so they’d started giving options, hadn’t they. It was clear, that’s what they were good at, they’d excel at it given time. and so would he, if you gave him enough time like that! anybody could, give them privy to terribly access like that. You know what that said? That said nothing, about Ide. Give
Him a Break! Not one he’d worked for,✝ certainly not one he’d earned either. Not even due to the cause he sure wouldn’t cut him self one lest it was something like this. Ever since then, he’d given himself time to wind it on down and set all things out
since he could finally, finally
> allot time that was free for it. Oh this was gorgeous.
Now there posed yet another problem.
He had this endless amount, that’s what conjured him up into this subdued wreck. That’s what coaxed him into trying to start and?, breathe again.
needless to say. That shouldn’t even be a mildly reoccurring happening, it was. He’d had a heck of a time readjusting before, something integral that he’d given up and forked over for this easier and laidback lifestyle.
} But he couldn’t do without it, you see, that was the main concern.
So why couldn’t he recall it. No need to be dramatic, it’s all in there That’s. said and done, they Let you choose what you made off with and the stakes were rigged, he’d been swindled from his chance at — Nothing, they had been presented with so it seemed.
and if that said anything about Ide’s willpower. If all was right in the world, and it never was, he would and could and kill to take back what was necessary. By this he’d just have to make do. Not sit contentedly now that all had seemingly gone to shit, but the optimal conditions that took for him to actually work. As a person, as a clockwork individual — All really Did Have to be Right in the World. And for what it seemed, maybe it might have been.
His stay here,
he’d stayed long enough —No blatant signal that he himself’d hated it and why on this certain earth should he, he’d had something like a swell time. Same couldn’t be said about the people that he carted around, the ones he’d tried and strung along. Not a chance at escaping, not if he took to you like so.
It just bothered him. What he’d left back there or been stripped from, probably done by his jurisdiction. What he could recollect up to date, he hadn’t had such a bad time here.
He’d wanted to go home, that was what he could recall. Surprisingly didn’t add up that much, not if he hadn’t known what he’d lost back there. If it nagged at him this much, there had to be something.
You could look for love in the highest of interest, the lowest places up for consideration, and it didn’t matter, not how close you were to the prize.
Came irrelevant to how close you’d come to snatching up, taking up the entirety of this whole other person to watch and match you your entire life, what a wretched, sickly idea. He didn’t work for this. In fact he didn’t work for anything, or anybody, or sometimes nothing at all.
He had to find what made him leave, in the first place. Maybe there were a few hints dropped here that could serve him as a reminder.
Leave it up to guesswork, but maybe there was nothing to look for. Maybe, he wasn’t something so special after all. That’s how he’d come introduced into this place, and perhaps that’s he’d go out.
He'd like to think that he has this all under his belt, but he barely knows the jist of what Long's getting at. It's stupid special, he thinks it's a stroke of chance that he
! into his guy today. He guesses that it actually makes some sense, since the universal tends to actively work against Long, that's just how it's decided upon creation and that's how it's always going to be.
And fate or some serious last minute hire, step-in alternative would have it that today had to go Ide's way, but he was ready to face the consequences strung along with it.
That's why he's totally USE THIS WORD ONE MORE TIME I STG chill with the way that Long wrestles his wallet out, could it be that only about 1/7 of its contents would come in useful. It's pretty fair reasoning, but that's not why he drops all his defenses. By now, it's spun into something conditioned. He can so help that, Ide's thing is that he won't.
He can't do anything about, nor does he feel the, doesn't at all intend to. It's a horrible, but standstill truth of the earth. ! they were wrong, he wouldn't have it.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK There's always faith, just not any wisdom in that. You'd seriously be surprised, just how much the world will give back if you just lift your hands from the situation. if anyone tells you that it will only put you in a world of hurt to be more trusting, first of all they lost something. They're a loser, and if you had any of it then you were a great big loser too.
