Private to Nicolo: ((Time-lined after all this heaven chaos happened because even when he gets his girls back, he’s going to be affected, rocked by how easily his family can be shook - which makes sense why he’d write the superpower song after when he’s trying to kick himself in the butt and get himself back up again - but this one will be private and just for Nicolo - a few lyric changes to make it just right - feeling sentimental Jules - self projections of his own self doubt before he gets back up again - that little piece of human him that just wants a normal family again - with Nic - it’s taken a big shake to get there, but it’s there, inside him for sure))
Sorry it’s late, I know I missed your call again Been tryna change, got stuck in my ways again I been feeling faded, disconnected lately Missin’ what money can’t buy All I wanna do is be brand new I swear I’d give it all up just for you
And I would sink my house down underwater, ooh-ooh I would trade all my gold for dirt Let me tell you right now I would walk through fire just to hold ya Whatever gets me closer to you Whatever gets me closer to you
Ah, ah-ah-ah (Closer to you) Ah, ah-ah-ah
Sick of the game Never holdin’ on to what I start Hell of a shame I almost got the life I want Got to take to Paris, France To understand the man I am I feel like I’m runnin’ out of time Well, tell me why our stars just don’t align
I would sink my house down underwater, ooh-ooh I would trade all my gold for dirt Let me tell you right now I would walk through fire just to hold ya Whatever gets me closer to you
Whatever gets me closer to your church, your love I want it all too much, I’m cryin’ I’d give my shirt off my back just to get you back Baby, baby, now I’d lie in the eye of a hurricane just to have you comin’ back To when you still believed in me Will you believe me?I would sink my house down underwater And I would trade all my gold for dirt Let me tell you right now I would walk through fire just to hold ya Whatever gets me closer to you Whatever gets me closer to you
Oh, yeah yeah Closer to you Oh, a little closer to you Closer to you
Like I’d ever make you give anything up.
I know you wouldn’t. That’s what makes you perfect. I think I’ve been in the middle of another identity crisis and didn’t know it and that I just figured out.
Well when you’re ready to unveil the new you I’m all ears. And eyes. And everything else. I also fully expect to be the first person the new you fucks senseless. Just putting it out there.
What if you were the only person? Would that be weird? Is it even a sustainable thought?
(After a very, very long delay) Depends. You really think one vampire is going to be enough for you?
Been there, done that. It’s not me I’m worried about. I know you like this thing we have going. The freedom. The watching each other. The participating. Would you miss it?
You’re seriously asking me if you’re enough for me? You do realise you’re the only reason I’m even back in this Coven right? It’s only ever been you.
Yes.
I’d been keeping the ‘it’s a small world after all’ belief on us bumping into each other again.
Ever? But, you’re so, well, we’re so good at fucking others, and Caim upon occasion. But, seriously, the feeding frenzies, I’m never satisfied till I feel your fangs get theirs. You know that, don’t you?.
Damn right we are. It’s the vampire way of life you taught me. That said I’ve turned my back on it before. You met a vampire in Vegas and fell in love, you left and then I ran from it. When I ran into you at the Circus and realised he’d ditched you with two babies I saw my chance to drag you back into it.
It was the only way I knew for certain I’d have the chance to be with you again. I mean it when I say you’re the only reason I’m here. It was one of Caim’s conditions for letting me live after ditching him. If I’d thought I could have you all to myself I would have tried to convince you to run away with me instead. This you, with Caim, the coven. It’s the only you I’ve ever known.
No. No I didn’t know that.
Yeah.
Ah.
Ok.
((Where Jules takes a moment to think all this through and wonders how he could have been so distracted in life he missed all that right under his nose.))
You helped me find myself again. But, sometimes when you’re lost you wander into places you needed to see. I feel like that’s happening again. Or what’s that saying? Sometimes to move forward you have to go back first?
Anyway, I don’t really want to leave the coven. I like our home. Would they accept us?
Cordelia’s dead. Every coven traitor before is except you. You’re still undead and free. He let you walk away. I’m a traitor he let live too. We’re both still here. He’s losing half his family by the rebellion in Hell. I’m not sure he ever expected I’d really stay, not forever. I don’t really want to abandon all this. We matter to him. He matters to me. Just in a different way. I do give a shit. I just think i need something else right now. Am I making sense?
You’re his family. Caim will always let you do what you want because he knows in the end you’ll always come back to him. I mean come on, you swapped your pretty wings for white ones, you ran off and started a life on a farm with a saint and grew a halo and the first thing he asked me when he found out I was back and talking to you was if I could bring you back to him.
I don’t know, if anything I think they’d probably all view it as some kind of a challenge but you’d know how they’d take it better than me.
