Currently stuck in the 31st century

Remember: you have beaten your worst days before

[nu11andvo1d]

So I caught up on owen’s POV…

[crypto-botany]

I've noticed something about Owen's last name

[saphflare]

// "The Butcher and His Flock" stream spoilers

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"When you fall asleep at night do you hear the screams of the dead whose blood stains your hands? How do you cope...

When you find out, be a good friend and let me know would you. Been looking for a way to shut them up..."

---

Between this line and the flashback scene we got of him probably making his first demon kill, its just adding to the pile of evidence that this man feels a certain level of guilt for what he has done. Despite all that he says, to both us as the voices, and his victims of the demons. Even if he is repressing it deep in his mind, or trying to blame it on us the voices for being an influence on that train of thought.

Like he keeps trying to give reasons and justifications as to why is it he does the things he do, as well as framing himself as morally lighter, but in the end it's all just excuses. He is fighting for a empty cause that will lead him no where, at the end of it all.

And deep inside, despite his denial, I think c!Owen knows it as well.

[saphflare]

Each and every day I remember Hazilnut's analysis on c!Owen's separation of self and I become inconsolable.  His weapon of preference as an indicator of his attachment to living for himself and others, I am devastated, just shoot me why don't.  I feel so so emotionally gutted, I want to cry.

"He won't let himself go home to his family."

This fucking line-

[saphflare]

I am so unwell about this, I cannot feel normal about c!Owen and the fact he has rejected the concept of home, of the clearing as a sanctuary, because it was HIS sanctuary once too.  Because perhaps they fought there, perhaps a griever once ripped through the clearing, perhaps a great betrayal cut into him, but it was still home.  It was a place he vowed to protect.  He cared he cared HE CARED so much that it ripped him apart. That it destroyed him that no one seemed to want to preserve that home, that family they built.  That they wanted to fling themselves into the maze recklessly without knowing how much they mattered, how much they mattered to him.

He cared so much and it bothered him so much that they didn't seem to understand and it ate at him from the inside.

And even when he gave up the title of protector, putting his weapons away, he still cared so much.  When become a gardener, wrote poetry, taught Magic and the others how to build a campfire, how to forage, had time to stop and smell the roses, he still cared so SO much.  Even if he wasn't fighting for their liberation anymore.  He cared as he tried to fix up the clearing, make it something more permanent for those that were left.  He made it comfortable.

He went to find Apo, even if it might have been nothing but false hope, another reminder of his regrets, another way for the Maze to rip open his wounds again.  He wanted his family to be whole again, he wanted his friend, his brother, his family back.  He cared, he cared.

And now, there is no "home."

He cares about some people perhaps, but the clearing isn't home anymore, it isn't safe.  It is a hunting ground, an extension of that Maze they are stuck in.  Perhaps it always was, it was never safe, but now it is a place where he hunts as well.  Where he tricks, deceives and slaughters.  It is another battle ground, and he fights on it like the good soldier he is.

It was once safe, in a way.  But not anymore.

Because once the clearing was a home to replace the one that he lost, the one that he forgot about.  It was safe and he sweared he would protect it.  Because it was their sanctuary, as long as they came back home here, they were safe, they were protected, they could heal here.

It was an idea worth preserving.

And it means nothing now, Owen doesn't care about that anymore.  He doesn't care now that he  bloodied it up, leaving red stains at the doorsteps, under the place he sleeps. He doesn't care now, barely blinking an eye as he states that people could go into the gaping darkness.  They can disappear in there as so many others had.  He does not visit one of his oldest friends, barely holding on in a bed, time ticking away for her.  He doesn't care now that there is something boiling beneath them, magma slowly creeping up to them.  His home is rotting, its burning up.

And he's letting it.

Because home was never something he could protect, hold onto.

After all, his home before this burned down didn't it?  It was bloodied up by people that didn't care who the people slaughtered there meant to him.  His last memory of "home" being decorated by the heads of those he loved.  Those "monsters" desecrated his home, his safety.

And he's fucking letting it happen again, its happening again

HE IS DOING IT HIMSELF AND I FUCKING AM GOING TO LOSE IT-

He kills and he kills, and at the end of it all, nothing has changed.  He is still that boy that lost his home, still that monster that destroyed so many lives, still that person that has nothing but broken ideals that he will die with.  He will break those bonds that the protector had made, will tear down this safe haven he built with his own hands.

There will be no home for him after this.

--------------------

But the thing is that isn't true, it isn't true.  He can save it he can save it because those people are his home, and perhaps there is no sanctuary anymore, perhaps the clearing is doomed.

And perhaps he is a killer, a criminal, a tool, a monster, a traitor.  Perhaps he does not deserve to be forgiven, and he is "irredeemable."  Maybe even if he did, he would not deserve a place with them after, they wouldn't accept him back.

