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your seasonal writer.

[noweak]

Tuhan, kalau boleh aku bertanya mengapa hanya aku yang tahu hal ini sendiri? Tuhan, apa iya aku berhak marah atas semua hal yang terjadi padaku sekarang?

[solardrifter]

[quotemadness]

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

— Deborah Reber

[quotemadness]

“There’s a difference between losing something you knew you had and losing something you discovered you had. One is a disappointment. The other feels like losing a piece of yourself.”

— Gayle Forman

[noweak]

It's my 7 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

oh its been 7 years joining this app. thank you tumblr<3

[noweak]

im gonna let it all out.

[noweak]

it’s coming down

the snow????

[noweak]

i love combining so many things around me. i love to cook, but at the same time i love to write. i really want people know on how much i feel about something.

okay um i think it still a long long journey, but lemme drop this kerangka konsep from now😂

[noweak]

im justttttttttt writinggg here cz i dunno how to sleep. im just tiredddd but its hard to sleep.

[noweak]

happily, no one will saw me 'as i am' in this platform hehehe.

lemme build my character here.

the most 'poetic' gal 😘

[noweak]

i had too many websites, but now it got cravked by the hackers.

i lost it all. i lost my poems, blogs, everything.

i started to write again. from my zero (AGAIN) :(((((

sadly no one could understand this feelings.

[noweak]

i wish i really had time. i really wish.

[noweak]

i skipped too many songs today. i am tired. wasting my time 100000 times.

[noweak]

October 10th 2021

I started to smoke. I really had to. Because its too tiring and overwhelming. I started using nicotine to leave my pain (even for a while). and it felt soo goood.

Everything looks reasonable right now.

[noweak]

testing my sanity

---repost it as my instagram post.

December 13th 2021.

I write this with my own consciousness

at that time, i was very depressed and repressed. i feelSOO tired and overwhelmed. too many things around. its 3 until 4 times i cried at that moment. so i posted some photos and tried to reminisce ‘how good’ i am as an actress (in my own life)

then, i wrote this down as a caption.

‘i tried to being alive again. so, i try to wake up every morning to just watch the sunrise. to ensure that the sun has risen at the east. i try to taste the porridge at the a.m. i hang with friends, having some conversations just to make sure that im still alive. im still breathe and im still being that wonderful person. i already knew that the future has its own features and nobody knows ‘that’ (as it should haha). i’ve seen so many movies in my 20′s and my life stil being “the most dramatic” movies i’ve ever felt and watched by my own self. #ProudActress

Sincerely,

your future ‘artist’ HAHAHAA

[noweak]

i try

its almost a year and a half. and im still wondering on how to feel alive. im still writing and poet-ing as long as i could. i really don’t understand its hard to manage our feelings. for me, feelings only explained by words. and so i write. 

i don’t know on how tons tears that left in me. how tons smiles that left in me. feelings are dynamic. it can be better, it can get worse. and just like that. it happens every time. 

July 6th 2021, my dad has died. he left us peacefully. i mean, he has a normal-day-at life. he has no disease. he just left us and go and never come back:(. and thats how my world has gone. i lost him. i really lost him. because, i havent said anything to him at that time. 

for my 2 decades era at life, i havent said many i love you language for him:( im just there being an innocent child wondering that my dad would live until im 30 years old and im just being ‘denial’ at all. 

im a fool. 

and this is the heartbreaks.

i lost my moment. 

i lost it. 

and im just floating here with a plastic bag souls that didn’t know where to go

i had no purpose. i had such a trauma, and ill. and its hard to be healed.

i lost my old self. i had no ambitious at life. i woke up with tears and fears facing this life. i lost my capabilities.

i really want to run. but i don’t know where to go

u know how hard it is to feel like im alive again. 

dad, help me!

[wnq-writers]

“Why do people keep looking for the meaning of life. Now-a-days it’s ‘the’ question. Everyone’s out searching for an answer.Why look for the meaning, when it’s supposed to mesmerize you, make you fall in love with it, and be an enigma. Live life, love life and make the world a better place.”

— incoherentthoughts70