Things just happen to people when you don't think the hype will last, you don't even have to be good.
That's why it's so easy.
What a terrible way to take a look at the world, right? He wouldn't complain, couldn't when this type of goddess grace just slid right into his hands. He's happy for the moment, pretty optimistic for a man with a lighter wallet. You couldn't curse that type of luck. Only the dealer way high up knew how that long a spell like that would las
baha ha someone was high
and nicking out subtle crows' feet at the corners of his eyes.
what
aren't you glad i didn't try pulling the aged-is-better card right I am too
Long is unbelievably cute. With a bright big warning tacked on his head. So much so, that he'd give him almost anything he'd asked for if he asked what, nicely? Forget that. He didn't have to attach a 'please' at all.
Sure. He could've used words, but to what loss in effect? He shrugs his shoulders, watching Long take his moment to get away from the problem at hand. Problem with a face, he'd have to only assume at the scorn he receives at first glance, not the first time his heart's jumped, but for that evening yes.
He tries not to deflate on the spot, because if he could he'd hold up a mirror. You're not allowed to do this, / see this, / This kind of stuff kills people.
But Ide's not that smooth, he's not what they call real liquid honey. It nicks at him at first, scraping the thin paintjob that will only stay when he knows he's fully in charge.
Which he's never not, by what he means is, there's always that shove he's looking forward to that makes the impossible happen. And this was the impossible, wasn't it? He couldn't VIP his way into this shebang, and he couldn't book a half hour of Long's time with the world's credentials at his disposal.
If he thinks his way back to it I mean, if we're doing labels, I don't think you're allowed to do first person he's the good guy here. He hasn't badly responded to it before. ...Sans that one episode with him getting all physical, and getting his comrade literally -- drenched. If you turn a blind eye to that --
uh
The only one that reacted badly, and it was a lavish win-win. Was this guy.
The backlash response is what really gets him, makes him peal once his back hits a darkwood that lined this smaller, purposed space. It's good that they're not in the open, but what was this little dude supposing he could do? Was he going to quarantine all the imminent damage in one place? Not a bad plan, if you put it that way.
Long had a knack for whittling out of things he didn't want to be involved in. Which always came as a surprise, considering the amount he would be found stuck spent* around Ide. If any one had the attention span to pay, people were stingy these days, that is. uhhhhh For the spur of the moment captives, returned in polished condition or left THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS
Smallcrime Thieves like this always made away with a chip of what belonged to you, just to show that they could.
Be as it may, Ide didn't know how to go about it when another player stepped up to the challenge. He usually recruited those, or they wanted something from him. Or knew something about him. Had something to keep from him. That too, but all in good time. So all this roughousing, keeping him a secret, keeping him close, if you had to ask him --- he really didn't know what it all meant.
He'd have to give it to the master of the evening, he could ask anything. Anything, and as long as it came tumbling out of that mouth
gay, used up there somewhere
'You make it sound so easy, have you had your hand in that type of thing for a run? I don't know, you didn't seem the type.
This kid was undoubtedly making it somewhere, and wasn't that something? Without ????
If you left it up to circumstance, maybe there wouldn't be such a vast gap. TO WHAT
It was just a little much to leave it all to chance,
As far as he was concerned, this never took off anywhere except for inside his head.
I've been meaning to do this for a while, but really it's a little hard listening to yourself talk and all that? It's why I can't write alone, why I don't think it's all that it's cracked out to be - overtaking a conversation. Literally I don't know how people do it. Er, the writing part.
The talking part, I overtalk no matter what and again I don't try and let it go in one ear and out the other when you tell me that you like listening for some reason, and in moments like that I actually feel okay.
Just don't really enjoy the whole hearing me talk, and me time. It kinda sends me in circles and I get nowhere, but as reluctant I get around that time I'd guess it's best to get it out somewhere.
