𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖙𝖑𝖊 * / 𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒.

𝖕𝖍𝖔𝖊𝖓𝖎𝖝 ' 𝖓𝖎𝖝 ' 𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖓 as loved by 𝓹𝓮𝓪𝓬𝓱 for 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃𝐇𝐐𝐒.

[nixfms]

jasper-copeland.

𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒄𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒅  𝒃𝒐𝒚 had  been  taking  a  nap  on  the  lounge  ,  on  the  precipice  of  sleep  ,  on  the  edge  of  dreaming  ,  when  he  felt  someone  relatively  close  to  him  .  he  took  a  peek  by  opening  an  eye  and  repressed  a  groan  of  annoyance  .   ❛  yes  ,  please  ,  torment  a  sleep  -  deprived  boy  with  your  company  .    ❜  jasper mumbled , his tone flat and words laced with sarcasm . ❛ unless  –  i’m  mistaken  and  you  are  here  to  join  a  fellow  nap-er  then  i  welcome  you  .  ❜ he flashed them a grin . ( @exposedstarters​ )

 was  almost  just  aimlessly  walking  around.    didn’t  really  have  a  purpose    ,    but  ended  up  strolling  into  the  lounge.    maybe  stretch  out  and  try  to  relax  for  once.    legs  take  him  through  the  popular  hang  out  area    ,    over  to  where  jasper  was  resting.    ❛    wow    ,    torment    ?    didn’t  think  i  was  your  favorite  person  but  i  also  didn’t  think  my  company  was  tormenting.    ouch.    ❜    jokes  softly    ,    running  a  hand  through  blonde  curls.    ❛    no    ,    neither.    not  here  to  torment  you    ,    not  here  to  nap.    just  walking  around    ,    i  guess.    i  was  going  to  sit  but  i  don’t  want  to  bother  you.    ❜

[nixfms]

gonna finish sami’s drafts in a bit but if i missed your reply on nix please let me know !! i think i got all of them  ,  but i realized that my notifs were being a little weird  ,  so please lmk if i missed urs  ! 

[nixfms]

lennoxpng.​

“𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐍, as much or as little as i want it to? you’re saying if i suggested right now we run off and get married you’d be game?” as soon as lennox knew what in the hell he wanted ( if ever – there’d been no prior history of it ) nix would be the first to know. as of right now he knew he wanted nix in his bed. for the night? for the week? his forethought stopped there. lennox leaned forward, resting his forehead against the taller male’s shoulder. he’d wanted to keep a low profile before coming in here, but now it occurred to him that maybe that wasn’t going to be possible – not with nix here. “well too bad for you,” he mumbled, peppering small kisses along his collarbone, over his shirt. “i don’t believe in the institution of marriage, simply goes against my principles ‘n all.” 

 lets  out  a  laugh    ,    shaking  his  head.    ❛    well    ,    i  didn’t  exactly  mean  marriage.    wouldn’t  be  so  bad  to  run  away  from  his  damn  mansion  with  you    ,    though.    just  meant  that  if  you  wanna  ignore  me  tomorrow    ,    i  would  get  it.    but  if  you  wanna    .  .  .    ya  know    ,    do  whatever.    am  okay  with  that  too.    you’re  in  control  here.    ❜    doesn’t  want  to  get  too  ahead  of  himself    ,    but  owed  it  to  lennox  to  stop  letting  himself  make  all  the  decisions.    didn’t  even  know  what  he  wanted  past  the  physical  needs  that  he  made  themselves  present  when  they  kissed.    anything  else    ?    they’d  have  to  figure  out  together.    hands  move  to  softly  run  against  his  back    ,    running  softly  up  and  down  his  body.    fingers  drawing  soft  shapes  against  his  skin    ,    lingering  against  the  back  of  his  neck    ,    though  his  hair    ,    anywhere  they  could  reach.    couldn’t  help  it.    ❛    pretty  sure  everything  about  us  goes  against  both  of  our  principals.    i’m  just  saying.    ❜    mumbles  it  softly    ,    letting  out  another  soft  laugh.    ❛    heart  hurts  a  little    ,    though.    can’t  believe  you  don’t  want  to  get  married  to  me  right  this  very  second.    it  hurts.    ❜

[nixfms]

lennoxpng.

𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃 to think about what he wanted using his brain when there was another part of him taking up all the energy and blood supply. how could he be expected to make a grounded, rational decision when nix’s body was against his, his fingers digging into his skin in a way that drove him crazy? in that moment he didn’t care about fair or sound judgement, only him. his hands moved down nix’s chest, shaking his head slowly to himself. “right now i want you.” that much he knew, but he didn’t want to be led on or lead on, he didn’t want a repeat of what happened last time. he wanted nix to be sure, to know deep down that no matter what his managers or his fans said that lennox would be worth it ( which in his opinion, he wasn’t ). 

 knew  that  he  could  be  walking  himself  into  a  disaster  right  now.    didn’t  know  what  lennox  had  going  on  in  his  life  since  they  broke  up    ,    didn’t  except  anything  monogamous  from  him  in  a  situation  like  this.    but  that  didn’t  stop  him.    wouldn’t  stop  him  from  going  after  what  he  wanted.    even  if  it  was  just  stole  kisses  and  empty  promises.    would  take  what  he  could  get  at  this  point.    wasn’t  afraid  of  a  little  heartbreak  after  what  he  did.    ❛    m’right  here.    ❜    mumbles  it  against  his  lips    ,    knows  he  wants  to  say  more  but  focuses  on  kissing  him    ;    almost  like  he’s  trying  to  prove  a  point.    prove  that  he’s  here.    that  he’s  serious.    maybe  they  should  talk  about  what  the  fuck  this  means    ,    but  he  figured  they  can  have  that  conversation  later.   when  he  wasn’t  so  focused  on  the  closeness  of  their  bodies.   ❛    i  mean  it.    i’m  not  going  anywhere.    and  that  can  mean  as  much  or  as  little  as  you  want  it  to.    ❜

[nixfms]

soniia.

          ‘  good  god  ,  i  will  jump  you  when  you  least  expect  it  !  ‘  eyes  narrow  ,  a  sorry  attempt  at  trying  to  look  threatening  ,  nearly  bursts  out  laughing  at  the  scene  playing  in  her  head  :  he’s  right  ,  this  is  what  the  viewers  want  ———  comedy  gold  .  ‘  enchanting  ,  huh  ?  you’re  cute  ,  nix  ,  but  you’re  not  my  type  .  i  like  my  men  with  a  bit  of  an  edge  &  you’re  a  golden  boy  ,  aren’t  you  ??  ‘  an  eyebrow  will  rise  ,  head  tilting  to  the  side  ;  the  expression  tugging  at  her  features  smug  ,  proud  .  ‘  you  have  a  twisted  idea  of  fun  ,  don’t  you  ??  ‘

 ❛    jump  me    ?!    now  we’re  talking.    we’ll  get  you  a  box.    you  can  launch  off  of  the  box  and  land  onto  my  back.    and  then  i’ll  run  around  real  fast.    it’ll  be  a  good  time.    ❜    sometimes  nix  was  just  an  absolute  idiot    ,    but  that  was  okay    !      ❛    a  golden  boy.    so  you  think  you’re  funny    ,    huh    ?    like  you  weren’t  in  some  of  those  pictures  that  were  leaked    ?    god.    she’s  tiny    ,    cute    ,    and  a  class  a  comedian.    we  love  to  see  it.    ❜    lets  out  a  laugh.      ❛    hm.    maybe.    depends  on  your  definition  of  twisted.    ❜