I think you are? Sort of. What is it you need? What do you want?
That’s so cute. Where I’ll admit I’m touched. The devil wuvs me. XD
I need that feeling. The one these lyrics stemmed from.
I almost got the life I want Got to take to Paris, France To understand the man I am I feel like I’m runnin’ out of time Well, tell me why our stars just don’t align
Because its like I almost have it. Almost. I went back to France to walk around the farm and the city, all my old neighbors, and friends. It took that trip to figure out it wasn’t the farm, or specific city, their accents, or even their barets, and damn they are cute hats over there. But, it was the feeling that came with it. It’s like I almost have it here. Almost. The girls made me think of how precious every second is with how much lost time I missed with them. Sometimes I think it happens to us too and we don’t even go anywhere like that. There’s something to say about that feeling that there’s a place where you’re the only thing that matters. Okay, so maybe the last time I felt it, I was wrong. But, I still felt it. I just didn’t think it was in the stars for us. We’re so good at being… us…. that I never thought we could really be… an us.
Are you still following or am I fucking this up now?
I’m not a romantic Jules and I’ve never been a poet. I’ve always just chased the thrill. Followed whatever made me feel alive and it got me killed. I don’t regret it, it’s how I met the first person I ever fell in love with and it’s how I met you. Now I just follow the thrill, the blood and you. If you’re asking me if you’d be enough for me the answer is yes. I am what I am because of you. I know this life because it’s the one you showed me. I’ve been addicted to you since the night you found me. From the moment I tasted your blood. If you want to walk away from orgies and sex with everyone else and you want me to follow I’ll be right there with you. It’s only ever been you. You enjoyed it. You thrived in it, so I wanted you to have it.
I don’t expect forever from you and I never have. You change and evolve and will always walk the path you want to walk. The world changes and my face still stays the same. I don’t feel like I’m losing time. Every second I have is another moment I wouldn’t have had if I’d never met you but if you need a change I’m happy to go right along with you. I don’t know if that makes sense, I’m really not good at this anymore.
All the same if you’re saying what you want I can’t be for you then as much as I hate to say it, I get that. For a long time I had myself convinced you and I could just stay on your farm. I wanted that. I would have happily lived out my days like that with you. Then I took a bite out of your six year old, slaughtered a whole church full of nuns you knew personally and broke your family apart. Call me selfish but after that what Caim asked me to convince you to do suddenly seemed like the best and only thing I could do. To push you to fall, to bring you back into the fold. I had to. You were miserable and it was the only way I knew how to make you happy. Hell, it was the only time I’d ever seen you happy. It was the only way I got to keep you.
I met you way back then before you found a life of your own and that was it for me. It was always you. It’s only ever been you and so I did what I could to make sure I could have you. One way or another.
If I’d moved into that farm house with you and thought you could live out your days in complete bliss and happiness there, just you with your angel wings and twins of a Saint. I’d have told Caim to go fuck himself and let him kill me then and there stretched out and restrained in his torture basement. I don’t know, maybe you could have. Maybe you would have found what you were looking for there but I saw a chance to spend time with you, to make people worship at your fucking feet and I jumped on it. I won’t apologise for that. Where the hell else am I going to find someone who will rip open my chest on a beach in limbo, lick my heart and then hold me face down in the water while pounding the hell out of me?
No coven, no devil, no mindless fuck is ever going to be able to come close.
You should reread what you just wrote and then see if you can say you’re not romantic again. You didn’t hear your own words.
I don’t want apologies for some of the best days of my life. You’re also right. I change a lot. Maybe I don’t know what I’ll want a year from now. But, I know what I want now. I want you to follow me and every identity crisis I ever have. XD
You’re also right, I wasn’t happy back then. You confess all that like you were selfish and unapologetic about it because you got what you wanted, but I hear it as, you were looking out for me. You took me back to the life you knew I was happy in before that when you met me in a place I wasn’t anymore. Why in the world would I want an apology for that? You showed up when I needed you the most. I needed you to be exactly who you were to remind me who I was.
Now.
NOW you are confirming to me you’re exactly what I hoped you could be.
He was just the one that broke my heart. You’re the love of my life. The one that never stopped trying to take care of it.
So, maybe this is going to sound weird and immature considering we live together, and I’ve licked your heart already, and we’ve been fucking for years, but Nicolo De Luca, will you go steady with me and follow me around while I make this up as I go along, and change everything on a whim, again, and again starting right now?
Julian Ignacio, are you asking me to be your boyfriend?
(Damn right Nicolo is making fun of him.)
Steady, fast, to Hell, Heaven, Uranus, and wherever the fuck else. Yes. Fuck yes I will.