You sigh. "Well, I've waited this long, haven't I?" Kindle stares at you. "Don't try and tell me to go away, or that I'll die. You saved me last time. It's my turn."
He's just a kid, too. You can see it with how his eyes turn to the ground. As much as someone at his age would insist they're 'mature,' they're just as lost as anyone else. You wish you could remember how that usually panned out... Would be reassuring.
"The whole world has turned on its head." Kindle admits. "Would it have if I had known better years ago?"
"Children don't know anything." You sigh. "That's the price of youth."
"Did you find anything out about this place?" He asks suddenly. You shrug.
"I met an old friend. Or maybe an old enemy. And I kinda... Ate them. But uh, it was self-defense. Honest." You stiffen a little. "This place... It looks like somewhere I've been before. How did they get here? I don't think they knew where I was?"
"Do you think they could find you, somehow?" Kindle proposes, shifting a little to the side. "It would be a foolish endeavor for us to do it alone."
"I don't even know what we're supposed to do." You admit. "Who runs this place? You mentioned... She? I think I remember someone like that." Kindle turns away for a moment.
"...You mean Mother?" He doesn't meet your gaze. "You want to... Kill her?"
"Is she the one who started all this? Isn't she the one who..." You gesture towards him. "How did you even end up there, anyway? Are there other Command Blocks here?"
"Oh, I could show you where I came from!" Kindle shouts excitedly. "Maybe they would know how to navigate this place." He pulls himself up a little.
"But we're..." Going to kill your mother. We're going to kill her. She has to die if she's what caused all of this. "What's your mother like, exactly?" Kindle sighs.
"She is an elusive thing. I see more of her Councilmen than I do her. Some of them come along the next day a bit more... Mangled. Stronger, too. They say this place has enlightened them in ways they had not been before. If so, would that mean... No, no, I understood myself. Nothing has changed." Kindle shakes his head.
"Councilmen?" You tilt your head, remembering a dragon in a robe.
"They care for us. They go places she does not dare tread. Why? I am not sure. She spans the horizon, yet she avoids things that would not cause someone of her stature fear." Kindle puts a hoof under his head.
"But you didn't need to eat." You press forward. "What exactly were they doing to care for you?"
"They watched us. Told us to stay within the palace or our rooms. I think... Some of my siblings may have wandered beyond, but I never saw them outside the palace." Kindle considers.
"Sounds more like they were guarding you." You hum. Kindle stares at you for a while.
"What does a parent do, exactly?" He asks.
"Well, I can't give you everything, amnesia and all, but..." You think really hard for a moment. "We raise them, we make sure they don't do anything stupid or get hurt and we--"
--
"I just want you to be careful, okay?"
"But I didn't--I didn't do anything!"
"I did not say you did, sweetie."
"Then why did you assume it was my fault? They cry all the time!" Willow shouted. You stepped into the living room, your hair still a bit of a mess. Hair gel still clung to your fingers. You had to fight back the urge to scrape it all of your hands.
"What's um, going on in here?" You stammered.
"Willow made Firework cry." PAMA pulled the small child close to their chest.
"I didn't! They just cry all the time!" Willow snapped. It'd be intimidating if she wasn't so tiny. You held back a snort. PAMA accidentally brushed against Firework's ear and they cried louder.
"Oh." PAMA was quiet.
"Why do you always think I did it!?" Willow snapped.
"I do not." PAMA admitted. "I just... Do not want you to do something you will regret.
--
"But sometimes it can be a bit too much." You look away. "You can't be overbearing. It's... It doesn't do them any favors." Kindle is silent, every eye of his blinking, before he looks right at you.
"We spend a long time in solitude." He admits. You watch him crane every limb around, each eye looking in a different direction. You tilt your head. "You need a guide, don't you recall?"
✾✾✾✾✾✾
"This is our current map of the world. It's nothing fancy, really, but last I checked nothing in this area's changed," Hadrian gestures towards the center of the map, "that's the center, right there. That's where the most things pop up. Again, it's suicide, but if you're insistent..." Hadrian waves one hand awkwardly.
Nurm's in the middle of transcribing the map onto a large empty sheet of paper. The palace you stand within is awfully similar to Hadrian's from years ago, barring the cozier details. It seems as if it has been made to accommodate guests, with many seats and gentle lamps. Cassie has been spending most of her time staring at a particularly intricate rug.
Otto's a bit busy chasing the mockery of your children. Firework scoops up the smaller Willow and she shrieks when he does. Otto has to take her out of Firework's hands. Firework spends a good moment simply staring at you.
"I'm thinking you guys could hunker down and I could take a look around." Mevia offers and crosses her arms. "You said one of your own went missing too, right?"
"Yeah, but she's... Probably dead." Binta admits.
"That really depends on your definition of death, my friend," Hadrian turns to her, "her body is likely still alive, but her mind? Well. I'd say it depends on her mental fortitude, too."
"Hey, maybe I'll finally see where our Soren ended up." Mevia announces. "If she's good at finding things, maybe they've found each other." She shrugs. You tilt your head.
"You said this place changes, right?" Nurm looks up from his map. Hadrian nods before he sighs.
"But it's not random. It usually doesn't change when you're wandering. It sort of just... Grows. Shifts, maybe, if it feels like it." Hadrian leans close to the map. "So what's more likely is that you'll bump into a new territory. I'd keep my wits about me. Newbies are like the drowning, they usually engulf whoever's around them."
"You guys are still looking for your Soren?" Tripwire asks and Otto nods. "But shouldn't he be sort of... Gone now?"
"He would be if he was the actual Soren." Otto corrects. "This is our world. We've reached our endpoint. The real Soren, if he were here, however, would be twisted beyond recognition by now. From what we've heard, your Soren wouldn't... Well. It wouldn't be pretty." He clenches his eyes shut as if he has eaten something bad.
"What do you do if other-you is better? Nicer? Capable?" Firework suddenly asks. "Do you go crazy?"
"I mean, I'd... Hope you wouldn't." Hadrian's hands clench together. "I'd say the size of your group should discourage ego death. Just... You gotta remember you're you. Imperfect, maybe, but you're you."
Firework stares at you. "These can't be people who hurt you."
"Well, they act very different." You say. She shrugs.
"What would you do?" Willow asks Lily. "If you saw a version of yourself that was just... Happy and unharmed?"
"I'd ask what it'd take to be her." Lily admits. "Maybe it'd drive me mad, but I have to know. What else could I have done?"
"So, everything and everyone here, is someone who already exists but... They're different." Olivia says and that gets Hadrian to nod. Mevia finally shuffles out the door and she moves too fast for you to follow with your eyes. "...Why?"
"Wish I had an answer." Hadrian shrugs. "I think it remembers places and things too, but it's all the same question. Why? Nobody knows. And if anyone does, they're keeping it under lock and key."
"What purpose does being copied serve? Your original selves are dead. What happens if we... What happens if a version of us dies?" Olivia turns to Hadrian. He stiffens. "...You don't have an answer?"
"We can live without our original selves. It's been a few decades since my origin died, and well, I'm still kicking, aren't I? I think it may work the other way around, too."
"There's a sort of... Separation." Xara interjects. "PAMA didn't suddenly act like an inverse of the version Harper killed. I also... I remember something. A sort of severance. A barrier, maybe?"
"But why?" Olivia presses. "What purpose does it serve? Nobody comes here. Are you supposed to face your other selves in order to become an Admin? Is that our solution, giving up our mortality to..." She turns to Hadrian, who simply shrugs again. Olivia frowns.
"You had this rug when I was a kid." Cassie interjects. "It took me a moment. Why is that the thing it copied? The colors aren't even right."
"You mentioned someone watching us." Sonar steps in close. "And something about memory. Our memory. Is that it? Is this a collective dream, maybe?"
"No, no, it's not a dream. You don't go through a portal to a dream." Binta shakes her head. "But why--?"
"You're not going to find an answer here." Otto interjects. "So I'd try and focus on our objective. You're looking for someone. You probably want the--"
There is a knock at the door. You feel your blood chill. Everyone's heads snap to it as it opens. The figure on the other end is eerily unremarkable. Blonde hair, a sort of theater mask covering a pale face, and a dark robe. You tilt your head.
"You know every move, every word, every second of your existence is perceived, yes?" It tilts its head in turn. You hear Sonar growl at your side. "Don't waste your breath. Do you want your death now?" It presses a hand against her forehead.
"Showman," Hadrian begins before he shoves the figure's hand away, "we've advised them against from this path. You do know that she is untouchable, right? What about this posse threatens her authority?"
"Not them, you." Showman pushes Sonar to the side and stares at Hadrian. You catch the glimmer of blue eyes underneath the mask. "How many groups like these will you feed answers to?"
"This is the first group in centuries."
"Or so you've heard." Showman tilts its head and the smile on its mask widens. Sonar grits her teeth and Showman turns its head straight back. "Tell me, honestly, do you think killing me will do anything? We are numerous. The fact you still breathe is a mercy." It draws back and lets out a strange chortle.
Your claws unsheathe impulsively.
"You were given so much grace. You even got to keep that thing." It points to Sunny. "You only had to pay one cost. You only had one measly consequence!"
"Okay. Then show us way out." Firework interjects. "Tell us how to go." Binta stares at him and is about to speak before she stops and holds up one hand. Showman turns its head rapidly between your group and Hadrian's.
"...You're being actually honest. Huh." It blinks. "Fine," It moseys to Nurm's side and marks a segment of the map, "meet us here." With that, it slinks back through the door. You blink. Its voice seems familiar.
"You dragged us all out here to--" Willow begins before Firework stuffs an ear against the door. He shakes his head. "What are you getting at here?"
"Don't be stupid, now." Hadrian whispers. "Sleep on it, at least." You turn to Firework and she shrugs. You stiffen. "Don't speak." Hadrian insists.
Oh.
❀❀❀❀❀
This place is strange. You knew that much, and really, are you one to talk, you big dragon? Ugh. How do you become human again? You could do it before, but it was more... Random?
Anyway, so far you have passed, in exact order, a thick canopy of trees, (All of them were so terribly clustered together, too! And some, god, you swear they had faces), a city entirely of glass, (Which you did not stay long within because, well, one person looked an awful lot like her...) and a plain full of rabbits that slither on snakelike bodies.
Nothing has seemed... Hostile. Not yet, at least. And now you've jinxed it, probably.
Kindle's eyes are primed more than normal. You can't blame him for that either. You don't know when something new will come out of the woodwork.
Time is hard to track, too. The sky changes with each boundary crossed. One segment of the world basks in eternal night, another eternal day, and some inhabit a stagnant twilight. What you do know of time, is that you have walked long enough to eat through your food stores.
"Do they have... Normal wildlife here?" You almost wish you remembered where those snake-rabbits were. Kindle shrugs before you hear him humming. "Don't make me anything. You've got to conserve your energy."
"What good is it if you starve?" Kindle stares at you.
"I'm not starving yet." You correct him and continue to walk. The grass turns to sand under your feet. You blink and groan. "I feel like we're going in circles."
"Different desert. See? The sand be orange!" Kindle gestures as he puts on a sort of 'pirate-voice.' You stare at him. He stares at you. "Regardless, we are not going in circles! That is good news!"
"...We're lost, then." You continue to stare at him.
"I suppose so." Kindle anxiously rubs his hooves together. "But surely, there is an answer around here, somewhere!" He stomps one down against the ground.
You let a tongue flicker out of your lips and stiffen. Something else is here. Kindle, however, cannot keep his eyes off it. He mocks a gag, or at least you assume he is.
"We're not alone." You say as he keeps making a bunch of choking sounds. Kindle stops and stares at you before his eyes press against the horizon. You peer across the desert as well, finding it full of mountains.
One moves. You spy a thousand needle-like claws spreading from a few spindly arms. It is not alone, either. Its eyes hold a sort of glazed over humanity.
"Cease." Its voice booms across the desert as it takes a massive stride with one leg. Its barrage of eyes turn to you, before a half splits off to turn to Kindle. "You had a task. Do you understand the foolishness of this endeavor?"
"You can fly well, right?" Kindle shouts. You stop before you nod. "Then fly like the wind!" He shouts and you turn to run. You can barely get a few feet off the ground before the claws dig into your back. You thrash your tail impulsively and hear a booming wail, one that you feel more than you could ever hear it.
You manage to fly away from it. Something else hits you in the back and you tumble, almost ending up in a spiral towards the ground. You can barely pull yourself out of it, taking yourself into a sloppy glide. A bright light hits your periphery.
And then, you crash into a mountain. You think you've broken your nose. You don't really know much beyond digging your claws into its side and laying on the only platform you can find.
You look over the damage. Your nose is bleeding heavily and you're full of black splinters. Groaning, you wrench one hand around them and pull them out one by one. You try and stifle the urge to shout when you do. Who knows what is listening?
Kindle's probably not dead. And if he's in danger, there's nothing you can do right now. You need to keep moving. You wipe a hand against your nose and it hurts something awful. If you had a mirror, you could probably confirm if it's broken.
Oh. And you're hungry.
Great!
"I can heal this..." You murmur. "I just need to get moving again and find something to--" You're cut off by the horrible snap of bone. You know those leg cramps you get if you wake up wrong? It's like one of those across your entire body. Delirium had served you well enough to make the pain of being compressed the least of your worries.
If you survive long enough to talk to a therapist, this is definitely going to make them need one in turn. You manage to let yourself groan once you're sure you won't shriek from pain. You're... Cold now--
Oh. Right. Dragons don't wear clothes. And the last thing someone dressed you in, you nearly ate it.
So you're human, now? Yep, yep, dull hands and everything. Your mouth's still messed up. Yeah, you remember that happened the last time you reverted. Still, ugh, awful. Can you still breathe acid?
Wait. Your wounds don't hurt anymore. You press a hand against your nose. Doesn't hurt anymore? Oh. That's weird.
Maybe your flesh getting rearranged heals you? You stare at the ground. Your skin came off again. That's... Fun.
PAMA had told you a very particular fact about reptiles, some eat their own skin. You debate it for a moment before gagging. Yeah, you're not that hungry.
You take a look down the mountain. Well, if you were suicidal, this would be perfect. It takes you a moment to mentally carve out a path. Walking down it is nerve-racking. Part of you still expects to be able to jump down and spread wings if it gets too bad.
You nearly collapse from exhaustion at the bottom. There's nobody to watch you sleep, either. Great. Great! Are they even going to chase you when the psychological torment of being stuck out here is enough?
You turn. A ruined city sprawls out before you. You can't help but squint. It takes everything in you not to shout once you see it. You recognize this town.
"It's not real... Okay. Remember that. You're in a fucked up nightmare world." You rub your forehead. You couldn't have doomed your people. It's just not possible. And they can't be here. They can't--
"Oh, it is real." A voice from the other side of town laughs. You stiffen at the sound. Is that... You? How the hell are you speaking to yourself? It seems to be shaped like you, too. Its hair is just as long.
And then, it is in front of you. Its skin, barring its pale extremities, is all dark. Two, massive, black curled horns drape off its head. It doesn't seem to have a mouth at all.
If not for the tail, or the horde of black spikes, or the purple eye, or everything else, you'd have thought you were looking into a mirror. One of its dark claws sinks into the side of your face. It lets out a strange, warbling laugh.
"I've been dying to see you. Do you know what it's like to deal with all of your baggage?" It grabs you by the wrist. You spy the bandaging covering its ankles and arm. Purple blood stains it in parts. "We're going to have so much fun, you and I."
✾✾✾✾✾✾
"If you folks intend on being stupid, you better be quick and stupid." Hadrian says as he roots through a chest. "Otto? Why do we have so many blankets?"
"Soren and I started a crochet club the last time you stormed off. Years ago." Otto waves one hand awkwardly. "Bit convenient though, y'know?"
"I'm just giving you folks this advice before you sleep on it." Hadrian turns to you and hands you a blanket. "If you're committed to this task, which, we know you aren't," He winks awkwardly, "you'd better be quick. But you know. You can't be." He seems to go quiet with that last part.
"What's the use in watching, then?" Otto pipes up. "They're satisfied with this agreement." He turns to Firework, who nods. Hadrian grabs Otto by the wrist and takes him deeper into the palace. You blink before letting out a strange sigh.
"He's dead." Nurm interjects suddenly. "I say we actually do what they want and leave." You turn and stare at him. "Even if he's somehow out there, he's probably a mindless monster by now."
"Radar's strong." Xara stares at Nurm. "I believe in him."
"Seriously?" Nurm laughs. "That doesn't matter. It doesn't work like that."
"Shut it." You growl. Firework stares at Nurm and Willow lets out a sigh. "I can prove he is alive! I have--"
"You left the rabbit at home." Willow turns to you and you stiffen.
"Who takes care of them now?" Firework asks.
"No, the stuffed rabbit." Willow glares at him. You turn to the imitations of them. They have returned to playing. It is as if they have no idea what has happened to their original family. "What? Now you feel guilty?"
"There's nothing saying that they're not making up an imitation of Radar right now." Nurm stares right at you. "Who's to say they won't suddenly return 'him'? You're already losing your mind, after all."
"I am not." You snap.
"Why don't you do anything?" Nurm turns to Olivia. "You could--"
"I'm not going to force anything onto PAMA, okay? I don't want to be like them!" She holds back a shout. "I refuse to twist someone's mind, even if it's to 'fix' them."
"Great. We're going to get led astray by a deluded computer." Nurm rolls his eyes. You glare at him. "What? It's not like you saved the last one." You mock the motion of a snarl.
Tripwire's eye twitches. "Is this really what this is about?"
"Well, no, I--" Nurm begins before he blinks. "...Why did I say that?"
"Yeah, it's been years!" Tripwire shouts at him. "...Don't tell me everyone else is losing their mind!" She throws her hands up.
"You told me they... They tried to..." Nurm turns to Tripwire.
"Yeah. They did their damn best." Tripwire sighs. "God. But what if you're right? Radar might be dead and we'd never know. We'd just bring some stupid copy home--"
"We would know!" Firework insists.
"We wouldn't have to if you just--" Willow begins before Firework shoves her back. Sunny's head shoots off Firework's lap. "It's true! If we just kept our heads down--"
"People dying!" Firework snaps at her. "We fix, we go home, no one else gets hurt. Already here. Might as well."
"But... We wouldn't... It's..." Willow stares at Sunny. They flinch when she does. "Why the hell haven't you killed us?"
"You really expect a toddler to kill you?" Sonar stares at Willow. "That's what this is about?" Lily looks over for a moment before turning away and shaking her head.
"It's more complicated than that!" Willow shouts. "It's a monster! It's going to grow up and turn into something way worse than the Witherstorm. Is that what you people want?"
"You've failed as a parent!" Sonar turns to you before shaking you violently. "I've never met someone more deluded than your daughter!" You push Sonar back.
"A cult did this to her!" You snap.
"And who let said daughter fall into the hands of a cult?" Sonar insists and you step back.
"It's not all PAMA's fault." Cassie interjects and Sonar glares at her.
"I'm not listening to a murderer's words, here!" Sonar pins Cassie against the wall. You growl and grab Sonar by the scruff of her shirt. She claws at your screen and blood oozes into your eyes. "This is all your fault!"
"Get off her!" You snarl and rake a claw against Sonar's face. She yowls and pushes past you.
"What is going on in here?!" Hadrian shouts as he runs back into the room. Olivia grabs Sonar before she can bolt out the door.
"We are not going to turn against each other, okay?" She snarls at Sonar. "Whoever's fault it is can be figured out on the other side."
"Exactly." Binta concurs.
"You're taking--" Sonar begins and Olivia's eyes narrow.
"Do you really want to make me angry?"
"No, ma'am." Sonar squeaks and Olivia lets go of her.
"I get everyone's stressed, but this is getting us nowhere. If we fight each other, we're giving the monsters here exactly what they want. We're going to push each other into becoming feral beasts or something." Olivia gestures towards everyone. "Does placing the blame now somehow get Radar back? Does it solve our problems?"
"It doesn't." Binta adds. "We can work it out later. I'm sure Radar will be happy to focus on the consequences of it, rather than whatever's happening to him now."
"Assuming it doesn't drive him mad, of course." Sonar murmurs and you stare at her. "At least let him rest before you throw him into working our shit out."
"What matters is fixing this. We save Radar, we... I guess we kill whoever's doing this, and then we go home." Binta sighs. "I mean, they're planning on killing kids. They turn people into monsters, they... I know all that and it still feels weird saying it." She sits down.
"Don't feel bad about it." Hadrian sighs. "You don't even know half of what's happened here."
"That's... Not exactly encouraging." Binta looks at the ground.
"I can't spill more. What I do know won't help you. Not now, at least." He sighs. "Just keep your head on straight. Remember yourself. And don't live kneeling."
"And get some sleep, would you?" Otto pokes his head out. "You need it."
"You're a monster, you know?" Willow hisses and Binta gestures for her to stop. "What? Don't you know what happened?"
Something feels different. "Maybe I am."
❀❀❀❀❀
"What the hell do you want from me?" You spit as it drags you further into the city. You debate biting at it, but is it really worth wasting your energy on? Sure, its intentions are horrible, but maybe if you buy some time, you can get flying again.
...Great. Now you're wishing you were a dragon again. How did you get here?
"I've been dying to meet the real Radar," It admits as it plops you before a ruined replica of the Rainbow Beacon, "and look who landed on my doorstep! Good thing they didn't catch you, huh?" It lets out a strange laugh.
"...That didn't answer my question." You glare at it.
"You really think you're in any place to make demands of me?!" It grabs you by the throat. You hiss and shriek. It jolts back, a few purple sparks of electricity licking its form.
You growl and approach it, one claw outstretched to grab its throat in turn.
"Wait, wait, I'm you, remember?" It stands on all fours, tail lashing against the ground. You spy the torn off numbs of wings on its back. "You kill me, you lose a part of yourself. Do you want to risk losing your mind here?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" A growl rumbles out of your chest. You flinch in pain, your bones clicking for a moment, before they settle again. The beast lashes its tail again and throws you to the ground.
"You're weak!" It laughs. "Oh, I could kill you. I could take you apart here and now..." It looks you over. You catch the glint of teeth just under the bangs covering half its face.
"Then answer my question. If you're going to kill me." You growl. It snorts and snickers at the sight of you. You raise an eyebrow. "Am I dealing with a child right now?"
"My whole point is that it'd be boring! Oh my goodness, listen to this guy!" It continues to laugh, falling backwards. You blink and pull away. It grabs you by the leg and you can spy the mouths where its eye should be pulling into a grin. "My question really is, where should I start?"
"How do you know I'm real?" You growl. "I could be like you."
"Does it matter?" It laughs. "You're close enough!" It rakes its claws against your chest. You kick it back, claws sinking into its bare chest, and it hisses as it slides away.
You just need to buy time. At least you'd think so? Maybe you can bite it, but it seems more... Human than that wolf. Why is there another you here? How can there be another version of yourself? It violates all laws of being!
You lunge at it and your teeth sink into its back. A loud hiss escapes it before electricity hits you in turn. As you slide away, you find its jaws still sparking. It breaks into another laugh.
"I don't have to wait like you do!" It throws a bolt at your form. You shriek as it hits your abdomen. "I can do it as long as I want! And what will you do? Scream and bite? Retaliate with more electricity? Ohhh... But you'd run out eventually, wouldn't you?"
Its claws wrap around your throat and it squeezes hard. You flail and gasp desperately. It can't contain its laughter. The edges of your vision begin to darken. You scratch at its arms and it still clings onto your throat.
Suddenly, it lets go. You heave in a thousand desperate breaths as it breaks into a soft chuckle. "I'm never going to die. I'm never going to die." It wheezes as tears drip down its face. "And neither will you! Oh, no, no, no... I'll be nice and careful."
It bites down on your chest, just a few inches away from your teeth. You let out a desperate, gurgled groan.
"We need each other..." It whispers. "Even if it hurts."
✾✾✾✾✾
You blink your eyes open. Or wait, do you even have to do that? The palace is quiet. That is strange... You stir and everyone seems to have woken before you.
Your blood feels warm. Maybe Willow is right. You cannot save anyone. No, no, no. Haven't saved anyone... Messed up the first time. And then you did it again and again and again and--
Why is it so hard to remember, now? You talked with someone, but your hands were different. No, no, those were someone else's hands. Feels so hard to pull that apart, now. Why? Why is everything so hard?
Oh. Do you... Do you not want to remember? That should be okay. You have... Friends? Maybe? They seem like friends...
"Where's Lily?" Willow asks at your side. You look over the group. Everyone is here. Everyone is okay. "Where is Lily?!" She shouts. Why is she panicking? Who is that?
It feels so nice to just... Forget. But well, there was no one here by that name. Of course not. You hear the rest of them shuffling, even your parents. They run outside. For someone who is not even there?
Your parents stay behind, their eyes locking for a moment. You follow your group into the garden. It is so so beautiful. You are in a garden with so many nice friends.
The not-Radar is there. He holds up a rabbit so it can nibble on a pretty topiary. A bit of a waste, considering how well pruned it is... It even looks like such a pretty person! So many nice lilies and azaleas growing off it... So beautiful.
Willow shrieks. Why?
Something is saying your name. You stiffen. Why do you feel... Wrong?
"I didn't... Stop it!" Willow shouts at the Radar. He blinks stupidly. "I remember, goddammit! I remember!" She wails. "Why don't you remember? Why?"
"Maybe she wanted it." Tripwire stiffens and Willow's gaze snaps to her. "Think about it. Everyone else remembered her as something else, right?"
"She didn't!" Willow snaps. "Why would she want it? Why?!"
"I... I don't know." Tripwire admits. "I just know that people destroy themselves." Sonar looks at the ground when she says that.
"So you can't... Undo it?" Willow is quiet. "Of course." She shuts her eyes. Something about it has a part of you stirring. You hear something call your name from behind you but you do not turn. It keeps shouting.
Olivia touches it on the shoulder, but it does not move. She shakes her head and Willow sobs.
"You did this!" She snaps at you before her claws dig into your arm. "You always do this! You're the cause of everything wrong in my life!"
Maybe she is right. Maybe you need to leave. Some part of you feels as if it might be the proper call. After all, you keep breaking things. And you are about to be dangerous. You think...?
"The garden, then." You offer. "It seems to be the safest place."
"Ignoring the rain, of course." Cassie interjects and you stare at her. "It's not going to matter how nice the place is if you die." She crosses her arms and taps one of her feet. Something touches your leg and you nearly jolt. Oh. It is just Sunny.
You pick them up and they wave their hands around. You raise an eyebrow before they place something in your hands. A pink... Umbrella? You really cannot afford to have a crisis about whether you imagined--
Sunny slumps in your arms. You stiffen for an agonizing moment before you realize their body remains. Firework wails until you show her that Sunny is still among the living.
"And we just... Keep going left?" Binta turns and you shrug. "Hey! We have questions!" She shouts into the desert as Firework looks Sunny over.
"Seems more like something you'd do." Olivia glances to Harper for a moment and she glares right back at her.
"Okay, let's save our arguments for later. I suppose we just head left until we reach... Whatever this place is." Binta looks to you. "And you didn't even get a description of this place?" You shake your head.
"That's nice." Tripwire grimaces. "We're lost in a whole other world and we might go crazy and I don't know--kill each other? And we wouldn't know why!" Tripwire throws her hands up.
"If we keep our wits about each other, we should be fine." Willow glares at her. "And we wouldn't even--"
"Stop!" Firework snaps.
"What do you want me to say? Dad should have put his head down!"
"Save your arguments for later, please!" Binta interjects. "Let's just get moving--"
"No!" Willow snaps her head towards Binta. You watch Binta's eye twitch as Willow approaches, her hands swiping at the air aggressively. "You should be back there, actually dealing with what's happened, instead of coming here! And what, you're probably going to let PAMA do something stupid and--"
Binta grabs Willow's wrist. It does not seem to be a tight grip by any means, but this is the closest you have ever seen Binta get to chucking someone across the sky. "The more time we spend arguing now, the less time we have to fix that. Do you get that?" Her teeth stayed locked in a tense smile. Willow glances at you.
"Uh. I think she's actually going to kill your daughter?" Nurm stares at you.
"If you have to, stew all you want, but the longer you do this, the more likely it is that things will get worse. Okay?" Binta keeps staring at Willow. "And do you really want Radar dead?"
"I--no?"
"And the kid?" Binta brings her head closer.
"I--"
"Okay, do something." Nurm nudges you. You stare at him. "You're her parent!" He insists.
