how am i back here again

she/they, 27, relapsed, and feel way too old for this shit again TW/CW EDSHT:(

[notenoughandbackagain]

intro time

(please put your age somewhere and hide your likes and following or i will block)

okay so... in 2019 a photo got posted of me and i hated it and decided to lose w£ight... i started by looking up what happens after people have gastric bypass and surpiseeee it quickly turned into an £d

spent like 2-3 years in it and then after a big breakup i actually recovered. like really was soooo into self love and loving and caring for my body no matter what. this lasted about 3 years until...

someone posted pictures of me!!! and r£lapse timeeeee.... a lot of things started leading up to it but god damn those photos get me every time

so now i'm back again and wanna actually get somewhere this time and once i get to my goal then i'll recover... probably so anyways here's my stats

HW: 240

SW:228

CW: 150

GW: 111

[batsandboba]

birds are so privileged for being able to sit on top of street lamps and judge people. i wish i was up there

[notenoughandbackagain]

and by judge i mean admire how pretty olive you are and how cute your outfits are💗✨

[platinumcookiequeen]

why does everyone act like me not 3ating affects them more then it does me?? can a girl get a break?????

[notenoughandbackagain]

started watching b¡guest los¢r and ohhh my godddd this show is so unbelievably ¢d coded istg

[notenoughandbackagain]

and idk i've been consuming a lotttt of eddie material and like i'm starting to wonder if i'm alone in this not being *about* my weight or my body. like it's literally a mental thing in my brain that yells at me and screams and is so mean and says i'm "not allowed" to do the most random shit. like literally a month or so before this relap§e i was h'gh on mushrooms and like OBSESSED with my body i thought it was perfect despite missing some tattoos but like i was HAPPY. and i miss that. and i just don't feel like any of this has anything to actually do with my body. but all these dumb ass "experts" say the same stupid shit and i feel like none of them understand d¡sorders at all. but they're the experts and so maybe i'm just not even d¡sordered at all

[notenoughandbackagain]

lowkey wanna post some before/after b¢'s but it would just be a cry for validation and i get more than enough comments about the *change* and not one of them has made it so i can see what they're talking about so maybe i'll just keep staring at them myself trying to figure out where this supposed "we¡ght" "lo§§" is

[notenoughandbackagain]

*should* i go but ciggies even though it's very late and i work very early? probably not

but i really wanna though

[notenoughandbackagain]

the delusional add¡ct in me is convinced i could just stop this when i want to

[notenoughandbackagain]

signed up for a nutr¡tionist apppointment my work offered through their eap so we'll see how that goes since last time i tried a therap¡st through a work eap and it scared me from ever wanting to try THAT again lol so yea we'll see

[notenoughandbackagain]

she really said go track all your food and we'll talk about it in two weeks and i wanted to say girl i've got a log right now i can show what's been up (even though i literally told her what i ate daily already, idk if she believed me)

[rottenfleshnbones-deactivated20]

i care btw. i care abt the song ur listening to or the bug u saw or how u just got outta the shower or how ur happily hanging out w ur friends or how ur kinda sad or how good was the meal u just had or ur fav character from an indie game nobody knows or if u chugged down some water. i always will

[notenoughandbackagain]

i'm going to eat max of 3 normal meals this weekend (visiting people) and then i'm buying all my fav safe foods and getting back to it with more variety than the last ~3 weeks i've had of the same 3 things over and over and if this doesn't fix my slow ass metab i've been rocking i'm gonna crash out so foCKINGG hard...

[pts-deadd]

GTKYM weekly question leggo

reblog with your first concert

mine was warped tour 2014, got to see SO MANY bands but most importantly PTV for the first time 🖤🖤

[notenoughandbackagain]

mine was marina when she was still marina and the diamond on the froot tour 🍒 in 2015 it was amazing and i've been addicted to live music ever since

[notenoughandbackagain]

finally made it here and surprise, surprise i still feel like it's not enough and didn't even give me the slight dopamine hit i was hoping for

[woefulworm]

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just a friendly reminder i will block if not (we gotta be safe besties)

[notenoughandbackagain]

tmi time

i'm shitting straight liquid rn and i have to go to the dentist in an hour uhh ohh

[notenoughandbackagain]

feel like a focking whaleeeee today 😔

[notenoughandbackagain]

signed up for a nutr¡tionist apppointment my work offered through their eap so we'll see how that goes since last time i tried a therap¡st through a work eap and it scared me from ever wanting to try THAT again lol so yea we'll see