Go on and light me like a cigarette

[nibbbles]

{drizella}

Shaking her head softly her hands loosened on his hoodie, but her eyes never left the piece of clothing in her hands. It was the only thing she had to hold on to anymore now that his words were coming out with venom. “It’s not some pathetic attempt to win you back. I’ll .. I’ll never know what it’s like to be yours again.” she whispered mostly to herself. “I do love you, Noah. So much it scares me because I can’t tell you one person that’s ever loved me, and I can’t tell you one reason to love me. None of that is your mess to clean up, and stick around to get hurt while I .. figure things out and fight my demons. I love you so much I’m terrified of the person I’m going to become without you. But I’m so excited to see the person you become without me. A-And the day you.. you find someone good enough for you. And I think that’s loving someone, knowing I’m going to walk through hell and a lot of bad guys, but it’s worth it .. the day I see you with someone you deserve.. it’ll be worth it.” A sob pulled through her as she did her best to stop crying, hugging the hoodie tightly. Letting it go she held it out to him. “Here.. I .. I  can see there’s nothing here for me anymore.” 

Noah wanted to scream at her. Scream that she’d destroyed him and scream that he loved her. There were so many contradicting feelings inside of him but he knew he couldn’t act on them. “You can’t tell me one person that’s ever loved you?” he scoffed. “I loved you. I still love you. Do you understand how hard that is for me? Do you think of me? Or how I lose sleep? Or how I want to rip the fucking skin off of my arm every time I see that stupid tattoo in the mirror?” Noah was heated. She had a lot of audacity to her claims. “You’ve already became the person you are without me while you were with me. You’ll never change.” He turned away from her and wiped his eyes. “You don’t know how to love someone because you don’t love yourself. You act all high and mighty around everyone else but I can see right through you.” He sniffled and turned back to her. “Will it be worth it? Or will I see your face in every girl I meet?” He glanced down at the hoodie then back at her before taking it. “Goodbye, Drizella.”

[nibbbles]

{calvin}

A smile spread across Calvin’s face when he saw Noah behind the door, and his heart began to speed up. Seeing his friend was always wonderful, especially when he was not the one to initiate them seeing each other. He felt less like a nuisance when he was sought out. “Hey! That sounds so perfect, it’s like you read my mind! Come in, come in! Can I get you anything?” he asked, opening the door wide to allow Noah in. “How have you been? I’ve been so busy, I feel like I haven’t really caught up with you in ages, so I’m so glad you’re here now!”

Noah walked in his friend’s place like he had so many times before. It’d been ages since he’d been there though so as he glanced around the room it felt slightly unfamiliar. That feeling quickly went away though. “Hey! I’m good. How are you, dude?” he asks in return. He makes himself comfortable and sits on the couch. “I bet. Working with all those critters can be time consuming. I’m glad I’m here too though.” He smiles at his friend again. “Update me though! What’s going on in the life of Cubster?”

[nibbbles]

@cubby-martin​

Noah needed some time with his guy friends. The Drizella mess was just that-- a mess. He wanted to forget about it. Then there was Tessa who was just...acting weird around him. It wasn’t that he needed a break from her he just wanted to spend time with someone else. So, why not his best friend? He’d just finished working on a few songs and was waiting for Cubby to get off work so he could head over. On his way he picked up some ciders. It was better than beer, especially the kind Drizella bought. He wondered why she bought such cheap stuff if she could afford anything she wanted? He shook the thoughts out of his mind. When he got to his friend’s place he knocked on the door and smiled brightly when he opened up. “Hello! I brought weed and cider so it should be a fun night.”

[cindyyvortexx]

The second she smelled cologne and a fake laughter trailing down the hall she knew she couldn’t stay in this house for the night. Drizella only really let one person get almost close enough to understand her issues , and that was the one person she wanted to be with right now. Standing at this door she knocked , wrapped up in one of his sweaters she refused to ever give back , and a back of beer in the other hand. Just the click of the door had her snapping out her demand. “She has someone over. I know you hate me or whatever but I went into a gas station for this pack of beer I don’t even know if you’ll drink , and walked here..” she grumbled looking down at her sneakers. “I don’t want to go home , and I don’t want to be alone , Noah.” || @nibbbles

[nibbbles]

{drizella}

Drizella hated this. It was clear they still had so much love for one another so why was this happening? Taking in a deep breath she held the hoodie tightly in her hands. “I did love you, Noah. I do love you. I .. I truly love you, but I didn’t know how to love properly. Or accept your love. But I love you .. and this weird time apart I’ve realized a lot. So much , I know it’s too late but that doesn’t make it stop.”

