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@nhpayne
OTRA, manila 2015.
ot5 ❤
When it suddenly crashes on you that it is real and not just a nightmare, and the dam of tears breaks 💔
Louis and Liam pouring powerade on each other during Best Song Ever, 28/07/15
niallhoran: 🖤
stuck on the different pictures louis, zayn, and harry chose for their posts…
louis’ is celebrating their bond, their friendship, the love they held for one another that got them through so many tough times. it’s saying they will never get to stand on a stage together again but let’s celebrate the good times, let’s remember the love.
zayn’s is highlighting that they were just kids at the start, they were boys thrown together into an insane, unimaginable situation and they needed each other. they found solace and comfort in each other and no one else can understand what they went through growing up together but they clung on to each other.
and harry’s… god. harry’s is just liam. liam on stage looking out on thousands of fans doing his favourite thing in the world. and that’s how harry wanted to honour him, making other people happy.
back in the day, i was 16 and the happiest moment of the day was logging in tumblr and reblogging new 1d stuff and being friends w people all around the world because this 1d thing just /connected/ us. and now i am 28. grieving a 1d member and feeling numb and nostalgic and confused and emotional. somehow that 1d connection never goes away. but i never thought it would join us all back together for such a fucked up tragic thing. it's insane.
its so weird that this is what brought us all back here.
Very very weird. Did not expect coming back to be this comforting, or for it to feel a bit like a community again.
i have no idea how to process this. it’s not unfathomable and it’s something i’ve thought about many times but i don’t actually know how to process it. what do you mean he was such an integral part of me growing up and he did some fucked up things in part bc of the fucked up environment he grew up in and now he’s DEAD and can’t do anything to try and make amends. what do u mean the boys now means harry louis liam niall zayn. what do you mean he left behind a child less than 10 years old. what the fuck do you mean
i think part of it is just that i didn’t know him. he was in my phone and in my laptop singing in my ears for a decade but i didn’t know him. i never met him. i never spoke to him. how the hell am i supposed to grieve for someone so intangible when he will continue to be in my phone and in my laptop and continue to sing in my ears.
Oh my god, the "what do u mean the boys now means harry louis liam niall zayn" hit me hard.
Louis via instagram story - 17.10
took this on the final night of their last ever tour, liam looked so happy 😭
rest in peace Liam ❤️
one direction will always be so so so bittersweet to me like they were such a foundation of my teenage years while at the same time those boys were spending most of their days trapped in hotel rooms or waking up at 2 am to record an album and non stop touring and working so much more than anyone let alone a bunch of teenage boys should work and its always been hard to reconcile those two realities especially on a day like today because god when they were good together, they were so good together.
and i just don't think anything like them will ever happen again. 5 boys from basically working class backgrounds thrust into a level of fame the height of which hadn't been seen for decades, all of them becoming the breadwinners of their families before the age of 18. the immense pressure but also the amount of fun they were. the tragedy and joy of it all intertwined. really impossible to put into words
started thinking about zayn, going on his first tour in less than a week, losing the one he last shared this with ten years ago . then i started thinking about louis, who’s strength and optimism is being pushed once again after losing his mum, sister and now brother. thinking of harry who also lost friends in similar circumstances . and niall, who was the last of the boys to see him, as his friend came to support him and sing the words they sang together back at him . thinking about them together . how they protected each other the best they could from the start . none of them deserves any of this