G O L D .

we held the universe in our mouths & stardust dripped bloody from our lips. we loved like monsters, splitting our bones wide open, setting our broken bodies on fire, licking poison from our wrists. we were wild & we were wide-eyed & we were forgotten.

[micbailey]

“On the contrary, I’m the best tutor you’ll ever have. I doubt anyone else knows as much as I do. I’m just not a people person. If you, I don’t know, tried a little harder, we wouldn’t have a problem.” He turned his attention to the piles of parchment on the table in front of him, a small smile on his lips. You’d never know by his matter, or his reaction, but Nikolai was one of the few people could stand to be around for longer than five minutes, of course he’ll never admit that. And helping him still wasn’t on the top of his list, but it certainly wasn’t as bad as he made it sound.

MakSim carefully picked up his book. It was old and covered in fading leather, it’s spine was long broken and the pages sat in an uneven pattern sandwiched between it’s hard cover. He let his fingers trail over the battered black leather as he rose to his feet, and moved around to sit next to Nic. “It’s been a long day… And I hope you can read Russian and not just speak it, because we’re both fucked if you can’t. I don’t write my notes in English.” He mumbled, thumbing through the aging and frayed tome. “Unforgivable Curses or Cursed items? I’ll give you the honour of choosing.”

[nvkolai-blog]

‘ hmm, i’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that the dark arts professor knows more than you do. i could always seek their guidance. --tried harder ? i am trying. you’re just a SHITTY teacher. maybe if you could actually teach me something instead of just sitting there and telling me to just do things, like i’m supposed to KNOW what to do already. ’ nikolai huffed out of frustration, crossing his arms over his chest. 

he shifted in his seat when maks moved to sit next to him, moving over to make room for him. he scoffed at him, nodding his head. ‘ i can speak it, i can read it, i can write it. don’t worry, i’m not THAT incompetent. ’ he peered over at the withering book, tapping his fingers across the table a little impatiently. he just wanted to actually LEARN something for once. he thought for a moment over the choices he was given, leaning more toward cursed items, but his impulses quickly got the best of him, driving him to choose-- ‘ unforgivable curses. ’

[impmiyuki-blog]

“ did you know you walk past a murderer thirty-six times in your life? muggle magazines are so interesting, twelve ways to improve your sex life…”

[nvkolai-blog]

‘ ONLY thirty-six ? i don’t know, that number seems a bit low. i guess not for muggles, maybe. i imagine there’s more murderers in the wizarding world. a lot more room for evil, you know ? i’d say, for us, thirty-six times a month ? a week ? --wow, really ? sex tips ? hmm, i bet i could teach you a lot more about THAT than a stupid magazine... ’

[pcachfvzz]

                 ❝ you didn’t happen to see a b l u d g e r, brown, about this –– ❞ tora formed the outline of a bludger with her arms, ❝ –– big, flying around the halls to find someone’s skull to crash, d i d you? ❞

[nvkolai-blog]

‘ actually, tora, i did. do you know how i came across it ? you wanna take a wild g u e s s ? ’ he asked, practically fuming. ‘ i found it after it ran into my brother’s arm & BROKE it. you’re lucky he can’t actually feel pain or else i’d kick you off the team. ‘cause i can do that. i should kick you off just for losing a damn bludger. how could you let something so dangerous slip through your fingers ? i mean, i guess i shouldn’t be too surprised. it’s YOU, after all. you’re pretty good at letting things slip through your fingers. ’

[halvedgods]

she couldn’t help herself. the second she heard his words, she started laughing. “it’s not cheating if you’re born with it,” mel teased, her fingers gently brushing through his hair. as he lifted her up, her legs wrapped around his middle as he sat back down. the grin on his face was one that she loved – it was so genuine and he was the only person that had ever smiled at her like that. sometimes, if she were being truthful, that was why she would kick up the charm around him, just for that smile. in fairness, she was the most beautiful person that he’d ever met. at least, that’s what mel thought and she’d hold that belief for far longer than what is probably healthy. “anything, huh?”