[nixfms]

corafms.·

    𝐢𝐭  𝐦𝐚𝐲  𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞  been roughly 10am , but if you asked cora – it was never too early to start day drinking . “did you know that the bartenders open up shop at 8am here ?! that’s madness , love .” she saunters up to the other with a tray of about a dozen shots sitting on the palm of her hand . “i went over there and was like ‘gimme a dozen shots’ and he was like ‘of what ?’ and i said ‘surprise me’ so ,” she made a ‘taadaa’ like gesture with her free hand . clearly very pleased with herself . “pick your poison , babes !” cora herself was eyeing one of the amber colored liquids when a thought came to mind . and whenever she had a thought it was like her mouth automatically had to spit it out , no filter what so ever . “wait ! you’re not ‘ere because you got exposed for , like , a drinking problem right ? because i’m not trying to be the enabler ‘round ‘ere or whatever .” lies detected !!!! she totally was the type to do so . and maybe , just maybe , she was only asking because she was a nosy little thing and was trying to figure out what sins her fellow roommates had committed to land them in this specific circle of hell . obviously she was aware that they had all been exposed for something . but for what specifically for each person she was still unsure .

❛    madness.    you  say  that  holding  a  tray  of  shots  at  10  am.    ❜    leave  it  to  cora    !    couldn’t  help  the  laugh  as  he  eyes  the  tray  in  front  of  him.    he  should  tell  her  no    ,    all  things  considered    ,    but  she’s  talking  again  because  he  can  really  decide  if  he  wants  to  take  a  few  shots  on  national  television  or  not.    lets  out  a  laugh    ,    running  a  hand  through  his  hair.    ❛    always  good  to  check  after  you  offer  a  tray  of  shots  to  someone    ,    cora.    but  no    ,    i’m  just  a  big  liar  who  told  everyone  i  don’t  drink  or  anything  but    ––    ❜    takes  one  of  the  shots  off  the  tray  and  shrugs  before  making  quick  work  of  whatever  liquid  was  in  the  glass.    ❛    turns  out  that’s  not  true.    shame  on  me.    but  you  already  knew  that  anyway.    so.    ❜    so  maybe  he  shouldn’t  mock  himself  like  it’s  not  big  deal    ,    but  at  this  point  he  was  beyond  continuing  the  lie.    ❛    what  did  they  think  was  gonna  happen    ?    i  hate  no  clue.    ❜      takes  another  shot  off  the  tray    ,    but  waits  for  her  this  time.    ❛    by  the  way    ,    you  are  absolutely  an  enabler.    fuckin’  liar.    ❜

[nixfms]

sousice.

bopping  into  the  room  in  a  stretched-out  white  tee  and  an  old  pair  of  skinnies   ,   jovi  turns  a  pair  of  bright   ,   eager  eyes  to  the  first  one  he  spots   .   “ ey  , ”  pops  his  lips  before  he  holds  up  a  box  of  hair  dye  that  he  taps  against  his  chin   ,   a  kid  showing  off  their  favorite  toy   .   “ you  bored  or  what  ? ” 

 is  in  his  own  head    ,    something  that  happened  a  lot.    was  especially  easy  to  get  into  his  head  here    ,    with  everything  that  was  going  on  around  him.    ❛    little  bit.    ❜    responds  to  jovi    ,    eyeing  the  box  of  hair  dye  in  his  hands.    ❛    the  fuck  do  you  want  me  to  do  with  that    ?    you  trust  me  to  put  that  in  your  hair    ?    ❜

[nixfms]

lennoxpng.​

𝐈𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 watching this at home, he had a feeling ( or rather, hoped ) they’d switched it off. neither of their managers would be pleased with this match-up. weren’t they here for a fresh start, damage control? so far all he’d manage to do was damage both their reputations even further… their lips met, fuelled by desire and impatience, and he moved against the other male, hands instinctively going to nix’s face. was he making a mistake here? was this the wrong time to dive head-first into nix again? here, of all places, surrounded by objectively the most attractive and famous people ( all of them interested in one thing ). lennox was jealous and famously non-committal, were they just setting themselves up for failure? he pushed those thoughts aside, it’s just a kiss, he reminded himself, pulling away. “we shouldn’t.” he didn’t mean that, he wanted to, he just didn’t want either of them to end up getting hurt.

