“𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤’𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞”
a/n: respectfully, i’d retire.
synopsis: their embarrassing on-the-pitch moments. this is inspired by that one soccer player who recently got his shorts stepped on by an opposite player and as a result, it tugged down and his bare ass cheeks flashed everyone, both in the crowd and on live TV. totally wasn’t inspired by the recent blue lock chapter (rin fans, forgive me)...
ft. isagi yoichi, itoshi rin, itoshi sae, nagi seishiro, mikage reo, bachira meguru, shidou ryusei, karasu tabito, kaiser michael, ness alexis
isagi yoichi
isagi's starts with what should have been the coolest goal celebration of his entire career.
he scores the game-winning goal in the final minutes.
crowd screaming. teammates losing their minds. cameras immediately zooming in on him. adrenaline is through the roof.
so naturally he decides to do a knee slide. a classic. a timeless celebration.
except nobody informed him that the field had just been watered.
he drops to his knees, launches forward, and keeps going. and going. and GOING.
the momentum is so absurd that he slides straight underneath the legs of a teammate who was running toward him. he accidentally takes that teammate out. crashes into another teammate. creates a domino effect.
three grown men hit the grass and eat shit because of him.
but it somehow gets worse. because the slide finally stops when he slams face-first into a field microphone.
the microphone catches the impact. the entire stadium hears a loud THWACK! followed by: "OW, WHAT THE FUCK–"
broadcast microphones catch EVERYTHING.
commentators immediately go silent.
teammates are on the ground laughing too hard to help him.
the replay gets shown from six different angles.
one angle catches him eating grass.
another angle catches him blinking in confusion afterward.
a third angle zooms in on the microphone violently vibrating after impact.
for months afterward, fans bring toy microphones to games. it haunts him.
itoshi rin
rin's isn't embarrassing because something happens to him. it's embarrassing because he becomes the public enemy of an entire fanbase the second it happens.
it's the championship final. score tied. final minute. literally the dream scenario.
everyone is exhausted. everyone is stressed. then his teammate and rival isagi gets the perfect pass. emphasis on the PERFECT pass.
defenders beaten. goalkeeper out of position. the goal is basically gift-wrapped.
commentators are already halfway through screaming: "ISAGI'S GOING TO WIN IT–"
except rin sees it. and rin's brain immediately goes: mine.
he charges in from absolutely nowhere. ignores all common sense. ignores teamwork. ignores physics. ignores isagi's existence.
both of them swing at the ball simultaneously. their legs connect at nearly the same time. the shot launches forward. and the crowd holds its breath.
the ball flies. beautiful trajectory. perfect height. perfect speed. then–
CLANG. straight off the top of the crossbar. the noise echoes through the entire stadium. everyone collectively dies inside.
the rebound falls to the opposing team counterattack. sprint downfield, goal, whistle, game over. championship lost.
somewhere in the crowd, cameras catch a fan slowly covering their face with both hands like they're witnessing the collapse of civilization. another fan is already staring into the distance, completely motionless and devoid.
broadcast cameras immediately cut to rin and isagi. they smell content, of course. and what do they catch?
rin looking genuinely annoyed and saying: "i can't believe we missed that goal."
isagi turns so fast you'd think he got flash-banged. he points directly at rin, full arm extension, absolutely no hesitation. "WE?? WE??? BUDDY, THAT WAS ALL YOU 🫵"
the camera catches the entire exchange. rin looks offended. isagi looks offended. fans are screaming.
social media immediately pauses the frame of isagi pointing at rin. it becomes a reaction image overnight. people use it for EVERYTHING.
when your friend eats your leftovers and says "we ran out of food."
when your group project gets a zero and the slacker says "we failed."
rin spends the next several months insisting the shot would've gone in if isagi hadn't touched it.
isagi spends the next several months insisting rin is delusional.
analysts create diagrams. fans create slideshows. debates rage for years.
and every single replay always ends with that poor fan in the crowd covering their face in disappointment 😭
itoshi sae
sae's doesn't even happen during a match. it happens during an open training session. cameras everywhere. fans in attendance. media recording content.
sae is standing off to the side listening to a coach explain something. arms crossed. looking mildly annoyed as usual.
