B-Movie Queen

K. 30 Something. West Coast. https://letterboxd.com/nilbogcoffee/

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Felt cute, might delete later.

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I don’t think Squeaks is going to be around much longer. It’s all just getting harder for him, and idk if I’m asking too much of him. Our vet can’t see him until the 17th, which is kind of a long time. There’s another vet he’s seen a couple times during all of this that’s open on Saturday. Might just go there to get their opinion. If he just needs pain management, that’s fine. But man. He still is struggling so much with food. He has to wear his soft collar all the time otherwise he covers his arms with food and spit. He pulled a ton of fur out on his arms over a few days because of it. But also, he wants to eat. He gets excited when he hears food. He hunts the birds in the window. He gets on laps for purrs and pets. He doesn’t seem done, but it’s all so hard for him. Idk.

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I finally made it to my board game night for the first time in over a month. 😭🙌🏻

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I’m currently ranked in the top 100 on three different games on BGA. Please clap.

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I just wanted to pop in and say Squeaks wrestled with the dog this morning. That used to be a daily routine for them, and it stopped a couple weeks before his first surgery. So that’s a huge giant milestone.

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Boy the last few days were rough. After his great follow up appt and a day of big eating, he suddenly was like ehhh about food again. He still wanted to eat. He’d come running when he heard it, but he’d give up really quick. I assumed he must still be in pain, and started the gabapentin back up. I also started pureeing his cans of food with an immersion blender. And bada bing, he’s eating again.

I was just losing it, because I promised myself I’d schedule the euthanasia if he ever showed signs of “being done.” Like if he stopped eating or started hiding a lot. And he was sort of doing those, but he wanted food. He was trying to groom. He’s not acting done. So I guess it was just pain after all. Which makes me feel terrible, but the vet never gave us pain meds for this surgery. I just had some leftover from the very first vet appt. Anyway, he’s miles better today. And eating way better. 😮‍💨

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Squeaks had his follow up just now for the partial tongue amputation. The surgeon said he’s healing up really well. He was impressed by how much energy he has back. He’s also been cleared from wearing the cone any more, hallelujah. When Ryan told the vet that I’d been doing the grooming for him, since he can’t any more, the vet was thrilled and said most people don’t do that???? It’s a cat????? With no tongue????? What planet are other people living on???

He also said, he believes they got clean margins and that all the cancer was removed. He thinks we caught it really early. He also said he thinks it might not come back? Now, I’m not going to let myself believe that for a second because statistically that’s basically impossible. I know the surgeon was aggressive, that’s why he lost half his tongue. But it’s just. I’m not going to let myself get my hopes up when all the data I’ve pulled is so bad. I know, he’s the vet. But like. Anyway. I’ll be happy for everyday I get with him.

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Been a lot of this lately.

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I’ve been digging through pictures, because I’m sad lol, and the first two are from the night we adopted him and the last two are from earlier this year. 🥲

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Well he’s been eating like a champ today, or at least trying. He drops quite a bit of it while he eats, but he gets about half of what I offer every meal. And he woke me up at 5:30 because he was hungry. So he’s definitely feeling like himself lol.

I’ve been trying to pick out an urn and looking at cremation jewelry while we cuddle. Which feels, uh, bad. But I’d like to have at least some things ready and picked out. All my other cats have been buried at my parents house but I can’t handle the idea of being separated from him, so yeah, I’m looking at jewelry that holds ashes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The weirdest part of this is, back in December/January I got suddenly paranoid that I wasn’t going to have a lot of time left with him. I took pictures of his paws, “just in case,” and lots of selfies of us cuddling and the thing he does with his paws, like the picture I’m posting now from like 15 mins ago. Idk. It’s weird. It’s all weird.

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I’m still having a hard time processing it all. I saw his tongue for the first time this morning when he yawned, and half of it is gone. I thought only the tip was going, and it’s half. Been sort of in shock since then. He’s been at the food and water a lot since he came back. But I guess I’m going to be on grooming duty from now until the end.

