leave for work so it was just her and Mik on the phone for a little while as he waited for his first appointment to show up. “Nali?” he asked.
“Hm?” she responded as she continued aimlessly mixing the pancake batter.
“Are you sure?”
Denali paused, “About?”
“About you and Rosé,” he said, “Like, I know I’ve been teasing you for months since you told Liv and me about her and I know I keep joking about you getting back together but…are you sure? After what happened in New York— I just don’t want to watch you go through that again. I can’t stand seeing you hurt,”
“Mik…” Denali sighed.
“Just give me some peace of mind here— I don’t know her like you do. But I trust you and if this is what you want, I’ll support it. Always. So are you sure? Cause if she hurts you again I will make sure her fingers won’t ever be able to pluck another guitar string ever again. I could totally take her— there’s a reason I’ve been doing pilates!” Mik shrugged.
“Okay, okay...you can relax, there’s no need for threats. I believe you, ” Denali chuckled.
“What kind of friend am I if I don’t at least scare her a little?”
“I think you’ve done plenty of that during those last few rehearsals,” she told him.
Mik groaned, “Is that a yes or a no?”
Denali nodded and smiled, “I’ve never been more sure in my life Mik. And I can confidently say that. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, next week or next month but I do know that whatever happens, I want it to happen with Rosé. I want to make this work with her,”
Mik watched as his best friend glowed and beamed with joy through the screen. Even miles away, he could tell how happy she was and so he nodded in contentment with her answer, “Good,”
—
The last thing Rosé remembered before she fell asleep was the quiet sound of Denali’s breathing and the smell of her shampoo as she laid in her arms.
So she was a little confused when she woke up to an empty bed.
Her first thought was that she dreamed it all up. There was no way that last night actually happened. She and Denali hadn’t confessed their feelings for one another and they were still just ex-girlfriends who were tiptoeing around their feelings.
But then she caught a glimpse of a scrunchie that she knew for a fact belonged to Denali after seeing it in her hair last night and there was no way for it to end up in her room if last night hadn’t happened.
Rosé didn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume Denali ran off again. There were plenty of logical explanations as to why she wasn’t with her in bed. She could be using the bathroom or watching tv in the living room or—
The faint sound of voices suddenly echoed throughout the house, making Rosé instantly feel calmer.
Denali was downstairs.
She didn’t leave.
She was still here.
Rosé took her time getting out of bed, not wanting to interrupt whatever conversation her girlfriend was having— were they girlfriends now? She wasn’t sure exactly but after last night she hoped that was the direction they were heading towards.
After she had given it some time, she started making her way down the stairs to hopefully find Denali so they could make sense of what happened last night. The further down the stairs she got, the more familiar the voice on the phone became. Rosé could immediately tell she was on the phone with Mik. Though she didn’t know him well, his voice and presence were hard to forget.
But before she could announce her presence in the room, the next words to come out of Mik’s mouth made Rosé freeze on the steps. “Just give me some peace of mind here— I don’t know her like you do. But I trust you and if this is what you want, I’ll support it. Always. So are you sure? Cause if she hurts you again I will make sure her fingers won’t ever be able to pluck another guitar string ever again. I could totally take her— there’s a reason I’ve been doing pilates!” Rosé could hear the worry in her friend's voice. She didn’t blame him, their history was confusing and complicated and he wanted what was best for her. And Rosé without a doubt believed his threats…he was scary when you messed with the people he cared about. She had learned that much with his evil glares and snarky remarks during rehearsals months ago.
“Okay, okay...you can relax, there’s no need for threats. I believe you,” she heard Denali answer. “What kind of friend am I if I don’t at least scare her a little?” he responded.
Ah, the testament of a true friend. It made Rosé chuckle quietly.
“I think you’ve done plenty of that during those last few rehearsals,” Rosé listened to Denali say. Rosé didn’t know someone’s stare could be so deadly until she was met with Mik’s during those times.