meanwhile, a teammate is practicing long passes nearby. and said teammate absolutely launches one.
beautiful technique, amazing power… terrible aim.
because the ball comes flying across the field like a missile. and absolutely SMOKES sae in the face.
full force. no warning. no time to react. just WHAM!
the ball bounces off his beautiful forehead and comes flying back.
everyone freezes. coaches freeze. teammates freeze. fans freeze. even the guy who kicked it freezes.
because the look on sae's face afterward? you might as well just… get on your hands and knees as the bare minimum.
he slowly lowers his hand from his face. slowly turns his head. and locks eyes with the guilty teammate.
no shouting. no screaming. only pure concentrated m*rder in his gaze.
the teammate immediately starts apologizing before sae even says anything.
"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I SWEAR."
the clip goes viral because people start zooming in on sae's expression.
comments are like: "that's the face you see before becoming a cautionary tale." "bro just shortened that man's lifespan by 50 years."
the teammate spends the rest of practice looking over his shoulder.
nagi seishiro
nagi's is so bad that people physically leave the livestream from secondhand embarrassment.
the match is paused and the players are taking a quick water break. cameras are doing close-up shots of different athletes.
nagi gets handed a sports drink. simple enough. except he isn't paying attention (when is he ever paying attention).
he unscrews the cap. starts talking to a teammate. gestures with the bottle. accidentally squeezes it. the drink launches directly into his own face.
not even a little splash. an absolute jet stream. right up his nose.
he chokes, coughs, sputters, tries recovering, somehow inhales wrong, and now he's coughing harder.
eyes watering, face bright red.
millions of people are watching him lose a fight against a blue raspberry sports drink.
but wait. it gets worse 🥰 because while he's coughing, the drink starts coming back out through his nose.
not much, but enough to be visible… for the cameras… and for social media.
the entire stadium witnesses nagi being defeated by blue liquid.
the clip gets slowed down, zoomed in, and reposted everywhere. people edit boss battle ahh music over it.
nagi watches the footage later. stares for five seconds. then quietly closes all his social media apps.
that's the closest anyone has ever seen him get to embarrassment.
mikage reo
reo's is honestly the most in-character thing ever. like of course the friendly rich boy gets taken out by his own kindness.
before a match, he's walking along the sidelines greeting fans. waving, smiling, signing things. generally being adored by the public.
then he spots someone in the crowd waving enthusiastically – huge smile, lots of energy, clearly trying to get his attention.
so reo lights up immediately. he waves back. points at them. gives them a finger heart. even mouths "thank you!" the whole package.
the fan looks confused. very confused to say the least. because they were never waving at reo. they were waving at someone standing directly behind him.
reo realizes in real time.
the camera catches EVERYTHING. you can literally watch his soul leave his body.
his smile falters. then slowly collapses. he lowers his hand. glances behind himself. sees the actual target. and suddenly understands.
meanwhile, the giant stadium screen is displaying this tragedy in 4K.
commentators notice immediately: "oh no..." "that wasn't for mikage, yikesss."
the crowd collectively groans in sympathy. because everybody has experienced this before. just not in front of a minimum of 50,000 people.
clips of it go viral overnight. fans start recreating it constantly.
every time someone waves at him afterward, he has to spend a full second checking if it's actually meant for him.
congrats reo, you've unlocked social anxiety 😭
bachira meguru
bachira's goes viral because it starts as a harmless joke and somehow escalates into one of the most replayed sports clips of all time.
it's after a match during a team celebration. everybody's in a good mood. players are shoving each other around. cameras are still rolling. fans are still cheering.
and one teammate decides it would be REALLY funny to tug on bachira's shorts while running past. just a little prank. a teeny tiny little joke.
unfortunately for everyone involved… bachira's shorts actually come down. not all the way. but enough for the cameras… and for the stadium screen… and social media.
and MOST IMPORTANTLY, enough to reveal his boxer shorts.
now, if these had been plain boxers? he'd be fine. mildly embarrassed, but fine.
unfortunately, bachira owns the most bachira underwear imaginable. bright yellow. covered in cartoon bees. correction: smiling bees. with their little wings. some of them wearing crowns. some of them holding a soccer ball.
the entire design looks like it was chosen by a seven-year-old with unlimited power.
