Hey! I stumbled on your stuff through EpyksLion's playthrough of Lover Boy. If you don't mind me asking I was wondering what happened to your old itchio account. When I look up your old user it shows a blog post from December 2023 about how you were leaving. Totally cool if this is private info/you're not comfortable sharing <3!!
Hi!!
You must be very confused, and that's understandable. I was also confused when you mentioned that post and when I looked it up, I remembered everything.
So I had just enrolled into a university in 2023 and while I was working on the game the homework kept piling up, to a point where I almost failed multiple classes. When I looked over the game and the attention (or lack there of) it was getting, I ragequit and deleted the game as well as every files I had because I felt as if I'd wasted my time.
If you watched EpyksLion's video you'll be able to tell how primitive the writing is, how bad the art is and it barely functions as a game. I tend to be very critical of my work and most times I tear up my drawings, just like I deleted that game.
So I cut ties and all, but there were still some of the loyal followers, heartbroken, asking why I had done it. I felt bad about telling them how shit the game they enjoyed was, so I posted that ambiguous, weird text as a way to subtly make my followers think I were either cancelled or something along the lines of that... Although people thought I was offing myself so that created more problems and I deleted the page entirely.
Long story short, I'm a perfectionist, stupid asshole that gets easily rage baited by her own self and ruins everything for others. I'm sorry if this was kinda vent-y but some other people have also been curious and I wanted to explain everything.
On another hand, I'm continuing the game! I'm trying to be at peace with myself, and letting go of this passion project of mine would ruin it. It is taking a lot longer, though, since now I actually gotta pay taxes, work, study and balance all that so I also get quality time with my friends and boyfriend. The game is kinda on hold... And I'm sorry for that. But I'm not giving up on it. I'll work on it more actively in summer, when the semester's over.
Sorry for such a long text!! Thanks for interacting, and toodles!!!
Can't stop thinking about a yandere, who really hates you.
CW: Gore, smut, choking
He thinks he's never felt so strongly before. All these overwhelming emotions swirling in his heart, gnawing on it so hard that it almost makes him throw up from pain.
It's not like you did anything to him. No. You're... So... Fucking nice. It pisses him off. He can't say what exactly, but something about you just irks him.
Sometimes he imagines smashing your face in with a heavy, blunt object, hitting it until all the bones break, the skin tears and your insides come out. Maybe then he can keep you out of his mind for a minute. He also imagines reaching his hand into the remains and squishing whatever mess is left. He likes the thought of that.
Either ways, whether it's your face or a sticky mess of its remains, he can't stop thinking about it. You haunt his mind as if he did something awful to you in your past lives. Sometimes, he thinks you do it on purpose - he thinks, you have some weird psychic powers and scramble his thoughts every time you do something to provoke him. You have to be doing this on purpose, otherwise, what kind of a psychopath is he, being so mad at somebody just existing?
When he thinks if he'd ever murder you, he gets giddy and tense at the same time. He'd like to take his anger out on you, but once you're gone, he'll never get to feel this strongly ever again.
Now you're dating. He's been putting on such a nice act for you, you fell for it and him... Of course you did, you vulnerable fuck. Don't you ever notice that strong, predatory gaze on you when you let your guard down for a second?
There's no way you don't realize what's happening. He refuses to believe you have a survival instinct of a pebble. Then he realizes you don't. Or, he thinks so. He's noticed a few glimpses now and then... He noticed how you shivered while "asleep" as his hand grazed your throat. He saw the twitch of your lips, even if it was dark in the room.
He despises you. How could you fool him? Are you playing along? Have you both been roleplaying, thinking the other one doesn't know? That's silly.
So, he gets more confident. During sex, he doesn't try to act caring and sweet. He stares down at you with dead eyes, before reaching his hands out, wrapping his fingers around your throat and slowly applying more and more pressure. He wonders if he'll see a hint of fear in your eyes full of lust and pleasure.
He only sees lust grow.
You know his deal. You know how much you annoy him... No, that's a light word for what he's feeling. You're happy to see someone so infatuated with you. He's so cute, acting like a sweetheart, as if he doesn't want to gauge your eyes out. You can't wait to see him cross that line between love and hate, or lose his sanity all together.
You moan his name and his face heats up, matching his wide bloodshot eyes. He stops thrusting for a second, just keeps staring at you, before he grimaces - as if defeated - and leans down, caressing your neck with his lips as he starts thrusting again, now deeper and slower.
He hates your guts, the least he can do is rearrange them.