[nvkolai-blog]

he took a moment to think about it, looking at her thoughtfully. ‘ hmm, but it is cheating if you use what you’re born with deliberately to get what you want. so ha, ’ he said, a smug look on his face. ‘ i win. ’ he hummed quietly, his fingers wandering upwards, over her hips & then up her back. he didn’t take his eyes off of hers for even a second, all of his attention focused on her and only her. his face inched closer to hers, lips lightly grazing over hers as he traced his fingers back down her back slowly. he nodded his head ever so slightly in response to her question, careful not to move too much; he took pleasure in their proximity.

[romvns]

roman stood as still as a marble statuette, his fingers fidgeting with one another and interlocking before him with onyx eyes trained on his twin. he was as cold, unfeeling, and as guilt-free as one, too. when nikolai came closer, spoke softer, looked so passionately — roman could only stare back, blankly. nikolai felt so much and cared even more. he remained quiet, but only because he was unsure of how to answer that final question; how to admit he didn’t know if he would or wouldn’t ? how to admit that he did not truly care, either way ?  ‘  i … don’t remember.  ’  roman admittedly was not lying, he truly could not recall the time when he’d felt strong PROTECTIVE instincts towards his baby brother.  ‘  … i am sorry, for being ‘damaged’, niks.  ’

[nvkolai-blog]

nikolai kept his eyes on his twin’s, searching them for even a HINT of emotion. he’d always done it, despite coming up empty every time, without fail. as much as he wanted roman to feel things, he knew that he couldn’t. his guilt ridden stare bore into his, and he just wanted to tell roman that it was okay. ‘ roman, ’ he said quietly, reaching for him, his fingers curling around the back of his neck & pulling him closer until their foreheads touched. ‘ it’s okay. it’s not your fault. it’s okay not to care, not to feel -- it’s okay, ’ his voice BROKE, like it always did when they talked about this. ‘ you know why ? because i can care enough for the both of us, ro. it’s okay, i’ve got this ... i’ve got you. ’

[halvedgods]

mel watched him with amusement as he started to lean in. part of her thought it was her natural charm, but she realized a minute into it that it was a little too natural. teasingly, she purred at him, “oh but darling when do i ever play fair?” mel’s hand gently reached up to cup his face as she pressed her lips to his other cheek. she moved her book from her lap, leaning towards him as her arm gently rested wrapping around his shoulders. “tell me something, would you?” mel asked as her fingers gently drew little patterns onto his upper arm. 

[nvkolai-blog]

nikolai, unable to help himself, leaned into her touch. he shook his head slightly, attempting to break free from the spell she was putting him under. ‘ hmm, i guess you’re right. cheating’s the only way you can win, isn’t it ? ’ he smirked, thankful that he at least had control over his mouth. his hands rested on either side of her, but he was growing tired of leaning over her. he quickly tucked his hands under her legs & lifted her from her seat, wrapping them around him a little. he then lowered himself onto the seat, with her in his lap, his hands resting upon her legs. he tilted his head at her, an amused grin spread across his face. he spoke in a soft voice, looking at her like she was the most beautiful person he’d ever met. ‘ i’ll tell you anything you want to know. ’

[romvns]

‘  DEATH is not the end —  ’  roman began to insist, but then went quiet. clearly, his brother was growing upset, agitated & frustrated. (  it was because of him. ) clouded memories attempted to resurface, but they weren’t put together enough for roman to argue and he only shook his head — because nikolai didn’t know the whole truth, he never had. he’d always refused to see past what was on the surface and acted without reservation when he —  ‘  killed them,  ’  roman stated, a little loudly.  ‘  only tried to help, to make us better. better, not worse, i’m … BETTER, aren’t i better ? — you KILLED them.  ’

[nvkolai-blog]

nikolai waved his hand dismissively when roman began on what was probably about to be some long spiel about how death was a GIFT; he really didn’t want to hear it for the thousandth time. the hair on the back of his neck stood up when roman voiced what he’d done aloud -- a little TOO loudly -- and he hissed at him, ‘ would you keep your voice down ? do you want someone to hear ? ’ he shook his head furiously, looking at roman with  sadness in his eyes. he stepped closer to his brother, only so that he could speak softly. ‘ no, roman. you’re not better. you’re -- you’re damaged. just because they had the intentions to make you better doesn’t mean that it actually worked. i KILLED them to protect you. if i hadn’t, they probably would have done the same thing to me. would you have wanted that ? for them to HURT me ? ’

