In truth, Aaron was nothing but surprised at the bitterness that crawled up his throat, threatening to block off his airway as nearly a decade of rampant thoughts broke out over him like irradiated water from a bombed out dam.
Where had she been? For nineteen years of his life, Aaron had been nothing if not a rock for his sister. Heâd been the more resilient of the two in many ways, taking to the wasteland somewhat like a fish took to water, and through all of the horror and hardship, he had been there for Beverly. Then she had left. She had not been there for him during the war, she had not been there for him in the aftermath of the Pitt, she had not been there for him when Sarah died and he was left with the weight of the world on his shoulders alone.
All these thoughts and more were analyzed, excised, and discarded with the feeling the man soon came to realize was disgust. Disgust at himself, at the childishness and selfishness of these thoughts. There had been ten years of reflection on why exactly Bev had done what she did. Why she left. Aaron had long accepted that, and any remnant anger he felt was surely the result of the repression of having no one to share the immense weight of his station and title.
Sheâd had hardships of her own. Was she standing there and blaming her woes on her absent brother? Surely not, and he had no right to make her the object of his frustration.
He leaned back against the wall again, his head dropping as he noticed the trembling of the redheads hands as she tended to the dishes. He wondered if this had always been there, if below the surface she had always been in fear of him in some small way. Or if this was just the result of the wasteland, the wedge it had driven between them as it transformed them against their wills.
âYou have nothing to be sorry for. My woes are hardly your doing.â He was slipping into more formal speech, the kind he used for diplomatic meetings, and he raged and despaired and loathed that he could not stop himself from doing so. âThe Brotherhood has brought peace, stability, and plenty. Everything our father ever wanted for the wastes is becoming reality, and everyone I have ever wanted to share it with is dead, save for my daughter. It has been difficult.â