The eggs were starting to overcook so he took the pan off and put it on a cold burner. “Do you?” he turned to face her. “Because people that love each other don’t do what you did. They don’t manipulate, lie, and cheat. Is this some pathetic attempt to win me back? Your tears aren’t going to work on me.” In a different time if her eyes so much as watered he would have been putty in her hands. He had to be strong though and stand his ground. He couldn’t let her do this to him any longer.

[nibbbles]

{tessa}

“I know. I’d be just as confused as you are if you were acting the way I am. No, Nibs, you didn’t do anything.” Tessa reached for the tissue box when offered, wiping the last bit of tears that she was going to allow for the evening. “Thank you.” After taking a second to gather her thoughts, she made her way over to him, “Are you up for a game of twenty-one questions?”

Noah furrowed his bra. “Alright. If you say so.” He watched as she wiped her tears away. “Yeah, of course. Anything for you.” He offered a small smile. “Twenty-one questions?” He rose a brow. “I haven’t played that in so long. I, uh, I guess we could play. Sure.” He nodded.

[cindyyvortexx]

The second she smelled cologne and a fake laughter trailing down the hall she knew she couldn’t stay in this house for the night. Drizella only really let one person get almost close enough to understand her issues , and that was the one person she wanted to be with right now. Standing at this door she knocked , wrapped up in one of his sweaters she refused to ever give back , and a back of beer in the other hand. Just the click of the door had her snapping out her demand. “She has someone over. I know you hate me or whatever but I went into a gas station for this pack of beer I don’t even know if you’ll drink , and walked here..” she grumbled looking down at her sneakers. “I don’t want to go home , and I don’t want to be alone , Noah.” || @nibbbles

[nibbbles]

{drizella}

“Wha- yeah of course.” She said softly with her head down. Drizella only had one t-shirt of his at home. The scent of it was gone already and she knew she had to send it back come tomorrow. “I can send over the rest of your stuff tomorrow too.” Drizella left and made her way back to his room to change. Sitting on the edge of the bed when she finished she mentally pulled herself out of this. Smoothing a hand against the sheets and the comforter. She knew she didn’t have much time so she just let herself have a good cry before walking out . “I’m… g-goodbye?” Wiping her cheeks she kept her head down . She couldn’t look him in the eye. “Someone is going to love you better then I-I could a-and I … yeah.” She couldn’t say anything more the tears were too much.

“Alright,” he said. Noah knew it hurt her to give him his stuff back but it was part of giving him the closure that he needed. He wanted to scream and cry in that moment and throw something, but he didn’t. He tried not to at least. But his eyes started watering. “I never wanted anyone else to love me. At first yours was enough but it was evident that you didn’t love me in the ways I loved you.”

[cindyyvortexx]

The second she smelled cologne and a fake laughter trailing down the hall she knew she couldn’t stay in this house for the night. Drizella only really let one person get almost close enough to understand her issues , and that was the one person she wanted to be with right now. Standing at this door she knocked , wrapped up in one of his sweaters she refused to ever give back , and a back of beer in the other hand. Just the click of the door had her snapping out her demand. “She has someone over. I know you hate me or whatever but I went into a gas station for this pack of beer I don’t even know if you’ll drink , and walked here..” she grumbled looking down at her sneakers. “I don’t want to go home , and I don’t want to be alone , Noah.” || @nibbbles

[nibbbles]

{drizella}

Drizella felt numb. She had no right to assume anything good would come out of this. Or any right to fight him about it. Feeling a few tears race to her chin she just nodded softly. “You called me Zells before we got drunk.” She laughed sadly before wiping at her cheeks. Shaking her head she bit into her bottom. “I’m not really hungry. I just wanted to make you breakfast. I’m gonna go um change .”

