I know itâs not the 25th just yet but this lousy year deserves an early Christmas. So grab some coffee, wine or snacks and sit around the fireplace with me.
By now we all know that TTB is a bit angry. She doesnât know who to be angry at, and sheâs definitely not going going to be angry at herself, so sheâs doing the next best thing: writing angry emails to people she doesnât like.
Unfortunately Iâm not one of those lucky recipients đ€·ââïž She knows that the best way to truly hurt me is to pretend I do not exist, and that is my curse. But I still managed to get my little goblin hands on one of these emails, and just call me Inez because you bet your ass Iâm going to tell you all about it.
I propose a personal goal for all of us in 2021: to develop the level of self-confidence that allows you to write an email referring to yourself in the 3rd person.
Iâm particularly a fan of the last line âyour posts continue to be monitoredâ. I know she means it as a threat of sorts, but since Iâm an attention whore Iâd just be thrilled knowing thereâs at least one person who will always read my nonsense.
At this point, Iâm sure weâre all thinking the same thing: âwell thatâs an impressive resumĂ©â - but ALSO âa death threat?! HOW? WHEN?â
You might even be wondering if you missed something - you always suspected that silly job of yours was distracting you from whatâs really important.
Donât you worry, TTB has receipts. So, if youâre feeling raunchy, letâs take a look at this ~unlawful behaviour~.
TTB, sweetheart, whereâs the spoiler alert? I was only half a chapter away from that bit!
Iâm going through an overload of thoughts, let me bring back my always helpful bullet points.
Itâs quite wholesome that the âembarrassing efforts to delve into [TTBâs] personal lifeâ turned out to be just someone saying âI heard sheâs straight and marriedâ and then making a Harry Potter reference.
Itâs quite cute that TTB thinks she can threaten legal action on people who told her to âfuck offâ on the internet.
You guys know Iâm not the nitpicky kinda gal but... for the sake of the argument, okay? Technically Bellatrix was never mention in that ~death threat~. For all we know, going âfull Molly Weasleyâ could mean âsettling down and having 7 kids with a handsome ginger ladâ, âhelp an unaccompanied orphan walk through a wallâ or âknit very nice Christmas jumpers that her children wonât appreciate.â Molly Weasley did a lot more than killing Bellatrix. Justice for Molly, is what Iâm saying.
It is now when TTB starts getting her (what I can only imagine) perfectly manicured claws out, âyouâve been a bad Jew and Iâm going to report you to the Jew policeâ.
Guys, a little bit of a PSA here: right now TTB is feeling cornered, so sheâs at her most dangerous. Sheâs doing her best to find âdirtâ on people who have criticised her, and then is using that dirt to humiliate them somehow â or maybe even get them fired? So, if you think you could be one of these people and thereâs an embarrassing fanfic you wouldnât like your postman to see, it might be a good idea to do something about it.
OOF! The last line is magnificently evil. Big fan, TTB, seriously. It reminds me of those times when nudes are leaked online and people start saying âwEll iF sHE DidNât wANt thOsE pICtuREs tO Be SeEN shE sHOulDnâT hAVe TAkEn ThEMâ... but thatâs a straw man argument on my part, and I can recognise that.
However. There is something poetic about TTB calling out someone for âattempting to delve into her personal lifeâ and then going through a lot of trouble to find out where and for whom that person works. Some people would call that hypocritical. I call it poetic because Iâm a romantic.
TTB threatening someone to take them to âthe proper law enforcement authoritiesâ for âwrecking TTBâs shitâ is the equivalent of me buying a cheap âsexy police officerâ Halloween costume, and going around telling people to compliment my hair or theyâll be taken to polyester jail.
(Spoiler alert: this email is from the 17th of this month, this person hasnât taken down a single thing, and nothing has happened.)
I bet you thought this email couldnât get any better. But thatâs what you get when you underestimate TTB. You get Taylor Doe.
Anyway, TTB babe, I extend my hand to you once again. Would you consider taking me to the proper law enforcement authorities? Iâve been a very unlawful girl. I can be behaviourally out of control, if thatâs what youâre into. If youâre having trouble getting my contact details, donât sweat it! Have Theprologues DM me and Iâll give you my email address. I can even give you my mumâs email, maybe youâll have better luck than me explaining to her why I spend so much time staring at my phone. You tell me whose email you need and I can even find you some drunk pictures of me and a list of people Iâve hooked up with - letâs go big, TTB, we can do this!
2087
dailybridgerton
stormborns
yousharknotpass
gummygunk
titsay
origamiaround