But he cared about it once, cared about them.  And are they not breathing, still alive, still walking, speaking and existing as they had when he loved them wholly.  It once meant something to him, didn't it? 

It isn't destroyed yet

There is still something left.

He could save them, he can save his "home."

He doesn't though.

==================================

[nu11andvo1d]

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME YOU TOOK MY DEPRESSION POST AND MADE IT 200% SADDER. YOUR MIND!

[valtsv]

big fan of platonic expressions of devotion actually. yeah we're best friends of course i'd find you and hang out with you in every universe.

[rainleaffe]

@hazilnut

[nu11andvo1d]

So that new outsiders lore ep, huh?

[nu11andvo1d]

Just remember Silverwing existed. What a wild fucking series!

[nu11andvo1d]

If I could only play as the male protagonist a la rune factory 1-3, there’s no way I’d consider Lucy. She has first girl syndrome vibes which was why I wasn’t a fan of Mist or Mana, but it hits So Differently with the female protagonist. They put something in the water that makes queer ‘first ___’ relationships infinitely better than their straight counterparts.

[ohimiisokiguess-deactivated2022]

"i will never stop coming after you"

I just wanna point out that c!owen said this in both scenes and I want you to cry knowing this fact

:)

[saphflare]

Fair’s fair! I saw your devastating meta and raised you one in return. Have a peace cheesecake :)

Raspberry cheesecake ;-;

But yes indeed I saw your analysis and was (still am) in shambles over it, bawling in tags.

[nu11andvo1d]

Hello this is Saph, I apologize for any potential emotional distress I may have caused in the last few days. Anyways how have you been doing, would you like some pie of the fruit variety?

🥧

(Sorry, but also not sorry)

Why would you DO this to me :((

[nu11andvo1d]

No, but with the YouTube premier of the reunion I’ve been thinking about how Owen told Apo “The man you manipulated and lied to is nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive.” and just how blatantly untrue that is. I mean even in that episode alone we have Owen wishing that he’d saved Squidney—even though he knows it was only her death that let him live—that it had been him instead of her. He berates himself for not wanting to hold Mowhee back because he was scared of dying. Asks what kind of friend he is for not wanting to sacrifice himself. Those aren’t the words of someone who’s only driven by survival. Trying to find Apo is also antithetical to survival, both in the sense that Owen is risking himself in the maze and in the sense that the person he misses and feels guilty over committed the act that arguably risked everyone’s survival the most. To care for Apo is to care about a risk. But even when Owen was most mad at Apo it wasn’t about the people who had died or how close he himself had coming to dying—ie. about survival—it was about his friend betraying him.

The Owen who lost his memories was fundamentally Owen at his core, and Owen at his core was driven by wanting to protect people. Just looking at the order in which his memories came back can tell you that. First his childhood, then his training. Only at the very, very end did he remember his “purpose”, for all he claims he was happier when he was adored and useful. Either Owen subconsciously didn’t want to remember that per of himself, or it wasn’t the dominant part of himself like he thinks. That’s not to say that there wasn’t some part of Owen that wanted purpose and recognition again, for all he talked about servitude during the elections. I think he was genuinely mad about being ignored regarding the maze for reasons that went beyond people risking their lives. He wanted to be appreciated. He wanted to be seen and helped when he was hurting. I mean the guy was distraught when he realized he almost died because no one wanted to check on him. But wanting people you care about to care about and respect you is part of being human. That’s part of living.

I think, fundamentally, that Owen post-remembering doesn’t care about living. When he separates himself from the version of him that protected, that survived, he’s separating himself from the version that cared about life. Owen clearly didn’t care about his own life when he killed the district 8 demon. I’d argue he didn’t care about his life as far back as when he enlisted in the army. By that point he was only driven by rage, and that rage was cultivated until it was his only purpose and driving force. Look at the weapons Owen favors in flashbacks: primarily swords and melee weapons. Those are the weapons of someone who wants to see their enemies’ dying breath. Of someone who wants to be up close with the pain, both their enemies and their own. But the bow, the weapon amnesiac Owen favored, was associated with his childhood and dream of being a protector. That’s the weapon of someone who wants to go home to their family at the end of the day.

And that’s the most tragic part of it to me. Owen is so convinced that his true purpose and nature are of pain and hatred that he completely disowns the core of him that cares. He won’t let himself go home to his family.

[yb-cringe]

something something c!owen spending so long trying to prove to himself and to others that hes not dangerous. he’s trying to help and he cares. he doesnt want to hurt anyone. he hates that he resorts to violence. it was a big part of his revival bit, that he almost died bc everyone was terrified to check on him. and he was so so determined to prove he could be more than a solider and in the end; he was nothing but.

[saphflare]

You know I love antagonistic c!Owen, I love the fact he has just straight up reverted back to this unforgivable callous person that will not stop until he has enacted what he believes to be right.

