“Oh. My. Fucking. GOD!”
She dealt with werewolves, darachs, and a billion other crazy, bloodthirsty supernatural creatures in her lifetime, but she had never felt so much pain her life. The screams that shot out of her mouth were so stentorian that anyone outside of the hospital room could have sworn a harpy has somehow snuck into the building. A bar higher and people within a mile radius of her would go deaf forever.
In other words, giving birth kind of really fucking sucked.
Whose idea was this? Who said having a kid was a good idea? Who the hell said she should be the one to pop one out?
Well, it was her actually, but at this point she would deny it and place all of the blame on the gorgeous Italian woman holding her hand. Or, rather, the woman whose hand Lauren was currently crushing to small pieces. After technically becoming a Darach just a few years earlier, having touched that stupid fucking tree, super strength was one of the perks given to Lauren. And, well, judging from Nicola’s wincing as Lauren squeezed, it was a perk that was ruefully granted.
Oh well, at least she could heal. She’d get over it. She wasn’t the one giving birth for fuck’s sake.
As for Lauren, she was pretty sure her womanhood was going to be ripped in half any minute now.
She was drenched in sweat, her moist curls stuck to her glistened, pink face. Her lungs ached from breathing in and out so fast. Was it mean to hurt this much? She was pushing something the size of a watermelon out of her vagina. Wait, was a watermelon a good comparison? Ugh, who the hell cared? It felt like she was pushing a fucking boulder out of her.
The doctor kept speaking to her in Italian, and some words went through one ear and out the other. She was so focused on the pain embodied inside her uterus she couldn’t bother to translate everything he was saying in her head. Contractions were a bitch. Every single one that came hit her abdomen like a truck. They were spread out before, but now they kept happening closer and closer together. Did that mean this damn kid was ready to come yet? She hoped.
The doctor said something to Nicola. Lauren didn’t bother listening.
“Mia cara,” she spoke calmly despite her hand being crushed to pieces at this point. “The doctor says any minute now, you just need to keep pushing.”
Lauren’s eyes went to her. As usual, Nicola looked perfect. Not a hair out of place, not one blemish on her skin, her eyes big and brown as ever - a walking Photoshop project. As per fucking usual. Normally Lauren would be drooling like she had from the moment she met her, but right now it was really irking her. Lucky her she didn’t look like a human mop. Lucky her that her vagina wasn’t opening the gates of hell. Lucky fucking her she didn’t even to go through this torture. Her hazel eyes went dark with anger.
“I really fucking hateyouuuAGHHHHFUCKINGCHICKENSHITDICKFUCKAAAA!” she screamed as pain exploded in her abdomen again.
A part of Nicola almost laughed. Her wife was a little on the dramatic side, but it was amusing. Best to not test Lauren, however, lest she crush another hand though. Hands were very important in their marriage.
“Quasi!” the doctor exclaimed as he settled himself in front of Lauren’s… personal lady space. “Continuare a spingere!”
“I swear if Doctor fucking Mario doesn’t shut the fuck up!” Lauren growled. With another yelp of pain, she kept pushing. “I’m gonna fucking shove a mushroom up his fucking culoooOOOH FUCK!”
It felt like something was squeezing her head as she pushed her hardest. At this rate, her head was going to pop before the kid did.
“Riesco a vedere la testa! Continuare a spingere!”
She felt something rubbery touching her vagina. That was definitely not her wife’s hands. Her eyes were shut, while Nicola’s eyes were on the doctor.
“Lauren–“ Nicola began.
“YEAH I KNOW KEEP FUCKING PUSHING!” Lauren roared. “THANKS BABY, I KNOW!”
Nicola bit down on her lip to keep from laughing.
“Una spinta piú!” the doctor said.
With one loud growl, Lauren pushed her hardest. There was one final, sharp pain before the sensation reduced significantly. She fell back onto the hospital bed, her head pounding and scorching hot. She swore she could see stars for a moment.
The doctor said something in excitement but Lauren couldn’t be bothered to listen. But then she heard the sound of a baby crying and she snapped out of her short trance.
She lifted her head to see the doctor making his way over to Nicola’s side to show them the baby. He was wailing, which was always a good sign but neither parent had been worried how the kid would turn out anyway. Defects didn’t seem likely with two supernatural parents.
Both parents’ eyes were on the baby, and it didn’t take long for both of their eyes to get a little misty. The past hour was completely forgotten now that they’re baby boy was finally here.
The doctor asked who wanted to cut the umbilical cord. Lauren nodded towards Nicola, and Nicola took the scissors to cut. Lauren’s smile didn’t fade for a second, watching the way the love of her life looked at her new, second love of her life. She didn’t want to cry, but her eyes stung from the salty tears she struggled to keep in.
Once the cord was cut, the doctor held the baby out to Nicola, but she shook her head. She told him to give it to Lauren first. She kept the hand that Lauren crushed hidden, needing a little time for it to heal before she could properly hold the baby.
Lauren hadn’t felt such a wave of love towards another person since her wife. When the doctor placed the newborn in her arms, the tears she kept back rolled freely down her cheeks. Nicola was right beside her, looking down at their son, her face nearly against hers. He already had dark hair on his head, which looked funny with the lack of eyebrows. His skin was still really pink from the birth, with a tiny mouth and nose that looks like a miniature version of Lauren’s. It was hard to tell what else he had that resembled his mothers with his squishy little face. Superficially, he was anything but cute, but to his mothers, he was the cutest thing in the world. As he started to get familiar with his new moms, his cries ceased until he was just staring at them. His eyes were still closed but Lauren had a strong feeling his eyes were going to be big and dark just like Nicola.
“He looks like a little alien,” Lauren spoke with mix of a sob and a laugh. Nicola laughed with her. “He’s so tiny, is he supposed to be that tiny?” She looked at her wife.
“Yes, mia cara, he’s supposed to be that tiny.”
“He’s beautiful,” she whispered, looking back down at the baby.
“Just like you.”
Lauren looked at her and smiled. She leaned in to give her a soft kiss, any past irrational fury she had towards her earlier completely eradicated. She was filled with nothing but love now. She fell in love with Nicola every day, but today she fell harder than ever.
“I love you,” she told her softly.
“I love you too, mio cuore.”
They both went back to looking down at the baby. Their dream baby – literally.
“What kinda kid’s born on St. Patrick’s Day?”
“A very cursed one, since he cannot get drunk.”
Lauren chuckled. “True. Sorry kid, didn’t mean to fall in love with a werewolf. I’ll find a way for you to get drunk before you’re old enough to drink.”
“I think that will be a wonderful birthday present someday.”
Nicola brought her uninjured hand to the baby’s head and brushed against it softly.
“Nostro figlio. Our little Matthew.”
This was the apex of their love. They embodied it into a perfect baby boy. Their baby boy. It was another and possibly the largest milestone in the path of their spending the rest of their lives together. Their future now would be loving this baby, and raising it and aiming to be the best parents they could be. They had already known they would be together “for, like, ever” already, but this was just another piece proving that it was true. It was the two of them, and it was always going to be the two of them – with their shared little bundle of love, of course. This was their happy ending – their perfect baby, Matthew Rossi.
They were given a couple of moments of privacy before the doctor told them they still had to finish things up – including birthing the placenta. Lauren’s faced dropped. She couldn’t believe she thought that would be the end of it. She was going to have a whole new appreciation for her own mother after all this.
Lauren handed Nicola their baby, her eyes squinting at her.
“I’m never having sex with you ever again,” she said, which made Nicola laugh.
“Ti amo anch’io, mio cuore.”
