Noelle

I'm married and have 3 kids, I love movies, books and music. I also love trying new recipes when cooking.

[noelle-xoxo]

Disappointment can mean different things to many people and can be caused by many things.

Like being told you screwed up even though you didn’t actually screw up, I was asked to do something and I explained to the person that I need to know certain information and that I had a to do list to do what they wanted. I’m a stubborn person and the job is very large for 1 person but I’m not the type to ask for help so I didn’t and a different person involved in this has gotten upset and now I’m in trouble even though I had told them I would be starting the to do list in august.

[noelle-xoxo]

When is too much too much? How do you decide that you have too much on your plate? How do you decide what is important and what is not? What do you choose to put to the back burner and come back to? Do I leave my school work to sit and get behind again, do i worry about the house i'm moving out of, do I take away from the time I spend with my kids?

[noelle-xoxo]

I have lost myself and found myself and lost myself again. I had hobbies then I lost them when I had another baby, then i found my hobbies again only to lose them again only to Covid and this crazy pandemic we've been through. I've started school again and soon I'll be finished and I'll have to go out in the world a do an internship and that scares me, I've been nothing but a wife and a mother for 8 years. I'm also in the middle of moving as we built a house and we couldn't be more happy for that, I've been waiting months for it.

[noelle-xoxo]

I haven't used this in a while but in the time that I haven't I have lost myself multiple times only to find a better version of me and let go of things and people who weren't a good fit for me.

[noelle-xoxo]

Sometimes you have to lose who you were... To find out who you are.

[noelle-xoxo]

What is up with women in their 20s and 30s acting like children just because some one blocks them on social media, I’m sorry I have no use for the drama in your personal life that you complain about all the time but refuse to do anything about. There is also things in my personal life that I don’t want you to see which is my own business so I’m sorry that you think we are all 6 and that my mommy should make me be friends with you! GROW UP AND ACT YOUR AGE AND QUIT EXPECTING EVERYONE TO LIKE YOU AND BE YOUR FRIEND!!

[noelle-xoxo]

Watch your mouth

You say things but don’t think about the consequences that they have.

You say things without thinking whether that person is going to internalize those words and then have them stuck on repeat in the head.

You say things without thinking about the mental and emotional effects they will have on a person.

As humans we most of the time say things without even realizing it and it’s not until it’s out that we realize just how bad that sounded or how it could have effect the people around us who heard.

My husband has said somethings the past few weeks that have caused me to have an internal battle with myself and have made me question things in my life especially if he is the person I’m supposed to be with. I’ve let him put me down and make myself feel absolutely horrible for the fact that I do not weigh 110 lbs like I did in high school I’m now 135 lbs, but I’ve also had a baby. I don’t work out at a gym or go running down the street mostly because I’ve always had issues with my self confidence and I don’t feel comfortable in those kinds of situations. I used to dance and take dance classes but now that’s not an option, I do play a sport twice a year and I have a blast doing it. But I shouldn’t be made to feel horrible about myself for having gained 15lbs in the almost 8 years I’ve been out of high school. I shouldn’t have to face the internal battle of should I just not eat at all? should I be eating this or that? wondering if I could just make myself sick I would feel better about myself.

At 25 years of age I should not be made to feel like a 14 year old girl being bullied by the popular girls in high school.

[noelle-xoxo]

Clearing your mind

When someone has said some pretty awful things to you, your mind automatically goes to this dark place where you question everything and wonder if everything they said is true, and then you think well how do I cope with this. For me coping is not eating or sitting with my head by the toilet puking which is something I’ve been wanting to do all night. My brain has also thought that after this weekend I’ll pack my bags and leave.

The real question is how do I clear my head of repeating everything so I can move on, so I can leave my bed that feels so safe and warm? How do I talk to this person knowing that they’ve said hurtful things and broken me?

[noelle-xoxo]

Hate!

I don’t care who’s watching this page or reading this, I really don’t. Today is one of those days where I hate my husbands job for the simple fact that I wish might shifts were never created, they are one of the worst things ever! I get it he’s getting paid and I stay at home with our kid so I shouldn’t be allowed to complain but at the same time I may not get paid for the things I do but what I do in my spare time is making a difference for the people around me. We are an Air Force family and I do a lot of work with a few base organizations that are helping to make things a little easier on military spouses because unfortunately we move every couple of years which means we start from scratch, it’s the adult version of being the new kid all the time. You could say why are you bitching what do you do when he’s on a deployment, well I suck it up and I spend 6 months or longer not getting out of my house having any alone time. I’m not ranting about alone time, I’m ranting about the fact that since everything takes place at night it makes it difficult to do anything because when you’re a 1 income family you unfortunately live paycheck to paycheck because let’s face it our military members make very little money (which is wrong since they sacrifice so much to make sure we can live and be free.) so there’s not really extra money to pay for a babysitter (wives charge out the ass to watch a child for a few hours) making having a life or doing anything hard. I can hear you now saying well why don’t you get a job? Well here’s the answers to that, even with a job it would have to work around the active duty members schedule because let’s face it their job is considered more important than yours, you would have to schedule it around school because someone has to be able to take and pick the kid(s) up. Then think about this, you have a job your spouse has a job now tell me when do groceries get bought? Who helps with homework? Who cleans the house? Who does the laundry? You! You will go to work then come home to continue working at home because unfortunately you can say my spouse will help out, the truth is they probably won’t because they spent 8+ hours at work probably on their feet for most of it and they are tired and again here’s the kicker their job is more important than yours!

Which in the long run the military basically says that our spouses and dependents are basically pesants and that their lives and well being means absolutely nothing and then they wonder why so many military members get divorced all the time or the spouses have to see therapists and have mental problems!!!

[insteadofdisappearing]

woundless (s.o.)

[infpisme]

[tellherium]

“Violet and violent sound so much alike. Maybe thats why bruises are purple.”

— Mt

[noelle-xoxo]

I’m sorry

I’m sorry I made friends, I’m sorry that people do things that effect others. I’m sorry that said people have a reputation of being a horrible person to others that when they do something terrible it gets around. I’m sorry they hurt themselves even though it wasn’t anyone’s fault but their own. I’m sorry it was even told to me. I’m sorry that I’m wondering if she’s okay. I’m sorry how much more should I say it. I’m sorry that bad things happen every day. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that right now I really just want to puke. I’m sorry that my anxiety is thru the roof. I’m sorry that I really just want to cry. IM SORRY!!!!

[noelle-xoxo]

You know that feeling you get in your stomach where it feels like dinosaurs are fighting and its not because you’re sick its because your body feels like something bad is going to happen if not directly to you but maybe to some one you care about. For the past hour i’ve had this sense of dread and its driving me crazy

[noelle-xoxo]

The saddest thing about betrayal is it never comes from your enemies.

[thelovejournals]

“I’d spent so long trying to fit in, trying to be someone I wasn’t, that I had no idea who I was any more.”

— Dorothy Koomson, The Rose Petal Beach

[thelovejournals]

@thelovejournals