If they got clean margins during the tumor removal, it could be a few months before it comes back, maybe even a year, but that’s very very unlikely. It’s just too fast and aggressive. We’ll talk more about it with our vet later, but from my understanding on the internet, we should be watching for a return of the symptoms that made us bring him in in the first place. Drooling, bad breath, etc. The surgeon thinks they got it all out, but only time will tell.

I talked with Ryan about it, and I told him I don’t want to wait until he’s at his worst. I want to let him go when he’s still good. So when the symptoms come back, we have to bring him in. I told him that I’m saying this now, but when the time comes I might try to find reasons not too. That it’s just a little drool, he still seems ok. Blah blah. But I want him to be clinical with me when it happens.

My heart is shattered. My eyelids are swollen and peeling from crying so much. My kids are heartbroken. It just really sucks. He’s everyone’s best friend in the house, and he’s my soulmate. Which I know sounds silly, but he is, so shut up lol.

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He’s back from surgery. Unfortunately the results from the biopsy are back, and it is oral squamous cell carcinoma. There’s nothing more we can do besides keep him comfortable for a little while longer. But it won’t be long.

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I don’t know what I’m going to do without this dude. And Churro and Meep love him so much. Fuck, I hate this. It hurts so much.

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He’s back from surgery. Unfortunately the results from the biopsy are back, and it is oral squamous cell carcinoma. There’s nothing more we can do besides keep him comfortable for a little while longer. But it won’t be long.

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Donate to Help Squeaks Get a Biopsy, organized by Krista G

We took our cat Squeaks into the vet last week because he was drooling and acting off, and at th… Krista G needs your support for Help Sq

Long story short (the link has more info and pictures), Squeaks needs a biopsy. Our normal vet quoted us $1,200 - $1,600 for the biopsy. A low cost vet surgery center in our area quoted us $605 for the biopsy + a laser removal of the ulcerated mass under his tongue. We can swing it, and we are, because he’s scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning (April 28th) as of writing this. It’s just really tight after TWO trips to the mechanic this month, and will make next month even tighter.

Anything we get helps offset the cost of the biopsy + aftercare. I’m grateful for any help, even just a share. Thank you.

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The unfortunate update is, he needs a partial tongue amputation now. It’s scheduled for tomorrow morning (May 12). The surgeon had to be aggressive with cutting off blood supply to the tumor/mass and that unfortunately has killed the tip of his tongue. It’s been a hard day here with the shock of finding it the way I did. I have more info in the update on there.

I just wanted to say I did add another $150 to the goal to cover tomorrow’s surgery. So if you could toss this around, I’d be forever grateful. Thank you all, again.

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The biopsy results were in fact, not in. Maybe tomorrow they said. But he’s scheduled for a partial tongue amputation tomorrow morning.

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We brought him into the vet we saw a couple weeks ago to get him more pain meds, since the vet that did the surgery didn’t open until 4. She said yeah, the tip of his tongue is dead and hanging on by a tiny piece and that piece is also dead. She didn’t want to handle it, since she didn’t do the surgery, and told us to bring him into the vet that did it. She said squeaks was stable, not in any visible pain and likely feels nothing in the area, and that the bleeding was actually from the sutures and not the tongue. She also said she could see his biopsy results were in, but that she couldn’t pull them since it’s at another clinic.

So Ryan’s off to the next vet. They’re a walk in clinic, so who knows how long they’ll wait. I’m hoping he’ll get triaged in quicker with a piece of beef jerky tongue hanging out and biopsy results ready to read. Idk. I had to take an emergency Ativan that I’ve had for over a year and forgot I had. I finally stopped hyperventilating, but I’m still on a hair trigger for crying and really dopey. So I stayed home. I can’t handle spiraling out and crying in a crowded waiting room today. Not after how bad I crashed this afternoon when I realized something was wrong. But I also feel awful for not going. I’m his mama, I should be with him. I hate this, man. I hate it.

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And I still don’t even have results. What if I’m dragging him through all of this for nothing. None of this is fair to him. I hate it.