Rosé peaked her head around the corner and was able to finally catch sight of Denali. She was leaning against her marble counter as she FaceTimed her friend, who only groaned at her, “Is that a yes or a no?” he questioned.
Though she could barely see her face, she could instantly tell that Denali was smiling by the way she relaxed and nodded into the camera. Was Rosé wrong to be a little nervous to hear what Denali’s answer would be? Because she was. “I’ve never been more sure in my life Mik. And I can confidently say that. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, next week or next month but I do know that whatever happens, I want it to happen with Rosé. I want to make this work with her,”
Rosé barely had the time to hear Mik’s reply before she was tumbling forward down the last steps. Leaning forward around the corner caused her to lose her balance and fall flat on her hands, effectively making a loud noise to alert everyone of her presence.
“Rosie?” she heard Denali call out, “Holy shit, are you okay?” the voice came closer as Rosé stood up from the ground slowly.
Nothing felt broken so physically, she was okay but emotionally, she was embarrassed.
“Rosie? Aw, that’s so cute, look at you two being all—“ Mik started but was promptly cut off by Denali, “Mik, I’ll call you again later, okay?”
He groaned, “Uh, rude! What happened to bros before hoe’s—“
“Bye! Love you,” Mik’s voice could be heard complaining up until Denali ended the call.
She had a hand on her hip with a small smirk tipping on the edge of her lips, “You know, eavesdropping isn’t very polite,”
If her hair was still pink she was sure her face would be the same shade. “I mean…this is my house so am I really eavesdropping…” she said only because she was embarrassed she got caught.
Denali laughed, “You make a fair point,” she paused, “Hear anything interesting?” she tilted her head teasingly.
“Oh you know, just some declarations of love, nothing new,” she shrugged.
Denali chuckled at her lame attempt to make a joke. The two girls just stood, standing in front of each other in Rosé’s kitchen. Though there was nothing awkward about the morning after, something Rosé was worried about when she woke up.
They were both content. Happy. Excited.
Although they did technically have over five years of experience being in a relationship with each other, so much had changed since their teenage years. This was completely new territory for both of them.
Rosé couldn’t wait to explore it together.
Denali suddenly had a look of nervousness on her features, “Not to ruin the moment…but since you were listening and uh…speaking of what tomorrow brings…I got an email about my rescheduled flight. It’s at noon tomorrow— I think we should you know, talk things through before we make any…I don’t know…” Denali trailed off.
“Life-altering decisions?” Rosé finished for her.
“Exactly,”
Rosé nodded in agreement, “You’re right,”
“Do you want to eat first? I made some pancakes…I can’t promise you they’re any good though. I figured out the coffee machine so that’s at least one thing…” she laughed.
“You actually cooked?” Rosé couldn’t help but ask in disbelief.
Denali rolled her eyes, “I think the proper response would be ‘thank you, Nali’…but there is a chance that those pancakes are raw…so tread carefully,” she joked.
Rosé liked that they could do this— joke back and forth, be their sarcastic selves without worrying they were going to upset each other.
“Thank you, Nali,” Rosé said, “For the coffee and the possibly poisonous pancakes,”
As she looked at Denali all she could think about was kissing her. Her lips were so plump and pink and everything Rosé had been fantasizing about for years now.
But not now.
The timing had to be right.
The pair sat down to eat for a few minutes before Rosé decided she wouldn’t be able to stomach the rest of the food. Rosé was a great singer, not an actress. Besides, Denali could instantly tell the pancakes were less than edible when she took a bite of them herself.
“Well, beats me. I tried. Coffees good at least,” Denali simply shrugged. After cleaning up the kitchen and throwing Denali’s concoction out in the trash they both took a seat on Rosé’s couch.
“So—“
“I guess—“
Both girls started speaking at the same time, making them both stop talking to not interrupt but instead they just burst out laughing.
“God, this is ridiculous. I’m twenty-seven and I feel like I’m fucking fifteen,” Denali laughed as she shook her head.
Rosé could attest to that.
“Do I make you nervous?” Rosé wiggled her eyebrows sarcastically.