It's really been engaging to be around you at all times, even if we're just doping around -- And I guess it's starting to matter a little less to me if I'm not the brightest bolt in the shed? It's not to go raining on somebody's parade or anything, I don't honestly take to that. The whole putting down thing, it does get old after a while and I'm accustomed to it.
But it's something I'd like to get rid of for good in time and then some, because I mean - stuff like that it really gets to bringing everybody down. If you've got someone nice enough to be a supporting opposite party, you don't drag them with you for fuck's sake like wow.
That said you know how little sense I can make at times and uh, how impossible a lot of stuff is to get me to wrap my head around something when I don't will it there. Somehow you seem to take that in stride though and idk as appreciative as I am for your efforts it's nothing I want for either person to settle on, because I can do better? I'd like to think that anyhow.
Like here, he's some progress. I don't know if I told you, but especially if I didn't now you know. For the longest time I'm tempted to say the brink of six months had already well turned out, and. I'd just avoided using 'I' altogether, it just didn't feel right? I'd so much have rathered you enjoy the stuff we got into, and that was that. I think that's like possibly a start at where the inferiority might have stemmed from, but it was little thing like that. And being around you helped, and eventually I couldn't be assed to keep my mouth shut. You'd gotten me all open and stuff! It's really hard to go back. That's your fault, (it's not a bad thing at all.)
What I mean is in the sense that, if it wasn't for some context that spurred me on I'd probably just tune out and look for distracting/or stimulating, but numbing things and eventually I'd like nurse a threshold of some sort that's great enough to withstand some things but work as some backhanded coping mechanism and I like, don't want that.
I'd turn really boring. Like I get that I have generic taste a great deal of the time, but usually it's to get more out of what's there than most people do because I like extracting stuff from nothing and it's one of the few things that I'm kinda good at. Pretty challenging to apply anywhere else like in the real world, but when someone gives me the 'okay' to share what all I'm eccentric about (even though I can't imagine you being into everything I'm into) again, the same applies to you. And for me it's one of those things that I just feel super privy to. Like, thanks for sitting through all that.
Uh, because a lot of things don't feel published, or I don't feel like I've experienced it without that extra sharing and it helps because you let me channel crud I'm like a billion percent sure that no one would care to hear about.
Mostly it's a bunch of mindless stuff that I'd like to enjoy with you whether it be tangents, passing themes, wind down time of that variety and yeah. I really enjoy it all, again I can't harangue you about what you share but i'd like you to feel at ease, just be comfortable with what you'd like.
For the most part which I think you are, which is a relief. But I can rarely tell. If it's the real deal and whatnot, I get all caught up on minor snags and I'm sure that's irritated you come time again, and sorry for that.
Gonna do my darnedest to improve on aspects like that, because the main objective is to give you as little hassle as I can. It's not an inferiority thing, it's not that I think I'm a chore. You'd asked kindly to remove that mindset so that is where I am headed, it all seems like a waste of proper time anyway.
Point being, like. All that's not really lifechanging but it's always the tiny stuff that gets me, and like I said I used to be okay'ed with just feeling it out. You said that was a reoccurring problem, so since I'm still at it I'll continue detailing and tailoring things for you as I see fit. It used to be, 'and when I finally get around to it it's like escaped until I think it up again.' Repressing doesn't work anymore, no thanks to you, and I mean that in the grateful way. So being only-sometimes confrontational should also go out the window I'm guessing. I will work on that.
Again I'm sorry if I'm ever out of line, like I can't always be the upbeat person though I try. I know you don't like apologizing, but I feel at least if I have it all in one place I probably won't have to say it again for some while. When I owe you one, I'm not going to be stingy about it. But I heard you say that I can go on ahead with it if it makes me 'feel better', which is really mostly a hit-and-miss. And if it won't benefit you, I don't want you to have to hear it.
