NYFW + Week 1 Recap
"Simply stunning" - Vogue "I didn't even recognize their Fall line. Complete 180 from last season" - Harpers Bazaar
"They owned it, fam. Yassss Queens keepin it at 100" - some 24yr old white girl Miggs banged
NYFW 2017 Winners:
Tom Ford
Vera Wang
BAIT SHOPPE HOCKEY
via GIPHY
First we dominate the runway then we dominate the barn. Didnt want to focus on chirpin the other team or the refs too much. We had to get that chemistry back with no distractions - that's why we sent Starkman overseas and Burns to a Dartmouth charity event. Everyone at Chelsea Piers was doing double takes when they saw our pro-style jerseys. That gave us the confidence we needed to take an early lead. Lets go to the stats:
First goal of the season goes to the rook, Chris Chan, who brings some noise to the ice and diversity to the roster. With his first ever touch as a Bait Shoppe player, he put the biscuit in the basket
TBS-1
TOJ - 0
Enter Young Pageviews, a true dangler if I've ever seen one. He put on a performance that reminded me of a young Derek Sacco. Natural Hatty for YP. Split the D and put a spin-o-rama on the tender til he was cross eyed. Then a wrister (Miggs with the apple). Then a sneak attack from the book depository - goalie didnt even see it comin.
TBS - 4
TOJ - 0
TOJ scored some trash goal and Nate Bauers chalked up the first PIM of the Fall season ($2 fine)
END of the 1st
TBS - 4
TOJ - 1
Coach Sodas - 2
Timmy Clinton is a goddamn plumber. Kid gets in the trenches with his wrenches. Greasy in the crease. Goal wasn't pretty but it got the job done. Tim later hit a laser that rang the pipe so loud I thought was a dinner bell. TBS - 5
TOJ - 1
A lot of people say 4 goals is actually an unsafe lead. Defense got taken for a walk. I blame YP's friend, who joined as my Defensive Coordinator. TOJ scores. Chris Chan back for more with an assist from Nate B. Jim's started suckin' wind. Too many burpees before the game is my guess. 2 more TOJ goals.
End of 2nd
TBS - 6
TOJ - 4
Coach Sodas 3.5
YP kicks of the 3rd with a golden sombrero; Sacco with the assist. Visitor trash. Chazzy with a PIM ($2 fine) and then roars back with a goal.
TBS - 8
TOJ - 6
Then TOJ scores with 10sec left to make it 8-7.I started to have flash backs of last seasons heartbreaking loss with 0:02 on the clock. I tried to clear my head, picturing what the fuckers who bailed on us were doing in that very moment. I pictured Mcdevitt doing a lame-white-guy dance at his Indigo Girls concert. I pictured Starkman rubbing Bertolli all over his wife's body. I pictured Steve Z making a really good deli sandwich for some reason. I pictured Riggs beating off. By the time I came to, the game was over and the zamboni was honking it's horn at me. Bait Shoppe victory. Celly beers in the locker room.
Chris Chan was awarded the red Mario MVP hat by the actual MVP, YP. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Let's get ready for next week you pansies - Coach