[romvns]

‘  they miss you … they trusted you …  ’  roman spoke as if he had conversed with their parents just yesterday, eyebrows raising pointedly. he then tilted his head and a shadow of darkness crossed his features.  ‘  they were protecting you … who will do so NOW ?  ’

[nvkolai-blog]

‘ they don’t miss me, roman. they’re dead. --yeah, well, i trusted them too. up until they fucked you up. ’ nikolai snapped, a deep seated hatred rising up within him. despite being responsible for their death, he still didn’t feel at peace. he’d always felt a little guilty for what happened to roman, feeling as if he should have done something sooner -- maybe then roman would be normal. he ran a hand back through his hair, shaking his head at roman. his brows knitted together in confusion as his brother spoke. ‘ they weren’t -- roman, i can assure you, they weren’t protecting anybody. the only one that did any protecting was ME. our parents didn’t care about you or me ; they were selfish, roman. all they cared about was themselves, and their stupid, fucked up research. they tortured you until you LITERALLY couldn’t feel pain anymore, roman ! who does that ? who does to their own child ?! ’

[micbailey]

MakSim’s dark eyes narrowed into slits as he watched Nic snap his fingers at him, as if he were a common house elf. Sure the boy had a point, MakSim had agreed to tutor him, but that was before he realised how mind numbly boring it was to constantly have to repeat himself and slow his pace for others. With a grunt he swatted the air. “I was acting. I was acting like I didn’t want to die a slow and painful death, what more do you want from me?” he barked.

“And I could think of a few things I’d rather be doing. For example, spending the next twelve hours under the Cruciatus curse…” He sighed, sitting up in his chair. “Just hand me my book… and Nikolai? Snap your fingers at me like that again, and I’ll remove them one by one.”

[nvkolai-blog]

by the look in maksim’s eyes, nikolai was glad that he had retracted his hand when he did. he knew it was a risk when he’d done it in the first place, but he had to do something to get his attention, considering nothing else would work. he rolled his eyes, scoffing incredulously. ‘ you’re probably the worst tutor i’ve ever had, did you know that ? remind me to have someone else teach me about the dark arts, since you’re CLEARLY not up for the job. ’ he teased.

his jaw tightened at the mention of the cruciatus curse -- it was just one of the reasons that his twin was so screwed up. he quickly relaxed, knowing that maks only meant it jokingly. he pushed the book across the table to him, a small smirk forming on his lips as maks threatened him. ‘ ooh, someone’s a little feisty today. down, boy. ’

[romvns]

it took roman a moment, but at the mention of their parents, he remembered.  ‘  брат,  ’  he mused, the clouded confusion sweeping from his face ever so slightly.  ‘  but you did not protect THEM.  ’

[nvkolai-blog]

he sighed in relief as his brother finally remembered him, nodding his head when he spoke in their native tongue. his jaw tightened, an icy chill running down his spine despite how WARM the memory of their parents’ fate was. ‘ no, i did not. they didn’t deserve protection, roman. not after what they did to you. ’ 

[romvns]

‘  no, no…  ’  it didn’t sound right — none of that sounded RIGHT at all. he had his voice, his eyes and face. he was not real.  ‘  you reflect me. you ARE me.  ’

[nvkolai-blog]

‘ NO. ’ nikolai hissed a little harshly, becoming frustrated with his brother. ‘ i am not you, you are not me. i don’t reflect anybody but MYSELF. you are roman, i am nikolai. i’m your brother, not your reflection. i’m REAL. we grew up together, remember ? i’ve always been here. i’m the one that protected you from our parents, don’t you remember ? ’

[romvns]

@nvkolai

‘  you are REAL, yes ?  ’

[nvkolai-blog]

‘ yes, roman, of course i am. what kind of question-- ’ nikolai’s brows furrow with worry, and he realizes that roman might have forgotten him... again. ‘ it’s ME. nikolai ; your twin brother ? ’

[micbailey]

MakSim kept uninterested eye’s fixated on the person across from him, his thoughts solely focused on the song stuck in his head, rather than the words coming out of their mouth.  When he noticed the other was no longer speaking, he rolled his eyes with a guilty smirk.