 knew  that  this  went  against  every  reason  he  had  agreed  to  do  the  show    ,    but  this  wasn’t  some  rebellion  against  this  management.    wasn’t  doing  this  because  he  wanted  to  get  back  at  them.    although  he’d  be  lying  if  he  said  it  didn’t  feel  good  to  piss  them  off    ,    this  wasn’t  just  to  spite  his  management  team.    this  was  what  he  had  wanted  since  he  made  the  stupid  decision  to  break  things  off.    lets  his  hands  drag  down  to  his  hips    ,    a  soft  grip  placed  against  his  body    ,    almost  to  say    please  stay.    ❛    why  shouldn’t  we    ?    ❜    asks  only  before  kissing  lennox  again    ,    can’t  keep  his  lips  away  from  the  others  that  long.    might  start  thinking  too  hard  about  what  all  of  this  means.    ❛    you  want  to  stop    ?    we  can.    but  who  care  about  what  we  should  do    ?    what  do  you  want    ?    ❜    can  only  hope  the  answer  is  him.    all  thought  of  his  management  team  were  completely  irrelevant  at  this  point.

[nixfms]

hi friends , just letting you know i have some family coming over today so drafts will be finished tonight ! i think they’re mostly  ( if not all ?? )  for sami  ,  so this applies to him too ! 

[nixfms]

noemis.

    𝐢𝐟  𝐭𝐡𝐞  𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧  had been entirely up to her , he would’ve been one of the first people she told about her pregnancy . there would have been no secret left to expose and she wouldn’t be in the predicament she was in now . but there’s no use in thinking of what could have beens . she can only live in the present and try to make up for her mistakes . and she’d encourage everyone else who wound up on the show to do the same . “oh i bet ! but it’s fine , i don’t hold it against you or anything . you might’ve got all the talent but i got all the good looks , so we’re even ,” she continues to joke with a melodic laugh leaving her lips . it was so nice to have him there . obviously , the circumstances that brought them under one roof weren’t ideal . but she probably wouldn’t last more than a week in the house without her best friend around to keep her sane and feeling like a normal person . her head shakes as she listens to his sage advice . “that sounds like the perfect way to have a bowling ball go through the roof !” mouth falls open to let out a dramatic gasp , feigning offense to the idea of being replaced but clearly finding the whole interaction mildly amusing . “i’d like to see you try to find a better best friend than me . we both know you lucked out in that department . who else is going to love you , clown aesthetic and all ?”

 if  there  was  anyone  nix  trusted  wholeheartedly    ,    it  was  her.    he  could  only  assume  that  he  knew  everything  important  to  know  about  her  too.    was  a  bit  of  a  shock  to  come  to  the  realization  that  he  was  wrong.    maybe  he  didn’t  want  to  know  because  he’d  have  something  to  be  mad  about.    they  never  fought  about  anything    ,    not  even  when  she  had  realized  his  whole  image  was  fake.    he  really  thought  that  she  would  be  mad    ,    too    ,    considering  hers  was  genuine  and  his  was  nothing  but  lies.    but  she  didn’t  care  and  even  supported  him    ,    backed  him  up.    what  more  could  he  ask  for    ?    ❛    you  know  what    ,    i’m  gonna  pretend  you  didn’t  just  call  me  ugly  and  focus  on  the  fact  that  you  said  i  got  all  the  talent.    you’re  right    ,    thank  you.    ❜    lets  out  another  laugh.    knows  that  it  wasn’t  within  the  best  circumstances  to  be  here  with  her    ,    but  he  really  doesn’t  know  what  he’d  do  without  her  by  his  side.    almost  thankful  for  whatever  it  was  he  didn’t  even  know  yet.    ❛    well    ?!    it’ll  still  be  fun.    just  make  sure  you  aim  forward.    ❜    shrugs    ,    focusing  for  a  second  on  getting  ready  to  actually  bowl.    still  very  entirely  strange  being  here.    ❛    you  know  what.    probably  no  one.    i  really  don’t  even  know  why  you  love  me    !    but  you’re  stuck.  ,    so  it  doesn’t  matter.    ❜

