When I was young my very impressionable mind was taught that a woman’s sole purpose was to serve a man. Whether it be to cook three meals for him a day, do his laundry, do all of the cleaning, give him money, buy him stuff, or have sex with him. Since a very young age I’ve thought that these are the things you do for a man, whether you want to or not. I was taught that men are superior to women, just for being men.
When I was younger I was taught that being anything other than straight is bad. It’s “not natural” they say. I was programmed to believe that a man and a woman, and only a man and a woman, deserve the human right to get married and have children.
Growing up, not even knowing the full concept of racism, I believed that white people are better just for being white, because I was taught that. No one straight came out and said it, but I was still taught it. I was okay with being deemed less because the colour of my skin, because that’s just how things are. Sometimes I couldn’t go to my friends house solely because I was black, and I was okay with that. That’s just the way things were.
I was taught women are bitches and whores and sluts. I would judge people on how they dressed and if they had multiple partners. If a girl had slept with multiple people, I saw her as less of a person. She was dirty. If she was pregnant before marriage she was probably a whore. Easy. Couldn’t keep it in her pants.
I’m not not a feminist for the reasons you probably think, though. I’m not a feminist because I don’t think I deserve to call myself one. Growing up I was fed all of this information that I don’t see as okay to believe anymore. I don’t think women are here just to please men. If you’re hungry, get up and make some food. Dirty house? Help clean it up. Just because you’re a man doesn’t make you better than a woman. We are not weak like you like to think we are, and we definitely don’t need a man. Especially not one who treats us like a servant or maid. And so what if someone is gay, bisexual, or pansexual? Having feelings for a person does not make you any less of one. Anyone that loves another person and treats them well deserved to marry them and start a family with them. I now know racism is 3000% NOT okay. It shouldn’t be the way things are. No race is better than any other. No form of racism is okay. I understand now that slut shaming isn’t okay. What someone else does with their body has nothing to do with me. I don’t have the right to judge them on the choices they make. If they like having sex, fun. As long as they’re practicing safe, consensual sex it is perfectly fine, and not my business. I agree with intersectional feminist views on all of these topics, and many more, but I still can’t call myself a feminist. I still struggle with some of these things. Like I might hear a racist joke and laugh, even though I know that it isn’t okay AT ALL. And I might see someone dressed very provocatively and judge them a little in my mind. Small stuff like that. I know it isn’t okay, but it’s hard for me to change my ways. I’ve come a long way, but I’m still not there. So girl that told me I was dumb for not being a feminist: No, I am NOT a feminist. And you probably aren’t either if you’re going to tell someone they are dumb for not being one and you don’t even know why. You would probably judge someone in the blink of an eye, and if people like you are calling themselves feminists then you are making feminism look bad. That’s why I can’t call myself a feminist. I respect feminism too much to label myself as a feminist, but then turn around and go against what feminism stands for. Of course I 100% believe in equality for everyone despite their body count or skin colour, or sexual identity etc. but I’m just not at feminist level yet, and that is quite alright.