finn!

he/they ☆ just braindumps ☆ 🏳️‍⚧️ ☆ user is 18+

[nitrx]

just thought why are so many depictions of erid done in complete darkness

yeah i know theres no lights in the electricity sense because they cant see but shouldnt there be "sunlight" from their star 😭

i dunno just food for thought because literally every single iteration is done where erid is just complete darkness

[rylandschicago]

they all think the other two are dead btw 💔

[nitrx]

coltland twins as kids and colt's the kid who talks to strangers and asks people concerning questions and ryland's the kid who you'll lose after looking away for 2 seconds

[racoon-under-the-bridge]

Family drama

Holland March was scared. Out of all his siblings he turned out to be the best one. Even with all his vices, all his problems and flaws he wasn’t the worst out of his family. And that was scary realization. His older brother was shot by his own son; his sister killed her husband right in front of her kid, his younger brother ended up in some weird cult that was obsessed with looking like real living dollhouse. Holland was terrified each time he had to pick up his phone, awaiting yet another terror to strike him. Each new blow was leaving him spiraling off the edge a little more. He couldn’t take it. He was the middle child that had to watch his mother as she was forgetting herself and everyone around her. He had to watch his father’s heart break every time mom forgot him. He had to see how his childhood house was turned into nursing home for those who suffer from Alzheimer's. And in the end he had to see his parents’ funeral alone as his siblings didn’t come. He thought it was because they were out there, building lives much better than his own. He was wrong, so wrong…

Stupidity and cowardice ran in this family. His life was a proof. His father's love story was a proof. That blue notebook haunted him some nights, even if it was stuffed somewhere deep in his closet, along with some meager belongings left from Noah and Allie Calhouns. So naturally Holland was expecting his life to be the foolish one. He didn’t expect it to be the best one among his siblings. He never expected that adulthood would change them all so much, morphing them into something none of them expected. Holland still thought about what he will tell his father in afterlife, if he would have the chance. He couldn’t control his brothers but he could at least help his sister. But March never knew that something was wrong until it was too late, until little Casey was lost to the foster system, until Holland lost his wife. Then Holland’s life turned into hell he didn’t know how to crawl out.

Then suddenly there were kids. Holly, Ryland and Colt. All glaring at him like little wolves, too careful and sharp-tongued than they should be. Holly was a little older than twins were, but as March was looking at these boys… He saw something that was making his hair stand on end. That weren’t just kids, those were little scared beasts that didn’t trust him, nor wanted to listen to him. They were wild and Holland felt like they were like two dogs that were let off a very short leash for the first time in their lives. Holland didn’t want to know what his brother did to these kids if they were acting like this… Kids should be loud, they should be everywhere, asking billions questions and throwing accusations like confetti like Holly did. The twins, however, weren't even speaking if not addressed. Holland was terrified. He did not know what to do.

But things got worth after Court’s trial. Holland barely had time to breathe between all those questionings from the police officers, the need to watch over twins, arguing with CPS and his mourning. All of that fell on him at the same time when he was least prepared for it, let alone deal with all of this at once. So he missed the moment when Court’s defense attorney stopped giving shit and just allowed the kid get the worst possible verdict. It was a brutal blow for Holland. And a heartbreak for the twins that had to watch how their brother was lead out of courtroom with almost a life sentence. March tried to protest, tried to convince Court that he needed an appeal, needed a new trial with a new attorney that would care. The kid just refused to do anything. Holland was ready to howl from the sheer injustice of it all and his helplessness in the situation.

Visiting the prison didn't really help. Court was refusing them immediately if twins were with Holland and only rarely agreed to talk with March if he was alone. He tried to talk some sense into Court, tried to offer all sorts of deals only to face the stern “no”. The last time they saw each other they almost screamed at one another, as Holland’s nerves were giving up. So when Court left with a loud bang of a telephone receiver Holland knew he fucked up. He should’ve been softer and more patient, should’ve told Court that he was just a kid and no kid should make a choice between their father and brothers. He should’ve done more. But like a coward he was March did nothing, watching like Court left without a glance silently.

So when he received official documents and Court was declared dead… Holland got so drunk that a whole week went black, with no memory or sign that he was actually doing anything besides drinking. It was ugly and embarrassing part of his live, one of many of those. Yet one that hurt the most when he was looking at twins, knowing that he robbed them of their older brother. They went feral after that: they skipped classes, ran from home for days, fought with March at every chance and actively were trying to pull Holly with them. The only mercy Holland received was the fact that somehow Holly stayed out of troubles. Yes, she was on twins’ side more than once, but she wasn’t supporting their reckless antics, sometimes managing to calm them down. Mostly because of Ryland, that was getting close with her. However, those times were rare. For the most part Ryland and Colt were on their own wave, preferring to ignore Holland and his poor attempts to raise them.

