Stories in Dialogue - Eryk - Part One
I was looking to be held in place where no anchors existed for me.
Me, damn it. I was the anchor, but...
You? Eryk, please. You couldn’t even hold yourself down. In fact, the only thing you held was the belief that you could do whatever, and whomever, whenever you damn well pleased, all while making sure you were the only one for me.
You. Kissed. My. Best. Friend. And not only did you do that, but you made damn sure I saw it!
I was coming to see you! Only the stars know why, but there I was, coming to see you. Little did I know, you’d have another woman there!
Do you really think, that if I had another woman in my room, I would have been staring out the window at you? Really? Come the fuck on, Rio.
Actually, yeah. Because I know first-hand what a great view of the driveway there is from the foot of your bed. Come the fuck on, Eryk.
I was excited. I watched you pull up. I saw you come in. And then, I watched you two leave together.
I saw the shoes at the bottom of the stairs, and Theo made sure to tell me what I’d find behind your closed door...
Nothing. Nothing except me waiting for you to come through.
I crumbled at the bottom of those stairs. He got me on my feet, back out to the car, and asked if I needed to get out of there. He took me for a drink, Eryk.
And then, what? Half an hour later, you’re dropping him back off, and making out with him?
Making out with him? No! He kissed me. You say you were watching, so you’d have seen him lean in, grab my face, and kiss me.
No, I didn’t. And, why should I have? You made it absolutely clear months ago that I was good enough to fuck, but not good enough to love. So, why not? And why the hell do you even care?
When, Rio? When did I make that clear to you?
On my birthday! You sent an eighteen-and-a-half-paragraph text saying how wonderful it had all been so far, and how strong and beautiful I am, and then you said it. You actually had the audacity to tell me you weren’t ready for what I was, but you were hoping the amazing sex wouldn’t have to end. On. My. Birthday.
I thought we were passed that. And besides, wasn’t it you that still kept our plans to celebrate your birthday that weekend? Wasn’t it you, who showed up with her overnight bag in hand? And on more occasions than just your birthday?
Choices I regret to this day. Are you going to explain the shoes, or... ? I mean, if we’re going to ask the really important questions at this stage in whatever the hell this is between us.
Sarcasm won’t get you anywhere, Rio. You know that.
It’s worked thus far, I must say. Shoes?
You know I have daughters...
Not with feet that big, you don’t. And speaking of, I really wouldn’t know how big their feet are, would I? Aside from names and ages, I know nothing about them. We were together for over a year.
Oh, yeah, I forgot. I was with you. You were never with me. You were just using me for sex. From the very beginning. I’m actually grateful you told me I was nothing but a toy to you. At least then, you handed me the choice to be used.
And boy, the choices you made. Regrettable, as you said.
Why am I even here, Eryk? You fucked other women, and I kissed your best friend. It’s not quite even, but I’ll take the wash. I’m leaving.
Because you made the choice to be here, Rio. If I handed you the choice... Well, here we are.
Why did you call me? After all of this choice making along the way, and after three months of radio silence. Don’t you have a little black book, or something somewhere with a treasure trove of phone numbers you could have called? Why mine?
I knew you would come. Look, as much as we hate each other, here we are. You kissed my best friend, I called anyway. Supposedly, I fucked other women, and look at who all I didn’t call. I’ve been wanting to call you for months, but how do I come back from that?
And how do I come back from what you were doing that night? It isn’t just you who was hurt by everything. I would have went to ruin for you. You fucking know that. So why? Why the other women?
There weren’t any other women. That’s what Theo told you, I know, but there weren’t any. Ever. If it wasn’t you, it wasn’t anyone.
But it was never even me because you wouldn’t accept all the pieces of me. I wanted to love you, and I tried, but that birthday message you sent packed all that away.
So let’s unpack it. Rio. C’mon. Don’t leave.
No. I’m gone. I can’t do this again.
It’s true that I wasn’t ready.
The message on your birthday. It’s true. Every bit of that part is true. I wasn’t ready. And I thought that I would be able to fuck you on my way through whatever it was I was starting to feel about you. To, uh... bury it, so to speak.
But why? I mean, if you wanted to bury your feelings for me, then you picked a hell of a target to get buried in. Who continues fucking the one they’re starting to feel something for if they don’t want to feel that way? Who actually does that, Eryk?
Why didn’t you pull away from Theo? No bullshit answer, either. Just tell me why.
He said you had another woman up there, and I thought about how little I must have really meant to you in that moment. Every moment spent flashed, and it all led back to that birthda... And shoes, remember? Just... the shoes. They’re not your daughters’. Just tell me. I think I can handle it at this point.
They belonged to the ex-wife. She had been over earlier in the evening to talk about plans with the kids. She bought some sneakers at the store before coming over. She changed out of her heels before leaving. Forgot to grab them on the way out.
I’m supposed to believe that?
I tried telling you earlier. I have daughters. You interrupted me, though, as usual, and went off the fucking hinges.
This isn’t the first time we’ve had this conversation. You could have told me this months ago, before you fell off the face of my planet. And now, I just supposed to say ‘Okay! Cool! That really makes me the asshole!’? I’m not going to be the asshole here, Eryk.
We’re both assholes, okay? Can we admit that?
No. Because for months, I’ve been torturing myself, and wondering if I really was the asshole in this scenario. What if you hadn’t really fucked other women? What if the goddamned shoes had an explanation? What if I would have come into your room that night to find out for myself?
The door was unlocked. Why didn’t you?
I didn’t want to see it! What the hell? Why didn’t I? Because the odds were not in my favor, and I would have either went to jail, or broke in front of you, and I wasn’t going to give you the satisfaction going in either direction. Besides, you could have called me. Or sent me a text. Or chased us down the street when you saw us leaving. Something! Anything! You say you were excited that I showed up in the first place, but you had no problem letting me leave almost immediately after getting here. You didn’t even question it! Fuck!
Thought maybe you two were running up to the store or something. Thought you’d be right back.
But then we weren’t, and you still didn’t call, text... send a smoke signal... a carrier pigeon...
A carrier pigeon wouldn’t have caught up with you, as fast as you peeled out of here.
Sarcasm won’t get you anywhere, Eryk. You know that.
It’s worked thus far, hasn’t it? C’mon, let’s put your purse back down. I’ll pour a glass of your favorite red, I’ll grab a beer, and we’ll talk.
My favorite red, and a talk? If you remember, red causes trouble.
I remember. But no trouble tonight. Just talk, because we need it. At the very least, for closure.
And, at the very most, we’ve both made another regrettable choice.