Calling her that was one of the only things he remembered from that night. He felt stupid for doing so but it felt so natural to say it. Noah had so many mixed emotions. He wasn’t sure what to feel. “When you grab your clothes can you leave my hoodie here?” He knew it was harsh but it was for selfish reasons. It would smell like her and he knew he would end up sleeping with it for a long time to come.

[nibbbles]

{tessa}

“No, I did. I somehow let myself do something that I shouldn’t have allowed myself to do, and I hate myself for it.” Without thinking about, almost like word vomit, the other words came tumbling out, “You can’t help me, because it’s about you, and I already know the end result. So, therefore, it makes no sense to say anything about it.” She softly sighed, looking down at his hand around her wrist still. “Thank you. Yeah, this is about you, but you’re not the reason for my tears. I just feel guilty about it.” Her gaze went back up to him, a small smile on her lips, “Nibs, I..” she paused, letting out another soft sigh, “…I need a tissue. Could you possibly get me one?” She gently asked.

Noah was very confused. He didn’t understand anything he was talking about. What about him was it? And what had he done? He wanted the answers but knew that now was not the time to ask for them. “I-- I don’t understand, Tink. Did I do something?” He felt he at least deserved that answer. “You shouldn’t feel guilty about anything because you didn’t do anything.” He nodded and grabbed the box of tissues from his nightstand and handed it to her.

[cindyyvortexx]

The second she smelled cologne and a fake laughter trailing down the hall she knew she couldn’t stay in this house for the night. Drizella only really let one person get almost close enough to understand her issues , and that was the one person she wanted to be with right now. Standing at this door she knocked , wrapped up in one of his sweaters she refused to ever give back , and a back of beer in the other hand. Just the click of the door had her snapping out her demand. “She has someone over. I know you hate me or whatever but I went into a gas station for this pack of beer I don’t even know if you’ll drink , and walked here..” she grumbled looking down at her sneakers. “I don’t want to go home , and I don’t want to be alone , Noah.” || @nibbbles

[nibbbles]

{drizella}

Drizella didn’t expect him to hand it over to her but she took it. She wanted to feel more then her face even if that was just pushing around eggs. As she did it she grew a little more proud of herself. “I .. yeah I do . It’s just hard to believe sometimes i was anywhere near deserving.” She admitted as she pushed the eggs around. The tension was up to her shoulders it felt and she was just sinking further. “You can tell me to leave you know. And you don’t have to remind me how much of a mistake you feel last night was. But for the record… it wasn’t a mistake for me, and I don’t regret it. I’m sure you’ve wanted to hurt me just as badly and here it is. Letting me know how much a mistake I was , and kick me out . I’ll stay gone.” Her eyes were already swollen with tears as she focused on pushing eggs.

Noah worked on buttering the toast and grabbing plates and utensils. “I can’t help you with your inner turmoil and hatred for yourself,” he told her. As much as he wanted to help her he knew he couldn’t go down that road again. At one point she was deserving of his love. That seemed like a different era though. “It was a mistake. We were drunk and shouldn’t have done it.” Noah knew he was going to have all sorts of emotions from this and he would likely cry the minute she left. He felt like crying in that moment and had to fight back the tears burning his eyes. “You can at least stay and eat. Test out the food you made.”

[cindyyvortexx]

The second she smelled cologne and a fake laughter trailing down the hall she knew she couldn’t stay in this house for the night. Drizella only really let one person get almost close enough to understand her issues , and that was the one person she wanted to be with right now. Standing at this door she knocked , wrapped up in one of his sweaters she refused to ever give back , and a back of beer in the other hand. Just the click of the door had her snapping out her demand. “She has someone over. I know you hate me or whatever but I went into a gas station for this pack of beer I don’t even know if you’ll drink , and walked here..” she grumbled looking down at her sneakers. “I don’t want to go home , and I don’t want to be alone , Noah.” || @nibbbles

[nibbbles]

{drizella}

Drizella nodded softly. “Yeah … well thank you for teaching me.” The tension was slowly rising and she knew soon she’d be drowning in it. When all she wanted was to crawl back in his bed .. never had left to try and cook stupid ass eggs. “Got it.” She stated softly as she moved out and worked on the toaster. Drizella did it and she was actually pretty proud of herself. A large smile on her face as she came back with a few pieces of toast. “And how does it look?” As she looked up at him her eyes focused on a small heart with her name on it. Reaching up her fingers lightly touched over the tattoo. “You … really loved me huh..” she let out before she could pull it back in.

