hey, hya!

random stories from a lost boy and some other shit

[nursesiceestic]

sometimes i wonder what it would feel like to break down and cry but with someone's arms keeping you all together. for now, i guess my pillow with have to carry the burden.

[nursesiceestic]

if you want to live, sometimes you have to kill yourself trying..

[nursesiceestic]

this injustice with Awra had me so fucking mad that i had to leave the room to breathe because I would've strangled anyone within reach

[nursesiceestic]

sometimes we make stupid but happy decisions, and that's okay

[nursesiceestic]

📍Bath, UK

#UKRN #LondonLife

[nursesiceestic]

people often talk about how it's lucky and a priviledge to be working abroad and earning so much but no one really says anything about how hard it can be to struggle and be unhappy and alone and make it seem easy

[nursesiceestic]

why am i crying a lot often now?

[nursesiceestic]

i was happier back home. i was struggling to live up to my family's expectations, and i was constantly pushing myself to give back to my family, but now that i have those means i realized that being away from the people i was trying so hard to give back to actually cost me my happiness. right now, i don't even see the point in what i'm doing.

[nursesiceestic]

what ever happened to my old Tumblr flings?

[nursesiceestic]

people always talk about how hard change is. like how hard it is to memorize a new phone number, or how demanding it is to shift to a new diet, but no one actually talks about how hard changing country codes is.

moving out of my comfort zone, literally, has been one of the most mentally and emotionally stressful things i have probably done in my life. revisiting the times i had to pack triggers me to some extent. having to deal with deciding what to bring and what to leave behind was something i never really got over. it haunts me to this day..

[nursesiceestic]

"you will always have a place to come home to"

- it was a few days before i left for london. my grandmother pulled me aside one day and told me this. she knew i was scared. she knew i was unsure, but she knew i needed to do this for myself. it was the hardest i have ever cried before leaving. and now, i'm doing it again..

[nursesiceestic]

i cried today. for the first time since leaving home, i truly felt alone..

[nursesiceestic]

something i wish i learned earlier in life is how powerful solitude can be..

i believe that company is important, and man is definitely not intended to be an island. we thrive on attention and affection, and connections today are as important as money, but people are exhausting and dealing with them everyday can push you to a breaking point. being by yourself can actually teach you to be independent and self-sufficient. it can give you that sense of power, thinking that you don’t really need a person’s attention to function.

[nursesiceestic]

at this point, i just feel like i need someone to tell me what to do with my life because, honestly, i am lost..

[nursesiceestic]

life should come with an operating manual

[nursesiceestic]

i feel like typing on an actual keyboard helps get my inner thoughts out better as opposed to typing on a phone screen.

this feels like tumblr in 2010. also, got a new laptop..

[nursesiceestic]

what the fuck am i supposed to be doing at this age? someone tell me because i don't have a fucking clue..