"Every time I have done so, she has ignored me!" You rebut.
"Oh wow, the stubborn person had a stubborn kid. Who could've predicted such a thing?" Sonar dramatically fakes a swoon. "If this is going to happen the whole time, I'm going to convince myself that I'm a horse and fuck off somewhere."
"Why a horse of all things?" Tripwire asks. Binta stops looking like a madman and stares at the two of them.
"Just--ugh. I hate being angry. Just be normal. And don't bottle it up here!" She shouts and throws her hands up. "How do we get people to not kill each other and also not... Turn themselves into monsters from bottling it all up...?" She stares at the ground.
"How about we start moving?" Xara stares at Binta. "That'd do us some good."
"And if anyone decides to get some funny idea to wander away and die, I'm going to kill you." Sonar growls.
"Just stay with me." Willow murmurs to Lily and you feel your 'lips' quiver. Never did you think anyone else would make you feel so many conflicting emotions. Cassie stares at Lily for a moment too long before she looks to you and says nothing.
You take a hard left through the desert. As you wander through the sand, you have to wonder what has created Sandy. Was it based on how you saw yourself, perhaps as a monster? A trapped beast within the sand, desperate to be something else? Does it hold some of Harper's mind within it?
Could whatever made this world... See you as one and the same?
You think of Romeo for a moment. His blood is on your hands. It was a killing of desperation, sure, but at the same time, you wanted revenge. What good did that do? There could have been another solution.
But would you have wanted it? Would it have brought you peace?
You remember how it felt to bleed once. Or maybe you always have? Your antlers have been stained with blood a few times... It ran thin once, and then a bit too chunky, and... Wait. That feels weird. Why is it hard to parse out?
Do you still... Bleed?
The ground has given way to grass. It is a sort of bluish green. The foliage is thin at first, but it soon thickens. You can barely take a few steps without bumping into some sort of vine. You note that a few of the flowers adorning them are pink, while others are blue. They intertwine at points.
"It seems nice..." Olivia begins before grabbing one of the vines. It begins to recoil. She tilts her head. "I honestly expected it to try and kill us."
"Don't give the greenery any funny ideas." Xara huffs as you travel deeper into the forest.
"Do you think they appear when we think of them?" Nurm asks. "If you think of the dead, do they come to you?" He tenses a little.
"I don't think so." Xara admits. "By that logic, someone should have thought Romeo back into existence by now." She stops and begins to squint at something in the distance. "Okay. Good. It's not..." She shakes her head as you approach.
There seems to be some sort of... Cabin? It seems to be a cozy cabin of some sort placed in the center of the woods. The wood making it up does not hold the right color. Parts of it seems to be pink, while other parts are a light blue.
"I take it you're lost?" That voice--Radar? You jolt back when he approaches. It looks almost as if he has been dunked in a barrel of light blue dye. Parts of him even seem... Mossy? You tilt your head at the sight. "Wow. That's... A lot of new faces."
"Radar, you... How did you end up like this?"
"Oh, um, yeah, you're definitely new." He laughs and looks over your group. "We don't use the names of our origins. It gets too confusing. I know it must feel weird to wake up and not be real but, ah, you're... You're not PAMA. And you guys--yeah, you all seem familiar? Seems my kids got older." He flashes a tense smile.
"We... We are real." You say. The Radar in front of you scoffs.
"Orchid, you've gotta see this." He waves one hand towards you and the door open.
You stiffen at the sight of the other-you, it seems to have part of its body replaced by cherry wood, while other parts are a vibrant pink. Pale pink leaves adorn the one antler upon its head.
"They look... Very unremarkable." The figure you presume is Orchid says. They take your hand up and you note how wooden their entire form is. "They seem pretty close to their origins."
"...You guys aren't going to question why there's so many of us?" Lily asks. "You really think there'd be a whole party?"
"Well, yes. Wouldn't surprise me if an entire city got copied." The other-Radar shrugs. "Last time that happened there was a small skirmish. Or so I've heard."
"...Who is going to tell them that they will not grow up?" Orchid's eyes flicker to your kids. Firework gags at the open air.
"It's not real. They're delusional." Willow insists.
"They always act like this." Orchid shakes their head. "If they keep at it, they will never adjust."
"Good thing they're stagnant, though?" The other-Radar shrugs again. "Listen, I know it's a hard pill to swallow and all, but none of you are real. You're here, for starters. You wouldn't be if you were real."
"Okay. No. You're not pulling mind trick bullshit on any of us." Tripwire holds her hands out. "We went through a portal and got here." She insists as two small heads poke out of the door. A smaller, more purple variant of Willow chases a blooming, tiny Firework around.
You watch as Willow shoves her head into her hands. Binta blinks a few times while Xara just shakes her head. "Look. I've been here." She insists.
"Yeah, and we've met quite a few versions of you." The not-Radar adds. Xara glares at him.
"How about you tell us something actually useful?" She presses. The other-Radar gapes his mouth open before Xara waves one hand. "We're looking for someone. The original you. He was brought here somehow and--"
"Oh for the love--" Orchid begins before letting out a sort of mechanical growl and shoving their head into their hands. "Rose, they are hopeless."
"As usual." Rose sighs. "Listen, you guys are just going to drive yourselves mad. Even if what you're saying was true, you're chasing a ghost. Nobody's getting to the center of the Crucible alive."
"The... The what?" Binta asks. "What did you just say?"
"That's what this whole place is called. You better get used to it. Shouldn't you have a territory, anyway? Where is it?" Rose paces around you.
"No, no, we don't care about that." Binta waves one hand and shuts her eyes. Rose glares at her. "Tell us about--"
"Ugh. No. I'm not inviting her to strike me down." He continues as facsimiles of Willow and Firework tussle. Harper's ears perk up before she looks at the ground. "Even if you were real, I'm not going to forfeit my life for a bunch of suicidal maniacs."
"I would get moving if I were you." Orchid glares.
"At least give us an idea of where we can go?" Lily insists.
"You are not going to win a fight against them..." Orchid begins as Rose seems to gear himself up for a fight.
"Why don't you go back to that obnoxious sandworm and ask it for directions?" He spits. "Maybe it'll be stupid enough to give you some!"
"Stop it." Orchid swats at Rose. "You are going to get us killed." You watch Rose's eyes narrow before he lunges at Orchid, taking them to the ground. Before he can land a proper hit, you pick him up and throw him at the ground.
"What has gotten into you?!" You snap before he lunges at you as well. You grab him by the scuff of his hood.
"They were right, they were right!" He shouts as Orchid trembles behind him. You catch the facsimiles of your children staring in horror. "You'll kill me! You'll kill us all!"
"Stop it, you are hurting him!" Orchid insists. You set Rose down and he begins to punch Orchid several times. You stiffen and Firework finally vomits onto the ground.
"What the hell?" Nurm quietly gasps before shoving himself behind Sonar. Orchid wails as Rose steps back. He returns to assaulting them soon enough. "...What do we even do?"
Your fingers clench into your palms. You rip Rose off Orchid and thrust his head against the ground. A sickening crack enters the air. You stare at the pooling blood. His body stays, it seems. Firework retches again.
"You really don't know how to do anything else, huh?!" Harper shouts as you back up. Orchid stares at Rose's body before shambling back.
"No, no! I was supposed to help him! I... He needed me! He needs me!" They wail at his corpse. "It is all I am good for! Please! I need to fix this! Let me fix this!" They shout at the ground.
Harper stares at them before turning to you. "You need to kill them all now."
"What?" You stare at her. "Have you gone crazy?"
"No no no no no..." Orchid cries out again. "Please..."
"What's a few more deaths on your conscience? What's stopping you now?"
"I did not mean to kill him!" You shout. "I just wanted him to stop!" Orchid still shrieks and wails from behind you.
"Kill me!" They grab at the collar of your vest. "Please! I failed! I cannot be a person! I cannot be anything else than a sin-eater!"
"Let go of me!" You shout and push them back. "Stop it!"
"It's my nature! It's my nature!" Orchid wails.
"Stop it, please! There is--" You begin before Orchid is cut off by an icicle to the chest. You slowly turn to Harper. "Give me one good reason why I should not bloody my hands with you right now?"
"Enough!" Binta shouts and throws herself in front of the children. "You're all acting like crazy people!"
"They're not real!" Harper snaps at her. "They'll never be real!" Orchid seems to gurgle and shiver from behind you.
"We're going to find someone to take care of these kids." Binta insists and Harper glares. "I don't care what you think."
"They were just going to continue this charade." Harper huffs. "They'll never grow up. They only know misery!"
"I don't think you know anything." Binta stares at Harper. She stiffens before she turns and walks off into the woods. "Where are you going?! Hey!" She shouts.
"You couldn't understand even if you wanted to." She slinks deeper into the forest.
❀❀❀❀❀❀
Your eye aches. Everything is such a blur. You blink, but your eye doesn't open. Something moves and you do as well. Now, your head seems to be hurting. You can't even begin to parse why. All you remember is a bright light.
Whatever's carrying you seems to be slowing down. You can feel some of its legs trembling. How long have you been unconscious? You feel the creature's legs buckle and it nearly falls to the ground. A startled shout escapes you.
It cranes its neck down and you slide off. Its face feels warm. You blink a few times and finally your vision is something other than red. Kindle's legs shiver for a moment before he falls onto his side. You can barely make out the world around you.
"You..." It takes you a moment to remember what had happened before the light. His eyes turned to you when they told him to--oh. Did he... Kill all of them instead? "Kid... Are you okay?" You ask as he stays slumped on his side. He doesn't move at all.
You stay still, your eye never leaving him. It seems he's not going to die. you hope. You swirl your head around. It's still hard to see, but you can spy that the world around you is gray and rocky. Are those mountains in the distance?
"That was brave, you know?" You turn to him again. He still doesn't move. "I just... I think you should know that. Do you even know where we're supposed to go? How do we even... Get out of here?" You stiffen. Did you seriously lead this kid away from home just to get him killed?
Something glows in the distance. You squint. Right, you're farsighted, or at least you think? That looks like a lava flow. The Underneath? That feels like a hazy memory, now. It's not like you can get a good look, even if your eye was good.
"You think if I tell you my prescription, you can make it?" You laugh. Kindle doesn't move still. "Alright. Well... I don't really remember the exact numbers now. But I will, eventually. Hopefully you'll be awake when I do."
Silence falls. You shuffle around awkwardly. Right. You have wings, you think. They feel pretty big, but proportion isn't your strong suit. You're long, too. If only you could see... Then maybe you could scope something out.
You scratch against the ground in a few places. The rock gives way to dark sand at points. That's... Not how sand works. It's never been gray before, at least not in your world. You scoop some of it up. Fire can turn this stuff into glass, right?
...Right. Enderdragons don't breathe fire. But maybe they fucked that up when they turned you into this? You let your mouth open and taste smoke from somewhere around you. Maybe you can try and harness some fire from the lava if this doesn't work.
Do dragons get a manual for how this works? You blink. Oh, right, you could enchant this stuff into glass, probably. Or perhaps into a pair of glasses that work? You look at the sand again.
Still worth a try to breathe something, though. You're stuck like this. Might as well find out how else you can defend yourself. Being large could be an advantage, but you're also just as narrow and awkward as a noodle. It's been a while since you've been slippery, and those wings of yours probably defeats the point of being evasive anyway. Easy target and all.
You cough. Nothing. Maybe you have to focus? Do dragons have a special organ? A gland? Was their breath--acid, yes, Enderdragons breathe acid!--a form of enchantment as well? You wouldn't think so... Their eyes weren't said to glow any differently when they breathed.
You huff and puff for a minute or so. Either you're not doing this right, or you're completely unable to. You don't even want to think about how poorly you'll fly. Growling, you suck in another breath and concentrate hard.
A puff of something purple escapes you. It hits your wrist but it doesn't burn. It feels almost wet when it does. You blink and stare at it. It hisses when it hits the sand below you.
Well, that confirms it. Typical acid breath like in the stories. A bit useless if you can only huff a little of it out. You press a claw against your skin. Your limbs didn't get any larger, and as sharp as these claws may be, they're not big enough to rend through metal.
You turn and reach a hand towards a dark shape. Your hand makes contact with solid rock. Okay. That's a mountain of some sort. Seems to reach the sky. You've got to get high enough to glide. How do birds do that?
Right. Your eye still sucks. You turn the sand in your hand. If you fuck this up, you might fuck everything up. But Kindle's still weak and you do have an Experience pool.
"Good thing Jesse's not here to see this, huh?" You almost expect Kindle to stir at that. You murmur a clunky incantation. If it misses the 'adapt to whatever form it's placed on' section, then you'll just lob another enchantment at it later.
It does seem to work, though. Finally! You can see things! You do find yourself tilting your head at its shape. You expected your weird, new ears to have impacted how it would have worked.
Ugh, it feels weird to put them on. Your head seems to be the same size. Why does that of all things bother you? You open your eye.
Holy shit.
It's the first time you've been able to see in... A week? You pace around. The mountain's not too far, and there are some sections you can climb. You turn your head to your wings and find you can twist your head straight back. Oh. Ew.
Your wings do seem unharmed, though. Very large and very... Thin? You suppose? You doubt you can fly for a very long time. How do birds keep this stuff straight? You know they keep their wings straight to glide, and then they flap them? Maybe flapping them helps you jump, too.
A horrible thought crawls into the back of your mind. You turn your head down to your neck and watch part of your mouth open impulsively. Too many teeth! God, why do you have so many? You let it fully open, down from your chest to stomach, and you spy a few lapping, forked tongues between them.
Ew, ew, ew ew--
You stiffen as you feel more inside yourself. You move one of those tendril-y tongues forward and feel the impulse to move something else within yourself. Ew ew--god why did you--EWWW. You blink as you suddenly lose focus of how many arms you have.
You focus on your insides and feel something come out of your mouth. You stare at it for a moment too long. That's a hand. Ew. It's definitely made out of gum or something. It's got teeth for claws and haphazard teeth in other places. A part of you feels it's not the only one.
Stupidly, you press one of your outer hands against it before focusing on the inner hand's fingers. You are... Holding your own hands now. Ew. That's definitely made out of gum and throat-flesh. Whatever the fancy word is. Oh, and it's wet too. Gross.
You close your mouth. "Why me? Why the fuck would they pick that of all things?" You shake your head the moment that thought leaves you. "Well. Um. Okay, it'd definitely count as eating to use those, I think?"
The mountain doesn't seem to move. Some part of you is expecting it to, now. Probably because every rule of reality seems to have inverted somehow! Can't you go one day without--oof. Don't want to remember that right now.
"Okay... How high can I go up without killing myself?" You ask as you climb up the mountain. You turn down to Kindle before pulling yourself up another level. "Please don't land on him, please don't land on him, please don't land on him..." You shut your eye and try to focus.
These probably have to be aligned. Do birds hold out their wings before they glide? You know they flap their wings to ascend. Maybe it's really just mostly a matter of gliding and going up every so often? It's not like there's a handbook entailing what to do if you wake up a dragon.
Regardless, you get used to moving the wings around. Okay, just... Straighten those out, open your eyes, ignore how high up you are and--
Okay. Also don't panic.
Weren't you on medication for anxiety?
And great. Now there's an image of horrific, awful death in your head. Very cool and helpful!
Screw it. You jump off and keep your wings still. You glide for a moment before you accidentally miscalculate and nearly plummet. It takes everything in you to hold your wings stiff and not flail into a free fall. It seems you've picked up a bit of speed too.
You nearly flail your way onto the ground again when you remember you have to land. You hold yourself steady long enough for the air to let you go and you land messily. It seems, if you don't know how to hold your hands out right, you end up on your back.
A distant growl greets your ears. Right. Eating shit and dying makes a lot of noise. You struggle to orient yourself back onto your feet. Kindle still isn't moving. You rush to his side, nearly tripping on your own tail.
Okay. Something's here. It's probably not friendly. You whip your tail around and look it over. This could be a weapon. It's not like you can fly well, at least not yet, and even if you could, you'd leave Kindle to take the brunt of an attack.
But how well can you fight? Most of what you'd dealt with were defenseless people. You were acting on instinct. This is you at the helm in a body you barely understand. Maybe you can still enchant, but it's a gamble. Enchantments need to fit the body, need to be casted properly from hands that know how to guide them.
Claws scrape the ground. Whatever's approaching is doing it on awkward, almost stilt-like legs. Maybe that's its weak point. You flair your wings instinctively, a growl escaping your throat. You can feel some parts of your mouth opening as well.
The beast on the other end of the valley is tall and gangly. Tattered brown fur explodes out from its body. If you didn't know any better, you'd have assumed it was the victim of a lightning strike. Its limbs are bent away from its body, almost like a lizard from another world. Parts of its anatomy look like a wolf, especially its ears, snout and tail, but its limbs are hairless and covered in tan skin.
It keeps shambling toward you, its mouth open so wide its tongue is lolling out. Its eyes never leave you. You feel your blood chill. The wolf... You've seen it before. How did it get here? What happened to it?
"You... We talked before. I think... I think I knew you when you were in the Underneath. You were human, and then... Something happened? But I don't think I saw it." You shake your head and the creature keeps approaching. "Um. Hey? You recognize me, right? I'm supposed to be the one with amnesia--"
A horrible roar escapes it before it lunges. You just narrowly avoid its teeth. It snaps at your arm and you push it back with your tail. You watch as it slides on its spindly limbs, some of them snapping into impossible positions as it does. The beast takes a moment to straighten itself back out before lunging again.
"Did they do this to you too!?" You try to wrap your tail around it. Some of your spikes dig into its shoulder, drawing bright red blood that oozes the same way paint would from a tube. That's... That's not right at all. Is it even alive? You squeeze your tail around it harder and it flails, claws digging into your skin.
That... That confirms you're not scaly, it seems. Scales would be able to defend better against claws, or at least you'd hope so. It bites at your tail, taking a chunk out, and you shriek. You lose control of your tail and it slips out of your grasp. The beast bites at the lower half of your neck and you claw at one of its eyes.
It keeps its teeth in you. You stiffen a little. It's not going to stop... Do you have to... You're going to have to kill it.
Your jaws unravel. It whines for the second it comprehends what you're about to do, and then your teeth make contact. You feel yourself tear flesh from its body. It tastes awful and wet.
You blink. You... You didn't mean to eat it. That solves one problem, you suppose. At least there's something to eat in here... But what's the difference between you devouring a person and something that once was a person? Maybe the second is a sort of mercy...
"Is it all just people?" You shout. Nothing answers you this time.
✾✾✾✾✾✾
"Harper!"
"She's not going to listen to you, you know."
"Harper!" Binta shouts again. Cassie stares at you as you head deeper into the forest. "Harper, you're going to get yourself killed out here!"
"I'd say split up and search if we weren't here." Nurm pipes up.
"Is she usually this stubborn?" Firework asks Willow. You clutch the imitations of her and Firework in your arms. Sunny now seems to doze on Firework's lap. Or whatever you call that sort of stagnant state they are now in. Willow just shrugs.
"So... She's good as dead, then..." Binta stops and stares at the ground. "All of that over an argument? I don't get it."
Lily stiffens. "It feels different over here." When she says that, you turn and notice the grass changes color in all directions. "So far, nobody's been helpful. What do we do?"
"We keep going and hope we find her, I suppose. Or someone who knows something." Binta sighs. You can feel your blood begin to chill. Wait, do you... Yes, you have blood, it seems.
"And the kids?" You ask. Firework keeps staring at them.
"I don't think they can leave here?" Binta shrugs. "I'm not sure. We can't just leave them to die. But who here can even take care of them?" You turn away and Binta looks at you for a moment too long. The trees begin to thin and the grass grows taller in this section.
The plains is wholly silent. There are no animals or anything. No footprints either. Nurm balks at one section and takes a sharp turn. You do not understand why until you spy Jack talking with two figures. You all pass the sight.
The faces you see in this section of the world are not twisted. If anything, they seem so awfully familiar. In the distance, you spy a courtyard filled with sunflowers. A version of Sonar seems to hold hands with someone you cannot recognize, until you spy the snaking scar that runs from his face to the top of his bald head.
A treehouse sits, whole and unmarred, its only discrepancy the flowering vines creeping across it. If you concentrate, you can hear laughter. You tread deeper. A massive screen is being decorated by a group of people. They thread flowers between the glass and clay.
Nobody seems to... Notice you? You even pass close to Lukas and his original group of Ocelots. They are all... In their own little worlds? Ignorance must be bliss here.
"They seem... Happy?" Binta admits. "But it's all... Stagnant." Even the kids from a few biomes over are unsettled.
"It's like they picked the first thing they could think would make us happy?" Sonar shivers a little.
"The flowery you would like to disagree." Tripwire coughs. Olivia looks to the treehouse for a long moment before shaking her head.
"Aren't they bored by now?" She asks and you stare at her. "I mean, nothing seems to... Change here? I can hear conversations, but they all seem so... Empty." Right as she says that, you all approach a variant of Radar. He is absolutely drowning in rabbits. He does not seem to even breathe.
"Do you think hardship makes us who we are?" Lily asks. "Is that it?"
"I think there's a difference between bliss and... This." Olivia shakes her head. "It's like what you did, PAMA. Just a bit prettier." Her gaze flickers to you and then Radar and the rabbits. She steps over him and he just laughs.
"What does any of it mean?" You ask. "What is the point of this? What are we supposed to get from this? I am not made happy by this. I am... I am only unsettled!" You throw your hands up.
"Something sees this. That's all I know." Xara shakes her head. "And however you see yourself, whether it's in here or not, it sees too."
"Is it... Alive?" Olivia blinks. Sunny seems to stir.
"Like Sunny? Could be a big Command Block?" He asks. They seem to look at him before shutting their eyes.
"No, no," Xara shakes her head, "there was something else. Something... Some sort of voice."
"But it can misinterpret us. What if it suddenly sees me as... How I used to be? Do you forget too or would it just be me?" Cassie shivers. "What if I lose myself?"
"I think it also depends on us." Xara considers. "There was something about how groups could stop it."
"I... Don't feel any different." Olivia admits suddenly. "I kind of feel like I'm... Home?"
"This is your home, right?" Firework asks Sunny and they meekly nod. Olivia blinks and grimaces. "Why bad?"
"Guess that means I'm not just... Never mind." She shakes her head. Xara's eyes widen.
"But that means you're... What's the word? A safeguard, I think." Xara shakes her head. "Do you... Know anything? I'd think someone connected to a Command Block would--" Olivia shakes her head again. "Well, we have one positive."
"...You of all people are saying this?" Olivia laughs.
"Better than losing our minds, I'd say." Xara crosses her arms. "At least if we're lost, we're not going to be mindless soon."
"Well, yes. I suppose that is a good thing. The idea has my blood going cold." You admit. Everyone stares at you and you tilt your head.
"It's just an expression." Nurm pinches his nose after a minute. "You had me thinking--"
"What? No! I have blood." You insist. "Did you want to check my pulse? My heart is," You put a hand over your chest, "where is my heart?"
"PAMA, you don't have blood." Olivia says and you back away. "PAMA, I rebuilt you. I'd know if you had blood."
"I do have blood!" You snap and unsheathe your claws. You drag one down your arm and thin red droplets leak out of the wound. After a moment, it appears to scab. "See? I have blood! I am not going to let you all delude me!" You snap.
Xara whispers something to Olivia and she shuts her eyes. "Fine. You have blood. Whatever." She turns and starts to walk off. "Just stay close."
"Keep an eye on them, Sonar." Binta insists. "The moment you feel something's off--"
Something rustles through the grass at the other end of the clearing. Cassie tenses and you look over your wound again. Why is everyone so insistent that you cannot bleed?
"Lots of noise coming from over here and--oh! Would you look at this! I think we have travelers of some kind!" A familiar voice... You have not heard that one in years. It cannot be. Cassie looks as if her blood has turned to ice.
"Yeah, yeah, we've heard all about travelers. As much as it'd be nice, they're probably newbies who got lost. How many are there, exactly?" Another voice. Your blood is starting to chill too. Firework turns between you and Cassie. Willow frowns.
"Oh. Um. Okay. We can't go and greet them."
"And why's that?"
"Just--get the more agreeable one. Alright?"
"...Mev. Is there another Cassie."
"Worse."
"Dear god. Okay. Otto? Otto!" You hear that voice grow more distant. "Don't make me push you out there. We've got a bit of a situation, here!"
"You can't make me deal with every Cassie!"
"It's easier!" A pair of arms shove a very startled looking Otto out. He looks exactly like the one back home. You lock eyes with him. So does everyone else. He tries to slink back before he is pushed back out again.
"Um. Yeah. You can't all be newbies..." He scratches the back of his head. "And, well, before you aks, we're definitely aware of the whole... Hadrian-Mevia-Cassie-PAMA issues. I... Yeah. This is a bit of a complicated thing to end up on our doorstep."
"They're still alive?" Cassie's eyes widen.
"Or we've died." Willow stammers.
"Don't get that idea in your head!" Otto puts his hands up. "This isn't the afterlife. I might um, well, we go by the names our original selves do, but we're not... Them. No other names have really stuck, and everyone else goes by something different so, it just kind of... Worked out?" Otto stammers.
"And you want us to trust you?" Cassie growls.
"No, no, but you folks do seem lost. It wouldn't hurt to come in and ask some questions." Otto puts a finger under his lip. "If you want. But I mean, I can try."
"How exactly does this place... Work?" Binta poses.
"Well, this is the Crucible, first and foremost. Center of all reality, according to some of the folks here. We don't know a whole lot, we really just live in a palace together and sometimes we journey a bit. There are always new places and people popping up. As for how it works, we haven't gotten that down yet." Otto answers.
Cassie pulls back a little, frowning as if she has tasted something unpleasant. A white-haired head pops out of the grass and she glares.
"You're looking for something, right?" Hadrian asks. Cassie glares at him. "Listen, I get it, but we do find a few things. Mev's got a good eye. Literal bird's eye view." He points a thumb past the grass and Mevia pops her head out. She grins like a maniac, but it seems to reach her eyes this time.
"You do have that gleam in your eye." She admits as she approaches. She does not have a single wing out nor a hint of any other form. "Last I heard, they let in wanderers eventually, but for what purpose? We don't exactly know. You don't seem to know either, to be fair."
"Yeah." Otto concurs. "You've got other questions, right?"
"What's your gimmick?" Cassie growls.
"Er. Nobody really wakes up knowing that." Hadrian shrugs. "We just kind of pop into existence and we remember a few things. Otto's got the most. There was a fourth person, but she didn't come with us."
"Harper." You say. "Does that ring a bell?"
"Maybe." Hadrian admits. "You'd think she'd be here too, wouldn't you?" His eyes widen at the sight of Firework and Willow. Mevia gapes her mouth open as well.
"You've got kids?" She shouts and Hadrian holds out one arm. Cassie seems about ready to pull out her axe. "Okay, okay, but you need to tell me who the lucky guy is? You've got to visit!"
"Mev," Hadrian begins.
"Yeah, yeah, corrosive to outsiders and all." She waves one hand. "It's really more of a saying. Um... Can we see... Them?"
"If they let us, they might as well come over and stay the night." Hadrian adds. "Wouldn't hurt to rest a bit." Firework nudges you.
"Who?" He asks.
"Very complicated." You admit. Willow stares at you. "I do not like talking about my family."
"Ah." Hadrian sucks a breath through his teeth. "We get that a lot. A lot of people hate us."
"I mean, we get it! All the memory stuff doesn't help, either. We can't exactly figure out why someone would. I think... I think that might be our gimmick? We're hated and we didn't even do the things we're hated for?" She ponders. "It's weird!"
"The 'lucky guy' is actually who we are searching for." You admit. "You can come and look, but do not touch them, please. I am not ready to deal with that."
"Oh. We'll um... We'll stay back, then." Hadrian clicks his teeth together. "There's a lot of feelings there, right, sport?"
"Don't call us that!" You and Cassie say together. Hadrian's eyes go wide.
"Ah. Okay. We're going to need to work out ground rules here." He rubs the back of his neck. "Give us a bit more on this... Guy you're looking for."
"He is my husband." You admit. "The people who rule this place, or at least we presume they do, kidnapped him after turning him into a monster. And all because he would not kill a child." You point towards Sunny.
"What kind of sick fuck would turn someone into a monster?" Hadrian asks and Cassie snorts. He raises an eyebrow before shaking his head. "If we're thinking about the same people, I can't really... Help you there. Sure, there's the 'center' of the Crucible and all, but that's suicide. I'd be more focused on going home."