“Yeah,” was all he said. He grabbed a spatula and started pushing the eggs around in the pan. “Are you watching? Here, you try.” He handed her the spatula. “Just kinda push them around.” He looked at the toast and nodded. “Yeah, looks good. Not too dark.” When she touched the tattoo on his arm he felt like the spot was on fire. He pulled away from her and looked away. “You already know that.”

[nibbbles]

{tessa}

Her throat felt swollen, and she stuttered as she tried to answer his questions, “N-no, of c-course not, Noah.” Her free hand came up to wipe more tears away; she felt so stupid right now. “This is g-going to sound s-so cliche, but..it’s n-not you..it’s me. It’s a-actually me right now, Noah.” She swallowed the invisible lump that had formed in her throat, looking at him with tearful eyes. “I can’t tell you what’s wrong.” Her voice was still shaky, but at least the stuttering had seemed to calm down, “Because I don’t think I fully understand what’s wrong. I don’t even think that I am making sense. It doesn’t make sense. You…” she sighed, shaking her head, “…you mean a lot to me, Noah. I’m sorry, I don’t think it would be wise to tell you why I am crying, and I feel like such an idiot doing it in front of you. Please don’t ever make fun of me over this.”

Noah’s brows furrowed together and his frown only grew. “You didn’t do anything though.” Was this some sort of internal battle she was having with herself? He didn’t know but he wanted to help. “You don’t have to tell me but you can let me help you. I don’t want you going upset.” He sighed. “I would never make fun of you for this.” It hurt to think that she would assume such a thing. “I’m not going to force you to stay but I don’t want to be the cause of your tears.”

[cindyyvortexx]

The second she smelled cologne and a fake laughter trailing down the hall she knew she couldn’t stay in this house for the night. Drizella only really let one person get almost close enough to understand her issues , and that was the one person she wanted to be with right now. Standing at this door she knocked , wrapped up in one of his sweaters she refused to ever give back , and a back of beer in the other hand. Just the click of the door had her snapping out her demand. “She has someone over. I know you hate me or whatever but I went into a gas station for this pack of beer I don’t even know if you’ll drink , and walked here..” she grumbled looking down at her sneakers. “I don’t want to go home , and I don’t want to be alone , Noah.” || @nibbbles

[nibbbles]

{drizella}

“But you did it yourself … that’s something to be incredibly proud of.” Drizella’s voice was soft. Everything about this morning was feeling soft to her and she knew like a rubber band it was gonna snap her hard. “I’m proud of you , Noah.” Leaning over she watched his every move with a little smile on her face. “I remember eggs made by you .. they’re fluffy and amazing. “ looking at the toaster she nodded. “Yes …. maybe. Help?” She asked almost sadly. This started with her wanting to impress him and now she knew he was realizing how much of a mistake she was .

“Not really. It’s just like...something you should know? It’s basic cooking that everyone should know.” He glanced over at her. He ignored her comment about being proud of him and focused on whisking the eggs with a fork. “Okay, see the little knob? Just turn it to the left a little bit. There are numbers on there. Turn it so the line on the knob lines up with the two.” He turned back to the eggs and poured them in the pan. 