[nixfms]

lennoxpng.

𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐗 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐍 that moment to give in, if only for a little while, just to see what it’d be like. the curiosity was getting the better of him, he wanted to know what it would be like, what they would be like if they were truly together. from a young age he’d had a sneaking suspicion, deep down, that he just wasn’t built for relationships. every sordid tryst he’d been involved in had ended chaotically, dramatically, with broken hearts ( and sometimes broken property ). nix was no exception, but he was one of the more memorable, painful ones – and one of the only ones he’d actually bothered coming back to. “kissing me is– allowed.” his lips were almost painfully close, touching even, but never making that final leap. he was taunting him now, actively trying to make him want him – and he did. always hyperaware of the cameras around them, lennox wondered if maybe nix was holding back on account of their audience, and not out of some perverse desire to tease him. wondering, he blurted out “or are you worried about your managers at home watching?”

 wasn’t  sure  what  was  going  to  happen  in  a  few  weeks    ,    let  alone  a  few  days.    decided  pretty  quickly  that  it  didn’t  matter    !    wanted  to  do  something  for  himself.    even  if  he  had  no  idea  what  it  was  going  to  bring  in  the  long  run.    maybe  they  would  never  be  the  same    ,    but  that  was  okay.    would  never  forgive  himself  if  he  didn’t  try  to  put  himself  first  for  once.    but  lennox  first  like  he  should’ve  the  whole  time.    was  fully  away  that  the  nature  of  their  environment  could  heavily  effect  things     (    not  to  mention  his  jealous  nature    )    but  he’d  deal  with  that  piece  by  piece.           ❛    allowed.    ❜    he  chuckled  out  softly.    wasn’t  like  he  hadn’t  forgotten  that  the  world  would  see  them  kiss.    that  they  would  be  watching  in  anticipation    ,    probably  wondering  as  heavily  as  nix  about  what  would  happen.    ❛    no.    ❜    he  confirms    ,    head  shaking.    ❛    really  doesn’t  matter  if  they  are.    this  isn’t  for  them.    or  even  against  them.    it’s  just  for  me.    ❜    finally  stops  teasing    ,    separates  the  minuscule  distance  between  their  lips.    pours  every  unsaid  word  against  lennox’s  lips.    if  he  wanted  proof    ,    he  was  going  to  get  it.

[luekhemmigns]

[nixfms]

lennoxpng.​

𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐄 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 ?? he’d never once meticulously followed the monogamous dating rules before, and now all of a sudden he was acting like he had a leg to stand on? he’d done worse than what nix had done to him, far worse – he’d cheated, lied, ghosted, anything that left him in the clear with no regard for who got hurt in the process. long before the drugs he was breaking hearts, when he started he just finally had an excuse to be flaky and drop of the face of the planet like it was nothing. he hadn’t done that with nix though, surprisingly. it was different, he was different with him. for once, he was the one getting left behind in the dust, wondering what he could’ve done differently. the tension was unbearable, he was purposely teasing him now with his lips millimetres from his own. “you’re not going to change your mind,” he repeated, contemplating moving that one inch forward and making the move but pushing the idea to the side almost immediately – he couldn’t be the one that came crawling back. “then you’re going to have to change my mind,” he stated plainly, like a challenge ( not that it was a hard one, at this present moment lennox’s mind was as flimsy  as a piece of paper, fuelled only by arousal and withdrawal ).