My head hurts and I'm taking it out on Y/N lmao
The pic has its own watermark so if you like that, check the artist out!!
Hiii! I don’t want to bother you, but I was wondering how the production of the game has been going! ^^
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO SHIT!!!!
Ok hear me out, I know how frustrating it is to wait so long for the full game to come out and I did mention that it would take a bit longer (not a bit, probably way longer), but I didn't quite explain why and that's on me.
I draw sprites on an iPad, which has its own apple pencil, which stopped working. No problem, right? I'm an adult with adult money and a new one can't cost so much- HOLY 100$?!?!
To some it might not seem too much, yet I pay for rent, uni, food, etc. I honestly don't have any savings and I've bought like 2 patent pencils, which don't work obv. I also don't want to set up a GoFundMe or something, that's just shitty in my opinion.
Then there's AI, I used it for backgrounds 'cause God knows I can't draw any. Then I learned how harmful it is for the environment and I don't want to add any more pressure onto our poor planet. I've been looking for AI generation that uses renewable resources, so that it's not harmful. Apparently there are very few. And they're shit ngl. That's why, I'm gonna look for non-copyright images and edit them to fit the game. Of course, that's gonna take longer.
And I'm angry at myself for always making excuses, but I'm not giving up on this game and I will do my best to find some time to program, or draw if I do buy the pencil.
Still, I'm very grateful for everyone, who supports me and has the patience to wait for the full game. I'll update y'all if something important happens. Love you guys!!
Chattering Teeth~•° PART 2 - Creepy! Yandere X GN! Reader
Find part 1 here!
CW: Mentions of SA, false allegations, violence, Randy is a warning on his own, SMUTT
That creeped you out. What the hell was he thinking about, rock hard under the desk?!
You didn't do much, you were too shocked to say anything. You were in too much disbelief to fully realize he had an erection, you tried convincing yourself it was just his pants doing that thing when you sit down. Thank God, nobody else noticed. Was that a good thing, though? Did you basically get sexually harassed? Did Randall realize that he had a boner?
You couldn't keep it to yourself, you were concerned with your sanity, so you told your friend. It didn't go well... She ended up telling her boyfriend and her boyfriend ended up telling the entire campus. Rumors spread, instead of Randall having an erection while sitting next to you, it got warped into something else entirely. Apparently, his hand slid down your, no, not even your- but some freshman's underwear, he then proceeded to assault them in the back of the auditorium. You almost had a stroke when you found out some guys doxxed and beat him up for this fabricated lie.
After a fight with your friend and her boyfriend about ethics and morals, you ended up deciding to do the right thing.
Hence, the most awkward conversation you've ever had with the administration.
Tired eyes stared at you as you stumbled over your words.
"Uh, Randall... He didn't hurt anybody. Um. His pants looked weird and I joked with my friend that he... Was turned on while sitting next to me. Someone overheard and spread rumors about him. I'd appreciate if you spoke with those boys that hurt him and took down his address from the website."
And they did. Then, remembering his address, you bought some sweets and went to his house.
The woman that opened the door was exactly who you were expecting. Randall's mother was a rough looking, middle aged woman with a cigarette between her fingers. She had class, big pearl earrings and a fancy dress, but at the same time she looked trashy, with her bold, messy makeup and cigarette breath.
Speaking of...
She blew smoke into your face before speaking up. - "Are you selling those? A bit too old for a girl scout/boy scout."
You stared at her with your head tilted in confusion. That's when the box of cookies felt heavy in your hands.
"Oh, no. I'm here to see Randall, I hope I'm not intruding. I assume you're his mom?"
Her face twisted in amusement. "Randy has friends? Hm." - She turned around and motioned for you to go inside. You did, closing the door behind you. - "I did give birth to him. Is this about his allegations?"
"W-what?" - you tensed up.
"Some bitch lied about getting molested by him, as if he'd have the balls to do that. You here to cheer him up?" - She asked, eyeing you as she sat down at the table.
"Yes. I uh, I heard he got beaten up."
"Good. Bring those to him," - she motioned towards the cookies. - "He hasn't come downstairs for a few days and I haven't bothered to bring him any food."
You felt like a neglected child as you went upstairs.
After some wrong guesses, you finally opened the door to Randall's room, so deep in your thoughts that you forgot to knock.
It was getting dark, but you could still see few things. His room was... Dull. Nothing on the walls, nothing to underline his special interests.
On his bed, you made out a bundle of blankets, under which you assumed he laid, as they rose and fell with each breath he took.
