Life is one hell of a ride.

[animusrox]

when you're watching a bad movie and realize there's still an hour left

[worriedyourwingswouldmelt]

“let’s run away together” trope fucks me up bc it’s almost always doomed. but what if it’s not this time.

[now-you-fly]

I hope you’re my warm light to curl up under.

[now-you-fly]

Less than a year from 30 and every man I’ve had feelings for has never returned them. I don’t understand why I’m meant to hurt myself severely every time I try to date. This can’t be right. Or maybe I really am meant to suffer at the hands of other people’s sins. My life isn’t for me. It’s karma somehow.

[now-you-fly]

I have scars on my body because of you.

Your sins on my tender flesh.

Forever marking the acute pain you caused me.

[now-you-fly]

God I hate holidays

[now-you-fly]

[now-you-fly]

[now-you-fly]

Little me came to visit.

Wanted to see if anything has changed.

Sadly I had to tell her nothing has changed.

I am still alone.

Always alone.

I don’t understand what I did wrong.

I don’t know why I’m always alone.

I don’t understand.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand.

Maybe I’ll be alone for my entire life.

I have an escape plan that nobody will like.

But what am I to do when my strength fails me.

My back breaks.

My will is stretched so thin it disintegrates.

My knees crack when they hit the pavement.

I have nothing left.

No one to champion my existence any longer.

All it takes is a fist full of pills.

A dreamless sleep at long last.

[now-you-fly]

Why do I even try to explain myself on this? People think it’s so dumb of me to do it. But honestly I don’t think it’ll be that big of a deal. I’d be lying if I said part of me wasn’t holding out hope…but I’m not so deluded to think it’ll actually happen. I can do this and be fine. If I’m not fine at any point, I’ll just leave. I hate hearing people say I’m dumb for this. I’m not hurting, so it’s not a problem.

[powerburial]

not going to lie to you they are charging to muuch for all this crap at the store

[now-you-fly]

Once again, with your inability to regulate your emotions and decide things with a rational mind, you’ve negatively impacted my life. Will it ever fucking end??? You know how much this weekend meant to me. You know how long I’ve craved petting those wild horses. You know all of these things and yet, you choose yourself. You choose yourself because you can’t see past yourself. I don’t know why I think you’re capable of more than you are. I’m a disappointment for my life choices? YOU are a disappointment for failing to be the mother that I need.

[now-you-fly]

How’s the distancing working out?

*me sending him a fifth text in a row*

Oh it’s going well I think.

[now-you-fly]

Failure

Failure to thrive

Failure to heal

Failure to see

Failure to feel

Failure is stamped on my soul.

[now-you-fly]

I do not know which is worse—

Realizing once again that I’m unlovable

Or

Having a deep knowing that I can’t tell the difference between reality and delusion.

[now-you-fly]

If my soul had form, it would look like this.

[now-you-fly]

If someone could tenderly embrace me while gripping a dagger and slowly sliding it through my ribs into my heart, their breath caressing my ear, their words telling me I deserve the hell they’re sending me to. I would be eternally grateful.