 despite  knowing  lennox      ,    he  hadn’t  really  considered  how  different  he  was  with  him.    wasn’t  that  he  didn’t  feel  like  they  were  special    ––    he  did    ,    just  hadn’t  really  let  it  sink  in.    neither  of  them  had  been  very  good  at  dating.    nix  had  never  been  in  a  serious  relationship  before.    lennox  was  the  only  one  that  ever  stuck.    that  ever  made  him  feel  like  this.    maybe  that  was  a  factor  that  nix  hadn’t  even  thought  about.    his  image  ,  his  heart.    maybe  he  was  worried  about  both  of  them.    but  now    ?    only  thing  he  was  worried  about  was  lennox.    didn’t  matter  what  they  were.    just  mattered  that  they  weren’t  strangers.    he  could  work  his  way  up  from  there.    ❛    oh    ,    am  i    ?    ❜    soft  smile  settles  on  his  lips.    they  were  so  close    ,    his  heart  nearly  beating  out  of  his  chest.    ❛    is  kissing  you  considered  cheating    ?    ❜    lips  brush  against  lennox’s  momentarily    ,    a  soft  chuckle  leaving  his  lips.    ❛    i’m  living  a  genuine  lifestyle  now    ,    you  see.    wouldn’t  want  to  get  what  i  want  unfairly.    ❜    really  was  in  no  place  to  make  jokes    ,    but  it  just  felt  right  with  lennox  here    ,    bodies  nearly  flush  together    ,    lips  only  one  soft  head  tilt  from  being  pushed  together.    ❛    regardless    ,    i  don’t  mind  the  challenge.    ❜

[nixfms]

lennoxpng.​

𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 to falter, part of him coming round to the idea that maybe they could work. who knows? lennox could be the relationship type, this could be the one relationship he was looking for – the one to finally make him faithful. every time he let that thought drift into his head he felt himself jolt backwards, remember how he’d pushed him away. after all, he’d left him, all because of what some stupid managers or random strangers that spent all day writing on twitter thought of him. “why now?” he said, shrugging slightly, “why couldn’t you have had this realization months ago?” why did he have to put him through that, and everything that he put himself through after, without so much as a phone call? a hey, i made a mistake? they were too close now, dangerously close, lennox wanted to jump forward and forget everything. wrap his arms around his neck and say fuck it, i don’t care about anything anyway. maybe he should. the thoughts were racing in his mind, clouded by their proximity and the feeling of his fingers on his skin, the warmth radiating from his body. “don’t just tell me,” he looked up at his warm face, tongue darting out and swiping across his bottom lip. “show me.”

 there  was  something  intoxicating  about  lennox.    couldn’t  put  his  finger  on  it    ,    but  there  was  some  pull  that  he  couldn’t  quite  stay  away  from.    it  was  a  miracle  he  had  managed  this  long.    mostly  because  he  had  been  distracted.    new  album  release    ,    and  then  straight  after  that  follows  the  scandal  being  leaked  and  then    ?    the  show.    a  bit  interesting  how  it  all  fell  in  line  like  that.    it  wasn’t  until  nix  finally  got  away  from  the  toxic  influences  in  his  life  that  he  really  realized  how  badly  they  had  a  hold  over  him.    why  now    ?    it  was  a  good  question.    he  didn’t  know  why.    but  as  soon  as  he  saw  lennox    ,    he  knew.    knew  it  didn’t  matter  anymore.    but    ,    he  was  right.    it  shouldn’t  have  taken  all  of  this  for  him  to  come  to  the  other  like  this.    should’ve  done  this  a  lot  time  ago.    ❛    well    ,    i’m  a  dumbass.    that’s  probably  most  of  the  reason.    ❜    jokes  softly    ,    eyes  locked  with  the  others.    ❛    but  no  ,  i    ––    i  honestly  don’t  know.    i  am  messing  something  up  for  you    ?    i  don’t  want  to  do  that.    it  just  all  hit  me  at  once.    ❜    didn’t  want  to  do  anything  now  but  tell  the  truth.    leans  in    ,   free  hand  pulling  the  other  closer  to  him.    ❛    show  you    ?    ❜    lips  are  ghosting  over  lennox’s    ,    though  it’s  not  meant  to  be  a  tease.    ❛    i’m  not  going  to  change  my  mind.    i  want  you  to  know  that.  i’ll  prove  it  however  i  can.    ❜