"They're not going to actually do anything." Mevia interjects. "The people here would know it's fruitless." She scoffs.
"Yeah... No. Nobody's managed to event make a dent in their defenses. We don't even know how to get there, let alone advise you on how to stop what's happened." Otto adds. "They're probably not going to hunt you down. They'll just watch you suffer and laugh about it."
"Assuming they don't... Unwind you somehow." Hadrian shivers. "Sometimes I wonder if some of our neighbors were particularly rebellious people."
"We're not going to change your minds, though, are we?" Mevia asks and you shake your head. "Figures. Well, the least we can do is tell you what we've got mapped out."
"It is in our house, though." Otto adds before he turns to the facsimiles of your children. "And these are the copies of your kids?"
"Their parents... Died." You look away.
"We could take them?" Otto offers and Cassie grits her teeth. "If you'd trust us, of course."
"Not yet." Cassie huffs. "I'm not gambling two kids' lives right now."
"Fair, fair." Hadrian says. "Mev, you run back and scrounge up the map. Any of you folks like maps?" He shoots a glance back as Mevia runs back towards the clearing. Nurm raises one hand. "Wouldn't hurt to get some advice on how we draw 'em."
"...We're sort of on a time crunch?" Binta tilts her head. Tripwire nudges Sonar and she shakes her head. Binta looks over for a moment before Hadrian shrugs.
"You're not going to go far without any knowledge. Plus, you'll need someone to transcribe that map, right?"
"Unfortunately." Cassie sighs.
"Well, I suppose we're stuck together for a bit. You folks have the numbers advantage. And I guess there's no problem with killing us after all, supposedly half of us are dead!" Hadrian throws his hands up. "So, ah, it's... Strange. The versions of us on the other side were definitely a fair bit of work, but still... Feels odd to think about."
"It's like you're what I wanted you to be." Cassie is quiet.
"Maybe that's why we exist." Hadrian muses.
"Are you even... Real?" Cassie asks.
"I mean, I'm talking to you, right, kid?" Hadrian stiffens and Cassie looks away. "I'm not... Him. And that's a good thing in my book, but I'm also... You know. I'm a part of him. Or what someone wanted from him. No matter what, I'm here. He can't say the same thing anymore." Hadrian shrugs.
"Feels awful seeing you all so blue, though." Otto adds as you approach. "I wish we could give you more answers." He admits.
"We've got half-decent ones, though. That should be enough." Hadrian adds with a sigh. "I'm not sure if we've got enough beds for all of you, but some of you are definitely staying awake. Which I get. Totally understandable."
"Can you stop being so apologetic?" Cassie looks at him.
"Er. Kind of hard not to when your original version was some megalomaniac, but I'll give it a try!" Hadrian does a dramatic fist pump. You stare at him. "Okay. Also cutting that out too. Bit of a learning curve, here..."
"You gotta learn to be a better sport." Otto laughs and Hadrian turns a little red.
"Whatever..." He begins to walk ahead. "And keep your eyes peeled!"
"Why's that?" Olivia asks.
"Uh, weird changing place? Also, I might bump into a wall or something."
"Or he might explode into flower petals." Otto snickers.
"Sometimes I understand why original-me went batshit."
"Oh, come on. I said to be a good sport." Otto slugs Hadrian.
"...This feels weird." Cassie admits and turns to you. "I'm feeling... Uh. Something. I don't know what it is."
"I'm going for total bewilderment." Nurm votes. "That's what I feel, at least."
"I think I've lost all the confusion I've had in my tank." Sonar admits.
"Believe me, you'll be finding more." Hadrian shouts. "Lots and lots more."
"Does he ever stop talking?" Binta asks.
"Nope!" Otto shouts.
❀❀❀❀❀
You've mastered the art of leaping off a mountain and gliding. It took a few rounds of eating shit, a few rounds of scraping your tail against the ground, and a round or two of scraped knees, but you can finally land without a hitch. Now, you're focusing on running and properly flying.
It's not like you have instincts driving you. You've been practicing a few times mid-glide, but it almost always drives you off course. At least you're getting good at correcting yourself before you crash land. But in a pinch, being able to take off from the ground would be good.
Can you even... Do it? Maybe it's not you, maybe it's your anatomy. You leap up the mountain again, enter a glide, and beat your wings a few times. You actually manage to ascend this time! Lucky you!
It's been a day since Kindle's fallen under. Or at least you think it's been. The bite on your tail has scabbed over. You haven't seen the sun in a bit. You've nibbled on some of your food stores, but they're starting to run low. If you leave him to hunt, though, he'll probably get hurt.
Maybe if you learn to fly, you could keep him in your sights. You take a sharp turn and land back on the mountain. You practice again before circling around him and the mountain. It seems... Empty. You land back on the mountain and leap down onto the ground.
You take another crack at a running start, but it seems to go nowhere. You try again and almost face plant. A loud growl escapes you and you stiffen. Nothing seems to have heard you. You attempt to fly again and manage to stay in the air for a moment.
It takes a few more tries to actually gain some height, but by then, you're exhausted. You almost pass out at Kindle's side. He's still slumbering, though, or in stasis? Whatever you'd call this... State? You can't just go under. He wouldn't be able to wake you, you'd both be sitting chickens.
"You'd know how to navigate this place, right?" You ask. He still doesn't move. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm just... Musing. How much did they shelter you? How little do you know of the world you live in?" Still nothing. Would probably be a bad thing to ask him, anyway.
You wonder if PAMA is here now. How would they find you? You lay down on the ground. Maybe if you shut your eye for a moment--
It takes you a moment to blink it back open. You think you might have slept for an hour. The sky hasn't changed. All you really know is that you feel a little more rested. You force yourself up, bracing yourself for the sensation of teeth, but nothing ever comes.
Was that wolf the only thing here? You turn back to Kindle. He still seems to be stiff. What if he's dead? Some bodies stay in other worlds.
"How long can I give you?" You ask. "I can't just abandon you. Even if you didn't--" You shove your head into your hands. Why won't he wake up? You slink closer. What did he have to do? What could exhaust him so much?
All you remember, was a burst of light. That had to have been connected somehow, but what did it do? Were the people killed? Stunned? Were they--
"Radar," That's his voice, isn't it? "you need to leave."
"You're still..." You begin, turning to him. "You're still alive."
"I thought you would have run by now." Kindle admits, forcing part of his body up. "You should leave. They will not show you mercy."
"You're... If I do, you'll probably die." You admit.
"I doubt it." Kindle forces himself to his feet.
"I don't even know where to go." You admit. Kindle lets out a strange laugh.
"Well, that would make two of us. You can cover more ground." He gestures to your wings. "I heard a few of your murmurings, you know."
I can't believe I had to rely on a fourteen year old to keep me alive. You think for a moment before sighing. "So we're both confused, then."
"I would attract more attention at your side." Kindle adds. "I suppose I am in no state to... Stop you."
"Do you have an idea of where to go?" You ask.
"Not really. I think the center was close to the palace, but... That was only from what I have heard before." Kindle admits. "I did not see anything of interest during our escape."
"Well, you and I have to leave anyway..." You turn away for a moment.
"It will take me a moment to get to a state where I am able to leave." Kindle adds.
"The garden, then." You offer. "It seems to be the safest place."
"Ignoring the rain, of course." Cassie interjects and you stare at her. "It's not going to matter how nice the place is if you die." She crosses her arms and taps one of her feet. Something touches your leg and you nearly jolt. Oh. It is just Sunny.
You pick them up and they wave their hands around. You raise an eyebrow before they place something in your hands. A pink... Umbrella? You really cannot afford to have a crisis about whether you imagined--
Sunny slumps in your arms. You stiffen for an agonizing moment before you realize their body remains. Firework wails until you show her that Sunny is still among the living.
"And we just... Keep going left?" Binta turns and you shrug. "Hey! We have questions!" She shouts into the desert as Firework looks Sunny over.
"Seems more like something you'd do." Olivia glances to Harper for a moment and she glares right back at her.
"Okay, let's save our arguments for later. I suppose we just head left until we reach... Whatever this place is." Binta looks to you. "And you didn't even get a description of this place?" You shake your head.
"That's nice." Tripwire grimaces. "We're lost in a whole other world and we might go crazy and I don't know--kill each other? And we wouldn't know why!" Tripwire throws her hands up.
"If we keep our wits about each other, we should be fine." Willow glares at her. "And we wouldn't even--"
"Stop!" Firework snaps.
"What do you want me to say? Dad should have put his head down!"
"Save your arguments for later, please!" Binta interjects. "Let's just get moving--"
"No!" Willow snaps her head towards Binta. You watch Binta's eye twitch as Willow approaches, her hands swiping at the air aggressively. "You should be back there, actually dealing with what's happened, instead of coming here! And what, you're probably going to let PAMA do something stupid and--"
Binta grabs Willow's wrist. It does not seem to be a tight grip by any means, but this is the closest you have ever seen Binta get to chucking someone across the sky. "The more time we spend arguing now, the less time we have to fix that. Do you get that?" Her teeth stayed locked in a tense smile. Willow glances at you.
"Uh. I think she's actually going to kill your daughter?" Nurm stares at you.
"If you have to, stew all you want, but the longer you do this, the more likely it is that things will get worse. Okay?" Binta keeps staring at Willow. "And do you really want Radar dead?"
"I--no?"
"And the kid?" Binta brings her head closer.
"I--"
"Okay, do something." Nurm nudges you. You stare at him. "You're her parent!" He insists.
"Every time I have done so, she has ignored me!" You rebut.
"Oh wow, the stubborn person had a stubborn kid. Who could've predicted such a thing?" Sonar dramatically fakes a swoon. "If this is going to happen the whole time, I'm going to convince myself that I'm a horse and fuck off somewhere."
"Why a horse of all things?" Tripwire asks. Binta stops looking like a madman and stares at the two of them.
"Just--ugh. I hate being angry. Just be normal. And don't bottle it up here!" She shouts and throws her hands up. "How do we get people to not kill each other and also not... Turn themselves into monsters from bottling it all up...?" She stares at the ground.
"How about we start moving?" Xara stares at Binta. "That'd do us some good."
"And if anyone decides to get some funny idea to wander away and die, I'm going to kill you." Sonar growls.
"Just stay with me." Willow murmurs to Lily and you feel your 'lips' quiver. Never did you think anyone else would make you feel so many conflicting emotions. Cassie stares at Lily for a moment too long before she looks to you and says nothing.
You take a hard left through the desert. As you wander through the sand, you have to wonder what has created Sandy. Was it based on how you saw yourself, perhaps as a monster? A trapped beast within the sand, desperate to be something else? Does it hold some of Harper's mind within it?
Could whatever made this world... See you as one and the same?
You think of Romeo for a moment. His blood is on your hands. It was a killing of desperation, sure, but at the same time, you wanted revenge. What good did that do? There could have been another solution.
But would you have wanted it? Would it have brought you peace?
You remember how it felt to bleed once. Or maybe you always have? Your antlers have been stained with blood a few times... It ran thin once, and then a bit too chunky, and... Wait. That feels weird. Why is it hard to parse out?
Do you still... Bleed?
The ground has given way to grass. It is a sort of bluish green. The foliage is thin at first, but it soon thickens. You can barely take a few steps without bumping into some sort of vine. You note that a few of the flowers adorning them are pink, while others are blue. They intertwine at points.
"It seems nice..." Olivia begins before grabbing one of the vines. It begins to recoil. She tilts her head. "I honestly expected it to try and kill us."
"Don't give the greenery any funny ideas." Xara huffs as you travel deeper into the forest.
"Do you think they appear when we think of them?" Nurm asks. "If you think of the dead, do they come to you?" He tenses a little.
"I don't think so." Xara admits. "By that logic, someone should have thought Romeo back into existence by now." She stops and begins to squint at something in the distance. "Okay. Good. It's not..." She shakes her head as you approach.
There seems to be some sort of... Cabin? It seems to be a cozy cabin of some sort placed in the center of the woods. The wood making it up does not hold the right color. Parts of it seems to be pink, while other parts are a light blue.
"I take it you're lost?" That voice--Radar? You jolt back when he approaches. It looks almost as if he has been dunked in a barrel of light blue dye. Parts of him even seem... Mossy? You tilt your head at the sight. "Wow. That's... A lot of new faces."
"Radar, you... How did you end up like this?"
"Oh, um, yeah, you're definitely new." He laughs and looks over your group. "We don't use the names of our origins. It gets too confusing. I know it must feel weird to wake up and not be real but, ah, you're... You're not PAMA. And you guys--yeah, you all seem familiar? Seems my kids got older." He flashes a tense smile.
"We... We are real." You say. The Radar in front of you scoffs.
"Orchid, you've gotta see this." He waves one hand towards you and the door open.
You stiffen at the sight of the other-you, it seems to have part of its body replaced by cherry wood, while other parts are a vibrant pink. Pale pink leaves adorn the one antler upon its head.
"They look... Very unremarkable." The figure you presume is Orchid says. They take your hand up and you note how wooden their entire form is. "They seem pretty close to their origins."
"...You guys aren't going to question why there's so many of us?" Lily asks. "You really think there'd be a whole party?"
"Well, yes. Wouldn't surprise me if an entire city got copied." The other-Radar shrugs. "Last time that happened there was a small skirmish. Or so I've heard."
"...Who is going to tell them that they will not grow up?" Orchid's eyes flicker to your kids. Firework gags at the open air.
"It's not real. They're delusional." Willow insists.
"They always act like this." Orchid shakes their head. "If they keep at it, they will never adjust."
"Good thing they're stagnant, though?" The other-Radar shrugs again. "Listen, I know it's a hard pill to swallow and all, but none of you are real. You're here, for starters. You wouldn't be if you were real."
"Okay. No. You're not pulling mind trick bullshit on any of us." Tripwire holds her hands out. "We went through a portal and got here." She insists as two small heads poke out of the door. A smaller, more purple variant of Willow chases a blooming, tiny Firework around.
You watch as Willow shoves her head into her hands. Binta blinks a few times while Xara just shakes her head. "Look. I've been here." She insists.
"Yeah, and we've met quite a few versions of you." The not-Radar adds. Xara glares at him.
"How about you tell us something actually useful?" She presses. The other-Radar gapes his mouth open before Xara waves one hand. "We're looking for someone. The original you. He was brought here somehow and--"
"Oh for the love--" Orchid begins before letting out a sort of mechanical growl and shoving their head into their hands. "Rose, they are hopeless."
"As usual." Rose sighs. "Listen, you guys are just going to drive yourselves mad. Even if what you're saying was true, you're chasing a ghost. Nobody's getting to the center of the Crucible alive."
"The... The what?" Binta asks. "What did you just say?"
"That's what this whole place is called. You better get used to it. Shouldn't you have a territory, anyway? Where is it?" Rose paces around you.
"No, no, we don't care about that." Binta waves one hand and shuts her eyes. Rose glares at her. "Tell us about--"
"Ugh. No. I'm not inviting her to strike me down." He continues as facsimiles of Willow and Firework tussle. Harper's ears perk up before she looks at the ground. "Even if you were real, I'm not going to forfeit my life for a bunch of suicidal maniacs."
"I would get moving if I were you." Orchid glares.
"At least give us an idea of where we can go?" Lily insists.
"You are not going to win a fight against them..." Orchid begins as Rose seems to gear himself up for a fight.
"Why don't you go back to that obnoxious sandworm and ask it for directions?" He spits. "Maybe it'll be stupid enough to give you some!"
"Stop it." Orchid swats at Rose. "You are going to get us killed." You watch Rose's eyes narrow before he lunges at Orchid, taking them to the ground. Before he can land a proper hit, you pick him up and throw him at the ground.
"What has gotten into you?!" You snap before he lunges at you as well. You grab him by the scuff of his hood.
"They were right, they were right!" He shouts as Orchid trembles behind him. You catch the facsimiles of your children staring in horror. "You'll kill me! You'll kill us all!"
"Stop it, you are hurting him!" Orchid insists. You set Rose down and he begins to punch Orchid several times. You stiffen and Firework finally vomits onto the ground.
"What the hell?" Nurm quietly gasps before shoving himself behind Sonar. Orchid wails as Rose steps back. He returns to assaulting them soon enough. "...What do we even do?"
Your fingers clench into your palms. You rip Rose off Orchid and thrust his head against the ground. A sickening crack enters the air. You stare at the pooling blood. His body stays, it seems. Firework retches again.
"You really don't know how to do anything else, huh?!" Harper shouts as you back up. Orchid stares at Rose's body before shambling back.
"No, no! I was supposed to help him! I... He needed me! He needs me!" They wail at his corpse. "It is all I am good for! Please! I need to fix this! Let me fix this!" They shout at the ground.
Harper stares at them before turning to you. "You need to kill them all now."
"What?" You stare at her. "Have you gone crazy?"
"No no no no no..." Orchid cries out again. "Please..."
"What's a few more deaths on your conscience? What's stopping you now?"
"I did not mean to kill him!" You shout. "I just wanted him to stop!" Orchid still shrieks and wails from behind you.
"Kill me!" They grab at the collar of your vest. "Please! I failed! I cannot be a person! I cannot be anything else than a sin-eater!"
"Let go of me!" You shout and push them back. "Stop it!"
"It's my nature! It's my nature!" Orchid wails.
"Stop it, please! There is--" You begin before Orchid is cut off by an icicle to the chest. You slowly turn to Harper. "Give me one good reason why I should not bloody my hands with you right now?"
"Enough!" Binta shouts and throws herself in front of the children. "You're all acting like crazy people!"
"They're not real!" Harper snaps at her. "They'll never be real!" Orchid seems to gurgle and shiver from behind you.
"We're going to find someone to take care of these kids." Binta insists and Harper glares. "I don't care what you think."
"They were just going to continue this charade." Harper huffs. "They'll never grow up. They only know misery!"
"I don't think you know anything." Binta stares at Harper. She stiffens before she turns and walks off into the woods. "Where are you going?! Hey!" She shouts.
"You couldn't understand even if you wanted to." She slinks deeper into the forest.
❀❀❀❀❀❀
Your eye aches. Everything is such a blur. You blink, but your eye doesn't open. Something moves and you do as well. Now, your head seems to be hurting. You can't even begin to parse why. All you remember is a bright light.
Whatever's carrying you seems to be slowing down. You can feel some of its legs trembling. How long have you been unconscious? You feel the creature's legs buckle and it nearly falls to the ground. A startled shout escapes you.
It cranes its neck down and you slide off. Its face feels warm. You blink a few times and finally your vision is something other than red. Kindle's legs shiver for a moment before he falls onto his side. You can barely make out the world around you.
"You..." It takes you a moment to remember what had happened before the light. His eyes turned to you when they told him to--oh. Did he... Kill all of them instead? "Kid... Are you okay?" You ask as he stays slumped on his side. He doesn't move at all.
You stay still, your eye never leaving him. It seems he's not going to die. you hope. You swirl your head around. It's still hard to see, but you can spy that the world around you is gray and rocky. Are those mountains in the distance?
"That was brave, you know?" You turn to him again. He still doesn't move. "I just... I think you should know that. Do you even know where we're supposed to go? How do we even... Get out of here?" You stiffen. Did you seriously lead this kid away from home just to get him killed?
Something glows in the distance. You squint. Right, you're farsighted, or at least you think? That looks like a lava flow. The Underneath? That feels like a hazy memory, now. It's not like you can get a good look, even if your eye was good.
"You think if I tell you my prescription, you can make it?" You laugh. Kindle doesn't move still. "Alright. Well... I don't really remember the exact numbers now. But I will, eventually. Hopefully you'll be awake when I do."
Silence falls. You shuffle around awkwardly. Right. You have wings, you think. They feel pretty big, but proportion isn't your strong suit. You're long, too. If only you could see... Then maybe you could scope something out.
You scratch against the ground in a few places. The rock gives way to dark sand at points. That's... Not how sand works. It's never been gray before, at least not in your world. You scoop some of it up. Fire can turn this stuff into glass, right?
...Right. Enderdragons don't breathe fire. But maybe they fucked that up when they turned you into this? You let your mouth open and taste smoke from somewhere around you. Maybe you can try and harness some fire from the lava if this doesn't work.
Do dragons get a manual for how this works? You blink. Oh, right, you could enchant this stuff into glass, probably. Or perhaps into a pair of glasses that work? You look at the sand again.
Still worth a try to breathe something, though. You're stuck like this. Might as well find out how else you can defend yourself. Being large could be an advantage, but you're also just as narrow and awkward as a noodle. It's been a while since you've been slippery, and those wings of yours probably defeats the point of being evasive anyway. Easy target and all.
You cough. Nothing. Maybe you have to focus? Do dragons have a special organ? A gland? Was their breath--acid, yes, Enderdragons breathe acid!--a form of enchantment as well? You wouldn't think so... Their eyes weren't said to glow any differently when they breathed.
You huff and puff for a minute or so. Either you're not doing this right, or you're completely unable to. You don't even want to think about how poorly you'll fly. Growling, you suck in another breath and concentrate hard.
A puff of something purple escapes you. It hits your wrist but it doesn't burn. It feels almost wet when it does. You blink and stare at it. It hisses when it hits the sand below you.
Well, that confirms it. Typical acid breath like in the stories. A bit useless if you can only huff a little of it out. You press a claw against your skin. Your limbs didn't get any larger, and as sharp as these claws may be, they're not big enough to rend through metal.
You turn and reach a hand towards a dark shape. Your hand makes contact with solid rock. Okay. That's a mountain of some sort. Seems to reach the sky. You've got to get high enough to glide. How do birds do that?
Right. Your eye still sucks. You turn the sand in your hand. If you fuck this up, you might fuck everything up. But Kindle's still weak and you do have an Experience pool.
"Good thing Jesse's not here to see this, huh?" You almost expect Kindle to stir at that. You murmur a clunky incantation. If it misses the 'adapt to whatever form it's placed on' section, then you'll just lob another enchantment at it later.
It does seem to work, though. Finally! You can see things! You do find yourself tilting your head at its shape. You expected your weird, new ears to have impacted how it would have worked.
Ugh, it feels weird to put them on. Your head seems to be the same size. Why does that of all things bother you? You open your eye.
Holy shit.
It's the first time you've been able to see in... A week? You pace around. The mountain's not too far, and there are some sections you can climb. You turn your head to your wings and find you can twist your head straight back. Oh. Ew.
Your wings do seem unharmed, though. Very large and very... Thin? You suppose? You doubt you can fly for a very long time. How do birds keep this stuff straight? You know they keep their wings straight to glide, and then they flap them? Maybe flapping them helps you jump, too.
A horrible thought crawls into the back of your mind. You turn your head down to your neck and watch part of your mouth open impulsively. Too many teeth! God, why do you have so many? You let it fully open, down from your chest to stomach, and you spy a few lapping, forked tongues between them.
Ew, ew, ew ew--
You stiffen as you feel more inside yourself. You move one of those tendril-y tongues forward and feel the impulse to move something else within yourself. Ew ew--god why did you--EWWW. You blink as you suddenly lose focus of how many arms you have.
You focus on your insides and feel something come out of your mouth. You stare at it for a moment too long. That's a hand. Ew. It's definitely made out of gum or something. It's got teeth for claws and haphazard teeth in other places. A part of you feels it's not the only one.
Stupidly, you press one of your outer hands against it before focusing on the inner hand's fingers. You are... Holding your own hands now. Ew. That's definitely made out of gum and throat-flesh. Whatever the fancy word is. Oh, and it's wet too. Gross.
You close your mouth. "Why me? Why the fuck would they pick that of all things?" You shake your head the moment that thought leaves you. "Well. Um. Okay, it'd definitely count as eating to use those, I think?"
The mountain doesn't seem to move. Some part of you is expecting it to, now. Probably because every rule of reality seems to have inverted somehow! Can't you go one day without--oof. Don't want to remember that right now.
"Okay... How high can I go up without killing myself?" You ask as you climb up the mountain. You turn down to Kindle before pulling yourself up another level. "Please don't land on him, please don't land on him, please don't land on him..." You shut your eye and try to focus.
These probably have to be aligned. Do birds hold out their wings before they glide? You know they flap their wings to ascend. Maybe it's really just mostly a matter of gliding and going up every so often? It's not like there's a handbook entailing what to do if you wake up a dragon.
Regardless, you get used to moving the wings around. Okay, just... Straighten those out, open your eyes, ignore how high up you are and--
Okay. Also don't panic.
Weren't you on medication for anxiety?
And great. Now there's an image of horrific, awful death in your head. Very cool and helpful!
Screw it. You jump off and keep your wings still. You glide for a moment before you accidentally miscalculate and nearly plummet. It takes everything in you to hold your wings stiff and not flail into a free fall. It seems you've picked up a bit of speed too.
You nearly flail your way onto the ground again when you remember you have to land. You hold yourself steady long enough for the air to let you go and you land messily. It seems, if you don't know how to hold your hands out right, you end up on your back.
A distant growl greets your ears. Right. Eating shit and dying makes a lot of noise. You struggle to orient yourself back onto your feet. Kindle still isn't moving. You rush to his side, nearly tripping on your own tail.
Okay. Something's here. It's probably not friendly. You whip your tail around and look it over. This could be a weapon. It's not like you can fly well, at least not yet, and even if you could, you'd leave Kindle to take the brunt of an attack.
But how well can you fight? Most of what you'd dealt with were defenseless people. You were acting on instinct. This is you at the helm in a body you barely understand. Maybe you can still enchant, but it's a gamble. Enchantments need to fit the body, need to be casted properly from hands that know how to guide them.
Claws scrape the ground. Whatever's approaching is doing it on awkward, almost stilt-like legs. Maybe that's its weak point. You flair your wings instinctively, a growl escaping your throat. You can feel some parts of your mouth opening as well.
The beast on the other end of the valley is tall and gangly. Tattered brown fur explodes out from its body. If you didn't know any better, you'd have assumed it was the victim of a lightning strike. Its limbs are bent away from its body, almost like a lizard from another world. Parts of its anatomy look like a wolf, especially its ears, snout and tail, but its limbs are hairless and covered in tan skin.
It keeps shambling toward you, its mouth open so wide its tongue is lolling out. Its eyes never leave you. You feel your blood chill. The wolf... You've seen it before. How did it get here? What happened to it?
"You... We talked before. I think... I think I knew you when you were in the Underneath. You were human, and then... Something happened? But I don't think I saw it." You shake your head and the creature keeps approaching. "Um. Hey? You recognize me, right? I'm supposed to be the one with amnesia--"
A horrible roar escapes it before it lunges. You just narrowly avoid its teeth. It snaps at your arm and you push it back with your tail. You watch as it slides on its spindly limbs, some of them snapping into impossible positions as it does. The beast takes a moment to straighten itself back out before lunging again.
"Did they do this to you too!?" You try to wrap your tail around it. Some of your spikes dig into its shoulder, drawing bright red blood that oozes the same way paint would from a tube. That's... That's not right at all. Is it even alive? You squeeze your tail around it harder and it flails, claws digging into your skin.
That... That confirms you're not scaly, it seems. Scales would be able to defend better against claws, or at least you'd hope so. It bites at your tail, taking a chunk out, and you shriek. You lose control of your tail and it slips out of your grasp. The beast bites at the lower half of your neck and you claw at one of its eyes.
It keeps its teeth in you. You stiffen a little. It's not going to stop... Do you have to... You're going to have to kill it.
Your jaws unravel. It whines for the second it comprehends what you're about to do, and then your teeth make contact. You feel yourself tear flesh from its body. It tastes awful and wet.
You blink. You... You didn't mean to eat it. That solves one problem, you suppose. At least there's something to eat in here... But what's the difference between you devouring a person and something that once was a person? Maybe the second is a sort of mercy...
"Is it all just people?" You shout. Nothing answers you this time.
✾✾✾✾✾✾
"Harper!"
"She's not going to listen to you, you know."
"Harper!" Binta shouts again. Cassie stares at you as you head deeper into the forest. "Harper, you're going to get yourself killed out here!"
"I'd say split up and search if we weren't here." Nurm pipes up.
"Is she usually this stubborn?" Firework asks Willow. You clutch the imitations of her and Firework in your arms. Sunny now seems to doze on Firework's lap. Or whatever you call that sort of stagnant state they are now in. Willow just shrugs.
"So... She's good as dead, then..." Binta stops and stares at the ground. "All of that over an argument? I don't get it."
Lily stiffens. "It feels different over here." When she says that, you turn and notice the grass changes color in all directions. "So far, nobody's been helpful. What do we do?"
"We keep going and hope we find her, I suppose. Or someone who knows something." Binta sighs. You can feel your blood begin to chill. Wait, do you... Yes, you have blood, it seems.
"And the kids?" You ask. Firework keeps staring at them.
"I don't think they can leave here?" Binta shrugs. "I'm not sure. We can't just leave them to die. But who here can even take care of them?" You turn away and Binta looks at you for a moment too long. The trees begin to thin and the grass grows taller in this section.
The plains is wholly silent. There are no animals or anything. No footprints either. Nurm balks at one section and takes a sharp turn. You do not understand why until you spy Jack talking with two figures. You all pass the sight.
The faces you see in this section of the world are not twisted. If anything, they seem so awfully familiar. In the distance, you spy a courtyard filled with sunflowers. A version of Sonar seems to hold hands with someone you cannot recognize, until you spy the snaking scar that runs from his face to the top of his bald head.
A treehouse sits, whole and unmarred, its only discrepancy the flowering vines creeping across it. If you concentrate, you can hear laughter. You tread deeper. A massive screen is being decorated by a group of people. They thread flowers between the glass and clay.
Nobody seems to... Notice you? You even pass close to Lukas and his original group of Ocelots. They are all... In their own little worlds? Ignorance must be bliss here.
"They seem... Happy?" Binta admits. "But it's all... Stagnant." Even the kids from a few biomes over are unsettled.
"It's like they picked the first thing they could think would make us happy?" Sonar shivers a little.
"The flowery you would like to disagree." Tripwire coughs. Olivia looks to the treehouse for a long moment before shaking her head.
"Aren't they bored by now?" She asks and you stare at her. "I mean, nothing seems to... Change here? I can hear conversations, but they all seem so... Empty." Right as she says that, you all approach a variant of Radar. He is absolutely drowning in rabbits. He does not seem to even breathe.
"Do you think hardship makes us who we are?" Lily asks. "Is that it?"
"I think there's a difference between bliss and... This." Olivia shakes her head. "It's like what you did, PAMA. Just a bit prettier." Her gaze flickers to you and then Radar and the rabbits. She steps over him and he just laughs.
"What does any of it mean?" You ask. "What is the point of this? What are we supposed to get from this? I am not made happy by this. I am... I am only unsettled!" You throw your hands up.
"Something sees this. That's all I know." Xara shakes her head. "And however you see yourself, whether it's in here or not, it sees too."
"Is it... Alive?" Olivia blinks. Sunny seems to stir.
"Like Sunny? Could be a big Command Block?" He asks. They seem to look at him before shutting their eyes.
"No, no," Xara shakes her head, "there was something else. Something... Some sort of voice."
"But it can misinterpret us. What if it suddenly sees me as... How I used to be? Do you forget too or would it just be me?" Cassie shivers. "What if I lose myself?"
"I think it also depends on us." Xara considers. "There was something about how groups could stop it."
"I... Don't feel any different." Olivia admits suddenly. "I kind of feel like I'm... Home?"
"This is your home, right?" Firework asks Sunny and they meekly nod. Olivia blinks and grimaces. "Why bad?"
"Guess that means I'm not just... Never mind." She shakes her head. Xara's eyes widen.
"But that means you're... What's the word? A safeguard, I think." Xara shakes her head. "Do you... Know anything? I'd think someone connected to a Command Block would--" Olivia shakes her head again. "Well, we have one positive."
"...You of all people are saying this?" Olivia laughs.
"Better than losing our minds, I'd say." Xara crosses her arms. "At least if we're lost, we're not going to be mindless soon."
"Well, yes. I suppose that is a good thing. The idea has my blood going cold." You admit. Everyone stares at you and you tilt your head.
"It's just an expression." Nurm pinches his nose after a minute. "You had me thinking--"
"What? No! I have blood." You insist. "Did you want to check my pulse? My heart is," You put a hand over your chest, "where is my heart?"
"PAMA, you don't have blood." Olivia says and you back away. "PAMA, I rebuilt you. I'd know if you had blood."
"I do have blood!" You snap and unsheathe your claws. You drag one down your arm and thin red droplets leak out of the wound. After a moment, it appears to scab. "See? I have blood! I am not going to let you all delude me!" You snap.
Xara whispers something to Olivia and she shuts her eyes. "Fine. You have blood. Whatever." She turns and starts to walk off. "Just stay close."
"Keep an eye on them, Sonar." Binta insists. "The moment you feel something's off--"
Something rustles through the grass at the other end of the clearing. Cassie tenses and you look over your wound again. Why is everyone so insistent that you cannot bleed?
"Lots of noise coming from over here and--oh! Would you look at this! I think we have travelers of some kind!" A familiar voice... You have not heard that one in years. It cannot be. Cassie looks as if her blood has turned to ice.
"Yeah, yeah, we've heard all about travelers. As much as it'd be nice, they're probably newbies who got lost. How many are there, exactly?" Another voice. Your blood is starting to chill too. Firework turns between you and Cassie. Willow frowns.
"Oh. Um. Okay. We can't go and greet them."
"And why's that?"
"Just--get the more agreeable one. Alright?"
"...Mev. Is there another Cassie."
"Worse."
"Dear god. Okay. Otto? Otto!" You hear that voice grow more distant. "Don't make me push you out there. We've got a bit of a situation, here!"
"You can't make me deal with every Cassie!"
"It's easier!" A pair of arms shove a very startled looking Otto out. He looks exactly like the one back home. You lock eyes with him. So does everyone else. He tries to slink back before he is pushed back out again.
"Um. Yeah. You can't all be newbies..." He scratches the back of his head. "And, well, before you aks, we're definitely aware of the whole... Hadrian-Mevia-Cassie-PAMA issues. I... Yeah. This is a bit of a complicated thing to end up on our doorstep."
"They're still alive?" Cassie's eyes widen.
"Or we've died." Willow stammers.
"Don't get that idea in your head!" Otto puts his hands up. "This isn't the afterlife. I might um, well, we go by the names our original selves do, but we're not... Them. No other names have really stuck, and everyone else goes by something different so, it just kind of... Worked out?" Otto stammers.
"And you want us to trust you?" Cassie growls.
"No, no, but you folks do seem lost. It wouldn't hurt to come in and ask some questions." Otto puts a finger under his lip. "If you want. But I mean, I can try."
"How exactly does this place... Work?" Binta poses.
"Well, this is the Crucible, first and foremost. Center of all reality, according to some of the folks here. We don't know a whole lot, we really just live in a palace together and sometimes we journey a bit. There are always new places and people popping up. As for how it works, we haven't gotten that down yet." Otto answers.
Cassie pulls back a little, frowning as if she has tasted something unpleasant. A white-haired head pops out of the grass and she glares.
"You're looking for something, right?" Hadrian asks. Cassie glares at him. "Listen, I get it, but we do find a few things. Mev's got a good eye. Literal bird's eye view." He points a thumb past the grass and Mevia pops her head out. She grins like a maniac, but it seems to reach her eyes this time.
"You do have that gleam in your eye." She admits as she approaches. She does not have a single wing out nor a hint of any other form. "Last I heard, they let in wanderers eventually, but for what purpose? We don't exactly know. You don't seem to know either, to be fair."
"Yeah." Otto concurs. "You've got other questions, right?"
"What's your gimmick?" Cassie growls.
"Er. Nobody really wakes up knowing that." Hadrian shrugs. "We just kind of pop into existence and we remember a few things. Otto's got the most. There was a fourth person, but she didn't come with us."
"Harper." You say. "Does that ring a bell?"
"Maybe." Hadrian admits. "You'd think she'd be here too, wouldn't you?" His eyes widen at the sight of Firework and Willow. Mevia gapes her mouth open as well.
"You've got kids?" She shouts and Hadrian holds out one arm. Cassie seems about ready to pull out her axe. "Okay, okay, but you need to tell me who the lucky guy is? You've got to visit!"
"Mev," Hadrian begins.
"Yeah, yeah, corrosive to outsiders and all." She waves one hand. "It's really more of a saying. Um... Can we see... Them?"
"If they let us, they might as well come over and stay the night." Hadrian adds. "Wouldn't hurt to rest a bit." Firework nudges you.
"Who?" He asks.
"Very complicated." You admit. Willow stares at you. "I do not like talking about my family."
"Ah." Hadrian sucks a breath through his teeth. "We get that a lot. A lot of people hate us."
"I mean, we get it! All the memory stuff doesn't help, either. We can't exactly figure out why someone would. I think... I think that might be our gimmick? We're hated and we didn't even do the things we're hated for?" She ponders. "It's weird!"
"The 'lucky guy' is actually who we are searching for." You admit. "You can come and look, but do not touch them, please. I am not ready to deal with that."
"Oh. We'll um... We'll stay back, then." Hadrian clicks his teeth together. "There's a lot of feelings there, right, sport?"
"Don't call us that!" You and Cassie say together. Hadrian's eyes go wide.
"Ah. Okay. We're going to need to work out ground rules here." He rubs the back of his neck. "Give us a bit more on this... Guy you're looking for."
"He is my husband." You admit. "The people who rule this place, or at least we presume they do, kidnapped him after turning him into a monster. And all because he would not kill a child." You point towards Sunny.
"What kind of sick fuck would turn someone into a monster?" Hadrian asks and Cassie snorts. He raises an eyebrow before shaking his head. "If we're thinking about the same people, I can't really... Help you there. Sure, there's the 'center' of the Crucible and all, but that's suicide. I'd be more focused on going home."
"They're not going to actually do anything." Mevia interjects. "The people here would know it's fruitless." She scoffs.
"Yeah... No. Nobody's managed to event make a dent in their defenses. We don't even know how to get there, let alone advise you on how to stop what's happened." Otto adds. "They're probably not going to hunt you down. They'll just watch you suffer and laugh about it."
"Assuming they don't... Unwind you somehow." Hadrian shivers. "Sometimes I wonder if some of our neighbors were particularly rebellious people."
"We're not going to change your minds, though, are we?" Mevia asks and you shake your head. "Figures. Well, the least we can do is tell you what we've got mapped out."
"It is in our house, though." Otto adds before he turns to the facsimiles of your children. "And these are the copies of your kids?"
"Their parents... Died." You look away.
"We could take them?" Otto offers and Cassie grits her teeth. "If you'd trust us, of course."
"Not yet." Cassie huffs. "I'm not gambling two kids' lives right now."
"Fair, fair." Hadrian says. "Mev, you run back and scrounge up the map. Any of you folks like maps?" He shoots a glance back as Mevia runs back towards the clearing. Nurm raises one hand. "Wouldn't hurt to get some advice on how we draw 'em."
"...We're sort of on a time crunch?" Binta tilts her head. Tripwire nudges Sonar and she shakes her head. Binta looks over for a moment before Hadrian shrugs.
"You're not going to go far without any knowledge. Plus, you'll need someone to transcribe that map, right?"
"Unfortunately." Cassie sighs.
"Well, I suppose we're stuck together for a bit. You folks have the numbers advantage. And I guess there's no problem with killing us after all, supposedly half of us are dead!" Hadrian throws his hands up. "So, ah, it's... Strange. The versions of us on the other side were definitely a fair bit of work, but still... Feels odd to think about."
"It's like you're what I wanted you to be." Cassie is quiet.
"Maybe that's why we exist." Hadrian muses.
"Are you even... Real?" Cassie asks.
"I mean, I'm talking to you, right, kid?" Hadrian stiffens and Cassie looks away. "I'm not... Him. And that's a good thing in my book, but I'm also... You know. I'm a part of him. Or what someone wanted from him. No matter what, I'm here. He can't say the same thing anymore." Hadrian shrugs.
"Feels awful seeing you all so blue, though." Otto adds as you approach. "I wish we could give you more answers." He admits.
"We've got half-decent ones, though. That should be enough." Hadrian adds with a sigh. "I'm not sure if we've got enough beds for all of you, but some of you are definitely staying awake. Which I get. Totally understandable."
"Can you stop being so apologetic?" Cassie looks at him.
"Er. Kind of hard not to when your original version was some megalomaniac, but I'll give it a try!" Hadrian does a dramatic fist pump. You stare at him. "Okay. Also cutting that out too. Bit of a learning curve, here..."
"You gotta learn to be a better sport." Otto laughs and Hadrian turns a little red.
"Whatever..." He begins to walk ahead. "And keep your eyes peeled!"
"Why's that?" Olivia asks.
"Uh, weird changing place? Also, I might bump into a wall or something."
"Or he might explode into flower petals." Otto snickers.
"Sometimes I understand why original-me went batshit."
"Oh, come on. I said to be a good sport." Otto slugs Hadrian.
"...This feels weird." Cassie admits and turns to you. "I'm feeling... Uh. Something. I don't know what it is."
"I'm going for total bewilderment." Nurm votes. "That's what I feel, at least."
"I think I've lost all the confusion I've had in my tank." Sonar admits.
"Believe me, you'll be finding more." Hadrian shouts. "Lots and lots more."
"Does he ever stop talking?" Binta asks.
"Nope!" Otto shouts.
❀❀❀❀❀
You've mastered the art of leaping off a mountain and gliding. It took a few rounds of eating shit, a few rounds of scraping your tail against the ground, and a round or two of scraped knees, but you can finally land without a hitch. Now, you're focusing on running and properly flying.
It's not like you have instincts driving you. You've been practicing a few times mid-glide, but it almost always drives you off course. At least you're getting good at correcting yourself before you crash land. But in a pinch, being able to take off from the ground would be good.
Can you even... Do it? Maybe it's not you, maybe it's your anatomy. You leap up the mountain again, enter a glide, and beat your wings a few times. You actually manage to ascend this time! Lucky you!
It's been a day since Kindle's fallen under. Or at least you think it's been. The bite on your tail has scabbed over. You haven't seen the sun in a bit. You've nibbled on some of your food stores, but they're starting to run low. If you leave him to hunt, though, he'll probably get hurt.
Maybe if you learn to fly, you could keep him in your sights. You take a sharp turn and land back on the mountain. You practice again before circling around him and the mountain. It seems... Empty. You land back on the mountain and leap down onto the ground.
You take another crack at a running start, but it seems to go nowhere. You try again and almost face plant. A loud growl escapes you and you stiffen. Nothing seems to have heard you. You attempt to fly again and manage to stay in the air for a moment.
It takes a few more tries to actually gain some height, but by then, you're exhausted. You almost pass out at Kindle's side. He's still slumbering, though, or in stasis? Whatever you'd call this... State? You can't just go under. He wouldn't be able to wake you, you'd both be sitting chickens.
"You'd know how to navigate this place, right?" You ask. He still doesn't move. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm just... Musing. How much did they shelter you? How little do you know of the world you live in?" Still nothing. Would probably be a bad thing to ask him, anyway.
You wonder if PAMA is here now. How would they find you? You lay down on the ground. Maybe if you shut your eye for a moment--
It takes you a moment to blink it back open. You think you might have slept for an hour. The sky hasn't changed. All you really know is that you feel a little more rested. You force yourself up, bracing yourself for the sensation of teeth, but nothing ever comes.
Was that wolf the only thing here? You turn back to Kindle. He still seems to be stiff. What if he's dead? Some bodies stay in other worlds.
"How long can I give you?" You ask. "I can't just abandon you. Even if you didn't--" You shove your head into your hands. Why won't he wake up? You slink closer. What did he have to do? What could exhaust him so much?
All you remember, was a burst of light. That had to have been connected somehow, but what did it do? Were the people killed? Stunned? Were they--
"Radar," That's his voice, isn't it? "you need to leave."
"You're still..." You begin, turning to him. "You're still alive."
"I thought you would have run by now." Kindle admits, forcing part of his body up. "You should leave. They will not show you mercy."
"You're... If I do, you'll probably die." You admit.
"I doubt it." Kindle forces himself to his feet.
"I don't even know where to go." You admit. Kindle lets out a strange laugh.
"Well, that would make two of us. You can cover more ground." He gestures to your wings. "I heard a few of your murmurings, you know."
I can't believe I had to rely on a fourteen year old to keep me alive. You think for a moment before sighing. "So we're both confused, then."
"I would attract more attention at your side." Kindle adds. "I suppose I am in no state to... Stop you."
"Do you have an idea of where to go?" You ask.
"Not really. I think the center was close to the palace, but... That was only from what I have heard before." Kindle admits. "I did not see anything of interest during our escape."
"Well, you and I have to leave anyway..." You turn away for a moment.
"It will take me a moment to get to a state where I am able to leave." Kindle adds.
No, no. Something is not right. This is not the right part of the world. You can barely remember what it looked like, but it did not appear to be half sunken city. Sand swallows some small, eerily familiar buildings, while airborne sand licks against the outlines of homes that do not exist.
That's what you care about? Not what you've done!? Clarity pipes up. You snagged it on the way to the portal. They'd be stupid to follow you here.
He was evil. He was a monster. Why should I feel bad for doing what had to be done? You pull it out and stare at it. Tell me, honestly, what good Romeo did for the world?
And what good have you done? Clarity hisses. You narrow your eyes.
I fought that bastard several times! Even when he had the power to kill me with a flick of his wrist. I still did my part. You huff. You were not there. You did not see what I had to do. You did not see what we went through. Why Jesse let him live will forever elude me.
I'm surprised you're not hunting him down to chip him for it. Clarity acts as if it would roll an eye at that. Your insides chill. What? Did I strike a nerve there?
What is so evil about it? He was a monster! He killed his friend, he killed so many people with that stupid prison, and he left someone to suffer for all of eternity! Why am I supposed to feel bad? You nearly throw Clarity across the desert.
He was not causing harm now, though. Does it make you feel better now that he is dead?
Yes! He can never hurt any of us again! You snap back. You feel indignance leak into your mind from Clarity. I am not the same as him! Nobody told him to do what he did! He did not think it was the only option for his life! He was worse than I ever could be!
But someone could say the same about you. Then what?
How can I blame them? I did wrong too. Am I supposed to? You glare at Clarity again. What am I going to do if I am all alone in this? Radar's life is what matters here. Stopping this nightmare... It needs to be done, but how can I do it alone?
"I mean, I didn't like him either, but how am I supposed to feel about this?" Nurm asks from somewhere behind you. It seems he's trying to whisper. You do not turn. "I feel like I should be vindicated, but I can't stop hearing how he screamed. I just feel... Nothing."
"Honestly, it kind of makes PAMA cooler in my eyes." Sonar adds.
"Of course you'd say that." Nurm is probably glaring at her.
"And what the hell does that mean?"
"Um..." Tripwire interjects. "They haven't moved at all."
"PAMA hasn't... I don't think we should talk about someone who's listening." Cassie sighs.
"Well, you're all staying back." Olivia orders the group suddenly. "If anyone's going to deal with a machine in crisis, it's me." She steps to your side and you turn to stare at her.
"Shouldn't deserts be warm?" Firework asks. "Feels normal." He looks to Willow as she keeps a firm grip on Lily.
"I imagine the 'place where reality is bullshit' or whatever has a lot of little oddities like this." Cassie rolls her eyes. You step back as Olivia seems to size you up.
"Please don't make me have to go through your mind today." She says. You throw your head back and let out a strangled wail. "You're rational and reasonable. Don't you process every decision you make? I don't get why you did that."
"He deserved it." You snap. Olivia stares, seeming as if she is about to say something, before she looks at the ground.
"Back then, I think I would have agreed, but I just... I just don't know. He was pathetic. He couldn't hurt anyone." Olivia sighs. "I don't feel bad for him. But something feels... Wrong."
"Nothing of value was lost." You shake your head. "I do not care about this. I do not care about him. That is not what matters! Radar is--"
"At least you finally admit it now." Harper plods up to you. "You don't care about anything other than your stupid little revenge plot."
"Harper, let's not start anything like this--" Binta begins and Harper raises one paw. She turns back to you.
"I am your child after all." You glare at her and her eyes widen a little. "What? You have killed more people than I have."
"That was different! They--"
"Deserved it? Were dangerous?" You take the words out of her mouth. "I will concede that maybe Romeo was akin to a limbless zombie, but he still deserved what happened to him. And now, we are here, and we can focus on solving this issue."
"You're a monster." Harper grabs your arm. "Don't you get that?"
"And who raised this monster?" You push her back. "Who threw me to Hadrian? Who made me almost unkillable? Who--"
"Quit it." Binta interjects. "We'll save this discussion for when Radar's life isn't on the line. Alright?" She stands between you. Harper glares and you lock eyes with her.
"Just know, if any of you die, I'm leaving." She begins to walk ahead. You glare at her.
"With what portal?" Sonar puts her hands up.
"I do think there was a way out of here." Xara adds and everyone stares at her. "Unfortunately, I don't really remember where it is. There's something else I think is important... What was it?"
Harper stiffens and stares at the ground. Xara seems to still be murmuring. "You watched Romeo die and you don't even care."
"He also locked me in prison for an eternity. Am I supposed to care? Good for PAMA, I guess. I don't know. It feels... Weird. That's it. I wanted him to get eaten by wild animals or something." Xara shrugs and Harper claws at the ground. "What's up with you?"
"Supposedly, you know something." Olivia turns to Harper. "Well? What is it?" Harper frowns before throwing her head back with a sigh.
"None of you have memory issues, right?" She asks and everyone turns and shrugs. Xara blinks and looks at you. "I'd get better at introspection right now. Whatever you're thinking about yourself is about to become reality."
"And you tell us this now?" Olivia shouts. "That would have been nice to know before we got here!"
"Blame PAMA for that." Harper growls.
"No? You had ample time to at least mention this!" Olivia shoves her head into her hands. "What does that even mean? We lose our minds?"
"Sometimes it stops there, but, well, not every thing that lurks here is--" She begins before something slinks through the sand. "Figures. PAMA was the one who went in here first. Guess we're dealing with another PAMA today."
"What the fuck does that mean?!" Tripwire snaps.
"I'd shut up if I didn't want to--" Harper begins before something pops its head out of the sand. It looks almost like a large serpent, but then it brings part of its metallic body above the sand. Its body is akin to a centipede, segmented with several limbs. At the end of each visible limb sits a clawed hand.
Then, its mouth opens up in four equivalent segments. You stare at its face. It stares back. You share the same face.
When it speaks, it is in the same cadence as you would. It has your voice down to the letter. "Did you people need help?" It seems to gloss over the fact you share its face. It supports its head with two sets of arms and you look back to the rest of your group.
"Am I hallucinating?" Willow stares at it and then you. "This can't be real, right?"
"I often do not have visitors. I must admit that." It turns its eyes to you and you impulsively shiver. "Have you been to your territory yet? I've been surrounded since the day I got here. Bit of a ghost town, almost literally, here. I wouldn't expect another PAMA introject to wander here."
"I am the--" You begin before Nurm shoves himself in front of you. You raise an eyebrow.
"Jack told me all about handling weird phenomena like this, you have to appeal to the ego of things like this." He whispers and then dramatically bows before the creature. "We were just leaving, your great... Serpent-ness? That is all!"
The creature tilts its head. "What did he just say?" It looks to you.
"...Of all the things this place didn't pick up." Nurm groans and throws his hands up. "I'm not trusting something that steals faces. Especially not yours."
"As I was saying, I am the original PAMA."
"Bad move, bad move, bad--" Nurm begins before you hold one hand out in front of him. The creature blinks at you before it pulls back.
"Oh. Well. There really is no protocol for this. I do assume my offer is definitely very useful, then!" It claps all of its hands together before slinking below the sand a little. "What brought you here, exactly?"
"Where are the people?" Tripwire asks. The creature takes a look around before shrugging. Tripwire turns to Sonar and she just shrugs in turn.
"I don't think it's hostile. It could have torn us all apart, honestly." Sonar waves one hand dismissively.
"Even if I did want you dead, I would be a fool to turn down the opportunity to pick the real me's brains!" The creature excitedly wiggles its fingers before its head droops. It covers its head up with its extra 'mouth.' "That is a very rude thing to say, isn't it?"
"One step down from a threat, yeah." Olivia crosses her arms and the creature's mouth pops open again.
"Woopsie. I really have not gotten all of your names."
"There are too many people for this." You interject. "You mentioned territories?"
"Yeah, it's barren here for the most part. The only danger is sand. It's a bit hard for me to get around anywhere else, so... You know. Hard for me to visit, hard for me to get visited, the works. I can't tell you everything, but I do know there is a very beautiful garden around here somewhere." It brings a finger to its 'lip.' "How about this, I call you PAMA and the... PAMA and friends! Since you are all clustered together!" It puts its hands up. You note that it does not seem to process.
"Do you have a name?" You ask.
"Sandy! Because I'm a sandworm!" It brings the rest of its body out of the sand and wags the pincers on the back of its body. "It's also a bit cute, you know?"
"Were there... Ever people here?" Firework asks. Sandy shakes its head. "Weird."
"Sometimes solitude is nice!" Sandy offers. "Although, I have to say, it feels like there should be someone else here... Maybe more than just one someone." It puts a claw under its head.
"Is everyone around here... Another PAMA of some sort?" Olivia asks. You tense when Sandy nods. "What about in this whole world?"
"I don't recognize everyone, but probably not. We're stuck together, but I've heard some versions of you," It points to you, "are in plenty of other places. Whether or not they're friendly is a whole other discussion."
"So this place is just... Us?" Olivia raises an eyebrow. Sandy shrugs.
"I'm not sure. I don't head out too much. It's... Comfortable. Just don't wander too far into the desert. Last time I did..." Sandy shakes its head. "Be careful with how you speak here, that's what I'll say. Especially you," It points to you, "believe me, it gets complex really fast."
"Would have been nice to know this before we ended up here!" Olivia throws her hands up. Sandy looks away and Harper lets out a strange noise. You watch your large imitation put its fingers together and twiddle them. You assume that is its nervous 'thinking tic.'
"Okay, your autonomy is important... I remember that from your life." Sandy brings the upper half of its body down close to your group. "This way," It points a set of arms to the left, "will lead you to the gardens. I have heard a bit about it, rain may be a risk." It then points another set of arms behind it. "That will take you further through the desert. I... Wouldn't recommend it unless you believe yourself flight footed."
"And the right?" You press.
"Well, there is also the world behind you. The sands give way to this massive beach. Or so I have heard. There is something about the water there... And to the right, you will find the metropolis." It points to the right before pulling you close and whispering, "If I were you, I would convince myself that I am very water resistant."
"And lose that part of myself?" You resist the urge to recoil.
"Better than losing your life, I would say." Sandy pulls back. "That is all from me! I hope to hear that you are still among the living when my friends come back!" Before anyone can speak, it dives back under the sand.
"Reminds me a lot of a certain someone." Olivia stares at Harper. "Can things like that pull from multiple people?" She ponders.
"What did it say to you?" Binta asks and you shake your head.
"Nothing important. Does anyone have an umbrella?" You ask.
"Wait, I want to try something." Olivia interjects as some of your group shakes their heads. She touches you on the shoulder and you blink. Wait, you... Yeah, you brought an umbrella! You pull it out. It seems awfully garish, decorated in some of the ugliest flowers you have ever seen. You would not make something like this.
"But PAMA's memory is... That makes no sense!" Tripwire stares at it. "I know you wouldn't have asked if you didn't bring that!"
"Wouldn't have asked what?" You tilt your head.
"You didn't have an umbrella earlier!" Tripwire insists as Olivia slowly covers her mouth. You blink and drop it.
"I just... I convinced you you had one." Olivia admits as you step back. "I thought I'd test it out with something simple."
"Well, it still... Exists." Tripwire looks over the umbrella before picking it up. "So we may as well give it back."
"I have always had it!" You insist as you take it back. "At least I think I have... I cannot remember who gave it to me."
"And you didn't warn us about this? What else can we lose?" Nurm stares at Harper as she steps back. "What if we leave here not knowing anyone or anything from our former lives?!"
"Radar might not even remember himself!" Tripwire begins to pace. "And how are you supposed to tell an imitation from yourself? What if... What if there are people here who used to be like us? How would we know?"
"Okay, we're the originals. Remember that. And don't develop any amnesia bullshit!" Harper snaps. "There. Solved your problem."
She really solved nothing. Clarity interjects and you hold it out. Passing me around really isn't going to fix this. Wait, let me try something. You are reminded of the fact the umbrella did not originally exist. It seems to unravel.
"Well. That's fucked up." Sonar admits. You hear Willow murmuring something and turn to find she is still clinging to Lily. Right. There was no way she could have seen that.