the stadium goes silent for exactly one second. then absolutely explodes.
teammates collapse. one player falls to his knees laughing. another has to physically turn away.
bachira himself? doesn't even notice at first. he's still celebrating, still running around, waving at the crowd, completely unaware that 40,000 people have just learned about his bee-themed underwear collection.
eventually someone points at the giant screen. bachira looks up, sees himself, sees the bees, sees a close-up zoom on one specific bee wearing sunglasses.
and just goes: "... oh."
then proceeds to proudly stick his ass out so people can get a better view.
the clip reaches millions of views overnight. fans start bringing plush bees to his games. bee emojis flood every comment section he's ever appeared in. the underwear design gets recreated for actual consumer purchase in common clothing stores.
years later, no one remembers who won the match. everyone only remembers the bee boxers.
shidou ryusei
shidou's starts as what should have been the greatest celebration of his career.
ninety-third minute. game-winning goal. stadium is exploding. teammates are screaming. commentators are losing their minds.
shidou himself is operating on approximately zero brain cells and pure adrenaline.
naturally, he decides a normal celebration isn't enough. no. he needs a GRAND ENTRANCE.
he sprints toward the corner flag at full speed, leaps onto the advertising boards, and points dramatically at the crowd like he's the protagonist of reality itself.
and for about two seconds? it actually works. he looks cool as hell.
then he decides to jump down. unfortunately, his cleat gets caught here. for one horrifying moment, he's suspended in midair. then his legs go one way. his body goes the other. and he folds. completely.
there is genuinely no elegant way to describe what happens next. he just crashes directly onto the edge of the advertising board in the worst possible location imaginable.
the entire stadium reacts at once. 60,000 people simultaneously making the same pained noise. every man in the audience immediately sits forward.
commentators stop speaking for a full three seconds. one of them literally mutters: "oh dear. not the family jewels…"
shidou rolls off the board and lands on the grass clutching his pride. and maybe several other things.
teammates run over thinking he's injured, only to find him lying there staring at the sky in complete silence. which is somehow MORE concerning because this man never shuts up.
replay angles start appearing. every single one is worse than the last. one angle catches his soul physically leaving his body. another catches three opposing defenders wincing in sympathy.
the clip reaches millions overnight. the internet comments: "bro got hit with a factory reset." "the bloodline almost ended right there." "he scored the goal, but lost the war."
to this day, any time shidou starts celebrating too hard, his teammates start yelling: "WATCH THE BOARD WATCH THE BOARD."
karasu tabito
karasu's humiliation is especially devastating because it's entirely self-inflicted.
nobody tackles him. nobody embarrasses him. fate simply watches him make terrible decisions.
it starts with him talking trash, shocking absolutely nobody. he's been verbally tormenting the defender assigned to him for almost the entire match.
little comments. little smirks. sarcastic remarks. generally acting like the smartest guy on the field.
and honestly? he's backing it up. he's playing great. which makes what happens next so much funnier.
because he steals the ball and turns toward the defender with the most obnoxious grin imaginable. the kind of grin that says: i am about to become a twitter edit.
then he decides to hit them with a wink. though unfortunately, the human body betrays him. a huge drop of sweat flies directly into his eye the exact moment he winks.
suddenly, he's blinking hard. then harder. then aggressively. then he's squinting. then rubbing his eye. now both eyes are watering. and because he's still running, he can't stop.
so from the audience perspective, it genuinely looks like he's sprinting around the field while crying. tears streaming. face scrunched up. blinking every half second.
meanwhile, the defender he's been bullying all game notices. "are you crying?"
karasu nearly trips from outrage. "NO."
"you look emotional."
"SHUT YER TRAP."