But at the same time, I am looking, I am looking at those scattered pieces we have of a hurt boy that had been shaped and forced to be a "monster." Someone that was a war hero (and is a war criminal, but there is little difference I suppose) that was so easily thrown away and disregarded despite how much he had been forced to given up to be their "golden child" on propaganda posters, the humans' weapon of war. And part of me dreads, seeing the recent stream.

Seeing how easily he disposed of the protector he made himself as that was "Maze" Owen, and how easily he cast aside his friendship with Apo and murdered his friend in cold blood. Part of me dreads, knowing that all evidence points to him being someone that will perhaps never change from the man sent into the maze. That perhaps its too late to change his mind. That he will stay in that cage built on lies and hate, one that is sinking and consuming him. And he will stay, despite the fact that the door is open and there are hands reaching in to pull him out. They want him to join them.

But will he really leave, does he want to?

And I suppose that is what I'm afraid of. That he will die in there to feed into that hateful cycle, not accepting a way out. That he will stay and drown as a victim of the thing that made him a monster. That he will never realize what he could have beyond it.

I want him to recover, find redemption to himself maybe perhaps, if possible. But maybe he doesn't want to, and he doesn't see the tragedy of drowning in there.

[saphflare]

If c!Owen continues as he is, he will die for the agendas for all those that manipulated him. He will die in the machinations of all those that have forced him to become something no one should ever have been.

HE WILL DIE AS A TOOL.

He was raised to be a soldier, to protect and defend his home. But really all he was being turned into a weapon of war, no matter how beautiful intents are.

And when he lost his home, saw it razed to the ground, he was drowning in hate and despair. And they saw that, they saw that and pushed him under further into that darkness. They refined him, made him a killing machine of destruction and death. They gilded him in gold and banners and used him as a cherished face for propaganda. Because he was a symbol of everything they needed to keep their war going.

They kept him in that chamber that echoed his hurt and that hate, they forgot about him and let him rot in it. Because he was just a tool.

But they finally grew tired, realizing their own mistakes, they forgot about what they have done and pulled him into a room expecting him to behave and simply follow along. They pulled him in front of those he was trained to kill and they didn't think he would kill them

But he did because that is what they made him to be

And it didn't matter how loyal of a military dog he was because he did something unfixable, and THEY messed up. So they chained him up and offered him as a appeasement gift and he was locked away, a volatile tool without a place in a time of peace. They stripped his memories and dignity from him, they left him with nothing. He was left without nothing and they called it justice and right.

AND ITS HAPPENING AGAIN ITS HAPPENING AGAIN.

Just when he had his peace, just when he could have been reunited with his friend and live finally for himself, THEY BROUGHT THE MONSTER BACK TO USE HIM AGAIN. Because he is fun, he is a little player in their death game, a source of entertainment. Like the greivers, he is a monster that now stalks the Maze.

And the clearing is a hunting ground.

He is being used he is being used he is being used and he is going to die because he can't realize that the ideals fed to him are LIES. And he's going to die as a tool and c!Owen is a fucking tragedy.

Because he is going to die locked away in that prison that they put him in, until the end. He will die as a tool used and discarded by others. And the only people that ever loved him as a person will only see him as a monster and he will die unforgiven. They will try to move on reasoning that he was someone that could not be saved, that he was irredeemable.

And he is a tragedy that will be forgotten in a box.

[sapplejack]

The fact that Braalians are considered legal adults by 14 can imply much darker things today. Cosmic Boy was literally a grown-up leading a team of children at the Legion’s foundation and God knows the kind of stuff that might have gone down between him and some seedy people behind the scene….

I wonder if they’ll keep that part in for the new series that’s being developed. I feel like most people have forgotten this little detail of Rokk’s home planet.

[nu11andvo1d]

That actually makes me really sad. Consider instead that Braalians don’t actually mature earlier than other species (keeping with mon-el planet seeder lore, depending on whether these two facts are in the same reboot bc I honestly can’t remember, there’s no reason they’d mature faster biologically) and it’s purely a planetary cultural thing to have 14 year olds be legal adults. Imagine then moving to another planet where the legal systems aren’t set up to accommodate for 14 year old adults (Braal would surely have to have a revolutionary different set up of rights/protections for their system to work without their planet falling apart, maybe with the 14 year mark being a form of provisional adulthood), where you’re now (for interplanetary legal reasons it’s probably easiest to recognize adults based on how their planets define them) legally recognized as an adult but in the capacity of what adulthood means in that society not your home society. Rokk is already often slid into the “responsible management” role of the legion, and this provides the legal reasoning for him needing to stay in that role. He’s legally responsible as the only adult in the early legion. I will now be obsessing over this potential construing of lore for several days.

[evilhorse]

He changed the course of my entire life!