I’m gonna start off with all the wonderful, positive things and let my brain eventually soak it in and then I need to work through my mixed feelings:
2 years of hard work, consistency, fighting self doubt and pushing myself to both train hard and rest when needed resulted in being rostered for all Premier Mixed and Premier Women rosters on Team USA. Surreal. Only race I didn’t get to race was the 2K mixed race since there’s only one shot, but I got to race all of the others. I got to race all heats for 200m/500m mixed heats and finals, which was unreal. I got to be a starter for all premier women races.
I got to sit amongst the most amazing, strong, and humble outrigger ladies in both rosters and it meant so much to me that 1) they could be open about what felt shitty and 2) they asked for help and guidance and 3) they showed appreciation for my guidance in the boat and gratitude for all of us working together and being a strong calm presence in the boat. Sitting with them made me feel so confident in what I could do and what we could do together as a crew.
I got to race with Adrian this time - not just us both racing on our gender boats, but we got to sit together and race on the 1K and 500m days. We got to stand on the podium together 2 times. I am proud of us doing this together. For keeping focused. For keeping each other accountable for the goals we wanted to hit on this cycle and for keeping each others attitudes in check regarding how we were feeling about time trial results and what rostering would look like before we got there. What a true partnership doing this one together.
Our crew made history as a women’s crew: 2 gold medals and 2 silver medals - probably the strongest crew in program history. Absolutely dominated the 2K and 1K races and worked our asses off racing the shorter ones. Final day of racing with the 500’s we finally found our groove, but a little too late in the day. 1 second short of making even more history.
Adrian’s crew worked their asses off too and podiumed on the 200m race, which has rarely happened.
Our mixed boat got 2 gold medals (2K and 1K) and bronze on the 500m. Some shenanigans on the 200m race resulted in Macau getting bronze as both China and Canada moved over on their lanes and Macau was able to ride the wake. How surreal to have 3 days in a row hearing our national anthem playing for us as we were named the world champions of those distances. Wish I could have raced the 2K and the 1K final, but I’m so proud of Adrian for racing the 1K and being able to do it with all of our friends.
Our premier women’s crew was composed of majority veteran paddlers - most of our crew raced together in Thailand, and the new comers on the crew were our lovely west coast ladies. How special is that? All of us worked so hard to do this again, together, and do it as a crew with the same goal. The boats felt more calm and collected between races and before we got to the starting gates. There was a lot of laughing camaraderie. The coaches accepted that we weren’t a crew that would do well either a high ass rate, so they kept the stroke where the boat could handle it, which I appreciated so much.
I made an unexpected friendship with Joanne this cycle and felt like we went through all the selection emotions together knowing we basically had the same time trial times and knowing we both felt like we had to prove something being from the west coast.
I got to cry and celebrate every day with Lily and Zelda as we won our battles
Overall, just a joy to paddle with the standard women’s crew. Such a group full of grit but also full of kindness and lots of support for each other.
It’s still sinking in that I made the mixed crew for all distances. At least for this cycle, it meant I was top 12 (top 6 for my side). What an accomplishment.
So much amazing food at the train stop near the airport. What an unexpected surprise finding delicious food not too far away from where we were staying.
Now for the parts I’m still processing:
It was still such a mental battle feeling like I belonged on all the boats I got to race on. Feeling like I’d be able to contribute how they needed me to. That I would make the crew better with me in it. Hard to feel like I was making a difference when I knew I was among paddling legends (even if it made me feel secure at the same time). Mostly felt this on the mixed crews.
I was so anxious about my weight being a consideration for if I was gonna get sat out. I know how it goes and I know the coaches plight. They want a balanced strong and light boat. I felt like I had to work extra hard so that it wouldn’t matter. I felt like I had to have the best form, the best timing, the best attitude so that nothing else could be taken into consideration to say I’m the one who’d sit out. Thank god I never did, but I didn’t feel better when the girl who sat behind me had to sit out of our final because the coaches wanted a lighter boat. It could have been me and I don’t want anyone to feel that way.
I ache for the ladies on the small boat who had to sit out so the boat could get balanced. Who had to deal with lots of crappy rosters and a tough playing field. Who had to deal with favoritism and not actually knowing coming into this that their boat was a developmental boat.