"You can convince anyone of anything here..." Willow blinks stupidly. "Hell, you could invent a new color and then... I don't know, drive someone mad?"
"Could you change yourself for the better?" Sonar asks. "Would everyone assume you've always been that way when you come out, or would they know the truth?" She turns to Harper who shrugs.
"Don't play with it. Alright? You're not going to get a better mind fucking with it."
"Knowing our luck, we'd just end up like that big PAMA-pede." Tripwire shrugs and Nurm sighs. "Yeah?"
"So you could just... Forget yourself here? Nothing you ever did before would have mattered."
"Maybe." Harper shakes her head. "But it seems you can remind someone of what they're supposed to be."
"But you could be... Be better?" Lily interjects. "You could be the best thing you were ever meant to be..."
"Or you could go mad." Tripwire stares at her. "I'm surprised the umbrella didn't send PAMA over the edge."
"So if I convince myself that that building is a... A car, would that work?" Tripwire points to one of the dusty buildings. "Or would we all have to believe it?"
"I don't know!" Harper snaps. "Why are you all so intent on being deluded?" Tripwire shrugs.
"I mean, it's important to know. What are the limits of this sort of... Reality warping memory thing? If we're all convinced something's a monster, does it mean it'll act that way? Or does it turn to normal when one person is convinced? Does it only affect us?"
"Stop asking questions. I don't know." Harper shoves her head into her hands. "Is that sufficient?"
"So that's... That's what staying whole was about..." Xara's eyes widen. "This whole place is designed to warp itself based on memory... But I don't think it's our memory?"
"A part of it is our memory, though. What do you mean it's not our memory?" Tripwire stares at Xara.
"I think something else is perceiving us." Xara sighs and Tripwire's head swirls around. "Not like that. It's more like... Well, it's not looking at us, but it's aware of us to an extent. I think... I think it knew us before we got here."
"And it sees me as a sandworm?" You raise an eyebrow.
"Well, it has to see more. There's not just you in here." Xara says.
"I wish we asked more about this place. Where would Radar even be?" Binta considers aloud as Nurm seems to look around. "You've got an area for how this place works?"
"This is the most disoriented I've felt in my life. So no." Nurm shakes his head. "If the world around us can change at any moment, how are we supposed to know up from down? What is the point in trying to map it?"
"Does that mean it'd respond to what we want?" Lily asks.
"I wouldn't count on it." Xara shakes her head. "I'd be careful." It feels as if you are on the cusp of remembering something before your mind buries it. Well, isn't that just reassuring? Why is your mind so intent on burying something now?
"Well, we can't stay here..." Binta begins.
"But we barely know anything! Sure, there's a 'garden,' whatever that means, but it could be full of man-eating plants or something. Of course a massive PAMA-pede wouldn't be bothered by monsters or other threats like that." Tripwire interjects.
"Assuming it isn't lying, of course." Olivia adds. "I doubt it would, considering it could just kill us... Unless it wants to watch us die."
"What about you, PAMA? Since you're sooo smart?" Willow turns to you.
"Wouldn't it be torturing us?" Lily asks and Willow stares at her.
"It did not seem to be lying." You offer.
"It did also whisper something to PAMA... Maybe it's got PAMA under its spell." Sonar shrugs. "But... I don't feel weird about it. Not exactly?"
Okay, now people are just being paranoid. Clarity thinks. Why did you even bring me?
I do not know. I think something told me to... You admit.
Guess I'm looking for the reason, then. Clarity shuts up after that and you tense a little.
"We could flip a coin or something?" Cassie offers and people stare at her. "What? If I go crazy, just kill me. I don't want to live as some weird mockery of myself. Or... Kill anyone here?"
"PAMA's tied to this thing a bit, so shouldn't they know the best course of action?" Olivia turns to you.
"We don't share memories with our other selves!" Harper snaps. "They just take what we already had."
"But maybe there's still a connection." Olivia turns to her. "Besides, it's not like any of us have any better ideas."
I'll likely take another crack at ep 3-5 bc I was a bit tired when I ran thru 'em. Once I'm done, I can finally work on the art for the book and get it DONE!
No, no. Something is not right. This is not the right part of the world. You can barely remember what it looked like, but it did not appear to be half sunken city. Sand swallows some small, eerily familiar buildings, while airborne sand licks against the outlines of homes that do not exist.
That's what you care about? Not what you've done!? Clarity pipes up. You snagged it on the way to the portal. They'd be stupid to follow you here.
He was evil. He was a monster. Why should I feel bad for doing what had to be done? You pull it out and stare at it. Tell me, honestly, what good Romeo did for the world?
And what good have you done? Clarity hisses. You narrow your eyes.
I fought that bastard several times! Even when he had the power to kill me with a flick of his wrist. I still did my part. You huff. You were not there. You did not see what I had to do. You did not see what we went through. Why Jesse let him live will forever elude me.
I'm surprised you're not hunting him down to chip him for it. Clarity acts as if it would roll an eye at that. Your insides chill. What? Did I strike a nerve there?
What is so evil about it? He was a monster! He killed his friend, he killed so many people with that stupid prison, and he left someone to suffer for all of eternity! Why am I supposed to feel bad? You nearly throw Clarity across the desert.
He was not causing harm now, though. Does it make you feel better now that he is dead?
Yes! He can never hurt any of us again! You snap back. You feel indignance leak into your mind from Clarity. I am not the same as him! Nobody told him to do what he did! He did not think it was the only option for his life! He was worse than I ever could be!
But someone could say the same about you. Then what?
How can I blame them? I did wrong too. Am I supposed to? You glare at Clarity again. What am I going to do if I am all alone in this? Radar's life is what matters here. Stopping this nightmare... It needs to be done, but how can I do it alone?
"I mean, I didn't like him either, but how am I supposed to feel about this?" Nurm asks from somewhere behind you. It seems he's trying to whisper. You do not turn. "I feel like I should be vindicated, but I can't stop hearing how he screamed. I just feel... Nothing."
"Honestly, it kind of makes PAMA cooler in my eyes." Sonar adds.
"Of course you'd say that." Nurm is probably glaring at her.
"And what the hell does that mean?"
"Um..." Tripwire interjects. "They haven't moved at all."
"PAMA hasn't... I don't think we should talk about someone who's listening." Cassie sighs.
"Well, you're all staying back." Olivia orders the group suddenly. "If anyone's going to deal with a machine in crisis, it's me." She steps to your side and you turn to stare at her.
"Shouldn't deserts be warm?" Firework asks. "Feels normal." He looks to Willow as she keeps a firm grip on Lily.
"I imagine the 'place where reality is bullshit' or whatever has a lot of little oddities like this." Cassie rolls her eyes. You step back as Olivia seems to size you up.
"Please don't make me have to go through your mind today." She says. You throw your head back and let out a strangled wail. "You're rational and reasonable. Don't you process every decision you make? I don't get why you did that."
"He deserved it." You snap. Olivia stares, seeming as if she is about to say something, before she looks at the ground.
"Back then, I think I would have agreed, but I just... I just don't know. He was pathetic. He couldn't hurt anyone." Olivia sighs. "I don't feel bad for him. But something feels... Wrong."
"Nothing of value was lost." You shake your head. "I do not care about this. I do not care about him. That is not what matters! Radar is--"
"At least you finally admit it now." Harper plods up to you. "You don't care about anything other than your stupid little revenge plot."
"Harper, let's not start anything like this--" Binta begins and Harper raises one paw. She turns back to you.
"I am your child after all." You glare at her and her eyes widen a little. "What? You have killed more people than I have."
"That was different! They--"
"Deserved it? Were dangerous?" You take the words out of her mouth. "I will concede that maybe Romeo was akin to a limbless zombie, but he still deserved what happened to him. And now, we are here, and we can focus on solving this issue."
"You're a monster." Harper grabs your arm. "Don't you get that?"
"And who raised this monster?" You push her back. "Who threw me to Hadrian? Who made me almost unkillable? Who--"
"Quit it." Binta interjects. "We'll save this discussion for when Radar's life isn't on the line. Alright?" She stands between you. Harper glares and you lock eyes with her.
"Just know, if any of you die, I'm leaving." She begins to walk ahead. You glare at her.
"With what portal?" Sonar puts her hands up.
"I do think there was a way out of here." Xara adds and everyone stares at her. "Unfortunately, I don't really remember where it is. There's something else I think is important... What was it?"
Harper stiffens and stares at the ground. Xara seems to still be murmuring. "You watched Romeo die and you don't even care."
"He also locked me in prison for an eternity. Am I supposed to care? Good for PAMA, I guess. I don't know. It feels... Weird. That's it. I wanted him to get eaten by wild animals or something." Xara shrugs and Harper claws at the ground. "What's up with you?"
"Supposedly, you know something." Olivia turns to Harper. "Well? What is it?" Harper frowns before throwing her head back with a sigh.
"None of you have memory issues, right?" She asks and everyone turns and shrugs. Xara blinks and looks at you. "I'd get better at introspection right now. Whatever you're thinking about yourself is about to become reality."
"And you tell us this now?" Olivia shouts. "That would have been nice to know before we got here!"
"Blame PAMA for that." Harper growls.
"No? You had ample time to at least mention this!" Olivia shoves her head into her hands. "What does that even mean? We lose our minds?"
"Sometimes it stops there, but, well, not every thing that lurks here is--" She begins before something slinks through the sand. "Figures. PAMA was the one who went in here first. Guess we're dealing with another PAMA today."
"What the fuck does that mean?!" Tripwire snaps.
"I'd shut up if I didn't want to--" Harper begins before something pops its head out of the sand. It looks almost like a large serpent, but then it brings part of its metallic body above the sand. Its body is akin to a centipede, segmented with several limbs. At the end of each visible limb sits a clawed hand.
Then, its mouth opens up in four equivalent segments. You stare at its face. It stares back. You share the same face.
When it speaks, it is in the same cadence as you would. It has your voice down to the letter. "Did you people need help?" It seems to gloss over the fact you share its face. It supports its head with two sets of arms and you look back to the rest of your group.
"Am I hallucinating?" Willow stares at it and then you. "This can't be real, right?"
"I often do not have visitors. I must admit that." It turns its eyes to you and you impulsively shiver. "Have you been to your territory yet? I've been surrounded since the day I got here. Bit of a ghost town, almost literally, here. I wouldn't expect another PAMA introject to wander here."
"I am the--" You begin before Nurm shoves himself in front of you. You raise an eyebrow.
"Jack told me all about handling weird phenomena like this, you have to appeal to the ego of things like this." He whispers and then dramatically bows before the creature. "We were just leaving, your great... Serpent-ness? That is all!"
The creature tilts its head. "What did he just say?" It looks to you.
"...Of all the things this place didn't pick up." Nurm groans and throws his hands up. "I'm not trusting something that steals faces. Especially not yours."
"As I was saying, I am the original PAMA."
"Bad move, bad move, bad--" Nurm begins before you hold one hand out in front of him. The creature blinks at you before it pulls back.
"Oh. Well. There really is no protocol for this. I do assume my offer is definitely very useful, then!" It claps all of its hands together before slinking below the sand a little. "What brought you here, exactly?"
"Where are the people?" Tripwire asks. The creature takes a look around before shrugging. Tripwire turns to Sonar and she just shrugs in turn.
"I don't think it's hostile. It could have torn us all apart, honestly." Sonar waves one hand dismissively.
"Even if I did want you dead, I would be a fool to turn down the opportunity to pick the real me's brains!" The creature excitedly wiggles its fingers before its head droops. It covers its head up with its extra 'mouth.' "That is a very rude thing to say, isn't it?"
"One step down from a threat, yeah." Olivia crosses her arms and the creature's mouth pops open again.
"Woopsie. I really have not gotten all of your names."
"There are too many people for this." You interject. "You mentioned territories?"
"Yeah, it's barren here for the most part. The only danger is sand. It's a bit hard for me to get around anywhere else, so... You know. Hard for me to visit, hard for me to get visited, the works. I can't tell you everything, but I do know there is a very beautiful garden around here somewhere." It brings a finger to its 'lip.' "How about this, I call you PAMA and the... PAMA and friends! Since you are all clustered together!" It puts its hands up. You note that it does not seem to process.
"Do you have a name?" You ask.
"Sandy! Because I'm a sandworm!" It brings the rest of its body out of the sand and wags the pincers on the back of its body. "It's also a bit cute, you know?"
"Were there... Ever people here?" Firework asks. Sandy shakes its head. "Weird."
"Sometimes solitude is nice!" Sandy offers. "Although, I have to say, it feels like there should be someone else here... Maybe more than just one someone." It puts a claw under its head.
"Is everyone around here... Another PAMA of some sort?" Olivia asks. You tense when Sandy nods. "What about in this whole world?"
"I don't recognize everyone, but probably not. We're stuck together, but I've heard some versions of you," It points to you, "are in plenty of other places. Whether or not they're friendly is a whole other discussion."
"So this place is just... Us?" Olivia raises an eyebrow. Sandy shrugs.
"I'm not sure. I don't head out too much. It's... Comfortable. Just don't wander too far into the desert. Last time I did..." Sandy shakes its head. "Be careful with how you speak here, that's what I'll say. Especially you," It points to you, "believe me, it gets complex really fast."
"Would have been nice to know this before we ended up here!" Olivia throws her hands up. Sandy looks away and Harper lets out a strange noise. You watch your large imitation put its fingers together and twiddle them. You assume that is its nervous 'thinking tic.'
"Okay, your autonomy is important... I remember that from your life." Sandy brings the upper half of its body down close to your group. "This way," It points a set of arms to the left, "will lead you to the gardens. I have heard a bit about it, rain may be a risk." It then points another set of arms behind it. "That will take you further through the desert. I... Wouldn't recommend it unless you believe yourself flight footed."
"And the right?" You press.
"Well, there is also the world behind you. The sands give way to this massive beach. Or so I have heard. There is something about the water there... And to the right, you will find the metropolis." It points to the right before pulling you close and whispering, "If I were you, I would convince myself that I am very water resistant."
"And lose that part of myself?" You resist the urge to recoil.
"Better than losing your life, I would say." Sandy pulls back. "That is all from me! I hope to hear that you are still among the living when my friends come back!" Before anyone can speak, it dives back under the sand.
"Reminds me a lot of a certain someone." Olivia stares at Harper. "Can things like that pull from multiple people?" She ponders.
"What did it say to you?" Binta asks and you shake your head.
"Nothing important. Does anyone have an umbrella?" You ask.
"Wait, I want to try something." Olivia interjects as some of your group shakes their heads. She touches you on the shoulder and you blink. Wait, you... Yeah, you brought an umbrella! You pull it out. It seems awfully garish, decorated in some of the ugliest flowers you have ever seen. You would not make something like this.
"But PAMA's memory is... That makes no sense!" Tripwire stares at it. "I know you wouldn't have asked if you didn't bring that!"
"Wouldn't have asked what?" You tilt your head.
"You didn't have an umbrella earlier!" Tripwire insists as Olivia slowly covers her mouth. You blink and drop it.
"I just... I convinced you you had one." Olivia admits as you step back. "I thought I'd test it out with something simple."
"Well, it still... Exists." Tripwire looks over the umbrella before picking it up. "So we may as well give it back."
"I have always had it!" You insist as you take it back. "At least I think I have... I cannot remember who gave it to me."
"And you didn't warn us about this? What else can we lose?" Nurm stares at Harper as she steps back. "What if we leave here not knowing anyone or anything from our former lives?!"
"Radar might not even remember himself!" Tripwire begins to pace. "And how are you supposed to tell an imitation from yourself? What if... What if there are people here who used to be like us? How would we know?"
"Okay, we're the originals. Remember that. And don't develop any amnesia bullshit!" Harper snaps. "There. Solved your problem."
She really solved nothing. Clarity interjects and you hold it out. Passing me around really isn't going to fix this. Wait, let me try something. You are reminded of the fact the umbrella did not originally exist. It seems to unravel.
"Well. That's fucked up." Sonar admits. You hear Willow murmuring something and turn to find she is still clinging to Lily. Right. There was no way she could have seen that.
"You can convince anyone of anything here..." Willow blinks stupidly. "Hell, you could invent a new color and then... I don't know, drive someone mad?"
"Could you change yourself for the better?" Sonar asks. "Would everyone assume you've always been that way when you come out, or would they know the truth?" She turns to Harper who shrugs.
"Don't play with it. Alright? You're not going to get a better mind fucking with it."
"Knowing our luck, we'd just end up like that big PAMA-pede." Tripwire shrugs and Nurm sighs. "Yeah?"
"So you could just... Forget yourself here? Nothing you ever did before would have mattered."
"Maybe." Harper shakes her head. "But it seems you can remind someone of what they're supposed to be."
"But you could be... Be better?" Lily interjects. "You could be the best thing you were ever meant to be..."
"Or you could go mad." Tripwire stares at her. "I'm surprised the umbrella didn't send PAMA over the edge."
"So if I convince myself that that building is a... A car, would that work?" Tripwire points to one of the dusty buildings. "Or would we all have to believe it?"
"I don't know!" Harper snaps. "Why are you all so intent on being deluded?" Tripwire shrugs.
"I mean, it's important to know. What are the limits of this sort of... Reality warping memory thing? If we're all convinced something's a monster, does it mean it'll act that way? Or does it turn to normal when one person is convinced? Does it only affect us?"
"Stop asking questions. I don't know." Harper shoves her head into her hands. "Is that sufficient?"
"So that's... That's what staying whole was about..." Xara's eyes widen. "This whole place is designed to warp itself based on memory... But I don't think it's our memory?"
"A part of it is our memory, though. What do you mean it's not our memory?" Tripwire stares at Xara.
"I think something else is perceiving us." Xara sighs and Tripwire's head swirls around. "Not like that. It's more like... Well, it's not looking at us, but it's aware of us to an extent. I think... I think it knew us before we got here."
"And it sees me as a sandworm?" You raise an eyebrow.
"Well, it has to see more. There's not just you in here." Xara says.
"I wish we asked more about this place. Where would Radar even be?" Binta considers aloud as Nurm seems to look around. "You've got an area for how this place works?"
"This is the most disoriented I've felt in my life. So no." Nurm shakes his head. "If the world around us can change at any moment, how are we supposed to know up from down? What is the point in trying to map it?"
"Does that mean it'd respond to what we want?" Lily asks.
"I wouldn't count on it." Xara shakes her head. "I'd be careful." It feels as if you are on the cusp of remembering something before your mind buries it. Well, isn't that just reassuring? Why is your mind so intent on burying something now?
"Well, we can't stay here..." Binta begins.
"But we barely know anything! Sure, there's a 'garden,' whatever that means, but it could be full of man-eating plants or something. Of course a massive PAMA-pede wouldn't be bothered by monsters or other threats like that." Tripwire interjects.
"Assuming it isn't lying, of course." Olivia adds. "I doubt it would, considering it could just kill us... Unless it wants to watch us die."
"What about you, PAMA? Since you're sooo smart?" Willow turns to you.
"Wouldn't it be torturing us?" Lily asks and Willow stares at her.
"It did not seem to be lying." You offer.
"It did also whisper something to PAMA... Maybe it's got PAMA under its spell." Sonar shrugs. "But... I don't feel weird about it. Not exactly?"
Okay, now people are just being paranoid. Clarity thinks. Why did you even bring me?
I do not know. I think something told me to... You admit.
Guess I'm looking for the reason, then. Clarity shuts up after that and you tense a little.
"We could flip a coin or something?" Cassie offers and people stare at her. "What? If I go crazy, just kill me. I don't want to live as some weird mockery of myself. Or... Kill anyone here?"
"PAMA's tied to this thing a bit, so shouldn't they know the best course of action?" Olivia turns to you.
"We don't share memories with our other selves!" Harper snaps. "They just take what we already had."
"But maybe there's still a connection." Olivia turns to her. "Besides, it's not like any of us have any better ideas."
It is not an easy decision at all. Staying, leaving, every option comes with a risk. You have the only leads so far, it seems, but staying could get all of you killed.
But what about leaving? You leave the town open and exposed. What if you find an answer? What if you manage to get out of this? And what if leaving lets them pick you off? It may very well confirm the people's suspicions.
You look away for a moment. "We will stay." Binta seems to sputter, probably from shock, before composing herself and sighing. She puts her hands together. Willow and Firework exchange a few glances.
"Is it my place to ask you for advice?" Binta turns to you. You stiffen a little before nodding. "What do I even do about the people here? How do I stop this without excessive force? I can't pit the army or the guard against our people just because they may be intruders. That'll just make it worse. Anyone could claim anything. People could die."
What do you even say to that? "I know. Radar would... I know he would struggle too."
"It's a perfect way to break us down. All it takes is for us to start fearing our neighbors and... Well. Someone's got to start the fire. What do we do to deal with it?"
"Binta, I--" You would swallow hard if your anatomy allowed it, "I am not the person to ask these questions. I am... I am not fit to be leader, Binta. You know my history. I imagine you have had enough time to scour our history books." Binta sighs.
"We need to figure out how to monitor this without making it worse. Sure, you've messed up, but I... I need someone who knows something. In the Underneath, we knew everyone. I don't know my enemies anymore." She steps to your side. "You're close with Radar. What would he do? What would his protocol be?"
"He would turn to the people he knows. People he could certainly trust." You offer.
Binta sighs. "If you're here, then you're my first option. You're going to keep an eye on these people."
"What--!" You shout. "Binta, they want to kill me! Even if they did not, it is a bad idea to put me in any sort of leadership position."
"Just because of your reputation?" Binta veers back and raises an eyebrow. "No matter what happens, something's going to go wrong. You have the most knowledge of this--"
"What if I lose my mind and do it again?" You shout. "What if it I am a ticking time bomb, Binta? What if it is my nature to hurt people?"
"Then you would have... Already..." Binta blinks. "PAMA, what are you talking about?" You stiffen and look at your hands. Why did you say that? You look at Willow.
"I never would have thought Willow would--" You begin before you shut your eyes and sob. Why are you doing this? This... This is ridiculous! "What if everyone is right and I have just been lying to myself? What if I never changed at all?"
"Then you wouldn't be having a crisis about it." Binta sighs. "I think if you were lying to yourself, it would have fallen apart. Wouldn't Radar be... Perfect?" Binta cringes and you do as well. You remember your kids are watching. Oh no.
"You really should not have seen me like this." You shove your head into your hands. "You should not worry about me."
"Not mad with you." Firework turns to glare at Willow. "You did this."
"What?" Willow snaps. "I was trying to prevent this! Now look at where we are! If dad had just killed--"
"And what if was you?" Firework practically shakes her. "Me? Dad? Could be anyone! You lucky! You not Sunny! So easy to be born wrong! Wrong place, wrong family, wrong people!" He points to you. You frown.
"I..." Willow blinks. "It's different!"
"Coward!" Firework pushes her back. "I can stand with no legs! You have legs! Don't stand! Have a voice and use it for nothing!"
"I guess everyone loves some monster more than me!" Willow snaps before turning to walk off. You grab her on the arm. "What do you care? You didn't even try to save me. What gives now?"
"Being an idiot! Always an idiot!" Firework snaps. "How have brain and not use it?!"
"Just... I hate you!" Willow shouts and shoves you back. "I don't care if it kills me. It's better than having to deal with the fact I'm your kid!"
"You dad's kid too! Just as suicidal!" Firework calls behind her. You step to follow Willow but she just bolts. You stiffen. What can you even do here? "That was mean. Bad." Firework looks away.
"I'll make sure she doesn't do anything reckless." Binta sighs.
"Just leave her." You shake your head. "Everything keeps making it worse."
"If you left Radar, he would have died." Binta adds. "I'd rather be a jerk than have her dead." She leaves. You slump down on the ground and Sunny crawls into your lap. Images of beaches worm into your mind, and when you recoil, it changes to wind whistling through trees.
"That is not your responsibility." You insist and pat Sunny on the head. "Please, kid." Sunny presses their head against your stomach. You resist the urge to fall onto your side. Knowing kids, they would worm under your side and get squished somehow.
"She still thinks they her friends?" Firework asks and you shrug. "She seemed okay earlier."
"That is how people get you. Emotions are complicated." You look away.
"All of this because she sees you and her same?"
"That is my fault." You squeeze your eyes shut. "They see her as an extension of me. Why didn't I consider this? I suppose I thought people would know it was not her fault."
"She like my aunt?" Firework suddenly asks. You tense and bury your head in your hands. "Should I hate her?"
"I am really not the person to ask this. On all fronts." You press a hand against your forehead. "I barely know what to do anymore."
"But you saved dad once. You can do it." Firework offers.
"Firework, no. PAMA does not save people."
"What?"
"PAMA never has."
---
"Everyone, clear the area!"
"What the hell is going on in here?!"
You stepped through the crowd. What was going on? There were so many people then. Just a moment ago you had set up to spend the night in Crayon Estates. Your shoulder brushed against someone.
"I didn't want this, man! God, I didn't--I didn't want this!" Nell shouted. You could barely cut through the sea of bodies. "I didn't know. I'm sorry!"
"Nell, tell me what happened!" You yelped at her, your fingers digging into her shoulders. "Nell. Please. I know it has been hard for us to talk, but please be my friend for a moment here!"
"I didn't want him to do this. I didn't mean it." Nell shoved her head into her hands. "I didn't know. I didn't know he'd act like this. He seemed so happy and I--"
You stopped and pushed her back. Her eyes held a horror you have never seen since. "What do you mean he was happy?"
"Why would being happy be a bad thing, man? Why does it--"
"Radar!" You nearly dropped her then. Willow grabbed your leg. "No, no! Go back! You--" She slipped between your arms the moment you tried to grab her. You followed her.
She ran into the house.
The door was open when you approached.
And so were Radar's wrists.
You could barely see him through the swarm of healers. Tripwire had barked an order before she turned and shouted something, likely telling you to cover Willow's eyes. Your attempts were fruitless. She had already seen.
Before you could even approach to try and heal him, someone pulled your arm back. You scooped up Willow. She was still too small for her squirming to do much. It was just a few days before she was due to turn ten. You and Radar had planned a party a week prior.
"I knew you'd ruin him." Lukas spat, his grip on your wrist tightening.
"Please, let me heal him."
"Haven't you done enough?" Lukas let go. "This is all your fault, you know. I warned him! Maybe now he'll listen. I don't know why Jesse let you come here. I don't know--"
Willow started to let out this horrible shriek.
"But he had to tie himself to you twice! I guess I lucked out! I don't have to deal with people like you!" He shouted and pushed you back. "You got what you want, PAMA. You've ruined his life." Lukas paid a glance towards the house.
You caught a glimpse of Radar fighting back the people trying to save him.
"If he even still has one."
---
You stumble on shaky legs. Firework follows behind you. Sunny lays lazily on your shoulder. The town has grown awfully quiet.
"Nell?" You ask when you spot her. You motion for your kids to stay still. "I want to talk to her alone. Just stay in sight, please?" Firework nods and you sigh. Nell raises an eyebrow before shrugging and stepping into an alley.
"I guess the world really is going mad. I feel I should care more, but I don't... Feel anything. You know?" Nell rambles. "Why are you talking to me?"
"Nell... I... Nell, have I become my mother?"
"Why the hell would I know that, man?" Nell stares at you. "You guys keep putting your baggage on me. It was a damn accident. In hindsight, Radar was always going to lose it. It was going to be something else."
"And what about me, Nell? Am I about to lose myself?" You try not to shout.
"Because--!" You bury your head in your hands. "I do not have anyone else to ask. I have no friends, Nell. I miss... I wish it was easy. It would have been easier if what happened injured nobody. I miss... I wish I could be your friend. Cassie would say no. Radar would say no. Everyone would spare my feelings except..." You look away. "And you, well, at least you do not seem biased against me."
"I fucked up, but you did worse." Nell sighs. "Does that make you happy? I don't really care. You know how bad it has to be to get on my nerves? People reminding you of what you did doesn't suddenly undo it."
"Being irresponsible does not make you evil." You look away. "At least you are honest."
"Radar was... Nicer than you. You are weird, PAMA. A total freakazoid sometimes, honestly. I don't get you." Nell shakes her head. "No. Your mother's got more friends. That's probably for a reason, man." She walks off. You shove your head into your hands.
"Why did I ask her that?"
❀❀❀❀❀
Your memory is still fuzzy. You can remember some segments of your house. This one seems important, but you cannot tell why so far. You were in a kitchen. Someone small had a hand around your leg. It was fuzzy.