"did i actually hurt your feelings?"
cameras zoom in. it’s the worst mistake of his life. the footage clearly shows watery eyes and an angry expression.
social media absolutely feasts. edits appear with sad music. memes are instantly created.
people start posting: "karasu after she said she likes someone else." "he got friendzoned mid-match y’all."
the image becomes one of the most popular reaction memes in sports.
even as time passes, people still don't know the actual context. they just know there's a picture of karasu looking devastated.
kaiser michael
kaiser's goes viral because he gets caught being the biggest attention seeker alive. and for once… it backfires spectacularly.
it’s a huge match. packed stadium. cameras everywhere. one of those games where every movement gets clipped and posted online within 30 seconds.
kaiser scores an absolutely ridiculous goal. it was a genuinely incredible bicycle kick that made the crowd go insane. commentators are screaming. teammates are running toward him.
now here's the thing: kaiser has spent DAYS planning this celebration. not consciously, of course. he'd never admit that. but this man absolutely practiced it in the mirror.
he starts walking toward the corner slowly, looking like he knows he’s about to be in the hardest sports edit of all time. he knows the cameras are on him. he KNOWS.
so he spreads his arms. tilts his head slightly. gives the crowd that signature smirk.
and then he waits. he's expecting the crowd to erupt. expecting cheers, chants, and the whole stadium to be focused solely on him.
except… the giant screen behind him isn't showing him. it's showing a replay. and not of the goal. of a random fan in the audience. specifically an elderly woman demolishing a rotisserie chicken all by herself.
the crowd LOVES her. absolutely adores her. they're cheering at the screen laughing, pointing, chanting.
kaiser hears all this noise and assumes: ah yes. naturally. they're celebrating me.
so he leans into it harder. spreads his arms wider. nods like a king acknowledging his subjects. even gives a little wave.
he doesn’t know the entire stadium is looking past him. at grandma rotisserie chicken.
the cameras catch EVERYTHING. especially eventually when kaiser notices.
he glances over his shoulder. sees the screen. sees the woman. sees her absolutely mauling a costco chicken while the crowd loses their minds. then sees himself standing there like he just won an award nobody gave him.
there is a brief moment where his face completely checks out. a moment so short most people would miss it.
but the cameras don't. the cameras NEVER miss. social media zooms in. slows it down. circles it. analyzes it frame by frame.
comments are brutal: "bro thought they were cheering for him 😭" "main character syndrome final boss.” "grandma won the aura battle.”
the woman becomes a fan favorite overnight. she gets invited back to future matches. even receives team merchandise. gets nicknamed "rotisserie chicken queen.”
now every time kaiser touches the ball away from home… someone in the crowd yells: "WE LOVE YOU ROTISSERIE CHICKEN LADY!"
cameras once catch him hearing it and immediately looking annoyed. which only makes the memes stronger 😭
his death stares could genuinely rival homelander’s.
ness alexis
ness somehow manages to create a chain reaction of embarrassment so catastrophic it deserves scientific study.
it happens during warm-ups. not even during the actual match, which means there's absolutely no excuse.
cameras are filming behind-the-scenes content. players are casually passing balls around. everything is normal.
then someone sends a very easy pass toward ness. we're talking kindergarten-level difficulty. the kind of pass professional players receive hundreds of times a day.
ness opens his body to control it. completely misjudges the bounce. the ball rolls directly between his legs. not close to his legs, THROUGH them. cleanly, beautifully, disrespectfully.
the entire warm-up group freezes. getting accidentally nutmegged by the ball itself is already embarrassing enough. but the universe isn't finished.
ness whips around to chase it. his cleat catches the turf. he stumbles. tries recovering. stumbles again. now he's doing that horrible awkward run where your body knows you're falling, but your legs are desperately negotiating.
one step. two steps. three steps. no recovery. he's going down.
and while falling, he accidentally kicks the ball. a pure panic, uncontrolled kick.
the ball launches into the air. everyone watches it. coaches watch it. players watch it. cameramen watch it. nobody knows where it's going.
then– CLANG! straight into a nearby trash can.
it was a perfect shot. absolutely perfect. nothing but net.
there’s silence before the entire training ground erupts. players are screaming. coaches are laughing. somebody starts clapping. somebody else starts bowing dramatically. one teammate falls to their knees. another starts chanting: "MVP! MVP! MVP!"
ness is still lying face-down on the grass, wishing the earth would swallow him whole.
cameras catch everything. this is never getting erased. including the moment he slowly lifts his head and realizes everyone is cheering.
not because he did something impressive, but because he accidentally failed so successfully that it became impressive. so obviously the clip gets millions of views.
but the worst part? even kaiser can't keep a straight face. there's footage of kaiser turning around and physically walking away because he's laughing too hard.
and honestly? that's the clip ness never recovers from.
© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢
