We met August 2011. Maybe a Thursday. It was mid-week, and mid-month. I was at Austin, Texas. I will always remember this because the time difference was only an hour. We became friends because you messaged me on Tumblr. You joined my Turntable room. You got along with everybody just fine. I liked you already. The music you played. Your sense of humor. I liked you. A lot. From the moment you followed me, there was something about you. Maybe the material on your blog. I can’t pin point it for the life of me but I really, really wanted to get your attention. And I did. The days progressed. We talked more and more. First on Facebook, then on AOL Instant Messenger. I was sad about something, I forget now, probably about a crush I had back then. Silly 20-year-old stuff. You gave me your number because I had to go and you told me to text you. So I did. We talked. We talked for hours. About your family. Where you lived before. What you liked to do. You took pictures. I posted one of them on my blog.
“Pendejos. Yo soy Batman.”
It said a lot about you. It was funny to you, so you reckoned you should share it with the world. It worked on me, at least.
We talked a lot. Stayed up until morning. We talked about everything. Girls. Boys. Relationships. Our distaste towards marriage. Our doubts about religion. Our fear of love. Our cautiousness towards happiness. Our cynicism on romance. Our everything. So much in common yet so oblivious and aware of it all at the same time. Driving back to Los Angeles, you were my sanity. With my iPod and my old Nokia flip phone that died so quickly, I was glad you were the last person I spoke to. I remember not wanting to leave that empty apartment in Austin, and that outlet with my charger plugged in texting you because I know 3 hours in, my phone will die and There will be no more you for another 9 hours.
I listened to Holocene over and over because you played that song. It was a Bon Iver song I haven’t heard and you played it on Turntable. And every aspect of it reminded me of you. My heart felt happy for whatever reason, at the time, I was unaware or pretending to be refusing to admit to the truth. That I liked you. And at the time, it felt that I shouldn’t.
“You changed my life and I’ve known you four days.” (Remember when watched Garden State? And I cried. That was the same day you told me you loved me. It was October 2011.)
Back to the drive home to LA.
We finally reach Arizona. I wake up to my sister’s car pulling into a Motel 6. I was beyond ecstatic moreso than I admit. Electricity. My phone. You.
I texted you, finally. we talked. You were acting a little distant. I was unsure why. Then you tell me you missed talking to me and it felt weird not texting me for that long after 4 days of it but it shouldn’t feel like that.
“I don’t even really know you.”
I agreed. Inside, I was dying.
I go to sleep.
I wake up to apologies from you.
I was confused and happy and guilty because I was talking to somebody at the time. But in retrospect, I was happy to be awake because it was another day of learning about you.
The drive begins. I don’t hear from you for a while. I don’t complain. You were acting weird the night before. I figured you would never talk to me anymore because maybe now that I was back in California…3-hour time difference, who was I to you for you to be bothered? Nobody.
You
Text
Me
“are you back in Cali?” Such a New Yorker. Nobody calls California “Cali” except for people who don’t live here. I say yes. Too excited for my own good to hear from you.
This is getting too long.
“Get on! Me and my cousin (Andre) are in your turntable room!”
I do.
I link it on tumblr. Mad people join. This was midday. Time always passed by way too fast with you. It got so late. Andre was going to sleep already and telling you to go to sleep or your mom will kick your ass. I will never forget that time. Because I expected as all fuck and was so sure that you would go too. But you say “nah, I’ll stay on for a lil”. We were also on AIM and you say to me, “I don’t wanna go yet.”
All
The
Butterflies
A few days pass. We talked on and off. You disappeared a lot. I didn’t complain. Inside,
I was hollow.
August 24, a little after midnight.
We were on turntable. And AIM. The usual. A few people were in the room now. You say to me on AIM, “this next song will either make or break our friendship.”
If It Means A Lot To You - A Day To Remember.
It made more than a friendship, I can tell you that.
We got to talking about long distance relationships.
“I don’t even wanna be in a relationship, why would I be in a long distance one.”
I die a little.
And then you say, “I don’t know. Maybe with you, I would.”
“Wait, what?”
Did I read that right?
“Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe I would try if it was you. But I’m far anyway. It won’t ever work, right?” Look at you, your first denial stage.
“Are you serious?” I tell you.
“You’re really cute. And I’d probably to ask you out if you lived here.” You say.
“I thought you didn’t do that.” I tell you.
“I don’t know. I like you though.”
Wash. by Bon Iver plays.
I fall in love with you.