Her name? Um. Well, you don't remember that. Her face is distinct. She looks like that imitation--
Oh god.
You tried to kill your daughter. Oh god. No, no, noNONONO--
You can barely shove back the memories of blood and pain and hunger. No wonder your mind had shut it out. You can feel it all coming back now. How much of it was delirium from starvation? How much was guilt? Does it even matter?
There was a knock at the door. At the time, you didn't feel a sinking feeling. Now, you do. You know... There's something behind that door. Something awful.
You opened it. You do not remember his name. This man, you knew him once. How could you forget someone so blonde?
"What are you doing here?" There wasn't any apprehension in your voice. You remember tension from years ago. Maybe it happened after? No, no, there was an incident before this. It wasn't this bad. You watched him sort of fidget. "Lukas? Hey?"
"I... Radar, I heard you were thinking of tying yourself down. I don't... I don't know much about having kids. I wasn't spawned around villagers or anything but, you can't really... Sever that tie once it's made." Lukas tensed. You felt your eye widen before it narrowed. There was the pitter patter of shaky feet behind you.
"I told you to drop this." You glared.
"Radar, I just... I don't want you to get hurt."
"You're already hurting me doing this, would you just--" You began before you could feel a small hand touch your leg. Lukas turned to them first. You know now you'll remember how his face had turned.
It took him a long moment to let out this wraithlike sound, "Get rid of it."
"What the hell are you saying?!" You snapped. Anyone would. "Lukas, are you taking crazy pills!? Have you lost your mind?! This isn't PAMA, this is Willow! They're a kid!"
"They're forever tied to that thing!" Lukas shouted. Willow let go of you and you grabbed them. "Don't you know how they're going to view them? They're going to be miserable!"
"I should fucking exile you!" You yelled at him. You swung at him with your free hand. That's when you remembered your strength. You drew your hand back. Blood dripped down your knuckles.
Lukas stared, his nose bloody. You know he wasn't the first person you've done this to. There was someone else, someone who deserved it. It hurts to think about. Lukas stepped back.
"Just leave." You heaved. "I don't care if you leave this town or not. Never look my way again."
"You're just as bad as PAMA, you know."
"You told me to abandon a child, you fuck, I swear to god--"
Something shuffles next to you. You blink and raise your head. Oh, right, sleep has been eluding you a fair bit. Kindle anxiously drags one hoof against the ground before shaking his head. He breaks into a strange pace.
"How can he be so sure of himself? He does not know himself, barely knows what he looks like, yet he believes he can break this chain..." Kindle murmurs and you put your head down. "Does he have a point? Everyone else has privileges I do not possess. They can wander. They inflict cruelty upon..." He puts a hoof to his head.
"Am I supposed to be able to hear this?" You ask.
"I hoped your ears were as bad as your vision." Kindle sighs and throws his head back. He steps away. You can't hear him anymore. Something about his murmuring feels odd. You would ramble like this through something else. Something in your inventory?
Oh. You really should have checked that. You have a shield, a jacket? Okay. You must have taken that off at some point. A bow. A decent Experience pool? They didn't take this stuff from you... Why? There's something else...? You pull it out.
It looks like a little rectangle. There is some depth. You tap it and the screen lights up. It's not like that metal--ugh--your spouse? Why don't you remember their name? You try and check the charge on it. Why do you remember that these things have charge?
About fifty percent... Is it supposed to last this long? You blink and think hard. Why is all you can remember snippets and carnage? Amnesia is annoying. You somehow end up on the contacts section.
...Why do you only have four?
You presume the one titled 'PAMA' is important. It has a silly symbol of a moon next to it. You remember something. Sunshine, moonshine. PAMA said something about how it'd be a stupid idea to call them a type of alcohol. Starshine was often used, but, you think they were interchangeable too?
You dial the number.
Would it even work here?
✾✾✾✾✾
"You told the kid about Jack?"
"I do not know why I did. I suppose it was to make her stop believing I could do everything right. I did not want to be a liar." You stiffen and look away from Rudy. "Could you hold down the shop for a bit?"
"Jack wasn't your fault."
"But he is still dead. Radar would have been if he was not noticed. If someone did not get suspicious, if--" You turn away. "If Nell did not wonder why he was suddenly so forgiving. If not for that... They would have thought he had crawled somewhere to die when they found him. Maybe they would have thought the madness had finally taken him."
You turn your eyes to the stars. The bridge in the middle of town was a fond spot for stargazing tourists. "I wish you would just open up to someone, you know?" Rudy turns to you.
"I try." You admit. "It is hard. People do not like me. It is for good reason." You shake your head.
"I like you."
"I am your boss. If you hated me, you would have found another job." You stare at Rudy. "Can we even be friends? You are still my subordinate."
"Uh, you know Jesse and Radar, right?" Rudy tilts their head. "I do wonder why he's never sent a letter."
"Maybe it was my fault..."
"How would it be your fault? He was so obviously burnt out at that point." Rudy crosses their arms. You turn your eyes to the town below. "There's not much to be done about him. He's out there. Or he's dead. We'll never know unless he speaks up."
"I hope he is not dead." You admit.
"Don't we all?" Rudy sighs. "Listen, I... I don't mind holding down the fort. I'm glad you've... You know. You said that. Just take a break. I don't... I don't want to sound mean, but I don't want you following in Radar's footsteps, you know?"
You look away. "I need some time alone. No offense." You begin to walk away. Rudy stares for a moment before looking away. You head home. The town is... Quiet.
You have not seen Binta or Willow in a while. Searching for them now would just attract attention. When you open the door, you fear the sight of an inventory, but you find Sunny curled up on a chair. It seems Firework just decided to go to bed. You watch her for a moment before heading back downstairs.
It has been years before you have even thought about doing that. You sit down at the table. Radar would have made dinner a few hours ago. If you could eat, you would have not eaten anyway. You put your head down on the table.
The landline rings. You raise an eyebrow before picking it up.
"Oh? PAMA, I--I was so worried. You're always punctual. I thought something had happened!" Is that your therapist? How the hell did she get through here? Does the block... Not affect phones?
"It is a long story. It did slip my mind, but I promise there is more to it than that."
"...Is this a crisis?"
"No, no. At least, it is not one of my mentality." You admit. "You cannot help here," You look away for a moment, "but could we... Could we talk?"
"I don't have anyone else to talk to today."
❀❀❀❀❀
"Does this even work?" You say aloud as the phone rings. "What if it can't--"
"Hello?" Asks a voice from the other end. You strain your ears. It sounds familiar. "You took this from him, didn't you? You stole it from him!" You take in a strange breath and the person on the other line stiffens. Is it even... Real? How would you know?
And what do you even say? Hello? That you don't remember anything? Where do you start? Would they even... Recognize your voice?
"I just... I remember you're important." You admit. It sounds as if the other phone has been dropped. You hear them pick back up. "I don't think someone's taken my memories, but... Well... I mean, if they did, I think I wouldn't know anything."
"How do I say this...?"
"I killed people." You murmur. "I remember that. You'd think I'd have buried that so deep that I couldn't remember... But, uh, I think my luck's always been terrible."
PAMA is silent for a moment. "Maybe this is a trick, but I could not care less. Please, just talk to me." Kindle still seems to be pacing and murmuring. You curl closer to the wall.
"We had kids, right? They're... Still around, I hope." You stiffen a little. "I don't know. It's... It's bad."
"Who are you talking to?" Kindle asks suddenly.
"We do have kids. They are okay. I have to watch them closely. I hope if you are an impostor, you do not get any funny ideas." PAMA says as Kindle approaches. He brings his head close.
"Could you at least give us some space?" You stare at him. "Sorry. They're making me babysit?"
"What?" PAMA's probably raised an eyebrow at that.
"I think I'm supposed to be his pet. It's complicated."
"How did you fit someone in that little box?" Kindle paces around it.
"They're not in the box. They're in another world, it just lets them talk." You correct him. All of Kindle's eyes widen. "But everyone's okay, right?"
"The town is in shambles." PAMA admits. "I wish you were here."
"I wish I knew what to say. I--you've gotta remind me." You shove your head against your free hand. Kindle stares at the phone. "Are you okay?"
"They tried to kill me, Radar. I have no idea where Willow is now. Firework and her keep having arguments. I cannot blame him for hating her now. What am I supposed to do?" It sounds as if PAMA's shoved its head against the wall. "Of course... You have no memory."
"I promise I'm real." You insist.
"I know you are. Why would you lie about this? They would make it out that you were suffering." PAMA sounds as if they are trying to sigh. "Come hell or high water, I will get you back."
You feel your blood freeze. "I've heard something like that before."
"I promise I will not die like that. Wait for me, Radar. You better stay alive. My therapist already needs another therapist from what I said today..." PAMA is probably glaring at you. That sort of fake, dramatic glare someone does before they melt and smile stupidly. "So, you got the kid to like you?"
"Maybe? I've only known him for a few days." You turn to Kindle and it seems he's returned to pacing. He stops in front of the door, every eye staring at it. You raise an eyebrow. "...I'll call you back."
"Don't be stupid." PAMA says before hanging up. You plod over to Kindle. Now it's starting to get annoying walking like this. You swear, you'd be freaking out more if you weren't hit with starvation induced amnesia. Does that condition have a fancy name?
"What's got you in a twist?" You begin before Kindle seems to will the door open. You shuffle back.
"Come on. The door is open for a reason." His words aren't even firm. It sounds as if he is tired. "Do not speak unless I tell you to. From now on, you are mindless."
You stare at him.
"Yes, like that. Do you want to get out of here?"
"No shit." You cross your arms and nearly fall on your stomach. "How do you deal with being a goddamn quadruped?"
"It helps to be magic, my friend." Kindle boasts. "Now come on. The world in here is not going to change."
✾✾✾✾✾
How are you supposed to sleep after that? You knew he was alive, but was that really him? But if it was an illusion, wouldn't he be using your worst moments against you? Maybe they wanted to give you false hope.
You really do not know anymore.
"Slept bad?" Firework asks as you head down the stairs. You stiffen as you sit next to him. She begins to pick at his cereal. "Hello?" He waves a hand in front of your face.
"I did not sleep at all." You admit. "Is Willow--?"
"Still gone." He says and Sunny stares at his cereal. "You don't eat!" They keep staring at it. "At least I don't think you do." Sunny nods.
"I have a theory, but it needs more work." You admit. "Maybe the way there is through a sort of... Resonator frequency? If we get enough things tied to a Command Block together, we may be able to find Radar that way."
"And then what?" Firework tilts his head.
"Then, well, I would have to set up a portal to last long enough to enter. Would what we have even be strong enough?" Maybe Sunny and Clarity would be enough if they were close. You hum softly. "I want you to stay in my sight. Both of you. I... They would kill me if I was alone. That applies to all of you."
"But Willow--"
"I imagine they would spare her. And even if they would not... What can I do? She would not stay in my sight." You shove your head into your hands. "I need to try this. I need to see if this can even work!" You shout. Firework stares at Sunny and you sigh. "I just want this to be over."
It takes some time to get everyone together. You leave the house in silence. It is... A very stiff, strange kind of silence. As if something important has been left unsaid.
You step into the Order Hall and it is strange. There is no sound. You pick up Clarity and it doesn't ask a single question. You travel deeper and arrive at Radar's office. Binta turns to you the moment you enter. She is not alone.
"I'm keeping watch on him." She points to Romeo. "Putting him in prison just sounds like a liability. You were supposed to--"
"I know," You glare at Romeo, "but I believe I may have come up with a theory. Romeo is perfect. I can try to make a connection."
"What?" Binta asks.
"I would have to preserve every component within the spell. It would be futile to waste them now. Then we can decide who will come along and help us fix this!" You smile. Binta grimaces before sighing.
"I held up my end. Willow's home. She brought someone? I don't know who it is, but they seem to be hanging around Harper." Binta crosses her arms. "PAMA, I asked you to help me."
"Well, it slipped my mind!" You admit. Binta stares at you. "I had a moment of weakness. Besides, they would kill me!" You throw your hands up. Binta sighs and just shakes her head. You pull out Clarity and nudge Sunny forward.
"Don't say anything." Binta glares at Romeo. You set down Clarity a few paces away from the two of them.
"↸∷ᔑ∴ ᒲᒷ ᔑ !¡ᔑℸ⍑∴ᔑǁ ℸ𝙹 ℸ⍑ᒷ 𝙹∷╎⊣╎リ 𝙹⎓ ℸ⍑╎ᓭ !¡𝙹∴ᒷ∷. ᒲᔑꖌᒷ ╎ℸ ꖎᔑᓭℸ ᔑ ∴⍑𝙹ꖎᒷ ᒲ╎リ⚍ℸᒷ" You say. A pale blue light flickers for a second and then it dies. You blink. "That should not have happened."
"Yeah, I had to have more Experience than that." Romeo admits and you glare at him. "I'm trying to help you here. I don't want to be around you either."
"Of course you have suddenly changed your tune." You roll your eyes.
"Hey, I only come out of the Underneath every so often. I've stayed where you want me. The last thing I used Experience on was that portal. Underneath's... Barren now. Just mobs."
"You made dad sick." Firework stares at Romeo. "He almost died. You did that."
"And I can't undo it, so what's the point?" Romeo sighs. "What's done is done. I don't know why Jesse kept me around."
"He is always going to be sick!" Firework snaps at Romeo. You nod. "He trusted no one! Still gets scared when he chokes. So many nightmares, he kept screaming!"
"I'm sorry, okay!" Romeo snaps. "What else do you want me to do? I can't change it. I can't fix it and he wouldn't want to see me. What do you want from me?" He glares at you. "I'll leave once this is done. That's the only thing I can do now."
"You're not going to get anything out of interrogating him." Binta interjects. "He took everything from me. But I... I don't think I'm going to get anything out of hurting him now. Remember, we need him, PAMA. You've got to figure out what this needs."
You growl and shove your head into your hands.
"And actually do it this time, please?" Binta asks.
"Get some people together. We need reinforcements too." You say as you leave. "It is silly to go alone."
----
"Um, it turns out the... Everything I'm dealing with has a name." Radar admitted. It had been just a day since he had finally been allowed to come home. He spent so long being so quiet. "It feels so, so... Weird. I thought everyone just had their minds do awful things and..." He looked away.
"Does naming it help at all?" You asked, one hand rubbing against your arm. "Or does it only tell you what it is called?"
"Well, they know all of this... Stuff. I can't stop wondering how many people are walking around with baggage they can't even begin to unpack. They don't even know." Radar shoved his head into his hands. "All of the nightmares, the--the ones I kept living through--even when I was awake--the... God." He slumped back onto the bed.
"I suppose it is nice to know there was nothing I could do. I wanted there to be something... But I did not know what it would be." You looked away. "How do you manage these things?"
"I mean, one idea's medication. That's helped a bit." Radar turned to you. "Some of the people talking about it were weird. They treated the idea you could gain weight on it with the same uh... Dammit, I don't have a better word. The same weight, haha, as losing your mind or life."
"But you would be better?"
"Yeah. It's easier to think." Radar sighed. "I've got to meet with a therapist about all of this shit. So that's... Fun."
"I went to one." You admitted. "I was scared it would get me too."
"...What?" Radar tilted his head.
"Radar, I have... I have had issues feeling things. It was not like with--with us, Radar, where nobody had made me feel the way you do, it is hard for me to feel much else. I think--I think I felt more as a child, Radar." You hid your face.
"Is it helping?"
"Sometimes." You admitted. "Is it possible to be... To be at fault and also not?"
"Maybe." Radar leaned against you. "I don't think it fixes anything." He turned to you. "Um, well, if you ever get those stupid awful thoughts, you know the ones you don't agree with? You make them stupid. You know? You gotta make fun of them."
"I really have not had any of those 'bad thoughts.'" You said. "But if I get them, I will keep that in mind."
"I won the fucking disorder lottery by the way! Both of them cause them!" Radar threw his hands up. "Have you ever wondered why I've freaked out about doing things in a way that'd make me evil? I've got--shit, I just remembered how many flavors of OCD there are. We could play bingo with them." He shoved his head into his palm.
You could not help it, you let out a sort of mechanical snicker. Radar rolled his eye.
"The waking nightmares are um, they're PTSD. So those two mind-things are competing for being number one on my shit list. Yipee." Radar threw his hands up again. You let out another snicker.
"I am glad to have you back, though." You pulled him in close. "I just hope the people will be."
"Give me some time before you throw me back in the leader seat, at least." Radar pushed you back with a laugh. "I miss it. But I just... I don't know if I'm ready."
----
"That's your big plan?" Harper scoffs. "I'd think I'd have programmed you to be smarter." She shakes her head before plodding back into her lab. Willow has not let go of Lily. At least the latter seems to be dressed now.
"It did work, it just was not strong enough to stay." You admit. "I need more people with connections. You are one of them." You glare at Harper.
"You know?" She huffs.
"Not everything." You say. "This is bigger than us now. At least if you help me, maybe you will finally see me die." Ivor shuffles away into the corner.
"I know how this ends." He murmurs and shakes his head. "Leave me out of it."
"Fine." Harper growls. "If you die, you die. But I'm not letting you drag the rest of those poor bastards down with you."
"I can describe what I was told." Lily admits, turning her head to your voice. "They gave us a detailed description."
"It's not worth it." Willow glares at her. "Don't."
"I want to know why they let this happen. We were faithful." Lily pushes Willow back. "Please. Let me try."
You look away for a moment before squeezing your eyes shut. "Okay." You turn back to Willow. "Come with me. I am not letting anyone else out of my sight." Sunny glares at her. You turn your eyes down to Firework.
"I've been watching, sheesh!" Harper snaps. "You think I'm gonna let him get snatched?"
"You threw me to Hadrian!" You snap back.
"You deserved it. Your kids don't." Harper glares before shaking her head. "This is for the poor bastard you dragged into this mess. Not you."
❀❀❀❀❀
You can't escape the peering eyes of abstract things. Even if your vision was good, you know you wouldn't be able to comprehend half of the things you're seeing. The palace is massive, a thousand winding halls. Abstract shapes coil around oddly shaped, eerily ornate furniture.
All these all children of the same being? They are so terribly varied, some of them seem like mythical beasts, while others look like parts of the room have come to life. A few doors in the distance seem to stay locked.
"You're out and about. I didn't think they'd let you do that." One of them comments as Kindle walks along. You keep close to his legs. "I see you've got a new pet."
"He's mine. Stop looking." Kindle snaps.
"Oh. I didn't think you'd actually say that." The creature laughs, its barrage of eyes all squinting at once. You do your best not to glare at it. "Let me get a look at it."
"That is my pet!" Kindle stomps one hoof in front of you. "Get your own."
"But he's soooo cute." The creature croons. "Look at its stupid little face! It looks almost like porcelain, if it was an awful shade, of course!" It cradles your face with one prickly hand and you bite at it. "Rude! You need to train it better!"
The rest of the shapes begin to shuffle away. Even the one prodding at you takes their leave. Kindle stiffens and he shields you with his hooves. You can't make out the figure at the end of the hall, only a horde of misty shadows where limbs sprout haphazardly. You catch a few pinpricks of white light. Are those eyes?
"You think you have not been heard? The other side has plotted as well. Let them. They will find it a pointless endeavor." In the darkness, you swear you spy a few shapes.
"She is supposed to... She should be here. Really, we do not know if she would want this--" Kindle begins as he shivers.
"We speak to her. You do not." A few voices echo together. Is it one being or several? You can't tell. "But if you so desire... You know what to do, right, Kindle?"
All of his eyes turn to you.
"Yes. Go ahead and kill him, won't you?" The voices all speak at once.
✾✾✾✾✾✾
You stop short at the sight of everyone crammed in Radar's office. Romeo seems to stiffly sit in one corner, Xara on the opposite side of him, and Binta has placed Clarity at another. You set Sunny at the only available corner.
At the edges of the room, Olivia, Sonar, Tripwire and... Nurm? Are all clustered. Cassie seems to have awkwardly wedged herself into a corner. Harper steps into the middle of the odd ritual arrangement that has been set up. Lily and Willow lock eyes. Firework seems to be glaring at them.
"I didn't think you'd still be alive." Xara glares at Romeo. "You sounded like mob food last I heard about you."
"...You didn't even try to hunt me down?" Romeo laughs awkwardly. You stare at Cassie.
"Think of me as emotional support. Plus... I don't trust you to go alone and not do something stupid." Cassie shrugs. "Yayyyyy... Family reunion..." She looks over at Harper with a grimace.
"I hope we all die." Harper growls. "Go on, get on with it."
"Hand me some more Experience." You hold out your hand. Tripwire pats you on the palm and you feel your pool fill a little. Cassie shrugs stiffly the moment you look at her.
"I'm keeping it. Sorry. Someone's got to be backup." She offers. You sigh before trying the spell again, lengthening it to a few minutes. It stays for a good moment before sputtering out. You let out a yowl and try again.
"Maybe it has to be more specific." Olivia offers. "I've got a big of a connection?"
"No! We know how enchantments treat you!" You snap at her.
"Healing works fine. I just can't cast anything."
"I am not risking your life." You fire back. "It would be awful of me to do that to you after everything I have done!"
"You're really going to hold back now?" Romeo snickers and Xara glares at him. "People's lives are at stake, PAMA." You blink. Why does he care now? Why does he get to care?
"I feel like a Command Block would have the most connection." Xara offers. "Switch places." She commands Harper and she does. Sunny looks to you anxiously and you nod. They step into the middle and you try again. It still sputters.
"This makes no sense!" You snap. You stare at Romeo. Why didn't Jesse kill him? All of those nights you had to deal with Radar screaming... Every day he came closer to relapsing... The time he did--
"What do you want from me?" He huffs. "Do you want me to say what I'm thinking? It probably requires a sacrifice."
"That's nuts." Binta interjects.
"Yeah, we don't know anything yet." Tripwire adds. "Let's not kill someone off an assumption." She waves her hands around.
"Well, enchantments are about specificity, right? Try making it match the description a bit more." Cassie offers. You stiffen and try again. It still fizzles. "Maybe everyone has to huddle together...?"
"Could be it needs to be set up a certain way, maybe it needs a frame?" Binta considers. "Every portal has a frame..."
"I have gone short distances without a frame!" You interject. It is hard to not remember how blood dripped down your screen years ago. Not all of it was zombie blood. Seeing Radar breathe ragged--his body still wracked by the aftermath of starvation--and he is right there. The bastard who did it--he--
What if he is right? Maybe it does need a sacrifice... Why does he get to stay here? Why does he get to say this?
Why does he get to live?
Sometimes I still see the Warden in the corner of my eye, you know.
What? When? Radar, he is dead. He cannot hurt you.
I don't know that when I see him! It's like he's real. I can hear him speak sometimes. I--I feel like I'm going crazy.
Radar... You are not going crazy. Okay? I am still here. And even if you were, I would love you still.
"Maybe it's different." Tripwire considers. "It's a volatile magic."
Do it, Slaughter!
"We can't just throw bodies at the problem." Xara sighs. "The sooner we figure this out..."
Do it! Do it!
"I..." You stammer.
I don't care!
Tell Nurm I said hi, okay?
You can take them and go, or more of you can die.
Being fractured the way he was… I never got his name.
You blink and shiver.
Don't waste it on me, spawn. I've got people waiting for me on the other side.
Please. I can fix you. I just need more time.
He's a leader. I'm a nobody, now.
You feel your insides chill.
Don't get near it. It'll kill you once the zombies bore it.
Why did Jesse let him live?
You do not get to hurt him!
I don't remember you calling the shots.
You have to be some kind of monster to get sent down here, you know...
Yeah. That was awfully quick.
Everyone suffered and suffered and suffered and--
"PAMA? Hey? Can you hear me?" Romeo begins, waving one hand in front of your face. "You alright? Just take a minute."
"Oh, I am... I am perfect." You grab his wrist. "I think I figured out what we need." Romeo blinks at you.
"You... You did? How did you manage that? We were talking and you weren't--"
Your claws sink into his wrist. You feel everyone's eyes fall on you.
"You said we needed a sacrifice, right?" You smile. Jesse made a mistake keeping him alive. You are not Jesse. You are not foolish. Not this time. He did not deserve to live this long. "Thank you for volunteering!"
Even if you are within striking range, how far would an escape attempt take you? An old memory calls to you, something about how escaping could just make it worse. That it is a wholly futile endeavor sometimes. Why? You can't fathom it.
You push the door shut. It lets out a strange creak. Kindle shuffles around a bit before slumping onto his side. You stiffen.
"You're human, right?" He turns to you for a moment, a thousand eyes struggling to stay open. "Undoing your starvation set exhaustion upon me. Even if I was not terribly exhausted... How am I to put someone back together when I know not even their name?"
So... You're confused as all hell. Can't remember things beyond a snippet. Are you this thing's babysitter? That doesn't sound right with what those people said. Plus, you sort of... Killed several people?
Wow. That's um. Why do you think like this? Some part of you is wishing your mind wasn't clear now. How do you get food even if the act itself may exhaust your only tie to the outside world?
You know you're human. You had a name. Isn't that the first thing you're given? And there has to be a purpose for this. There has to be a reason. Why did you forget? Why are you here? Why would someone turn you into an abomination that was literally starving to death?
Yeah. That's... That wasn't reversed. Sure, you won't starve but... You're stuck as a monster. And literally stuck too. Sounds like the set up for a punchline of some sort. A Enderdragon that believes himself a man walks into a bar...
"Uhhh..." You stammer. You used to do that a lot. Okay, that's something! "Yes?"
"Do you understand how broad humanity is? You come in so many colors and variations. Nose shapes, eye colors, hair color and texture! Have you ever tried to sculpt something blindly?" Kindle snaps his head up and you shake your head. "Exactly! I could put your skin on wrong! What if you remember the exact shade the moment I do and enter a madness about it being a few shades lighter or darker! And that is assuming I get it mostly on the mark!"
Okay. Now it's kind of hard to feel like you're about to be murdered now. That's a good point. Wouldn't your skin be on backwards by now? Or you'd be dead, honestly. There are many kinds of torment that could be inflicted in this room. Nobody's really going to investigate.
"Th--tuhh--aren't you--ire--tired?" You ask. You assume Kindle is doing the best someone without eyebrows can at raising one. "Aren't you tired?"
"Well, yes, but not too tired to talk. I suppose it is understandable why your anatomy would make you think we are comparable... But no. I do not feel exhaustion the same way. I am simply unable to do what I did before."
"...You're dramatic?" You blink.
"Oh! Speaking is getting easier for you!" Kindle puts two hooves together. "I suppose I am, though." He looks away. Or at least, he tries to.
"Seeing isn't." You deadpan.
"Is that... Normal for you?" He asks and you shrug. Kindle shoves one hoof against his face. It seems to sink in slightly. You expect him to flinch, but he just shoves it through wholly before pulling it out. "Okay. Okay." He stomps a hoof a few times.
"How old even are you?" You pace a circle around him.
"A few centuries old. I may even be older than some civilizations?" Kindle offers.
"Older than mine." You murmur impulsively before bringing a finger to your lip and pondering that. "How does that translate for your species? Is that a long time?"
"Short, I suppose." Kindle shrugs before crossing his front hooves. "Why?"
"So you're a kid." You lay down. "I... I have kids. I think."
"Oh. OH!" Kindle shuffles back a little. "And they separated you from them?"
"I think this counts more as exile from everything I've ever known." That doesn't seem like something you'd say. Or is it? Honestly, how are you supposed to know? "Could you... Restore my memories?"
"Maybe if I was well rested, but that is also a gamble, my friend. You do know that each trick of mine comes with a risk, correct? I could make you remember every second of your life at once. I have never attempted it before, but I imagine it would drive anyone to madness. And from what I have gleaned of your situation, you sound as if you were teeter into it and never return." Kindle leans in a little before drawing back. "Are you making any headway?"
"I've got bits and pieces." You admit. For a moment, you feel as if you're pouring out too much, but well, you're already stuck. At least spilling your guts will help you. "I was... A diplomat of some sort. I have--or had--kids. I think I'm married?" You hold up your ring finger.
"Okay. Maybe I could prompt you! That seems a much safer endeavor." Kindle clasps his hooves together again. "Well, you seem to be a man, I suppose? A boy would not be a diplomat."
That makes you remember something. "Er. Not exactly." You hum oddly. "I remember... Ugh. Someone. I think it was my spouse." You admit, scratching your head. "I think you're half right. I'm a guy, but I'm also... Not?"
