Here We Go Again

[ive-lost-myselfagain]

I wonder if my therapist would be mad if I hit him up and said “tell me how to reply to this confrontation I didn’t mean to start”

[ive-lost-myselfagain]

Four years clean, and I’m back at it again. Happy birthday to me.

[imjustascaredlilgirl]

[bad-habits-come-at-a-cost]

[bittersweet-hiraeth]

I’m upset with myself but I can’t stop

[stilinskivoids-end]

.......

[iamquietlydrowning]

[deathinfire-blog1]

[iamquietlydrowning]

[lazy-bunnny-deactivated20220425]

[ive-lost-myselfagain]

I thought that having an eating disorder meant that you would lose weight. I am literally going insane over a plateaued weight.

[weltenwellen]

Rainer Maria Rilke, Rilke’s Book of Hours

[ive-lost-myselfagain]

I’ve been so good.

[93749185789183]

[ive-lost-myselfagain]

I can’t remember the last time I felt this alone

I’m getting bad again. And unlike every other time, when I’ve sought out help,

This time I’m just letting it infest me.

I want to lose weight. No matter what. I want to feel numb, because I have been stuck in a rut of feeling too much for too long.

Getting lost in myself has never hurt so much.

[ive-lost-myselfagain]

I don’t know

I don’t know if it was the fact that I moved away from the stress, or that I’m working out longer and harder, or that I’m eating so much less than I did before, but I made it guys.

Goal #1 has been reached. Collarbones are coming back and visible.

Just gotta keep going.

[ive-lost-myselfagain]

I’m getting bad again...

It’s festival season, and where I am, it’s really hot. I’ve been working out a lot and I’ve lost weight but my thighs and butt have gotten bigger with muscle, but none of last years shorts fit anymore.

I tried buying some new ones today. And although I have been in such a good place about my body, I haven’t felt this low since high school. I haven’t eaten at all today, and I know I should eat but I can’t justify it.

I just can’t do this again.