shock & awe.

tryin' to land on top, that was always fred's thing. me, i always just wanted to treat this like a real job. keep your head down, make a living, and get out early.

[notasexthing-blog]

      My stomach! 

[hillaryclintonofdruglords-blog]

Chop chop. This @#$%’s time-sensitive.

[notasexthing-blog]

   What's time-sensitive??

[myparkersenseistingling]

notasexthing started following you

Herman! Buddy! Am I glad I ran into you!

[notasexthing-blog]

    I didn't do it! Honest!

[hillaryclintonofdruglords-blog]

[She has to stop and float. Waiting was a bitch.]

Fucking idiots. I knew you were slow, but did you guys have to really sell it physically today?

[notasexthing-blog]

    What? Sorry... 

[notasexthing-blog]

    I need more dog food.

[lilnanopimps-blog]

    Sure, Herman. [ He fishes it from his wallet. ] But you told Fred you’d, you know, stop paying.

[notasexthing-blog]

     I know. But it's like... what if the store owner is struggling to make a living too, you know? That's three dollars they'll never get. That can change a person.

[lilnanopimps-blog]

     …You need money?

[notasexthing-blog]

   Yeah. Just a dollar, though?

[notasexthing-blog]

     Hey, do you have a dollar? I need some change for a sandwich.

[notcaptainbritain-deact]

notasexthing started following you

On the ground, arsehole. Hands on your head.

[notasexthing-blog]

    I didn't do it!

[capsceneinvestigation]

[notasexthing-blog]

      [ okay. there's janice? there's janice. woo! just like you practiced, herman... just like you practiced. don't let your anxiety get the best of you, just play it off cool... play it off like boomer with all the ladies... come on. ] 

      Oh, uh, hey. Janice. I was gonna, y'know, give it to... Inspector! I was going to give this flower to Inspector but I think James ran off with him so, uh... If you wanted it--?

[lilnanopimps-blog]

[ Overdrive covers his head with his instinctively, as if his head isn’t already protected by a few inches of reinforced plastic. He didn’t want a boomerang hurled at him from the inside from any possible drunken Fred. ]

    He’s not here, right? I know he’s like… Doing a couple of… dudes up the butt… or something — hey, check it!

    [ Overdrive steps past the door, Shocker’s shoe print marring the wood. He grabs a Fergie CD from a couch uncleaned for who knew how long? He turned it over, then stuck it inside of his jacket’s pocket. ]

    I’m keeping this. 

[notasexthing-blog]

     [ like some ancient warrior battle ( spartan, maybe? herman doesn't know -- his memory on history is pretty vague at this point ), he parades into the room. as soon as he fred isn't there, he slumps down again. okay,  cool. at least overdrive's safe from janice now? ] 

     Um... Okay. I actually don't think you need to go in his yucky bed now. Because, I mean, uh, why would she even come into his apartment? I've been here five seconds and I want to leave. 

[ourassetsarefrozen]

Visit Original Link

I Hate Everyone - Get Set Go

Some fucking asshole just cut me off And gave me the finger when I fucking honked Then he proceeded to put on the brakes He slammed on the brakes, but I made a mistake When I climbed out of my van he was waiting But he was six three and two hundred pounds of Satan

I hate everyone.

[lets-run-like-the-devil]

We need another bag.

[notasexthing-blog]

[ groans. ] I think all the pet shops hate us.

[thousandsoffaces-blog]

     Why are you being so persistent about this?

[notasexthing-blog]

      Because!

      Two percent?!

[camxsado]

                “What didn’t you do?”

[notasexthing-blog]

          ... Anything.

[lilnanopimps-blog]

    Keys. 

[ He scurries up to the second level of the apartment despite this statement, and searches for various rooms until he passes the most foul-smelling. Yes, this is the one. ]

    Can you, uh. Kick it down?

[notasexthing-blog]

[ he only shakes his head disapprovingly for a moment, as he still follows shortly after. ] 

      Well, I mean, I could always shock it down but that'd make a lot of noise and we don't want noise and Fred would kill us but -- 

[ he shuts himself up by getting a short running start and kicking down the door. it almost doesn't budge -- almost. that wouldn't been embarrassing. the good side of this: they're in fred's apartment. the bad side of this: fred's probably gonna 'em for busting down his door. ]