Yup

Qualified Shitposter

[neptuneponds]

Tomato soup makes your puke pinkish... just so we know

[neptuneponds]

Mum: My gaydar is pretty accurate

Me: *questioning glance*

Mum: Well I have to turn it off at home otherwise I'd never be able to get to sleep

[neptuneponds]

Okay but I don't understand why but I have this DEEP HATE for dancers make-up... I can't pin point why it bothers me but I really don't understand why they

[neptuneponds]

Give me a Christmas movie that isn't happy. I WANT A MOVIE WHERE EVERYONE DIES ON CHRISTMAS.... Last shot is just a pan of all the dead body's with that happy cheery music you hear at the end of all Christmas movies in the background

[neptuneponds]

Me: *working hard in class*

Across the room: Why are you on BuzzFeed? GeT oFf BuZzfEeD yOu KarEN!

[neptuneponds]

Couldn't make fetch happen but,,,

Ok but have we considered calling girls who cheat… Squirrels? Why you ask?? They want all the nuts😉

[neptuneponds]

I have been later informed that the term squirrel can be used to refer to a female who gives many blowjobs... Eh I was close

[neptuneponds]

Couldn't make fetch happen but,,,

Ok but have we considered calling girls who cheat... Squirrels? Why you ask?? They want all the nuts😉

[neptuneponds]

Ok but kids playing mum's and dad's or house (whatever you call it) is so weird to watch... Why the fuck are they calling each other sweetie? SEE THIS IS WHY I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE CAT

[neptuneponds]

Me: telling my mum a story

Me: ...

Me: Don't say-

Mum: It needs more dragons

[neptuneponds]

Okay but hear me out

A book where the main Character is super aware of common book tropes and it saves them a heap of trouble...*About to go on a quest* Side-Character: “We’ll talk when we get back” “Oh heck nah you tell me everything i need to know right now cause your totally gonna not live for there to BE a next time” 

[neptuneponds]

Boo

Your gay now

[neptuneponds]

Her heads on my thigh

What do I do now?? I’ve never gotten this far

[neptuneponds]

By "her" I mean my dog who has never wanted anything to do with me

[neptuneponds]

Her heads on my thigh

What do I do now?? I've never gotten this far

[neptuneponds]

I have reason to believe that our lives are exactly like a cartoon... Season 1/the first ten years. Establishing friendships, getting to understand people's personalities and learning about the main character (You!) however there's no real direct and everything kinda happens without a reason. Season 2/Ages 10-20. There's a plot now, unexpected twist and the characters design actually start to look good (aka puberty lol) Season 3/20-30 The peak has happened and now everything is kind of trying to drag the series out. However lots of character development and new friends, enemys or more possible love interests. Season 4/30-40 The show is really just pulling shit out of its ass trying to be interesting still Season 5+/40+ The show used to be fun but more responsibility is being pushed onto the main character and honestly wtf Epilogue Series/Idk when but like yeah. The show was great but suddenly there's a lot more problems and omg like therapy X main character! Like honestly stop trying to help pEoPLe your only damaging yourself and stop glowing pink cause you literally shattered Jasper I cried so hard😭 and then you attacked beach City and ahhh I'm sorry

[neptuneponds]

If minecraft does a swamp update those frogs better be as large as a medium slime or we gonna have a problem... Cause like, the spiders are massive, the bees are huge. If these frogs are tiny then somethings wrong

[neptuneponds]

Best feelings in the world

•Taking off your bra •Undoing a tight braid •Finishing that homework that you procrastinated on •Laying down and letting your thoughts wander •Being stress free •Hanging around people who love you

[neptuneponds]

How do people socialise? Like it's so confusing to me. Why do you get out of bed, get ready and LEAVE YOUR HOUSE... Y'all crazy