“Blyat. I’ll be honest with you, haven’t listened to a single word you’ve been saying, but by all means, continue. It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

[nvkolai-blog]

‘ hey, ’ he said, bringing his fingers up in front of maks’ face and snapping them a couple of times. ‘ you know, you could at least ACT like you’re interested in what i’ve got to say. you’re supposed to be teaching me something here, remember ? how am i supposed to learn anything if you won’t take the time to answer my questions, hmm ? ’ he asked, taking his hand back before maksim had a chance to break it. 

‘ what’s better than hanging out with me, maks ? come on, admit it, you like spending time with me -- it’ll only wound your pride a little bit. ’ 

[halvedgods]

looking up at nikolai, mel resisted the smile that twitched against her lips for just a moment. “yours is a different brand of doom and gloom, methinks.” melione teased. “besides, there’ve been some pretty fun conversations ro and i have had.” mel ran her fingers through her hair, as he teased her, her smile spreading a little wider. “since when don’t i possess a sunshiny disposition, niki?” she bat her lashes up at him, not really considering the veela part of her as she did so. 

[nvkolai-blog]

‘ hmm, you’re right, ’ he concluded, nodding in agreement. ‘ mine is far lesser than roman’s. ’ an amused grin spread across his lips before they parted to laugh. ‘ you and i have a very different definition of fun, methinks. ’ he said, in a slightly mocking tone of voice. he scoffed at the question she raised, but upon looking down at her, his disdain seemed to evaporate. he suddenly felt very drawn to her, which had him leaning in closer, and he found himself digging his nails into his own hands to control himself. ‘ this isn’t fair, ’ he shook his head, unable to take his eyes off of her. ‘ this -- what you’re doing -- is cheating. ’

[mercpe-deactivated20180304]

her head cluttered with the words he was throwing at her, filtering through her brain to generate whatever next insult would wish him away. her final decision came down to the affinity that was rolling her eyes. “ yet, you did. tell me, vasiliev, is your next great quidditch strategy elbowing all your competition away ?  ” a smirk transpired onto her lips, blossoming with valor. “ of course, it’s a right shame even that ploy won’t lead you to victory. ”

[nvkolai-blog]

‘ you know what, ’  he huffed, his lips tightening into a thin line before puffing his chest up in defense. ‘ just for that, i’m taking back my apology ; you don’t deserve it. ’ he stated firmly, as if that would mean anything to her. ‘ that’s not a strategy, that’s called playing dirty. MY team doesn’t need to depend on cruel or unfair tactics to win. we can win on pure talent alone. you’ll see, when your team gets their asses handed to them out on the field. ’

[rensclc]

❛ sciocco. ❜ pasqualino mused at the osse and chortled. ❛ i wouldn’t get ahead of yourself, dear nikolai. the only way to know for sure is in the pitch, no? ❜

[nvkolai-blog]

nikolai scoffed at the other, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘ there will be PLENTY of proof at the next game, don’t worry. you might want to start preparing yourselves for crippling defeat, you know ? maybe organize a little support group ? ’

[halvedgods]

“oh definitely,” melione drawled sarcastically as she inspected her cuticles – at least they were interesting. “i’m a regular ray of sunshine.” looking at the other she smiled tightly, “but, i’m off duty. if you can’t tell, your whole “doom and gloom” thing is putting a damper on my sunshiny disposition.” after a moment, she raised a brow at the person in front of her. “well? i can’t do anything for you. turn around and mosey on away now, please.”

[nvkolai-blog]

‘ hmm, interesting. ’ nikolai pursed his lips and tilted his head at the girl, leaning casually against the wall near the doorway. a scoff left his lips as she uttered the words ‘doom and gloom’, finally crossing the threshold and stepping closer. ‘ if you can’t handle MY doom and gloom, how on earth are you BEST friends with my brother ? he’s the living, breathing definition of doom & gloom. and since when have you EVER possessed a ‘sunshiny’ disposition ? ’ he teased, holding his ground despite her request for him to leave.