FEW STEPS WHEN INTENDING TO ADVISE ONE'S BROTHER
It is important to know the correct method to advise one's Muslim brother. The following are the steps that should be followed when intending to advise someone:
Sincere intention: The purpose of advising should be for the sake of Allāh alone because giving advice to others when they ask for it is one of the commandments of Allāh as reported in the hadīth.¹
Also, occasionally giving advice is required even if none asked for it such as when you see a person committing a wrongdoing and your intention in such case is not to defame or belittle him, rather it is to save your Muslim brother from falling into sins.
The advice should be given with kindness and good manners and in secret for "he who covers the faults of a Muslim, Allāh shall cover his faults in this life and hereafter."² That said, one should follow the example of the Prophet (ﷺ) when giving advice to others, for Allāh, Exalted is He, said describing His Prophet (ﷺ);
فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلْقَلْبِ لَٱنفَضُّوا۟ مِنْ حَوْلِكَ
"So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad (ﷺ)], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you."³
لَقَدْ جَآءَكُمْ رَسُولٌ مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ عَزِيزٌ عَلَيْهِ مَا عَنِتُّمْ حَرِيصٌ عَلَيْكُم بِٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ رَءُوفٌ رَّحِيمٌ (١٢٨)
"There has certainly come to you a Messenger from among yourselves. Grievous to him is what you suffer; [he is] concerned over you and to the believers is kind and merciful."⁴
وَإِنَّكَ لَعَلَىٰ خُلُقٍ عَظِيمٍ (٤)
"And indeed, you are of a great moral character."⁵
However, when the advised is a person whose sin or innovation are advocated in public, the advice should be given in public and people should be warned about him lest they fall for him.
It was reported that a man advised the Caliph al-Ma'mūn in a harsh abusive way. The Caliph said to the man, 'Allāh has sent someone better than you to advise someone who is more evil than me, Allāh said to Moses and Harun,
فَقُولَا لَهُۥ قَوْلًا لَّيِّنًا لَّعَلَّهُۥ يَتَذَكَّرُ أَوْ يَخْشَىٰ (٤٤)
"And speak to him (Pharaoh) with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah]."⁶
It is also important to differentiate between someone whose intention it is to advise (nasīhah) and someone whose intention it is to shame (fadīlah). And no one confuses one of these with the other, except someone who does not possess sound intellect.
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²) Bukhārī #2442 and Muslim #2580.
³) Surah Al-'Imrān (3): 159
Book: Difference Between Advising and Shaming
By al-Hāfiz Ibn Rajab al-Hanbalī
Accompanied with commentary of Dr. Sālih ibn Sa'd al-Suhaymī
Translated and Published by
Authentic and trustworthy books, written by the noble scholars of Ahlus Sunnah. Everything posted in here is with permission; the publishe
