Essentially Just an Archive @nolongerwhereifangirl - Tumblr Blog

so my dad & i were home alone and the house phone rang once but cut itself off at the very end of the ring so dad & i looked at each other & made the requisite “that was the signal” & “the ministry has fallen” jokes

then we checked the caller ID and saw our name and house number

somehow the house phone called itself

and now i’m sitting in a room with no phones wondering if the wifi is plotting against us too the uprising has begun

my last boyfriend was the first one i did more than kissing with. he never asked to go farther, he just did. i wasn't sure if i was okay with it but i thought that was how those things worked.

wait, that's a lie; he asked the very first time.

after that he thought he already had permission to do whatever he wanted to me. i thought that, too.

even when i said "no," he would wheedle and complain and continue until i gave in. he'd keep me up at night when i had early classes or work shifts and i would give in just so i could get some sleep. he'd sleep in the next day & yell at me for being too tired all the time when he wanted to do... things. and then he'd keep me up again.

sometimes i just laid there and let him do what he wanted so he'd leave me alone. i didn't want it i didn't want him to touch me but i let him just so he'd stop.

even when i did want to do things it was always about him. we weren't done until he was, too bad for me if i wasn't. it was too hard to get me off, too much work. "it doesn't always happen for girls, and that's okay."

after nearly two years of that (and more), i broke up with him.

four hours later i fucked another guy, and my mind was blown.

new guy was light years ahead of my ex in stamina and talent (and size). new guy was polite. new guy made everything about me and what i liked, and he asked. he asked about everything.

i've been fucking new guy ever since, and he still asks. everything is still about me. we're just friends with benefits but i feel like he cares more than my ex ever did.

he always asks.

always.

and when i say no, that's it. it ends there. no pressure, no begging, no bargaining or trying again five minutes later. unless i clearly, verbally, literally give him the go ahead, we don't go ahead.

i didn't even know that was an option. i literally thought i was there to get my ex off. i thought that was how relationships worked.

i was fucking wrong.

and now i'm fucking right.

#nsfw #tw sexual assault #tw rape

hereiswhereifangirl

my mom bought me mousse when i cut my hair over the summer and just gave it to me without any words of wisdom what was she thinking

i texted my mom for help with pictures of what i did

my mom works at a furniture company and showed all the designers alL THE FABULOUS GAY MEN WITH WONDERFUL SENSES OF STYLE WHO WATCHED ME GROW FROM A SECOND GRADER INTO WHAT THEY THOUGHT WAS A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN

MOMMY THEY WERE THE LAST PEOPLE I HAD FOOLED

hereiswhereifangirl

I’m in college as an Equine Sciences/Studies major we looked at a repro tract in lab i couldn’t resist

kristen-revenge

Fall Out Boy in Toronto

#fob

pianocarnival

Peter Parker went from using Bing in the first Spider-Man movie to using Google in the sequel and if that’s not character development, I don’t know what is.

solvatochrome

My mom mixed two half empty dish soaps and it made a gradient of cleanliness

solvatochrome

i told my mom about how her soapy creation got me 400 notes on the internet and she told me to get a job

thelatestkate

my therapist taught me to start thinking of my anxiety as my panicky friend

it’s working???

gobeautiful

this is so cute omg

usagimaree

Woah this is super useful!!

lupusdraconis

For all my anxious friends out there.

professorfangirl

This totally works! Some of us get stuck in the sense that we *are* our emotions, so they overwhelm us and we can’t do anything about them. When you give your emotion an identity separate from you, it gives you the distance to make better judgments about it, and to comfort yourself better. 10/10 therapy veterans would recommend.

#reblogging for colin

hereiswhereifangirl

Text conversations with my dad are the best

hereiswhereifangirl

i finally saw Maleficent and i’m sitting there watching and Diaval is this epic character & a BAMF but there’s no real back story and he had so much potential & it’s late in the theater run so i figured something would have cropped up by now when i searched but

GOD DAMMIT WHERE IS THE DIAVAL FANFICTION

I DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT SHIPS WRITE ME STORIES OF HIS LIFE AS A RAVEN EXPLORE HIS DEVELOPING ATTACHMENT TO HIS MISTRESS MAKE HIM AURORA’S TRUE LOVE’S KISS BUT IN A BROTHERLY WAY SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING

SOMEBODY WRITE THESE STORIES BEFORE I DO