Jackson Healy was a change. Sharp, fast and painful for one of Holland's hands. It was a meeting he never expected, never waited, yet he couldn't imagine his live without it afterwards. In a way, it was a firm kick under his butt to start doing something. The whole mess with Misty Mountains and Amelia Kuttner was more than refreshing and sobering. Holland just had to pull his shit together or he risked losing his kids and so little that was left of his family. Somewhere along those events he got the chance to talk with the twins, apologizing that he wasn’t there when they needed him. It was a long and painful conversation that revealed so much shit that March was feeling even guiltier before Court, Ryland and Colt. However, they managed to find some meager common ground that allowed them exist in the same house without everyday scandals.

And that’s how twins started bonding with March’s family. Colt and Healy immediately got like a house on fire, while Holland suddenly found himself in Ryland’s company. The twins were still cautious, keeping most things to themselves, but Colt started smiling more and Ryland could rant about science classes for hours. Holly wasn’t falling behind, rapidly pulling the twins around her finger. She was the only girl in the house and she knew it, using it to her advantage all the time. Sometimes Holland had to spend hours to figure out who broke something in the house, only to end up with the kids that were arguing for weeks who was the real culprit. Not to mention that Healy was slowly pulling boys out of their shells.

And for the first time in a last few years Holland felt like he was living in a normal house. Where the kids were kids and adults were adults. He did his best to support Ryland’s passion for science that knew no limits; he tried to support Colt’s career choice even if it gave him anxiety attack each time, he helped Holly through her own cases as she inevitably became part of his and Healy’s job. It all felt so good, that he was slowly forgetting something.

Right until Colt was first announced as murderer and then as dead. Right until Hail Mary launch. Right until he was reminded that stupidity and cowardice ran in this family.

[nitrx]

i want shirt that says of course i cum laude why did no one get me on

[datura-45]

[nitrx]

college getting so bad im thinking about writing a fic again

[3motionally3xhausted]

My contribution of PHM fanart that took me so much longer to finish than I wanted

[nitrx]

im sorry but if i were james ortiz rn and i saw all these pictures from my party coming back up youd never see me again cause tell me why i just saw his like highschool yearbook pic 😭😭

[graceshailmary]

Ugh the scene where Grace tests the theory on the taomeoba to see if it’ll kill the astrophage and it works but instead of celebrating, he starts crying and is visibly distressed gets me every single time.

Like that’s such a loaded way to feel bcus yes he was able to figure out how to kill the astrophage, yes he was in fact the man for the job, yes they were right to send him.

But!! It’s that, mixed with the fact that the guy who even helped him get to this step is still unconcious or dead for all he knows!! And he has no way of knowing how to get this to the other planet it needs to go to if its the latter!!

Ryan Gosling, the actor that you are!!!

[milverine]

he’s questioning the mermaids

i can never resist the urge to give all my drawings luscious lashes

[nitrx]

happy pride month to me who just get his first t shot >:)

[nitrx]

"i am ryland grace" i chant as i try and complete my first math assignment for college as its kicks my ass into next week

[nitrx]

so lowkirk finished watching the tadc finale yesterday and i have so many thoughts on jax's identity it's not even funny (SPOLIERS)

like coming from a trans guy myself, there is just so much like parallels between jax and someone who is very uncomfortable with the thought of coming to terms with their identity.

i def saw some people on liek twitter who were saying that jax def couldn't be trans femme because of how he treated the other girls in the show but that supports it a lot more. especially now that we know his background with his dad and never living up to his standards and his mother always comparing him to his dad and bashing him when he wasn't which is when he was acting i guess more feminine? but still, he grew up in such a hostile environment to him presenting as femme that he would obv fight it in any way possible.

so he charges it up like 110% and just becomes the most toxic masculine person ever.

all of this to say that i was really sad that irl jax (leeroy) didn't transition or was shown to be canonically trans femme in any capacity but know in my heart it is very true

[nitrx]

painted my grad cap! you already know the reference

quote is one i just kinda made up. i think it fits the story very well :)

[nitrx]

did this with acrylics and fun fact, oil pastels layer over acrylic a lot better than i thought

[nitrx]

painted my grad cap! you already know the reference

quote is one i just kinda made up. i think it fits the story very well :)

[aroace-ryland-grace]

never not thinking about eva stratt being a history major. she has seen what can happen and she will do everything she can to make sure it does not happen again because she has also seen the love and knows it's worth saving