So I know I've been on a break, but I think I need to go further than that. I've had a really messed up couple years, even if I didn't know it at the time. I've been really mentally unwell and unhealthy and I've been perpetuating toxic behaviors in myself. I've been hurting myself, hurting people I cared about. I've let people treat me like shit and I've treated people like shit. Sometimes you have to hit rock fucking bottom to realize that you need to change things. Sometimes your life needs to blow up out of your control, even if it fucking sucks.
I've decided that being on here is something I need to change. Turns out getting harassed and hated for lies and partial lies while you sit knowing the truth drives you insane. So I'm deleting the app for awhile. I'm leaving my account up because I put work into it and I'm proud of it, I'm still going to enjoy marauders on my own time, but I need to just be on my own and off the internet. I don't know when, I don't even know if it'll be here, but if you've stuck around this long, I appreciate it. Maybe we'll meet up again down the line. I'd like to come back once I've moved on and other people have moved on. Once I'm secure in myself. Once I don't feel this utter terror at things being out of my control.
To anyone struggling with mental health shit, with guilt, with feeling trapped, with anything. It seems fucking impossible to stomach. I know. But you can get out. Sometimes your worst fears coming true is what sets you free. Sometimes you can't see the truth until you're out of the dark. It's weird how it works out sometimes.
If by some chance you want to keep up, be friends or something, I have a discord. That's kind of the only place I'll exist for awhile. I'll keep the app for like one more day in case someone wants to dm me for that, but after that I'm signing off.
For the people that believe me, who treat me like an actual human, thank you.
