hi, i'm an indecisive college student who really thinks this one might be the right major for them, and welcome to starters from episodes 1-60 of the web series UNHhhh by trixie mattel and katya zamolodchikova! because they're my prompts, and not yours.
“that hate crime is not my problem.”
“if you’re a terrible person, try and fix that right away.”
“lying to people is fundamental.”
“you’re consistent. consistently a liar.”
“you know, some people think that we’re/i’m desperate for attention but i don’t know where they get that from.”
“in order to win big you’ve gotta lose big, and what are we doing now? we’re losing big.”
“nobody says you can’t do a little bit of drugs.”
“what do you like about me?”
“why don’t you eat a cheez-it and shut the fuck up?”
“i wouldn’t even be cremated in those.”
“if i fucking tweet a snake emoji at taylor swift, twitter better not delete it.”
“it’s weird to not believe in god but also be so scared of him.”
“i don’t believe anything.”
“i haven’t had emotions since the accident.”
“now i know that people are absolute garbage in every country, in every state, everywhere.”
“a lot of people have nothing interesting to say, so they should shut up.”
“all my jokes are cries for help.”
“i’m getting older, my body is changing, and that’s not something i’m gonna apologize for.”
“i make loneliness work for me.”
“maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s clinical depression.”
“what do you think the key to self esteem is? doing great things? being a good person? no, it’s scattering bones.”
“it is so far fetched to believe that you are so special that you’re going to get butchered by a serial killer. the odds are just not in your favor.”
“do you wanna fight? let’s fight.”
“i’m not an electrician, nor do i claim to be, but i am alone.”
“i’ve finally lost contact with reality.”
“sorry, i wasn’t paying attention.”
“i’m thankful for two things: violence and hair care.”
“i’m just looking for a guy/girl who’s emotionally available and not filled with bees.”
“you know what i dream about now? nothing!”
“sometimes we are so in tune that i feel jealous of other people for not being us.”
“you’re not gonna outlive me.”
“i just feel the way that i feel and that’s good enough for me.”
“i’m okay being a 5 surrounded by 10s. it keeps me humble.”
“god, we’re lucky to have each other.”
“i don’t know what happened to you!”
“i don’t think you should have redbull anymore.”
“oh, when you have a bread knife but you don’t have bread. that’s so sad.”
“i have like 30 sets of fingers working for me and i can’t get my life to work at all.”
“i wouldn’t be surprised to see you in a cinematic environment killing people with your hands.”
“in life, we’re all winners, except most of us are losers.”
“i want to sing to you and i want your ears and eyes to bleed!”
“you don’t have a secret if you hide it really really well.”
“you don’t have any talent, you’re just a big bowl of noodles in the shape of a person.”
“are you from the backwoods?”
“i just have a bad feeling about what you’re about to say.”
“how are you still alive?”
“it’s been on my to-do list to get kids and wives.”
“i would’ve fucked you if we were in high school.”
“no one’s perfect. you drank blood, i played the clarinet.”
“whatever happens in my real life, i take that shit straight to work with me.”
“if you’re fishing for a compliment, know that it might come dressed up as a rubber chicken.”
“every day is halloween if you believe it in your heart.”
“stealing is wrong. unless you’re taking from the rich and giving to the poor.”
“spandex is a right, not a privilege.”
“you ever join a guerilla circus troupe and just forget to return all your library books?”
“it’s an iphone. how complicated can it be?”
“just because you paid a lot for it doesn’t mean it’s nice.”
“you know what they say about aquariuses - no one likes them.”
“get into the fluidity of gender. dip into those waters.”
“everyone thinks that they’re the outsider, but plot twist, everyone feels alone.”
“i find you endlessly talented and interesting.”
“do you think you have to learn the rules before you break them?”
“you are not even lowkey a genius, you’re highkey a genius.”
“this is the gayest thing in the world!”
“there is something very human in us.”
“what are you dying to know?”
“i love death and dying! it’s my favorite topic.”
“if reincarnation is real, i don’t need to come back as a person again. does anybody need to be a person again?”
“when i die, you better make fun of me.”
“life only has meaning because it doesn’t go on forever.”
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