"...Randall?" - You asked quietly.
He stopped breathing. Slowly, he rose from the bed and turned towards you. - "(Y/N)?"
His voice was raspy, as if he hadn't spoken for a while. He leaned forward and turned the switch, lighting up the room.
Your heart felt heavy, seeing bruises and cuts on his face and upper body.
"Hi!... I um, brought snacks." - You avoided looking at his bare chest and focused on his face instead.
You expected him to grimace and start cussing you out, but his cracked lips rose into a big smile.
You had a sudden urge to run when he got out of bed and quickly sped towards you, hugging you tight. You hugged back, gently.
He started doing it again. His teeth chattering with excitement. Then he bit into your shirt to muffle it. His drool soaked the fabric and felt grossly warm against your skin.
With a sigh, you gently pushed him away.
"...How are you? I- I'm so, so, so sorry. I went to the administration and explained everything-" - Your breath hitched.
"I was in pain, but no internal b-bleeding or anything... But, you were worried about me?" - He asked with a grin as he sat on the bed and pat the space next to him. "You're so kind, (Y/N). I'm glad to have you by my side... Protecting me..."
Then it clicked. He didn't know you told on him... And despite it being the right thing to do, you didn't tell him. You sat down next to him and hummed. - "Yeah... You're safe now."
He smiled and took your hand, kissing it in gratitude. "...Are these for me?" - He asked, motioning towards the sweets.
"Oh, yeah. All yours."
"...Can I lay my head in your lap?" - He asked as he leaned towards me. His request was random and intimate.
"Your head in- in my lap? Ah, I don't know...." - As you stared into his eyes, you could tell he was depraved of physical touch. You felt guilty. - "...Fine."
He took a deep breath and then laid his head in your lap, subtly taking a deep sniff of your crotch, which sent shivers down your spine. You jumped and pushed his head: "Dude! What the fuck?"
He winced in pain as you grazed a bruise.
"Shit, sorry." - you let go. His head fell back to your lap.
"Sss... Sorry-ry." - He mumbled, and you sighed, not having the heart to scold him.
As he started eating the cookies, he hummed in delight. - "Haven't eaten for a day or two... This is nice. Y-Y-You know me so well... T... T-Take care of me."
You suddenly felt pity wash over you, just like that time at the dumpsters. Your hand landed in his hair, softly untangling the knots in his locks. It was oily, but you didn't mind. He went through a lot, it was understandable that he wouldn't have the strength or the time to wash himself.
"Your mother mentioned she forgot to feed you... Don't get me wrong, but she's horrible." - You chuckled, so did he.
"She's always been like that. I... Don't really blame her. My dad left her when she was pregnant with me, but she was too far in to get an abortion so... Here I am." - he said with a sheepish chuckle, trying to make it sound less embarrassing as he could. - "Then she found out her unwanted child wasn't normal either. Unwanted child is bad enough, let alone one that can't act right. Of course she'll hate me."
He paused, then: "Kinda wish she had aborted me, I wouldn't be stuck trying to please her all the time."
You didn't know what had gotten over you, but you teared up. You bit your lip and kissed him gently on his head. "Don't say that. She owes you the world, not the other way around. I think you're perfect as you are."
He looked up. - "...You're crying? For me?" - he stared up at you, his big black eyes glaring into your soul.
You touched your then wet cheeks.
"...I guess so." - You chuckled.
He smiled. "I-I don't think anyone has ever cried for me." - He sat up, his face close to yours. "I think I'm in love with you."
That made you flinch. - "What?!" - you covered your mouth. - "Oh god. You don't even know me."
"S-S-Sorry... I love w-what I know about you so far." - he looked away for a bit, then leaned in even further. "You make me feel things I've never felt before... Here, feel."
He took your hand and brought it to his chest, where you could feel the quicker beat of his heart. You stared into his eyes, and you felt as if you were slowly losing your sanity, feeling your own heart quicken at this guy of all people.
"...And here." - You didn't break eye contact, not until his hand gently placed yours onto something hard. You gasped and pulling your hand away, you almost fell off the bed.
"Ah! What the fuck!" - You yelled, flushed. He flinched at that.
"W-What? Sorry! T-Th... This usually works out in-"
"In what? Porn?!" - you yelled, frustrated, ignoring your own arousal between your legs.
He teared up. You felt yourself calm down at his reaction. - "...Sorry for yelling. That was... Unexpected. You don't just ask your friends to... You didn't even ask, you straight up put my hand on your boner..."
