Not Quite Dead

Alfie's not quite dead, and he's been going through some...changes. (A fiction podcast about vampires. (It's gay.))

[notquitedeadpod]

If you're new here, here's some stuff you may wanna know!!

this blog is generally SFW, though occasionally a bit blood-heavy. it's a vampire show idk what to tell you.

the show, Not Quite Dead, is NSFW. like by all means go ahead if you want to take that risk, but ye hath been warned. these vampires bite for work and pleasure. they hunger. they yearn. they cannot keep it in their pants.

this blog is run by the actual creator of Not Quite Dead, Eira Major (it is pronounced 'ay-rah', and it is the Welsh word for snow)

I am the only writer and editor and I play both Alfie and Neige

ask box is open! please be polite but feel free to scream! I like replying and will if I can or have time, but I don't always and sometimes your question may have Plot attached to it so I simply can't answer. I LOVE getting asks though so pls know they are appreciated even if I cannot reply <3

I regularly check the tags #not quite dead and #nqd because I love fan art and people yelling about the show, and I will grab things from these tags fairly regularly and reblog them here!! if you don't want me to reblog, please write something in the tags letting me know, and if there's a post you don't want me to see, tag it #not for eira and i will not look at it

That's all folks!! Thanks for hanging out and for listening to my gay vampire show. If you're thinking 'sorry what gay vampire show', this post may give you an idea if it's the show for you.

This show awakens things in people. This is good actually. Be a freak. I love you.

--- Eira xxx

[marbleboa]

something from nothing

[meowcentrale]

let mama clean the blood off you

[notquitedeadpod]

I forget if this has been asked before, but within your world building, do you think vampires could get tattoos?

I think I may have answered this before, but it was a few years ago, so I'm happy to answer again!

First you gotta understand how tattoos work, which essentially is by hacking an immune response. When the ink gets put into your skin, some of the cells grab onto it. When those cells die, the ink is expelled, and then replacement cells rush to the area to hold onto the ink. That's how tattoos 'settle', and why the lines on older tattoos look much softer than newer ones; the ink is moved around a bunch in that process, and little quantities of ink may be lost between transfer from cell to cell.

For my vampires, their healing and immune response happens really differently, and really quickly. They could probably GET a tattoo, but it wouldn't last because of those differences in their healing and immune processes. Any tattoos they had when they were human would stay, unless they had a serious knock or injury to the area where the tattoo is. That would trigger their skin to regenerate, and the tattoo would be lost in the process, because. Well it's actually really complicated why that would happen but basically their body would just replace the whole area with new flesh as encoded in their DNA, rather than just implementing a repair the way human bodies do. Which is a very simplified way to explain it, but it'll do for this!

One way they might overcome that is by mixing their tattoo ink with crushed vampire teeth, and using their own spit as a salve. The enamel on vampire teeth reacts with vampire skin, forcing a scarring process to happen instead of their usual regenerative healing. I won't get into the science of scars and how they're different to regular skin here, but know it's very cool and scars are an active process your body is actively maintaining. Most of the time, tattoos don't scar, but they can if the artist doing the tattoo uses too much pressure and/or goes over an area too many times, but in my vampires, the process that vampire enamel causes their skin to do is the easiest way I can think of to get the ink to actually stick. To combat their immune response, applying their own saliva as a salve would cause the wound to seal quickly, locking the ink in place. Using that method, yeah, probably they could get a tattoo.

So could they get a tattoo? With extra steps, yeah! And those steps would probably limit their design options. Could they rock up to a tattoo parlour and get inked up the way a human would without those extra steps? They could, but it would only last hours to days.

[nocturneandbone]

[vamplire]

hey just so you know you can think about vampires whenever you please and no one can stop you

[notquitedeadpod]

Snow Blood is funded for 13 episodes!!

Thanks for your support everyone! We're officially making 13 episodes of Snow Blood, and they'll start airing in October 2026!

Late Pledges will be open over the weekend just in case anyone wanted to get in there but missed the finish line.

Thanks for making vampires happen!

Live, laugh, BITE!

[gothredy]

[unsterbliche--geliebte]

[pawbeanies]

im on this leash for your protection actually

[notquitedeadpod]

We're so close to making more vampires!

Thanks to all the folks who've already supported vampire rights and/or wrongs on the Snow Blood crowdfunder, we're now just 3% away from hitting our next milestone of 80% funded, which is when I'll be revealing our next Mystery Guest Voice Actor! 

If you didn't know, Snow Blood is a sequel spin-off to Not Quite Dead, a gory horror romance audio drama about vampires. Alfie and Neige are both vampires, and they're a bit of an odd couple. Neige is here for a long time AND a good time, where Alfie is preoccupied with making vampire rights happen.

They've been living in Buenos Aires for a while at the start of the show and Alfie's been doing some experiments to figure out how vampire blood might be used to help humans. But he's also been trying to get other vampires to share their stories with the world.

It has not been going well. He has so far got zero (0) vampire stories and one (1) stalker who keeps inviting him to meet up on the other side of the world. Which would be a terrible idea. Right?

There's a pilot you can listen to here or find it by searching Not Quite Dead wherever you listen to podcasts. Snow Blood will expand on the OGs show's ideas, but as well as having loads for existing fans, it will also be a GREAT first bite of the these character for newcomers!

We have less than a quarter of our funds left to raise, which is very exciting indeed! Beyond the main funding goal, the first Stretch Goal is £3,666, and will see the episode run for Snow Blood increase from 8 episodes up to 10. 

It's really exciting to be so close to seeing more vampires in the world! Thank you so much to those of you who've been a part of this campaign so far, it really does mean the world. 

Live, laugh, bite! Eira xoxo

[notquitedeadpod]

10 hours to go and we are less than £250 from our next stretch goal which would extend the number of episodes from 10 to 13!!

[eymurn]

“i thought i’d weird you out” you weirded me in, twin

[notquitedeadpod]

Eira!

If Alfie & Neige ever got a pet, what would they get?

(If they wouldn't ever, why not?)

If they were to get a pet it would probably be a giant tortoise, because they live for so long. But I think they'd be more likely to be like. Custodians of colonies of animals rather than keeping individuals as pets. Colony of cats that has generational memories of them being safe to trust when they need care or assistance. Birds who nest in their gardens over generations. That kind of thing.

I think it just changes your relationship to mortal beings so much when you are immortal, in these big, irrevocable ways. Like, colony cat with kidney disease? They're paying for its medication. They are helping that elderly parrot with its stuck sheaths on its new feathers. They are giving extra oil to help those monkeys with arthritis. But I don't think it'd necessarily be a pet-type relationship.

[notquitedeadpod]

[deadontheweb3]

[notquitedeadpod]

If you want vampire shenanigans, help me make Snow Blood, a sequel to Not Quite Dead.

[vampiire-diary]

[notquitedeadpod]

For more vampire shenanigans, help me make Snow Blood, a sequel to Not Quite Dead.

[notquitedeadpod]