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I’ve seen men at their most stripped bare, at their rock bottom. Not the weakness that lashes out as anger or numbness, but the raw, terrifying, shame-filled kind of bottom.
I wonder how rare it is, how many people have witnessed men in those states. And if they do, are they scared off? Do they think, “ugh, pathetic, broken men”? Or do they stay with the unbearable, right there with them?
Maybe that’s why I struggle when women say, “pff, classic man behavior.” Because I’ve seen the shame, the fragility, the unbearable human core with my own eyes, looked it straight in the face.
I sat at the bedside of shame, madness, and weakness, and instead of recoiling, I bore witness.
That’s part of the hidden core, the side of men few see. On the surface, we all know the masks: confidence, humor, bravery, coldness, avoidance, ego.
But step into the room where the mask has been stripped off against one’s will, and you can never again believe men are careless or shallow. They may use those masks as armor, but only because there’s so much to hide beneath.
And once you’ve seen it, you carry that paradox lens: weakness can live alongside strength. Avoidance can live beside longing. Shame can live next to love. And you learn to hold both hurt and accountability in your hands at once.
You have to find ways to forge your compassion into strength.
Suffering and collapse are not beautiful, but they’re not pitiful either. They’re a seed for soft strength. Strength that comes from having witnessed the unbearable and still staying rooted.
It makes you resistant to cynicism, because you’ve already seen the rawest truth and survived it. And you’ve also had to realize that you can’t save, only witness, to remind yourself what’s human.
So there will be many things you’ll have to keep practicing: how to stay present, how to support, how to witness. And the hardest one, how to keep your faith and desire alive, so it doesn’t hollow you out. Because it will try; that shame is so unbearable, it always will. That’s why you need to find ways to build boundaries. How not to sacrifice yourself into it. How not to put your own soul at risk.