[cindyyvortexx]

The second she smelled cologne and a fake laughter trailing down the hall she knew she couldn’t stay in this house for the night. Drizella only really let one person get almost close enough to understand her issues , and that was the one person she wanted to be with right now. Standing at this door she knocked , wrapped up in one of his sweaters she refused to ever give back , and a back of beer in the other hand. Just the click of the door had her snapping out her demand. “She has someone over. I know you hate me or whatever but I went into a gas station for this pack of beer I don’t even know if you’ll drink , and walked here..” she grumbled looking down at her sneakers. “I don’t want to go home , and I don’t want to be alone , Noah.” || @nibbbles

[nibbbles]

{drizella}

“I … no.” She mumbled in defeat. “My mom isn’t exactly mom of the year in trying to teach me those things. Reasons I could never actually make you home made cookies or something.” She admitted. Watching him she leaned against the counter , a little laugh coming out as he started to give her directions on how to make them. Drizella stepped closer to watch but didn’t touch . She knew they would be different people with just a touch. “Milk ? Really … oh. I mean that sounds nice. Fluffy eggs! I can try again on the toast? If you want ?” She added with a small smile

“Guess we have that in common aside from the fact that I didn’t have one to teach me anything,” he said dryly. He turned on the stove top and placed a pan on it then put a small chunk of butter in it. As he waited for it to warm up he grabbed the milk and nutmeg. “Yeah, fluffy. Some people say it’s a myth but I still do it.” He shrugged. “Sure, go for it. Just turn the setting down. You know how to do that, right?”

[cindyyvortexx]

The second she smelled cologne and a fake laughter trailing down the hall she knew she couldn’t stay in this house for the night. Drizella only really let one person get almost close enough to understand her issues , and that was the one person she wanted to be with right now. Standing at this door she knocked , wrapped up in one of his sweaters she refused to ever give back , and a back of beer in the other hand. Just the click of the door had her snapping out her demand. “She has someone over. I know you hate me or whatever but I went into a gas station for this pack of beer I don’t even know if you’ll drink , and walked here..” she grumbled looking down at her sneakers. “I don’t want to go home , and I don’t want to be alone , Noah.” || @nibbbles

[nibbbles]

{drizella}

His voice made her jump , enough to drop the egg in her hand on the floor. Drizella had hoped he wouldn’t wake soon to see the disaster she had become in the kitchen. Turning to face him she was annoyed with the eggs and it was showing. “I’m trying to make scrambled eggs , and not completely crisp up a piece of toast. Like, make breakfast for you or something.” She grumbled looking at the shells in the pan and the egg splattered on the floor. Drizella looked up to find his sleepy face , a small smile finding her face for just a second before physically having to grab the counter to keep from going over to him. “I’ll clean … it up.” She mumbled reaching for some paper towels. Maybe if she didn’t bring up last night she could still soak in the day dream of them.

The scene before him was laughable but he didn’t laugh. Instead he sighed. “You...you don’t know how to make eggs, do you?” he asked, already knowing the answer. He hadn’t known how to make them until he was an adult but that’s because he didn’t have anyone to teach him. Drizella’s reason was pathetic though and he pitied her for it. He watched her clean up the eggs for a moment before walking over to the cabinet and grabbing a bowl. He knew he should tell her to leave but he could not have it on his conscience that he didn’t teach her to make eggs. “First of all, crack them into a bowl. Sometimes I even get an egg shell in there but they’re easy to pick out.” He cracked a few eggs into the bowl then tossed the shells into the trash. “I add milk and nutmeg to them. Makes them fluffier and adds flavor.”

[nibbbles]

{tessa}

Tessa sighed after his last comment and allowed silence to fill the room for a moment. She tightly shut her eyes to try and calm the emotional hurricane that was currently wreaking havoc within her, but she failed. Instead of holding it back, she was met with tears, soon those tears managed to break through her tightly shut eyelids and down her cheeks. “Crap.”  She whispered, sitting up, wiping some strays tears away from her cheeks. “Sorry. You..I…I should go.” She said, already getting up from the bed, looking everywhere but at Nibs. The girl was used to him seeing her mad, but not crying. Crying was something she tried to hold back and do in the privacy of her room, underneath blankets, but she was having a hard time doing that right now.

The silence was strange. It was awkward or comfortable. It was just...there. He glanced down at his legs, playing with a string from one of the rips in the jeans. Why were ripped jeans more expensive than non ripped ones, he wondered. Then he heard Tessa’s cracking voice. He looked back up at her and frowned. “What, why?” Noah hopped up from the bed and grabbed her wrist. “What’s wrong? Is it something I said?”