[carriedawayfromhome]

++

[eriicmatthews]

[nixfms]

@noemis

[nixfms]

lennoxpng.

𝐍𝐈𝐗 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐍'𝐓 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 by the rules anymore. he wasn’t keeping his distance to protect his image ( that much was clear ) and he surely wasn’t keeping his distance to make things fair to lennox. lennox with the self-control of a, well, heroin addict. he wouldn’t lie to himself and say he didn’t get a surge of excitement when nix moved closer, when he touched his jaw, leaving in its wake warm, electrified skin ( the way he had so many months before ). he wanted to swat his hands away and march right out of there, but that damn self-control left him rooted in the floor, unable to do anything but microscopically lean into his touch, almost imperceptibly but enough for nix to notice. “you’re not making this easy,” he murmured under his breath. maybe lennox could’ve pretended they didn’t exist, if the other agreed to keep his distance, but right now like this it was nearly impossible. “obviously, i want–” he stopped himself, he had a hard time distinguishing between love and lust, and in this moment differentiating between whether it was his words or his touch that made him want to scream i want you wasn’t realistic. he shouldn’t say it, shouldn’t give him false hope. “i’m trying to do the right thing by you,” god, he sounded so predictable, so syrupy and good, not like him, “i don’t want to hurt your career just by being me. and i’m not going to hold myself back so i don’t.”

 what  would  happen  after  the  show  was  unclear    ,    but  nix  had  made  the  decision  that  he  wasn’t  going  to  do  what  he  was  being  asked.    was  thrown  into  the  show  with  the  mentality  of  getting  clean    ,    properly.    technically    ,    he  wouldn’t  be  lying  anymore  if  he  actually  did  clean  up  his  image    !    only  problem    ?    he  didn’t  want  to.   didn’t  want  to  cut  things  out  of  his  life  to  craft  himself  into  what  they  wanted.    into  the  lie  he  had  created  for  cameras.    this  was  going  to  be  a  time  for  him  to  actually  figure  out  who  he  wanted  to  world  to  see.    and  he  wanted  lennox  there  for  that.    as  anything.    it  didn’t  matter.  can  barley  feel  the  way  the  other  leans  against  his  touch  and  hand  moves  to  cup  his  cheek.    takes  his  face  in  his  hand    ,    thumb  grazing  against  his  skin.    ❛    it’s  not  easy.    ❜    nothing  about  them  would  ever  be  easy.    knows  that  this  was  a  risk    ,    but  he  was  already  here    ,    wasn’t  he    ?    already  making  one  damn  decision  for  himself.    ❛    this  is  the  right  thing  by  me.    i  don’t  want  a  career  that’s  a  lie    ,    lennox.    not  anymore.    ❜    he  didn’t  know  what  that  meant  yet    ,    and  that  was  okay.    needed  time.    needed  to  figure  out  how  to  be  true  to  himself  and  his  fans.    ❛    i’m  not  asking  anything  of  you.    not  asking  you  to  jump  in  and  trust  me.    just    ––    ❜    knows  what  he  wants  in  this  moment.    but  he  doesn’t  want  to  jump  the  gun    ,    making  things  more  complicated.    ❛    just  don’t  hold  yourself  back.    you  don’t  need  to  do  that.    i’m  telling  you  that  it  doesn’t  matter.    ❜