"You did not take well to being called a princess." Kindle tilts his head.
"Ironic, because I actually look good in a dress." You put up your hands. "Wait. Why the fuck did I remember that of all things? I'm gonna kill someone." You glare at the ground. Kindle snorts and oh god--you've sworn in front of a fourteen year old or something. "But like, if a guy wasn't... Fully a guy? Like a man but sort of nothing. In the gender sense."
"Oh. Kind of like how my gender is 'pompous.'" Is that a bit? You raise an eyebrow (do you even still have those?) "Was your hair this color before?" Oh. Back to the prompts, it seems.
"Think so," You take a lock of it in your hand, "but something about the length is--"
----
There was a knock at the door. It wasn't your home, you know that immediately. Some part of you felt as if you were in a cell. The walls were such a cold gray. The bed wasn't comforting, a sort of halfhearted softness you didn't think possible before.
"Can I come in?" A voice from the other end. Some part of you hated it. You glared.
"Sure." You don't think you're usually mean. Why are you so mean right now? You didn't look at the source of the voice.
"Radar--"
"I don't care if you have to observe me. I don't care if you need a whole goddamn armada. Just let me cut my hair."
"You know why we can't let you do that."
"Then have someone else do it." You snapped. "I can't stand looking at it."
"We're supposed to help you with things like this." The person on the other end of the room was average looking, almost unremarkable. Dressed like a doctor of some sort. "I can pencil in some exposure therapy--"
"It's not fucking exposure therapy if I don't want it in the first place, is it?!" You snapped and they went quiet. "I'm already at the lowest point of my goddamn life. Why are you so intent on making it worse?"
There was silence for an agonizing moment. "You panic when you're touched."
"No I don't! I... Goddammit, you can't think something like that is what I do all the time." You shoved your head into your hands. "I'm giving the go ahead to have someone else do it. Or be watched. Wouldn't it count as exposure therapy if I'm letting myself be vulnerable?"
It seemed the person was taking a moment to think over their words. "Can I ask why this is such a big deal?" They approached but stopped before the bed. You glared at them. "Radar, I want to help. I can't help if I don't understand."
You swallowed your anger. It hurt to. "Every time my life went to hell, my hair was... Like that. Long. I can't stand it." You looked away. "I just... I don't want to deal with it now, okay? I'm already in a rough spot. I can't... Just have someone else do it. I don't care if you have to sedate me for crying out loud."
They locked eyes with you for a moment before sighing. "Give me a moment." They left. You stared at the ceiling for a moment. "Now," They came back in, "I'm not good at this at all. I never went to any cosmetic schools. Plus, it's a dull pair, but... You just want it cut, right?"
"You could literally shave me bald for all I care." You sighed.
"You have to sit up."
"Right." You obeyed a moment later. It felt weird to have a stranger do it, especially one you knew wasn't a hairdresser of any sort. "It's... Stupid, isn't it? It used to make me happy."
"Your hair?"
"Yeah. It made me look cool." You sighed again. "I can't tell what's stupider, this, or throwing my life away just because I got upset."
"It's not stupid. You do know what we diagnosed you with, right? That stuff makes even the simplest things a nightmare." They took another snip at your hair. "Being sick isn't something to be ashamed of, Radar."
"Well, it sucks. What do I even get out of hurting myself now?" You snapped your eye shut. "How is it just me who got messed up?"
The room quieted again. You heard another snip. "I don't think it was just you. I'm surprised nobody else has had a crisis, or well, I would be if I knew people didn't bottle this up. They're probably just internalizing it. You get good at it until the dam breaks." You knew they were shrugging at that. "It's like a bucket. You can hold a lot, but then you overflow. You were already struggling, and then, you know. It happened."
You remembered the nightmares then. Blood dribbling down your lips in one, another you spent afraid and trapped somewhere you couldn't escape. The walls of the room alone had you feeling as if you were about to hurl for a few days.
"Could you please put up some posters or something?" You shivered a little. "It... You know. It feels like..." You didn't even want to think it, let alone say it.
"I can see about it." They sighed before stepping back. "It's a little short. I don't have a mirror on hand or anything." They put their hands up.
You looked away for a moment. "Um, do you... Do you think I'm a bad person?"
"Radar, you know I can't answer that." They stiffened. "That kind of thing is what OCD feeds on, you know."
"How the hell am I supposed to know?" You tensed. "How am I supposed to know that I'm not lying to myself?"
"It's not easy, but you have to know yourself." They answered after a moment. "And I know, with your condition, it can be hard. But I promise, you'll learn. You've made it this far with just a stick to fend off the monsters. And hear me now, alright?"
You sat back down.
"We're giving you a sword."
----
"I..." You stammer. The hair thing still got under your skin a little, but it was more of a dull ache now. Maybe it was the horror of being an awful monster overriding it. "I just... Remembered my name."
"Oh! That's exciting! It means we're making headway." Kindle shouts excitedly. He walks over and your mind suddenly assaults you with the violent image of him accidentally caving your skull in. You don't... Really react to that. Some part of you is used to that kind of thinking. Ugh.
"I need... I think I need a moment to think." You shove your head into your hands.
"Oh. Well, I wanted to address you properly... Ah--?"
"Radar. Just... I need to think about something." You walk over to a wall and shove your head against it. You look to your hand. You have to be married, or something. You don't remember or really get the vibes that you separated. Maybe there was a small betrayal, but you can't quite remember it.
If only you knew what your other half was doing.
✾✾✾✾✾✾✾
You dream you are not alone. Someone else is hooked into your mind, but you did not force them, and nor did they force you. With a snap of your fingers, every problem seems irrelevant.
And then you wake.
Right.
Pax is several worlds away. Even if you could convince it to come back and help you, you cannot access its and Otto's world. If you could turn back time, well, ignoring the mistakes you would have undone, you would have tried to be more convincing.
There is something still descended from a Command Block. Maybe Clarity can remember the world beyond. You still cannot. Does Harper? It is not as if she would answer that question.
You suppose you can explain why you have not come to work, or probably arrived later, to Rudy later. They would understand. Firework and Sunny seem attached at the hip. Wherever he goes, they likely are. Willow seems to be the only person in the family who is still working.
As you step outside your house, you find the town is full of chatter again. People talk a lot about towns that have gone entirely mad. But it seems, even at the rumored end of the world, people are creatures of discourse.
Eyes snap onto you. Some of the crowd is still engaged in discourse, but many are beginning to glare at you. A few of them turn away, but quite a few are still on you. You stiffly walk by them, only paying a few glances to them in turn.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?"
"The Order Hall." You answer and keep walking. Someone grabs at your arm. You turn slowly. "I am trying to find answers. That is all. If you wish to accompany me, be my guest." You push them off you.
"You want me to go alone with you?"
"You are misinterpreting my words on purpose." You continue walking. They grab you again, gripping you harder. You glare at them. "The Order Hall is open to anyone."
"PAMA wouldn't be pulling something now, to be fair." Someone pipes up.
"Yeah, if anyone's a danger, it'd be me." Cassie adds. That gets a few people to shout.
"Of course you'd defend them! You're connected to this somehow!"
You take the opportunity to shove your captor's hand off and dash into the Order Hall. It seems the arguing has gotten louder. You turn to Clarity. At least it is still here. At least--
"What are you doing in here?" Binta's voice cuts through your thoughts. You have to re-calibrate yourself.
"I was going to consult the next best connection we have to a Command Block." You point to Clarity as you speak. "Sunny gave me a vision, but I believe a child's memory is unreliable. There is also the possibility of trauma to consider..."
"Well, you do need a witness..." Binta ponders aloud. You pick up Clarity.
Not even a hello? A bit rude, you'd think? It says before you can even finish the thought. I can't really help you there. I don't have any memories of that place. The book that created me didn't have a strong enough connection.
"Of course." You say aloud and roll your eyes.
There was something about your memory, though. I could see if I could pick through it? The words have you stiffening. Wow. The irony. You glare. Do you want it or not?
Okay. Go ahead. You think. "Keep an eye on me."
"Of for Fred's sake--PAMA, what are you--" Binta begins.
You are assaulted by a flash of your own childhood. You feel someone picking through it and doing their best to shake a head they do not have.
PICK APART THE XARA ONES. DO THAT. I DO NOT WANT TO RELIVE MY LIFE. You snap.
How about Harper's?
I do not know if you can. You admit. ALSO THOSE INVOLVE MY MOST VULNERABLE TIMES. HANDS OFF.
You're being quite a hypocrite. But sure. I'm not that kind of person. You feel as if someone is perusing your memory. Please tell me you had her permission to get these.
She was very insistent. You can verify that.
There's a lot to look through, to be fair. Clarity admits. It is not as if I can download memories like you. You feel them being filtered through again. ...These are a mess, PAMA.
Okay. Fine. Go through Harper's. There is a world with many Command Blocks. You try and force Sunny's image through. If you can find that, take that memory and make it... Accessible. You feel something grab your mind, but no memories are forced to the surface. Clarity seems to retract after a moment.
PAMA... Are you sure you want to see this? You stiffen impulsively. I'm just going to try and unscramble this. I'll leave it to you.
You feel something click in your mind. You set Clarity back down. "...What? What could be so horrible that I would deny myself the memory?"
"You remembered?" Binta asks. You shrug. "That's not really an answer."
"I can, but a part of me feels I should not."
"But that's our only lead!" Binta shouts. "That's how we find Radar and fix this somehow. You--PAMA, I really don't want to be rude, but we need this. You have to remember it."
"I know. I am just afraid." You admit.
"I don't know how much time we'd have. I don't... I don't mind being leader or anything, but Radar's... I keep thinking about what I could have done in the past. If I could have figured out what was happening the first time and--"
"I understand." You put a hand on her shoulder. "It would be my fault this time."
"But what if there's a reason you're supposed to forget? What did it say?" She looks at you.
"'Are you sure want to see this?'" You parrot.
"That's it?"
"Yes. I do not know if it will all come at once." You turn to Clarity. "What if I simply took the necessary parts?" You pick it back up.
I can give you a better image of what we'd be dealing with. Your mind is filled with a vision of a world that seems to... Change? Grass blends into snow and desert. People wander the world. Something seems almost familiar about them, but another part of you knows they are imitations--or maybe memories?--of someone else.
"That is strange." You set Clarity back down again and try to pick through it. "And this is assuming it is still stagnant."
"Stagnant?"
"Why do I know it can change? That was... Thousands of years ago?" Your eyes widen. "Thousands of years. THOUSANDS OF YEARS!" You shout and Binta veers back. "Who is a thousand years old? How many people have suffered? How--" You claw at your head and shake your head.
"PAMA?"
"No wonder I could not remember it all at once." You shiver a little. "But which of them is a thousand years old? Why do I remember... Someone who started it all?" You shut your eyes impulsively. "I need it to stop. Make it stop."
Binta taps you on the shoulder with Clarity's blade.
I warned you. I can't steal anything from you. It says. You squeeze your eyes closed tighter. Binta draws her hand back and you stiffen. You knead your forehead.
"Do you think there's a way to... Concentrate on it?" Binta asks. "Kind of like what you did with the rabbit. Do you think, if you had a strong enough idea, that you could jump there?"
"Jumping that far would be incredibly risky. Maybe if I drew up a portal, but then it would be a gamble as well. We would have to figure out a way to look through it and confirm that it is stable." You answer. "I do not know if I have enough Experience for that. I would need time to figure it out." You admit.
"Okay. Just... Take some time to recuperate first. I don't want to force you to remember something that hurts. I didn't... Well, I thought your mind would be able to handle all of that." Binta's eyes flicker from side to side rapidly. You clench up a little.
"Usually I was." You sigh. "Okay. I will let you know if I figure out anything else."
"Maybe I'll call up Xara, too." Binta says quietly as you step outside. You take a few moments in the sun to get your bearings again. Your head hurts a little. That is strange. It really should not be able to do that.
Information never seemed to hurt. You are not remembering anything else, at least not yet. Hopefully you will stay that way. Most people are calmed at the sight of water, but all it is doing is making you anxious as well. You turn your eyes to the sun and--
You feel someone shove you. No, not one person--several! You can barely keep your footing, feeling one of your arms fall into the water. A horrible yowl escapes you, words eluding you. You thrust your injured arm forth and hear your attackers shriek. There are at least five of them.
A few of them vault back. You can barely keep yourself upright. Your old form could withstand a few torn out wires and a barrage of wires, but the damage here is sending volts in all the wrong places.
"What are you people doing?!" Lukas shouts suddenly and pulls one of them back. You watch someone writhe on the ground as electricity takes its toll on them. You meekly crawl away from the water and the remnants of the posse seem to be eying you up. "It's a stupid thing to do."
"You said PAMA was--" Someone protests.
"They're not the only one if I'm right!" Lukas rebuts. "I need to figure this out."
"You do?" Someone turns to Lukas, their eyes narrowing. "Do you now?"
"Enough!" Binta shouts, running outside. "What is the meaning of this?" She turns between all of you.
"They--att--" You can barely get a word out between your body shuddering.
"Oh." Binta's eyes widen. She slowly turns to the group. "You tried to kill them?"
"Looks like they're about to succeed, honestly." Lukas comments. Binta glares at him and you watch him grimace. "Goddammit, who's the nearest enchanter?" Binta continues to glare and he bolts.
"You're trying to kill PAMA over some rumor?" Binta snaps at them. You began to spasm on the floor and Binta tenses. She builds a wall at the end of the bridge, just stopping you from seizing your way right back into water. "Are you aware they're the only person who has any idea how to get Radar back?"
Someone draws a sword. You hear a growling coming from somewhere. You're shuddering too hard to make out distance.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Sonar's voice is still recognizable. You hear her stomp over, claws dragging against the ground.
"I suppose it's a good thing PAMA's putting out a bunch of volts. Holding anyone who's seizing would just kill them." Nurm comments before you catch the glimmer of an axe. "Nobody try anything funny."
"I had it handled." Sonar glares at him. You know that much. He rolls his eyes. "How do you even know that?"
"One of my friends was an enchanter? They often talk to healers, you know."
"You said one of your siblings was a doctor too."
"And they were a quack." Nurm stares at Sonar.
"Oh. That's... Definitely concerning." Ivor comments at the sight of you. You tumble around a few times. You can barely tell if you are up or down. Have you gone blind? Probably. "You know it takes a lot of concentration to hit a moving target, right?"
"Why can't you get Harper to do it?" Lukas shouts. "She'd probably know PAMA's anatomy better."
"I mean they're currently a flopping live wire!" Ivor rebuts. "I've handled a lot of things, but this is not one of them."
"Wow, the mighty Ivor is actually at a loss." Lukas mocks before he stares at you. "Is it weird I kind of feel bad?"
"You're not helping!" Ivor shouts. He steps a few feet in front of you and you yowl, a horrible noise that sounds as if someone is tormenting a note block. There is a strange sound, something you are too deluded to understand.
"Is this how it feels to heal someone?" You ask the moment you can. Your body clicks weird. It feels as if you have been shocked again. That takes a few moments to stop. "Did 'return to working order' come up at all in that spell?" You stare at Ivor.
"It's a very reliable phrase! Sue me!" Ivor insists before blinking. "Well, actually, wait. I haven't become a ninja lawyer yet. Could I get a few years head start on that lawsuit?"
"The only thing I would sue you for is medical malpractice. Which, hopefully, I will not have to." You stand up. Seems everything is back in working order. Binta is still glaring at the group.
"I feel like I should be mad, but I'm just so disappointed." She sighs. "You people are going crazy over a rumor!"
"Well, they can deal with the legalities then." Sonar snickers. "Now here comes the fun part." She smirks at your attackers. You watch a few of them tense up. "Now you're singing a different tune?"
Lukas stares at you. "You could have tried a little harder."
"Are you blaming me?" You snap.
"No, I'm just... Trying to figure out what the hell I just witnessed. If someone did that to me... I think I'd have used it." Lukas shakes his head and begins to walk off. You tilt your head.
"Oh, Radar will give you hell when he's back." Sonar snickers.
"He's supposed to be unbiased. Like I am." Binta glares at her.
"...Okay." Sonar rolls her eyes. "More than they deserve, honestly." She turns her eyes to the small posse. "Well? Are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?" You watch them shuffle after her. A few of them glare at you.
"I don't like how this is going." Binta admits and turns to you. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do with you. If you leave here, even if it's just for a moment... What if they hunt you down? And even if they don't, you have the answers!" Binta shoves her head into her hands.
"I don't recognize this place." Nurm shakes his head. "Last time--"
"What if that is why?" You ask. "What if--"
A shriek travels across town. You feel yourself go cold at the sound.
"PAMA, wait!" Binta shouts as you run towards it. It did not come from somewhere too far from the Order Hall. You stop. You know that building. You know this voice.
Just a few streets away sits the tax office. Your daughter works there. Binta grabs your arm as you comprehend a few people dragging her and a few of her coworkers out. Other civilians seem to be fighting back the assailing horde.
Voices echo out around you. You run your eyes along the horde. Is there a way through?
"This is madness!"
"Have you people lost your minds?"
"Between PAMA's little nightmare and that invalid, this town is going to hell!" Someone snaps. You wish you knew who just so you could smack them for that. Willow claws at the face of one of her captors and they rear back, an awful shriek escaping them.
"You're what drove Radar to madness in the first place! You and your wretched blood!" Another snaps at Willow. Hands claw at each other. You cannot tell who is on which side in the chaos. You can tell that they have let go of Willow and her coworkers, instead turning their hands against their fellow citizens.
"We can't all have lost our minds." Nurm steps to your side. "That can't be right." You step back.
"The moment I enter that crowd, they will tear me apart." You shiver as Willow backs against the building. "The moment they stop fighting, they will turn on her too."
"Stop it!" Binta shouts. "I--" Their eyes all turn to her. You watch as a few of them begin to split off from the main tussle. Some are dragged back in while some of the stragglers begin to approach. "You need to calm down." She orders.
"We know you're what's driven Radar mad! Where is his inventory? You disposed of him, didn't you?" Someone in the crowd growls. "It's all your fault!"
"No, it isn't." A voice comes from behind you. You watch Binta turn slowly, her eyes icy. The crowd stops.
"You of all people don't--" Binta snarls before her eyes widen. "You shouldn't be here."
"I've heard. I heard this too. Consider it me repaying Jesse's debt. He wouldn't want to see this happen, would he?"
"I should have killed you." You growl.
"Oh, Radar tried. Well... Trying would imply he wanted to be merciful. It's a good thing I'm alive, I suppose." You cannot believe your eyes. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"The world really has gone mad." Nurm steps back. "You--"
"I know who your people are listening to." Romeo turns to you. "And it's far too late to stop what's already begun."
"What? Then why are you here?" You shout at him. "What good does it do?"
"The least I can do is tell you to make peace before it comes for you. At least you'll die." Romeo sighs. "And you thought I was bad? Get your affairs in order. That's what I owe you at least. A warning."
You grab Romeo by the shoulder. "How many ties does a former Admin have to this... Place?" You stare into his eyes. He stiffens. "You said you owed us. It is the least you can do."
"You--"
"You know us. I want to give them hell." You glare at him. "You owe us. Now tell me if you are at all useful."
"I don't know." Romeo stiffens.
"We're going to find out." Binta approaches with her arms crossed. "I think we found a component for that spell you were talking about."
"I hate to do this but... It'd be better with two, wouldn't it?" Romeo grimaces. "If you're so insistent." He averts his eyes.
"You really expect us to believe this?" Someone snaps.
"Why the FUCK would I collude with Romeo?!" You resist the urge to toss him like a sack of items. "I hate him!"
"Wawa, you can't really be thinking of keeping him, right?" Willow interjects tensely. You frown. "Oh no."
"The more connections we have, the better. This one just happened to wander into our grasp." You stare at Romeo. "Do you have any Experience?"
"...Maybe."
"Surrender it." You snarl. "We will hold you until we are ready."
"And the rest of you, back off!" Binta snaps. "I can't believe everyone in town is acting like they were just spawned yesterday!"
"Even Lukas wouldn't want this." Someone in the crowd says.
"To hell with him. PAMA's clearly--"
"Don't make me get Sonar." Binta groans.
"FIne! Clearly, you don't know what is best for your people!" You watch as some of the crowd disperses. You look over some of them. They seem... Unfamiliar.
"Oh. Not all of them are ours..." You tense. "Beacontown has not gone mad."
"What do you mean?" Binta turns to you as Willow shambles towards you. She hugs you and you take a moment to hug her back.
"We have been infiltrated."
❀❀❀❀❀
Do you even want to remember your old life? It's not like you can go back. You're stuck. Maybe you won't starve. You'll probably just be malnourished and miserable for a bit.
There is still a bit of food left. You count it. It would last a regular human a few days. At least you'd think so. But what life is this? You are severed from every tie. If you remember, you will be tormented by your memories. If you stay ignorant, you are still trapped and forever fractured.
"Are you still pondering?"
"Yeah. Do you... Ever get let out?" You finally look away from the wall.
"Sometimes. I occasionally am allowed to talk to my 'siblings.' They do not let me go much farther than this palace, however. The outside is 'too dangerous.'" Kindle says. "Why?"
"They just... Keep you prisoner?"
"I suppose?" Kindle shrugs. "I am comfortable and have my own room. It is considerably nicer than what they make me do." Kindle lays down on his side.
"You said there were protocols."
"Well, yes. My siblings have more privileges. They are also a tad more... Violent?" Kindle stiffens when he says that. "Maybe that's why they..." Kindle trails off and looks away.
"How far have you gotten before?"
"Why are you asking me these questions?! They could be listening!" Kindle rises to his feet.
"Well, what if they want you to kill me? Would you do it?"
"I may have to, yes!" Kindle snaps. You glare at him. "I promise, I would be quick."
"What if you didn't have to?" You ask. Kindle stares at you for a long moment. "What if I promised to help you?"
"You barely know yourself." Kindle brings his head down to your level.
"Yeah, but you're also capable of a lot of things. I have enough food for a few days. How long would it take for you to be back to normal?"
Kindle is silent for a moment. "A few days."
"Then we're going to escape. I'm going to find my way back home. I'm not going to let you kill me." You stiffen. "I don't want to fight a kid. No rational person would."
"You will still go down."
"Not without a fight. And I fight hard." You flare your wings. "And neither of us want the other dead."
"It's not that easy." Kindle shakes his head. "Neither of us want to die either, do we? Yet we will both die if we try not to."
"And what kind of life is that? You live, I die, and then they make you do it again."
"If you stop, they may let you live." Kindle stomps one hoof in front of you. "Okay? I don't like the idea of watching you die."
"Then hear me out. We can both live." You grab one of his limbs.
"You barely know yourself." Kindle protests. "How can you be so sure that you are not delusional?"
"Am I wrong? Is this really a life worth living?!" You snap. "Do you want to spend an eternity rotting, killing, and being alone? I don't want you to!"
"...You barely know me." Kindle steps back.
"Yeah. But you could have turned me inside out with one hoof beat. You could have caved my skull in. You fed me instead. You gave me back my voice!" You insist. "You're just a kid. I'm not going to say a kid should suffer through this."
Kindle is silent for a moment. "But this is how it is supposed to be."
"I can barely remember, but I know it's not." You stiffen. "I'd hope I did a good job for my kids. I just... I hope they're safe. I hope they're still around." Kindle scrapes a hoof against the ground.
"How can I even know if that is true? This is all there is."
"You have more power here than I do." You say. "I'm just begging you. Please. It's not just my life in your hands. You're the only one who can stop this." You turn away. "What a cruel thing to put on a child's shoulders."
"Would you really be willing to die?"
"I don't want to. But I don't think I'm going to live if I don't try to get out of here."
Kindle says nothing at all.
✾✾✾✾✾✾
"I don't want to force any of your hands here. I hope you understand that this is... Well. I don't have a clear answer on this either." Binta sighs and puts her hands together.
Firework pulls Sunny closer to his chest while Willow keeps staring at Binta. You stiffen a little. The Order Hall feels awfully cold now.
"Some part of me thinks that if you leave, we'll... We'll lose the lead we have. But after today, after what I've seen, I don't know if it's safe for you now. If you're going to leave, you need to decide now. Take the first train to Redstonia, explain it to Olivia, I don't... I don't know how we're supposed to fight this."
"And leave you with the ex-god?" Willow snaps.
"Romeo is pathetic now." You admit. "He is not our priority here."
"So we have to leave? Forever?" Firework turns to you and Sunny's head jolts up. You shrug tensely.
"The only way I could force you out is if I somehow exiled you, and that'd just... Even if I knew leaving was the best course of action, that would make everything worse." Binta kneads her forehead. "It's not easy. Between the fact I've had to tell people to be on guard against their neighbors, being unsure if I can even trust the people Radar put in charge to protect us, and... The fact we don't even know if there will be a tomorrow... This is just... I hope you understand I'm not trying to be short with you."
"Have there been any issues with the military?" You ask. "Their main priority should be with outside threats." Sure, they functioned as guards sometimes, but that was mostly reserved for the guards assigned. All of them were just as branded and recognizable, told to only use force when there was no other option. You cannot remember a time they ever had to use it.
"Why would they kill us if dad's still alive?" Firework turns to you. You shake your head.
"It could be to punish him."
"If anything, wouldn't they just... Punish the unfaithful?" Willow ponders aloud. "I..." Her eyes turn to Sunny before they pull away.
"Do you think they'll try and kill us?" Binta turns to Willow. She forces her eyes away. "I'm asking you specifically."
"I don't know. If you're thinking of going and killing them, you have to be crazy." Willow growls.
"It would be self defense." You offer. "They tried to kill us first. They hold untold amounts of power."
"So you want to kill all of them then? Murder a whole bunch of people?"
"Do you think I fantasize about this?" You ask and step back. "I see no other option! Diplomacy would get us nowhere. They could lie and turn us into inventory the moment we look away."
"Trying to talk to them would just be rolling over and letting them kill us." Binta sighs. "There's no other option here." She stands up.
"Would that make us bad?" Firework asks. "Killing all of them?"
"Maybe if we had another option." Binta sighs. "I've never had to..." She shakes her head. "PAMA, I need to know what you're going to do. You need to make this call."
"And what if they want to stay behind?" You think of Willow for a moment.
"I don't think you," Binta turns to Willow, "want that to happen again?" Willow shakes her head. "I think you'll be in agreement, here."
Even if you are within striking range, how far would an escape attempt take you? An old memory calls to you, something about how escaping could just make it worse. That it is a wholly futile endeavor sometimes. Why? You can't fathom it.
You push the door shut. It lets out a strange creak. Kindle shuffles around a bit before slumping onto his side. You stiffen.
"You're human, right?" He turns to you for a moment, a thousand eyes struggling to stay open. "Undoing your starvation set exhaustion upon me. Even if I was not terribly exhausted... How am I to put someone back together when I know not even their name?"
So... You're confused as all hell. Can't remember things beyond a snippet. Are you this thing's babysitter? That doesn't sound right with what those people said. Plus, you sort of... Killed several people?
Wow. That's um. Why do you think like this? Some part of you is wishing your mind wasn't clear now. How do you get food even if the act itself may exhaust your only tie to the outside world?
You know you're human. You had a name. Isn't that the first thing you're given? And there has to be a purpose for this. There has to be a reason. Why did you forget? Why are you here? Why would someone turn you into an abomination that was literally starving to death?
Yeah. That's... That wasn't reversed. Sure, you won't starve but... You're stuck as a monster. And literally stuck too. Sounds like the set up for a punchline of some sort. A Enderdragon that believes himself a man walks into a bar...
"Uhhh..." You stammer. You used to do that a lot. Okay, that's something! "Yes?"
"Do you understand how broad humanity is? You come in so many colors and variations. Nose shapes, eye colors, hair color and texture! Have you ever tried to sculpt something blindly?" Kindle snaps his head up and you shake your head. "Exactly! I could put your skin on wrong! What if you remember the exact shade the moment I do and enter a madness about it being a few shades lighter or darker! And that is assuming I get it mostly on the mark!"
Okay. Now it's kind of hard to feel like you're about to be murdered now. That's a good point. Wouldn't your skin be on backwards by now? Or you'd be dead, honestly. There are many kinds of torment that could be inflicted in this room. Nobody's really going to investigate.
"Th--tuhh--aren't you--ire--tired?" You ask. You assume Kindle is doing the best someone without eyebrows can at raising one. "Aren't you tired?"