“I’m leaving tomorrow,” Denali said sadly and doesn’t bother hiding her expression or chuckling at Rosé’s attempt to lighten the moon. Now, it was Rosé’s turn to wallow in her own ideas of where these next moments were going to take them.
“I know,” she was trying not to think about it. She had just gotten Denali back and now they were going to start this…whatever they had going on off by doing long distance? Rosé was doing her best at being optimistic.
“I don’t want to go,” Denali said quietly.
Then don’t, Rosé wanted to tell her but she knew it wouldn’t be the right thing to say. Denali had her own priorities, her own job with her own friends and her own life.
“It’s kinda fucked…isn’t it?” Denali continued.
Rosé shrugged, “You and me finally getting our shit together…except we’re on opposite sides of the country— yeah it’s a little fucked. Unfortunate, really,”
“…I know you’ll probably be really busy these next couple of months too, with your album and stuff,” her tone was solemn and Rosé didn’t like the sound of it.
“Wait, this isn't you breaking up with me, is it? Cause this has to be a new record— less than twenty-four hours and I haven’t even had the chance to plead my case yet—“
“No! No, I’m not breaking up with you, why would you think that?” Denali seemed appalled at the assumption.
“I don’t know…no good conversation starts with ‘It’s kinda fucked…isn’t it’!”
“But it is!” Denali exclaimed, “I’m just being honest— this is all new, for the both of us. I don’t want us to go in blindly and then have us hating each other three months in…I am so fucking in love with you, Rosie and I just want this to work out,” she reached out to hold the singer’s hands.
“You love me? Those pancakes must’ve gone straight to your brain,” Rosé tended to make jokes and deflect when she was nervous.
“You weirdo, I’m trying to be serious!” Denali couldn’t help but laugh as she pushed Rosé playfully away from her, “I’m going back to Chicago tomorrow…indefinitely,”
“I know that, Nali. I know,”
Denali gives Rosé a frustrated look, “I want to continue this…can we do that? With you all the way here and me in Chicago?”
“Why wouldn’t we be able to?”
“I don’t know! Your album, photoshoots and shit! The fact that you’re literally Rosé and probably won’t have time for a relationship—“
“Woah! Who said that? Denali, I want to make this work as much as you do. I’ll make time for you,”
If she asked, Rosé would give up everything for her in a heartbeat. All she truly needed was Denali.
Rosé watched as Denali frowned, “…okay…you’re right, sorry— I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,”
“You’re not wrong. I will be super busy once my album comes out but I don’t want you to dwell on the bad stuff…can’t we just take one step at a time? Seems like the most logical thing to do at this point, hm?”
Denali nodded, “Yeah, okay. That seems fair...sorry, I’m overthinking again. Sorry,”
Rosé sighed. She hated hearing Denali apologize for stuff that was out of her control. “Stop apologizing!…we’re figuring this shit out together so first things first— honesty and communication are key. If this is gonna work, we need to be honest…tell each other how we’re feeling and not keep things to ourselves. I don’t care if I’m in LA or Europe or if it’s four in the morning. If something is wrong, call me, text me— whatever! I want to know, please,”
Rosé almost didn’t recognize herself with the words leaving her lips. Michelle would be proud. She sounded calm, cool and collected as she spoke.
“Same goes to you— I know how you get when you’re stressed out,” Denali reminded her.
“Absolutely. It’s a two-way street— do you trust me Nali?”
“Yes,” she answered without skipping a beat.
“Then we’ll be fine,” Rosé smiled.
“You sound super confident about that,”
“How can I not be when I finally have you back again?” she smiled. Rosé had never been more certain about anything. Not when she left home and started her music career or when she started over from scratch.
When Rosé looked at Denali, all she saw was her future.
“Have you always been such a sap?” Denali narrowed her eyes but Rosé could tell she was trying not to blush.
“You bring out the best in me,” Rosé admitted and pulled Denali to her side to hug her.
