You say you don’t like to kink shame and then immediately after saying that kink shame domkat shippers. I really don’t see the harm in it. Just because it’s not something you’re into doesn’t mean it’s gross. Hell I don’t like gp shit I think it’s weird but I don’t tell you not to read it..
This is going to be very long, so bare with me!
Have you ever had a friend that you had a really special connection with? Maybe even a best friend. You don’t have romantic feelings for each other and maybe even see each other as something like siblings, but your relationship is incredibly special. But your friends and family constantly say things like “Oh are you two going to get together?” Or, “You would make a great couple!” Or maybe even, “It’s obvious that you two like each other. Just get together already!” Maybe you’ve come out as a lesbian and your best friend is a guy and people are constantly making these remarks to you, which invalidates your sexuality. Or you and your best friend are both queer and everyone is trying to get you two together, even though you’re like sisters. Suddenly you find yourself feeling self-conscious whenever you hug your friend because you don’t want people to take it the wrong way, so you pull back. Your friend asks you if you want to go see a movie together but — even though you really want to — you decline because people might see that as a date and get even more persistent with their adamant persuasion. You slowly stop commenting on each other’s social media posts with things such as “I love you!” or “You look gorgeous!” Because you know that it’ll only fuel the fire, and instead decide to keep it professional. And then one day, one of you gets into a relationship, but the comments don’t stop. Instead they’re even more heated with things like “You don’t really love this person you’re with, we all know you really want (best friend).” And your actual relationship is constantly being insulted because people don’t want you with that person, they want you with your best friend whom you don’t have any romantic feelings for. Over time each passing comment chisels away at your friendship with your best friend because of the distance you’ve been forced to give in order to show people that you don’t like each other in that way, until one day there’s just nothing left. You’ve completely drifted because the wedge that all of these people created by shipping you two together has completely destroyed the friendship.
This is what DomKat shippers are doing, but on a much greater scale. It’s not only comments being made, but also writing fanfiction where they have sex with each other. Can you imagine people writing stories about you and your friend (one that you see like family) having sex with each other? Or editing photos of you kissing? Can you imagine how uncomfortable that would make both of you feel to the point where any sort of physical contact with each other now feels too awkward? I mean, Kat is married. Can you even imagine how that makes her feel when these “fans” make stuff like that and TAG her in it so that when she unsuspectingly clicks on the post she sees it? Kat and Dom have asked the fans to stop creating these works, and especially to stop tagging them in it. And to continue to do so is making a statement that says “I don’t care what you want or that it makes you uncomfortable because I enjoy it and therefore will continue to do it.” It also tells Kat that these “fans” dont see her marriage as valid. And it tells Dom that the same thing will happen if she gets into a relationship so she should try to hide it as much as possible.
It’s already affecting their friendship. Have you noticed that in the beginning of the show they were more comfortable being close to each other during panels and interviews? Holding hands for support, giving hugs, giving compliments — things you do with your close platonic friends — and now they don’t do it nearly as much? It’s because of DomKat shippers making them feel uncomfortable doing those things because it gives them fuel to continue shipping them. The level of blatant disrespect for these two people who have poured their heart and soul into giving us the queer female representation we’ve been asking for is just appalling. These aren’t fans. And I can guarantee you that Kat and Dom don’t see these shippers as fans, but rather selfish people who are slowly destroying the fandom.
Shipping these two actresses together isn’t a “kink”, it’s an invasion of privacy, and you better believe that I’m going to call those people out on it. Just like I would call out anyone else who ignores someone’s plea to not be involved in something and continues to do it anyways. And if that’s kink shaming, then quite frankly some kinks should be shamed when they are harmful to another person. If shipping two people together who have asked you not to and have told you that it’s negatively affecting their lives is your “kink”, then I strongly urge you to check your morals, and to also do some internal reflection to figure out why the fictional world where Nicole and Waverly exist isn’t enough for you and you feel the need to bring it into the real world, ultimately crossing the boundaries that have been set by the actresses.
I know it’s just a small portion of the fandom (thank god) but even one DomKat shipper is too many. And you may be thinking, “Well I’m just reading and looking at the stuff I don’t create it, so that’s okay because how will they know I’m even looking at it?” It’s not okay. You are helping fuel the fire by giving these works attention, which encourages the author to create more and makes them feel like what they’re doing is okay, when it’s not. Again, it’s disrespecting their wishes and consent, and you’re doing something they’ve made very clear that they didn’t want — whether you’re creating it or just enjoying the creations. YOU are a part of that.
If after all of this you still don’t think there’s anything wrong with creating/enjoying DomKat content and will continue to do it, then please take some more time to reflect on why you believe crossing the boundaries Dom and Kat have asked fans not to cross isn’t wrong.
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