"Well, yes, but not too tired to talk. I suppose it is understandable why your anatomy would make you think we are comparable... But no. I do not feel exhaustion the same way. I am simply unable to do what I did before."
"...You're dramatic?" You blink.
"Oh! Speaking is getting easier for you!" Kindle puts two hooves together. "I suppose I am, though." He looks away. Or at least, he tries to.
"Seeing isn't." You deadpan.
"Is that... Normal for you?" He asks and you shrug. Kindle shoves one hoof against his face. It seems to sink in slightly. You expect him to flinch, but he just shoves it through wholly before pulling it out. "Okay. Okay." He stomps a hoof a few times.
"How old even are you?" You pace a circle around him.
"A few centuries old. I may even be older than some civilizations?" Kindle offers.
"Older than mine." You murmur impulsively before bringing a finger to your lip and pondering that. "How does that translate for your species? Is that a long time?"
"Short, I suppose." Kindle shrugs before crossing his front hooves. "Why?"
"So you're a kid." You lay down. "I... I have kids. I think."
"Oh. OH!" Kindle shuffles back a little. "And they separated you from them?"
"I think this counts more as exile from everything I've ever known." That doesn't seem like something you'd say. Or is it? Honestly, how are you supposed to know? "Could you... Restore my memories?"
"Maybe if I was well rested, but that is also a gamble, my friend. You do know that each trick of mine comes with a risk, correct? I could make you remember every second of your life at once. I have never attempted it before, but I imagine it would drive anyone to madness. And from what I have gleaned of your situation, you sound as if you were teeter into it and never return." Kindle leans in a little before drawing back. "Are you making any headway?"
"I've got bits and pieces." You admit. For a moment, you feel as if you're pouring out too much, but well, you're already stuck. At least spilling your guts will help you. "I was... A diplomat of some sort. I have--or had--kids. I think I'm married?" You hold up your ring finger.
"Okay. Maybe I could prompt you! That seems a much safer endeavor." Kindle clasps his hooves together again. "Well, you seem to be a man, I suppose? A boy would not be a diplomat."
That makes you remember something. "Er. Not exactly." You hum oddly. "I remember... Ugh. Someone. I think it was my spouse." You admit, scratching your head. "I think you're half right. I'm a guy, but I'm also... Not?"
"You did not take well to being called a princess." Kindle tilts his head.
"Ironic, because I actually look good in a dress." You put up your hands. "Wait. Why the fuck did I remember that of all things? I'm gonna kill someone." You glare at the ground. Kindle snorts and oh god--you've sworn in front of a fourteen year old or something. "But like, if a guy wasn't... Fully a guy? Like a man but sort of nothing. In the gender sense."
"Oh. Kind of like how my gender is 'pompous.'" Is that a bit? You raise an eyebrow (do you even still have those?) "Was your hair this color before?" Oh. Back to the prompts, it seems.
"Think so," You take a lock of it in your hand, "but something about the length is--"
----
There was a knock at the door. It wasn't your home, you know that immediately. Some part of you felt as if you were in a cell. The walls were such a cold gray. The bed wasn't comforting, a sort of halfhearted softness you didn't think possible before.
"Can I come in?" A voice from the other end. Some part of you hated it. You glared.
"Sure." You don't think you're usually mean. Why are you so mean right now? You didn't look at the source of the voice.
"Radar--"
"I don't care if you have to observe me. I don't care if you need a whole goddamn armada. Just let me cut my hair."
"You know why we can't let you do that."
"Then have someone else do it." You snapped. "I can't stand looking at it."
"We're supposed to help you with things like this." The person on the other end of the room was average looking, almost unremarkable. Dressed like a doctor of some sort. "I can pencil in some exposure therapy--"
"It's not fucking exposure therapy if I don't want it in the first place, is it?!" You snapped and they went quiet. "I'm already at the lowest point of my goddamn life. Why are you so intent on making it worse?"
There was silence for an agonizing moment. "You panic when you're touched."
"No I don't! I... Goddammit, you can't think something like that is what I do all the time." You shoved your head into your hands. "I'm giving the go ahead to have someone else do it. Or be watched. Wouldn't it count as exposure therapy if I'm letting myself be vulnerable?"
It seemed the person was taking a moment to think over their words. "Can I ask why this is such a big deal?" They approached but stopped before the bed. You glared at them. "Radar, I want to help. I can't help if I don't understand."
You swallowed your anger. It hurt to. "Every time my life went to hell, my hair was... Like that. Long. I can't stand it." You looked away. "I just... I don't want to deal with it now, okay? I'm already in a rough spot. I can't... Just have someone else do it. I don't care if you have to sedate me for crying out loud."
They locked eyes with you for a moment before sighing. "Give me a moment." They left. You stared at the ceiling for a moment. "Now," They came back in, "I'm not good at this at all. I never went to any cosmetic schools. Plus, it's a dull pair, but... You just want it cut, right?"
"You could literally shave me bald for all I care." You sighed.
"You have to sit up."
"Right." You obeyed a moment later. It felt weird to have a stranger do it, especially one you knew wasn't a hairdresser of any sort. "It's... Stupid, isn't it? It used to make me happy."
"Your hair?"
"Yeah. It made me look cool." You sighed again. "I can't tell what's stupider, this, or throwing my life away just because I got upset."
"It's not stupid. You do know what we diagnosed you with, right? That stuff makes even the simplest things a nightmare." They took another snip at your hair. "Being sick isn't something to be ashamed of, Radar."
"Well, it sucks. What do I even get out of hurting myself now?" You snapped your eye shut. "How is it just me who got messed up?"
The room quieted again. You heard another snip. "I don't think it was just you. I'm surprised nobody else has had a crisis, or well, I would be if I knew people didn't bottle this up. They're probably just internalizing it. You get good at it until the dam breaks." You knew they were shrugging at that. "It's like a bucket. You can hold a lot, but then you overflow. You were already struggling, and then, you know. It happened."
You remembered the nightmares then. Blood dribbling down your lips in one, another you spent afraid and trapped somewhere you couldn't escape. The walls of the room alone had you feeling as if you were about to hurl for a few days.
"Could you please put up some posters or something?" You shivered a little. "It... You know. It feels like..." You didn't even want to think it, let alone say it.
"I can see about it." They sighed before stepping back. "It's a little short. I don't have a mirror on hand or anything." They put their hands up.
You looked away for a moment. "Um, do you... Do you think I'm a bad person?"
"Radar, you know I can't answer that." They stiffened. "That kind of thing is what OCD feeds on, you know."
"How the hell am I supposed to know?" You tensed. "How am I supposed to know that I'm not lying to myself?"
"It's not easy, but you have to know yourself." They answered after a moment. "And I know, with your condition, it can be hard. But I promise, you'll learn. You've made it this far with just a stick to fend off the monsters. And hear me now, alright?"
You sat back down.
"We're giving you a sword."
----
"I..." You stammer. The hair thing still got under your skin a little, but it was more of a dull ache now. Maybe it was the horror of being an awful monster overriding it. "I just... Remembered my name."
"Oh! That's exciting! It means we're making headway." Kindle shouts excitedly. He walks over and your mind suddenly assaults you with the violent image of him accidentally caving your skull in. You don't... Really react to that. Some part of you is used to that kind of thinking. Ugh.
"I need... I think I need a moment to think." You shove your head into your hands.
"Oh. Well, I wanted to address you properly... Ah--?"
"Radar. Just... I need to think about something." You walk over to a wall and shove your head against it. You look to your hand. You have to be married, or something. You don't remember or really get the vibes that you separated. Maybe there was a small betrayal, but you can't quite remember it.
If only you knew what your other half was doing.
✾✾✾✾✾✾✾
You dream you are not alone. Someone else is hooked into your mind, but you did not force them, and nor did they force you. With a snap of your fingers, every problem seems irrelevant.
And then you wake.
Right.
Pax is several worlds away. Even if you could convince it to come back and help you, you cannot access its and Otto's world. If you could turn back time, well, ignoring the mistakes you would have undone, you would have tried to be more convincing.
There is something still descended from a Command Block. Maybe Clarity can remember the world beyond. You still cannot. Does Harper? It is not as if she would answer that question.
You suppose you can explain why you have not come to work, or probably arrived later, to Rudy later. They would understand. Firework and Sunny seem attached at the hip. Wherever he goes, they likely are. Willow seems to be the only person in the family who is still working.
As you step outside your house, you find the town is full of chatter again. People talk a lot about towns that have gone entirely mad. But it seems, even at the rumored end of the world, people are creatures of discourse.
Eyes snap onto you. Some of the crowd is still engaged in discourse, but many are beginning to glare at you. A few of them turn away, but quite a few are still on you. You stiffly walk by them, only paying a few glances to them in turn.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?"
"The Order Hall." You answer and keep walking. Someone grabs at your arm. You turn slowly. "I am trying to find answers. That is all. If you wish to accompany me, be my guest." You push them off you.
"You want me to go alone with you?"
"You are misinterpreting my words on purpose." You continue walking. They grab you again, gripping you harder. You glare at them. "The Order Hall is open to anyone."
"PAMA wouldn't be pulling something now, to be fair." Someone pipes up.
"Yeah, if anyone's a danger, it'd be me." Cassie adds. That gets a few people to shout.
"Of course you'd defend them! You're connected to this somehow!"
You take the opportunity to shove your captor's hand off and dash into the Order Hall. It seems the arguing has gotten louder. You turn to Clarity. At least it is still here. At least--
"What are you doing in here?" Binta's voice cuts through your thoughts. You have to re-calibrate yourself.
"I was going to consult the next best connection we have to a Command Block." You point to Clarity as you speak. "Sunny gave me a vision, but I believe a child's memory is unreliable. There is also the possibility of trauma to consider..."
"Well, you do need a witness..." Binta ponders aloud. You pick up Clarity.
Not even a hello? A bit rude, you'd think? It says before you can even finish the thought. I can't really help you there. I don't have any memories of that place. The book that created me didn't have a strong enough connection.
"Of course." You say aloud and roll your eyes.
There was something about your memory, though. I could see if I could pick through it? The words have you stiffening. Wow. The irony. You glare. Do you want it or not?
Okay. Go ahead. You think. "Keep an eye on me."
"Of for Fred's sake--PAMA, what are you--" Binta begins.
You are assaulted by a flash of your own childhood. You feel someone picking through it and doing their best to shake a head they do not have.
PICK APART THE XARA ONES. DO THAT. I DO NOT WANT TO RELIVE MY LIFE. You snap.
How about Harper's?
I do not know if you can. You admit. ALSO THOSE INVOLVE MY MOST VULNERABLE TIMES. HANDS OFF.
You're being quite a hypocrite. But sure. I'm not that kind of person. You feel as if someone is perusing your memory. Please tell me you had her permission to get these.
She was very insistent. You can verify that.
There's a lot to look through, to be fair. Clarity admits. It is not as if I can download memories like you. You feel them being filtered through again. ...These are a mess, PAMA.
Okay. Fine. Go through Harper's. There is a world with many Command Blocks. You try and force Sunny's image through. If you can find that, take that memory and make it... Accessible. You feel something grab your mind, but no memories are forced to the surface. Clarity seems to retract after a moment.
PAMA... Are you sure you want to see this? You stiffen impulsively. I'm just going to try and unscramble this. I'll leave it to you.
You feel something click in your mind. You set Clarity back down. "...What? What could be so horrible that I would deny myself the memory?"
"You remembered?" Binta asks. You shrug. "That's not really an answer."
"I can, but a part of me feels I should not."
"But that's our only lead!" Binta shouts. "That's how we find Radar and fix this somehow. You--PAMA, I really don't want to be rude, but we need this. You have to remember it."
"I know. I am just afraid." You admit.
"I don't know how much time we'd have. I don't... I don't mind being leader or anything, but Radar's... I keep thinking about what I could have done in the past. If I could have figured out what was happening the first time and--"
"I understand." You put a hand on her shoulder. "It would be my fault this time."
"But what if there's a reason you're supposed to forget? What did it say?" She looks at you.
"'Are you sure want to see this?'" You parrot.
"That's it?"
"Yes. I do not know if it will all come at once." You turn to Clarity. "What if I simply took the necessary parts?" You pick it back up.
I can give you a better image of what we'd be dealing with. Your mind is filled with a vision of a world that seems to... Change? Grass blends into snow and desert. People wander the world. Something seems almost familiar about them, but another part of you knows they are imitations--or maybe memories?--of someone else.
"That is strange." You set Clarity back down again and try to pick through it. "And this is assuming it is still stagnant."
"Stagnant?"
"Why do I know it can change? That was... Thousands of years ago?" Your eyes widen. "Thousands of years. THOUSANDS OF YEARS!" You shout and Binta veers back. "Who is a thousand years old? How many people have suffered? How--" You claw at your head and shake your head.
"PAMA?"
"No wonder I could not remember it all at once." You shiver a little. "But which of them is a thousand years old? Why do I remember... Someone who started it all?" You shut your eyes impulsively. "I need it to stop. Make it stop."
Binta taps you on the shoulder with Clarity's blade.
I warned you. I can't steal anything from you. It says. You squeeze your eyes closed tighter. Binta draws her hand back and you stiffen. You knead your forehead.
"Do you think there's a way to... Concentrate on it?" Binta asks. "Kind of like what you did with the rabbit. Do you think, if you had a strong enough idea, that you could jump there?"
"Jumping that far would be incredibly risky. Maybe if I drew up a portal, but then it would be a gamble as well. We would have to figure out a way to look through it and confirm that it is stable." You answer. "I do not know if I have enough Experience for that. I would need time to figure it out." You admit.
"Okay. Just... Take some time to recuperate first. I don't want to force you to remember something that hurts. I didn't... Well, I thought your mind would be able to handle all of that." Binta's eyes flicker from side to side rapidly. You clench up a little.
"Usually I was." You sigh. "Okay. I will let you know if I figure out anything else."
"Maybe I'll call up Xara, too." Binta says quietly as you step outside. You take a few moments in the sun to get your bearings again. Your head hurts a little. That is strange. It really should not be able to do that.
Information never seemed to hurt. You are not remembering anything else, at least not yet. Hopefully you will stay that way. Most people are calmed at the sight of water, but all it is doing is making you anxious as well. You turn your eyes to the sun and--
You feel someone shove you. No, not one person--several! You can barely keep your footing, feeling one of your arms fall into the water. A horrible yowl escapes you, words eluding you. You thrust your injured arm forth and hear your attackers shriek. There are at least five of them.
A few of them vault back. You can barely keep yourself upright. Your old form could withstand a few torn out wires and a barrage of wires, but the damage here is sending volts in all the wrong places.
"What are you people doing?!" Lukas shouts suddenly and pulls one of them back. You watch someone writhe on the ground as electricity takes its toll on them. You meekly crawl away from the water and the remnants of the posse seem to be eying you up. "It's a stupid thing to do."
"You said PAMA was--" Someone protests.
"They're not the only one if I'm right!" Lukas rebuts. "I need to figure this out."
"You do?" Someone turns to Lukas, their eyes narrowing. "Do you now?"
"Enough!" Binta shouts, running outside. "What is the meaning of this?" She turns between all of you.
"They--att--" You can barely get a word out between your body shuddering.
"Oh." Binta's eyes widen. She slowly turns to the group. "You tried to kill them?"
"Looks like they're about to succeed, honestly." Lukas comments. Binta glares at him and you watch him grimace. "Goddammit, who's the nearest enchanter?" Binta continues to glare and he bolts.
"You're trying to kill PAMA over some rumor?" Binta snaps at them. You began to spasm on the floor and Binta tenses. She builds a wall at the end of the bridge, just stopping you from seizing your way right back into water. "Are you aware they're the only person who has any idea how to get Radar back?"
Someone draws a sword. You hear a growling coming from somewhere. You're shuddering too hard to make out distance.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Sonar's voice is still recognizable. You hear her stomp over, claws dragging against the ground.
"I suppose it's a good thing PAMA's putting out a bunch of volts. Holding anyone who's seizing would just kill them." Nurm comments before you catch the glimmer of an axe. "Nobody try anything funny."
"I had it handled." Sonar glares at him. You know that much. He rolls his eyes. "How do you even know that?"
"One of my friends was an enchanter? They often talk to healers, you know."
"You said one of your siblings was a doctor too."
"And they were a quack." Nurm stares at Sonar.
"Oh. That's... Definitely concerning." Ivor comments at the sight of you. You tumble around a few times. You can barely tell if you are up or down. Have you gone blind? Probably. "You know it takes a lot of concentration to hit a moving target, right?"
"Why can't you get Harper to do it?" Lukas shouts. "She'd probably know PAMA's anatomy better."
"I mean they're currently a flopping live wire!" Ivor rebuts. "I've handled a lot of things, but this is not one of them."
"Wow, the mighty Ivor is actually at a loss." Lukas mocks before he stares at you. "Is it weird I kind of feel bad?"
"You're not helping!" Ivor shouts. He steps a few feet in front of you and you yowl, a horrible noise that sounds as if someone is tormenting a note block. There is a strange sound, something you are too deluded to understand.
"Is this how it feels to heal someone?" You ask the moment you can. Your body clicks weird. It feels as if you have been shocked again. That takes a few moments to stop. "Did 'return to working order' come up at all in that spell?" You stare at Ivor.
"It's a very reliable phrase! Sue me!" Ivor insists before blinking. "Well, actually, wait. I haven't become a ninja lawyer yet. Could I get a few years head start on that lawsuit?"
"The only thing I would sue you for is medical malpractice. Which, hopefully, I will not have to." You stand up. Seems everything is back in working order. Binta is still glaring at the group.
"I feel like I should be mad, but I'm just so disappointed." She sighs. "You people are going crazy over a rumor!"
"Well, they can deal with the legalities then." Sonar snickers. "Now here comes the fun part." She smirks at your attackers. You watch a few of them tense up. "Now you're singing a different tune?"
Lukas stares at you. "You could have tried a little harder."
"Are you blaming me?" You snap.
"No, I'm just... Trying to figure out what the hell I just witnessed. If someone did that to me... I think I'd have used it." Lukas shakes his head and begins to walk off. You tilt your head.
"Oh, Radar will give you hell when he's back." Sonar snickers.
"He's supposed to be unbiased. Like I am." Binta glares at her.
"...Okay." Sonar rolls her eyes. "More than they deserve, honestly." She turns her eyes to the small posse. "Well? Are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?" You watch them shuffle after her. A few of them glare at you.
"I don't like how this is going." Binta admits and turns to you. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do with you. If you leave here, even if it's just for a moment... What if they hunt you down? And even if they don't, you have the answers!" Binta shoves her head into her hands.
"I don't recognize this place." Nurm shakes his head. "Last time--"
"What if that is why?" You ask. "What if--"
A shriek travels across town. You feel yourself go cold at the sound.
"PAMA, wait!" Binta shouts as you run towards it. It did not come from somewhere too far from the Order Hall. You stop. You know that building. You know this voice.
Just a few streets away sits the tax office. Your daughter works there. Binta grabs your arm as you comprehend a few people dragging her and a few of her coworkers out. Other civilians seem to be fighting back the assailing horde.
Voices echo out around you. You run your eyes along the horde. Is there a way through?
"This is madness!"
"Have you people lost your minds?"
"Between PAMA's little nightmare and that invalid, this town is going to hell!" Someone snaps. You wish you knew who just so you could smack them for that. Willow claws at the face of one of her captors and they rear back, an awful shriek escaping them.
"You're what drove Radar to madness in the first place! You and your wretched blood!" Another snaps at Willow. Hands claw at each other. You cannot tell who is on which side in the chaos. You can tell that they have let go of Willow and her coworkers, instead turning their hands against their fellow citizens.
"We can't all have lost our minds." Nurm steps to your side. "That can't be right." You step back.
"The moment I enter that crowd, they will tear me apart." You shiver as Willow backs against the building. "The moment they stop fighting, they will turn on her too."
"Stop it!" Binta shouts. "I--" Their eyes all turn to her. You watch as a few of them begin to split off from the main tussle. Some are dragged back in while some of the stragglers begin to approach. "You need to calm down." She orders.
"We know you're what's driven Radar mad! Where is his inventory? You disposed of him, didn't you?" Someone in the crowd growls. "It's all your fault!"
"No, it isn't." A voice comes from behind you. You watch Binta turn slowly, her eyes icy. The crowd stops.
"You of all people don't--" Binta snarls before her eyes widen. "You shouldn't be here."
"I've heard. I heard this too. Consider it me repaying Jesse's debt. He wouldn't want to see this happen, would he?"
"I should have killed you." You growl.
"Oh, Radar tried. Well... Trying would imply he wanted to be merciful. It's a good thing I'm alive, I suppose." You cannot believe your eyes. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"The world really has gone mad." Nurm steps back. "You--"
"I know who your people are listening to." Romeo turns to you. "And it's far too late to stop what's already begun."
"What? Then why are you here?" You shout at him. "What good does it do?"
"The least I can do is tell you to make peace before it comes for you. At least you'll die." Romeo sighs. "And you thought I was bad? Get your affairs in order. That's what I owe you at least. A warning."
You grab Romeo by the shoulder. "How many ties does a former Admin have to this... Place?" You stare into his eyes. He stiffens. "You said you owed us. It is the least you can do."
"You--"
"You know us. I want to give them hell." You glare at him. "You owe us. Now tell me if you are at all useful."
"I don't know." Romeo stiffens.
"We're going to find out." Binta approaches with her arms crossed. "I think we found a component for that spell you were talking about."
"I hate to do this but... It'd be better with two, wouldn't it?" Romeo grimaces. "If you're so insistent." He averts his eyes.
"You really expect us to believe this?" Someone snaps.
"Why the FUCK would I collude with Romeo?!" You resist the urge to toss him like a sack of items. "I hate him!"
"Wawa, you can't really be thinking of keeping him, right?" Willow interjects tensely. You frown. "Oh no."
"The more connections we have, the better. This one just happened to wander into our grasp." You stare at Romeo. "Do you have any Experience?"
"...Maybe."
"Surrender it." You snarl. "We will hold you until we are ready."
"And the rest of you, back off!" Binta snaps. "I can't believe everyone in town is acting like they were just spawned yesterday!"
"Even Lukas wouldn't want this." Someone in the crowd says.
"To hell with him. PAMA's clearly--"
"Don't make me get Sonar." Binta groans.
"FIne! Clearly, you don't know what is best for your people!" You watch as some of the crowd disperses. You look over some of them. They seem... Unfamiliar.
"Oh. Not all of them are ours..." You tense. "Beacontown has not gone mad."
"What do you mean?" Binta turns to you as Willow shambles towards you. She hugs you and you take a moment to hug her back.
"We have been infiltrated."
❀❀❀❀❀
Do you even want to remember your old life? It's not like you can go back. You're stuck. Maybe you won't starve. You'll probably just be malnourished and miserable for a bit.
There is still a bit of food left. You count it. It would last a regular human a few days. At least you'd think so. But what life is this? You are severed from every tie. If you remember, you will be tormented by your memories. If you stay ignorant, you are still trapped and forever fractured.
"Are you still pondering?"
"Yeah. Do you... Ever get let out?" You finally look away from the wall.
"Sometimes. I occasionally am allowed to talk to my 'siblings.' They do not let me go much farther than this palace, however. The outside is 'too dangerous.'" Kindle says. "Why?"
"They just... Keep you prisoner?"
"I suppose?" Kindle shrugs. "I am comfortable and have my own room. It is considerably nicer than what they make me do." Kindle lays down on his side.
"You said there were protocols."
"Well, yes. My siblings have more privileges. They are also a tad more... Violent?" Kindle stiffens when he says that. "Maybe that's why they..." Kindle trails off and looks away.
"How far have you gotten before?"
"Why are you asking me these questions?! They could be listening!" Kindle rises to his feet.
"Well, what if they want you to kill me? Would you do it?"
"I may have to, yes!" Kindle snaps. You glare at him. "I promise, I would be quick."
"What if you didn't have to?" You ask. Kindle stares at you for a long moment. "What if I promised to help you?"
"You barely know yourself." Kindle brings his head down to your level.
"Yeah, but you're also capable of a lot of things. I have enough food for a few days. How long would it take for you to be back to normal?"
Kindle is silent for a moment. "A few days."
"Then we're going to escape. I'm going to find my way back home. I'm not going to let you kill me." You stiffen. "I don't want to fight a kid. No rational person would."
"You will still go down."
"Not without a fight. And I fight hard." You flare your wings. "And neither of us want the other dead."
"It's not that easy." Kindle shakes his head. "Neither of us want to die either, do we? Yet we will both die if we try not to."
"And what kind of life is that? You live, I die, and then they make you do it again."
"If you stop, they may let you live." Kindle stomps one hoof in front of you. "Okay? I don't like the idea of watching you die."
"Then hear me out. We can both live." You grab one of his limbs.
"You barely know yourself." Kindle protests. "How can you be so sure that you are not delusional?"
"Am I wrong? Is this really a life worth living?!" You snap. "Do you want to spend an eternity rotting, killing, and being alone? I don't want you to!"
"...You barely know me." Kindle steps back.
"Yeah. But you could have turned me inside out with one hoof beat. You could have caved my skull in. You fed me instead. You gave me back my voice!" You insist. "You're just a kid. I'm not going to say a kid should suffer through this."
Kindle is silent for a moment. "But this is how it is supposed to be."
"I can barely remember, but I know it's not." You stiffen. "I'd hope I did a good job for my kids. I just... I hope they're safe. I hope they're still around." Kindle scrapes a hoof against the ground.
"How can I even know if that is true? This is all there is."
"You have more power here than I do." You say. "I'm just begging you. Please. It's not just my life in your hands. You're the only one who can stop this." You turn away. "What a cruel thing to put on a child's shoulders."
"Would you really be willing to die?"
"I don't want to. But I don't think I'm going to live if I don't try to get out of here."
Kindle says nothing at all.
✾✾✾✾✾✾
"I don't want to force any of your hands here. I hope you understand that this is... Well. I don't have a clear answer on this either." Binta sighs and puts her hands together.
Firework pulls Sunny closer to his chest while Willow keeps staring at Binta. You stiffen a little. The Order Hall feels awfully cold now.
"Some part of me thinks that if you leave, we'll... We'll lose the lead we have. But after today, after what I've seen, I don't know if it's safe for you now. If you're going to leave, you need to decide now. Take the first train to Redstonia, explain it to Olivia, I don't... I don't know how we're supposed to fight this."
"And leave you with the ex-god?" Willow snaps.
"Romeo is pathetic now." You admit. "He is not our priority here."
"So we have to leave? Forever?" Firework turns to you and Sunny's head jolts up. You shrug tensely.
"The only way I could force you out is if I somehow exiled you, and that'd just... Even if I knew leaving was the best course of action, that would make everything worse." Binta kneads her forehead. "It's not easy. Between the fact I've had to tell people to be on guard against their neighbors, being unsure if I can even trust the people Radar put in charge to protect us, and... The fact we don't even know if there will be a tomorrow... This is just... I hope you understand I'm not trying to be short with you."
"Have there been any issues with the military?" You ask. "Their main priority should be with outside threats." Sure, they functioned as guards sometimes, but that was mostly reserved for the guards assigned. All of them were just as branded and recognizable, told to only use force when there was no other option. You cannot remember a time they ever had to use it.
"Why would they kill us if dad's still alive?" Firework turns to you. You shake your head.
"It could be to punish him."
"If anything, wouldn't they just... Punish the unfaithful?" Willow ponders aloud. "I..." Her eyes turn to Sunny before they pull away.
"Do you think they'll try and kill us?" Binta turns to Willow. She forces her eyes away. "I'm asking you specifically."
"I don't know. If you're thinking of going and killing them, you have to be crazy." Willow growls.
"It would be self defense." You offer. "They tried to kill us first. They hold untold amounts of power."
"So you want to kill all of them then? Murder a whole bunch of people?"
"Do you think I fantasize about this?" You ask and step back. "I see no other option! Diplomacy would get us nowhere. They could lie and turn us into inventory the moment we look away."
"Trying to talk to them would just be rolling over and letting them kill us." Binta sighs. "There's no other option here." She stands up.
"Would that make us bad?" Firework asks. "Killing all of them?"
"Maybe if we had another option." Binta sighs. "I've never had to..." She shakes her head. "PAMA, I need to know what you're going to do. You need to make this call."
"And what if they want to stay behind?" You think of Willow for a moment.
"I don't think you," Binta turns to Willow, "want that to happen again?" Willow shakes her head. "I think you'll be in agreement, here."