[cindyyvortexx]

The second she smelled cologne and a fake laughter trailing down the hall she knew she couldn’t stay in this house for the night. Drizella only really let one person get almost close enough to understand her issues , and that was the one person she wanted to be with right now. Standing at this door she knocked , wrapped up in one of his sweaters she refused to ever give back , and a back of beer in the other hand. Just the click of the door had her snapping out her demand. “She has someone over. I know you hate me or whatever but I went into a gas station for this pack of beer I don’t even know if you’ll drink , and walked here..” she grumbled looking down at her sneakers. “I don’t want to go home , and I don’t want to be alone , Noah.” || @nibbbles

[nibbbles]

{drizella}

Drizella felt the heaviness in her head, and eyelids. For a small second she had forgotten where she was waking up. The girl hasn’t woke up here In what felt like forever. Picking her head up from his shoulder she smiled a little to herself . Absolutely no one could see how soft she was in this second of time. Reaching up to lightly push back some of his hair. Drizella did what she could to remember this cause she knew the moment his eyes opened to look at her they would shatter her as they filled with regret. Mistake was probably engraved in her forehead. Kissing his forehead she slipped out of the bed and helped herself to a t-shirt of his . Trying to find her cloths from the night before was not on her list of things to do right now. Making her way to the kitchen she felt cute , cute enough to attempt cooking. Frowning a bit as she looked at the stove … the pan …. the eggs she just groaned . Truly she had no idea how to even scramble the things. Cracking on she watched a few she’ll pieces fall… “well … shit.”

The night had been euphoric for Noah. The way their bodies felt against each other was something he had missed. He almost hadn’t wanted it to end. There was still that voice in the back of his head though telling him he was making a huge mistake and the morning would be full of regret. And when morning came his eyes slowly fluttered open, his arm coming up to block the sunlight peeking in through the curtains. Noah groaned softly. His head was pounding. He slowly sat up and grabbed a half drunken water bottle off the nightstand and chugged it. He’d definitely drank too much. Then everything came flooding back to him. “Fuck...” he mumbled. He glanced over to the spot beside him. Empty. Maybe she had left in shame. He wasn’t sure. Then he spotted some of her clothes on the floor. He got out of bed and pulled his pants on, not bothering to find his shirt, and picked up her clothes. He couldn’t help but bring them close to him. They smelled just like her favorite perfume. One that he never was able to afford to buy her. Noah made his way out to the living room and didn’t spot her then glanced over and saw her in the kitchen. “What are you doing?” he asked.

[cindyyvortexx]

The second she smelled cologne and a fake laughter trailing down the hall she knew she couldn’t stay in this house for the night. Drizella only really let one person get almost close enough to understand her issues , and that was the one person she wanted to be with right now. Standing at this door she knocked , wrapped up in one of his sweaters she refused to ever give back , and a back of beer in the other hand. Just the click of the door had her snapping out her demand. “She has someone over. I know you hate me or whatever but I went into a gas station for this pack of beer I don’t even know if you’ll drink , and walked here..” she grumbled looking down at her sneakers. “I don’t want to go home , and I don’t want to be alone , Noah.” || @nibbbles

[nibbbles]

{drizella}

Drizella swore her heart bursted inside the second her lips felt the familiar kiss from Noah. It was all she needed to dive into the waters she was testing. A soft groan falling off her lips as her body crawled wirh flames under his touch. Sitting him to catch her breath , she also pulled off his shirt that hid her body under. Tossing it somewhere she could find later. Drizella gave him a small smirk , the green lace against her body was sure to only draw him in more. Leaning back down she found his lips again with far more urgency in her movements. This wasn’t even a want anymore . Drizella just needed Noah , in far more ways then this.

Noah’s lips feverishly kissed hers. His hands found the back of her bra and unclasped it, letting it fall off. He tossed it aside then raked his nails down her bare back. He leaned back to pull his own shirt off. “Let’s move somewhere more comfortable,” he murmured. He stood up, picking her up with him under her thighs and began walking towards his bedroom. He stumbled a bit and had to lean against the wall he ran into for a moment but he made it there. He tossed her on his bed then crawled on top of her, his lips finding hers again and his hand working on pulling her pants off.