Kind of sucks to not get a grip on what you're doing half the time, or if it feels like I actually 'got this' it kinda turns in on itself. So it's appreciated, when you point things like that out. It might take me a few tries but if you have it in you to call me out, please do. Like always, no mercy. It's the only way I'll learn, I'm positive -- and in return, I'll try not to make you feel like you wasted your breath doing that.
There's like a gajillion things I want to tell you but by now I feel like by now they've probably gotten repeated a several five, six times - so I'll cut it short.
"short" I can't believe I'm not cutting 4/5 of this but since it's a once in a blue moon, blowout type of thing you just got hit with the slammer
Like sometimes I feel that we don't talk. Don't take that wrong, but can't imagine you being anything but understimulated if we were to talk about like recent topics or anything that normal people talk about. It's only like half of the reason I get so antsy when we have nothing to do but chill? I mean I enjoy it, just being in your company is fine with me but then suddenly unless I find a tangent it's like a nightmare to come up with something interesting to show-and-tell or try to bring up something worthwhile to talk to you about, to. Wow, don't worry. I'll stop.
And then there's like, that ever small fraction of the time when I like go out of my comfort zone and try to ask you something about you? I really can't tell if it freaks or creeps you out, but I don't intend it that way. I guess it weird out some people that I like collecting trivia about them, and to others it's flattering? But it's just kind of one of my tics, and the subtlest way I'm all like totally okay with just hearing about you, and that you're interesting.
Tell me if that's overbearing and what have you? and I'll try to lay off, but it's just one of those things that I wasn't sure how you'd take to, and didn't really feel like taking up our time to expand upon it because it's not like a major anything, we don't need to gut it. I'm not going to ask that we take out 2-3 hours for LOAD ME UP WITH FACTS ABOUT YOU, it's just as it comes and goes. you know.
I think you're cool. You can talk about you.
Also I know that you can't not be fed up with me chalking up most of my behavior to being a flake. I am, but I've probably discouraged you by doing so --don't want future things to lose their luster, so if you can stay critical, and brutal with what you'd want, and reminders, I'm open to that.
Following up on the criticism thing because I can't get myself to shush up, but you're almost through! Congratulations.
A lot of the time you only have nice things to say, and even when they're quote-on-quote not, I mean I get a good laugh out of them.
You don't have to say all nice things, like ever. I'm tough! And I like you rough around the edges.
For what is a can without cutting edges, without cutting edge technology we would not be here where we are today, we would still be operating by candlelight
And we addressed a few things pretty recently and being considerate is what friends do, so I'll try my best to give back that. It's just, I'd so much rather you just go on ahead and say what you feel like, spur of the moment it doesn't matter. (By that I mean it does matter. Like it really matters.)
Just like. Be yourself, and I'll keep on with doing that with myself. I still think you're awesome, so fight me there's that.
Also I'm only going to say this once because WWOW I should not have to say this but just so I can make sure I've covered everything once
I LIKE getting you things. I like treating you things to stuff that I see and if I think of you, it's going to you. Even if you can't enjoy it all and it turns out to be a miss-and-hit, then so be it. You do NOT, OWE me. DO NOT go out of your way and any gestures that you choose to go through of course I'm going to hold that super close because holy smokes, you went through the trouble of doing all that.
just know that it's not necessary. You're a student right now living under your unreasonable parents and your family is fucking batshit, please please please and please worry about yourself. Just so we've established that.
Besides, your time and attention is plenty more than enough and I'm not going to say I can't go without 'repay'ing that since I'm practically lecturing you on it, but it's because I want to so you'll have to believe that.
Even if it's the matter of sending things out to you, you can give me an earful if it at least a chunk of it has not arrived to you by December. I just want these to be thoughtful packages/packed in relevant bundles.
But uh, thanks for sticking with me or letting me stick with you, I don't really know how things like these goes. But I think that with that it kinda helped me sort myself out you might as well be off the hook from hearing me spout up a storm for what I'm hoping, a stretch.
Appeased the monster. Silenced the dragon, have at it and whatever. Box unleashed.