Denali scoffed, “You got that right,”
__
They had been cuddling on the couch for hours at this point. Neither of them wanted to leave the house since they were determined to spend as much time as they could together before Denali left. The only logical solution was to stay inside and make a movie day out of it. After arguing about whether they should watch Harry Potter or Marvel, they agreed on the second option after Rosé had admitted to not seeing any of the movies.
“Didn’t you do a song for a Captain America movie though?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t actually write that— I was just handed the song and told to record it. I’m very marketable,” Rosé laughed.
Denali wasn’t sure how many they watched but they didn’t move from the couch all day, just enjoying each other’s company fully before they had to part ways.
It wasn’t until they were watching the first Avengers movie that the burning question left Rosé’s lips, “Does this mean I’m allowed to tell people you’re my girlfriend now?” she asked as her fingers ran through Denali’s lose hair.
The question that should make Denali happy— over the moon ecstatic, was crushed by an overwhelming sense of fear. She is happy— the words initially made her heartbeat speed up and stomach flutter but it was quickly overrun by the anxiety surrounding the question. “You want that? Like for real? With me?” Denali couldn’t help but ask the singer.
She was nobody special, just some average girl Rosé knew from a past life.
Rosé just smiled at her and instantly, Denali felt all her fear wither away. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I kinda sorta love you. I’m in love with you and I really want you to be my girlfriend,”
Denali wanted nothing more than that.
Honesty and communication were key, Rosé’s words rang through her head from earlier in the morning.
“I want that too,” but she was still unsure and nervous. Not because of Rosé— it was never because of her.
It was the rest of the world that worried her. They were in a nice little bubble right now and she knew the second the rest of the population found out, that bubble would burst. All she could imagine were the eyes that’ll be on them, the cameras, the rumours, the gossiping—
It terrified her.
But she didn’t want to let this go. She couldn’t. After all this time, she and Rosé were together again and she’ll be damned if she lets herself sabotage her own happiness.
How did Denali approach this? How was she to communicate this without feeling like it was going to backfire on her? “I want to be with you too, Rosie. God, I do so badly want to be your girlfriend again,” Denali looked up at her from where her head was laying on her chest, “But I’m just terrified,” she had said that many times before only because of how true it was.
Denali was simply scared of losing something she had been longing for since the decade began. She was scared because too much has changed since and she wasn’t sure how to adjust.
“And that’s fine, Nali.” Rosé's thumb brushed her cheek, “Thank you for telling me…we can take this as slow as you want,”
Denali nodded, “Can we…uhm— do you think we can maybe just keep this between us right now? You know, like a secret. Just for now,”
The confusion that found itself on Rosé’s face made her heart clench, “This is just…a lot, you know? You’re super fucking famous and though that doesn’t change how I feel about you…it would also be a lot to announce it to the world. I just...I want to keep you to myself for a little while longer,”
Maybe she was asking too much? Rosé was a household name and it was inevitable for people to find out about them.
“That’s perfectly okay, Nali. I agree with you…I know it can all be a little much at times. Besides, it’s kinda fun— like we’re sneaking around. Oh! You know what I’ve always wanted to do? Have secret make-out sessions in my tour bus!” though Denali can instantly tell that wasn’t what Rosé wanted. “Just to be clear though…that’s a yes for the girlfriend thing, right? Cause I’ve already been calling you that in my head since this morning,” she teased.
“I’ll be your girlfriend as long as you’ll be mine,” Denali said.
“You didn’t even have to ask,” they smiled at one another looking like lovesick puppies.
“Are you really okay with it?” the anxious part of Denali’s brain took over at that moment.
“Yeah I am, I wouldn’t lie to you. Of course, I’d love to be one of those celebrity power couples and show you off but it makes sense…plus Michelle would have a field day if I just posted an announcement like that on my socials. I’ve given her enough grays already,” Rosé smirked.
What had she done to deserve this? Denali wasn’t sure she would ever figure it out. “Thank you,”
Rosé leaned down and gave Denali a gentle kiss on the top of her head, “Whatever you need, Nali. Whatever you need,”
__
