obscurelliott

[obscurelliott]

So I feel I owe you guys an explanation...

I know I dropped off the face of the earth, probably over a year ago now, and since this blog has a lot of followers and the Elliott Smith fan community in general is pretty tight-knit I thought I’d explain (if anyone even cares anymore).

I, like most of us, listened to Elliott because I was hurting too and felt at home with him. Something pretty terrible happened to me when I was a child (I’m not comfortable elaborating, sorry) and it led me to essentially go through mental hell for 3 and a half years. I was suicidal, I drank way too much, I self harmed, and I listened to Elliott Smith. I felt like he understood. I felt like he was there and he saw me when no one else in the world knew I was falling apart. The good news is I’m still here. Once I started feeling better I stopped listening to Elliott (super abruptly, I still haven’t listened to the Either/Or vinyl I got like two years ago...). I just couldn’t take it. His music brought me back to a time I’d do anything to never relive, so I ran from it. Well lately I’ve been coming back for nostalgia and to better understand my mindset at the time. Listening to his songs has given me an entirely new perspective on how those years were for me. 

I think I’ll leave this blog as-is (although there have been a lot of cool and rare Elliott related goings-on lately, I’m a little salty about it). It would almost be dishonest to continue, because my relationship with Elliott’s music is so different than it was back then. I hope you guys understand (I’m sure you will, you were always the kindest people).

But finally, before I go, I’d like to say something to people who might be where I was a few years ago.

I know how you feel. I know that you’re falling apart. I know that Elliott is the only one who understands. It’s okay to be falling apart, it’s okay to be drinking too much, it’s okay to be doing whatever you’re doing to buy yourself time. I know how hard it is to go through every day thinking of nothing but how you’re going to make it to the next. I know what it’s like to have people tell you “it’ll get better, just wait a few years” when you don’t even want to live to see tomorrow afternoon. The thing is, I promise you this is the worst things will ever be. Elliott would have gotten better had he chosen to stay. Elliott would want more than anything for you to stay. He would want his music to be an escape that keeps you around long enough to not need an escape anymore. I promise you’ll be fine. Maybe not tomorrow, if I’m being honest maybe not even next year, but one of these days you’ll be sitting somewhere beautiful, with someone you love, and you’ll almost start to cry because you’re so happy and it scares you so much that you almost threw it away. I love you. Elliott loves you. Chin up kiddo (bottoms up on some nights), you’ll be okay.

Goodbye everyone. I love you all.

XO

Julia

[obscurelliott]

A young Elliott Smith jamming to “Carry on Wayward Son” in Steve Pickering’s basement in Texas

[soflawedandrunkandperfectstill]

"Part of what I like about Figure 8, well, to the extent that I can like my own music, is that I like it better when it’s hard to name it, you know, or to really describe it. I think it’s more varied than the last record, there’s more different kinds of songs and the range of emotions on it are greater. Or maybe that’s just what I prefer to believe. The only thing I know is that it feels different than the other ones, and that’s all I really require. Sometimes I know what I was thinking when I wrote the songs, and sometimes I only have theories about what I was thinking, that change from time to time. And even if I knew what I was thinking, I wouldn’t necessarily want to talk about it. “ Elliott Smith

[obscurelliott]

Happy Thanksgiving from Elliott Smith and Tom

[soflawedandrunkandperfectstill]

"In my opinion, Elliott Smith left us a legacy of too many talentless people making music with no backbone. My favorite song? He wrote so many… But i can’t listen to his records anymore." Sam Coomes

[obscurelliott]

[soflawedandrunkandperfectstill]

"A lot of the songs on XO had to do with being really amazed at how quickly people will totally invade your space just because you’re not like them and you don’t deal with things just like they do. They think that you drink too much, or they think that you’re too… they just don’t like how you live or something. It kind of blows my mind, the nerve people have to go parading around as if they know what somebody else ought to do with themselves. To the point where they’ll confront you and tell you what you ought to do!” Elliott Smith

[ggytrrrrrfjkjgddvnjgf-deactivat]

This is the first time I’ve ever seen this little stage banter. I love it

[bohemiandream85-deactivated2015]

Elliott Smith ♥

[soflawedandrunkandperfectstill]

"Some people are afraid that if they don’t seem like some sort of perpetual winner all the time, if they don’t make a lot of money and wear expensive cologne and go to all the right places, that then people are going to think that they’re some sort of loser. But just because people have a range of emotions and thoughts which can coexist at the same time and at times sometimes they get ecstatically happy about something and at others times ridiculously depressed, doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with them when they’re sad and that they are only successful, good Americans when they’re happy, when everything’s going right for them. The media is always telling people to look better and go shopping more and present an image of prosperity and you can only do that so much before you’re presenting that even to yourself all the time. So if you do go see a movie and the ending isn’t happy, it may be a great movie, but you end up feeling inordinately depressed because you’ve been blocking out your own feelings. There must be some reason why I always get these questions, which to me seem like totally surface things about my music. There’s a lot in my music that I find happy and optimistic, in both the melody and the lyrics." Elliott Smith

[justafondfarewell]

Sometimes all you really need to do is have a long cry and listen to Elliott Smith and remember why he is your favourite artist of all time and remember that he is dead and cry some more

[obscurelliott]

"Elliott Smith was the lesser known, more drugged out, more talented Kurt Cobain" what do you think? I always thought his life sounded like Kurt Cobain's

Yeah I can kinda see that, only really all the similarities are sad ones so that sucks. I've always wondered what Elliott though/felt when Kurt died

[obscurelliott]

[obscurelliott]

Well Elliott, we've made it through another year without you.

I think I'm doing ok, even though sometimes it gets really hard. I hope that, if you're anywhere, you're doing ok there too. Thanks for sticking around for as long as you did. Thanks for the music, Just thanks for being there, thanks for everything.

I can't believe you're gone.

I miss you, I love you, I hope you're safe, I hope you're happy

ps - I don't know what a sad sack is either, but you're definitely not one

xo

[obscurelliott]

[obscurelliott]

I'm not emotionally prepared for the anniversary of Elliott Smith's death

[obscurelliott]

Ocean by Elliott Smith, age 14

Aired on Portland Radio Project