"...I need you." - He whined.
"...What do you love about me?" - You sighed as you ran your hand through your hair.
"A lot... I sometimes stare when I see you on campus. You're mostly calm and collected, but you show your true self when you're with your friends... O-or when you play with the stray cat that comes to our yard every now and then. Y... You pet it even if its fur is dirty and full of lice. Just like you do with me. I-I don't have lice, I meant it figuratively-" - He said, laughing loudly. - "This isn't just... Lust. I'll do anything for you to let me love and adore you, all I want is some affection in return. (Y/N) please..."
You paused, before leaning in, your eyes on his lips. - "Maybe we can try dating... See how it goes."
He grabbed you by your hair and closed the little distance between you, immediately trying to force his tongue in your mouth. He was quite clumsy with it, you guessed he had no prior experience other than what he learned from porn, maybe. You then bravely brought your hand to his crotch, making him melt into the kiss.
He gently pushed you onto his bed and got on top of you, staring down at you with an awkward, toothful smile. His teeth were chattering again... But it didn't sound as terrible now. Now it made him seem adorable.
You brought him into another kiss and his hips started moving, humping your thigh. He moaned and sighed in pleasure, clawing at your clothes like a wild animal. When you took them off, he quickly dived in, spreading your thighs apart. Then he paused.
"...I-I don't know how to do this... I wanna make you ff-feel good..." - he said, without taking his eyes off your sex.
"Oh! You don't have to..."
"I'll figure something out. I need to taste you." He mumbled, and his mouth connected to your most sensitive area.
His tongue moved up and down, poking and swirling around. He was clumsy, but he learned what brought you pleasure through your reactions. His cheeks hollowed as he sucked on it, whining in ecstasy.
You couldn't help but let out loud moans, waves of pleasure washing over you again and again, making you roll your eyes back into your skull from euphoria.
Then, the world felt as if it stopped, everything turning white as you came with a gasp - "Randy!"
Randy froze. The nickname feeling new, but natural coming from you. "...I love you s-so much." He smiled, kissing up your thighs and tummy.
You couldn't register what he was saying, or doing when you felt him thrust into your hole, stretching it widely. His mouth latched onto your nipple as he started fucking you relentlessly. Quick, clumsy strokes that were somehow hittinblg the right place, your g-spot.
"I love you, I love you, I love you I love you I love you I love you-" - He chanted like a prayer, before breathing in deeply and burying himself as deep inside of you as possible. "Hgn...!"
He panted, having burst his seed as deep inside of you as possible. "Oh god, I'm so sorry- Ah, I came too fast! Oh no, I-I-I can get hard again, I can make you finish again, just-"
"It's fine." You chuckled. - "I already came. You should rest, your body is in a bad enough condition." - You pecked his lips, but when you pulled away he brought you right back in. He nibbled on your lip, before getting blankets over you both.
"Stay." - He pleaded.
"....But your mom?"
"She doesn't care, hasn't come up here for days and I don't think she will now. I need you here."
"...Alright." - You chuckled and cuddled up with him.
His hand caressed your waist, his slender fingers sometimes squeezing your ass. This was great. You would've never considered getting with someone like him but- It felt weirdly fulfilling, having him so obsessed with you. You were starting to obsess over him as well, in your own way, and you weren't ashamed of it.
"...Can I.. Put it inside of you? I wanna be inside while we sleep... P-Please?"
What a weirdo.
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Hope you enjoyed!!! Bleh. Bleeehhhhh :PP hhheres my gameee
Chattering Teeth~•° - Creepy! Yandere X GN! Reader
CW: Creepy, unhealthy family dynamics mentioned, a bit of NSFW mention at the end...
Randall's eyes immediately stilled onto you as he entered the auditorium. He quickly made his way towards you, his legs visibly shaking from, you assumed, excitement. His frame was one of a pole that had a car crash into it - tall, skinny, with his posture so bad, you could feel the ache in his spine. He anxiously zipped and unzipped his bag endlessly as an unnerving smile appeared on his face - "Hi (Y/N)!! C-Can I ss... S-Sit here?"
Now, being seen with such a weirdo could be the end of your reputation. Highschool was over and you wouldn't get bullied, of course... Not in your face anyways. You had seen the way even this place, a prestigious college with rational adults, had a higherarchy. Mean girls, who peaked in high school, shitting on the socially awkward freshmen... Handsome, but rotten boys making fun of homos and the ugly girls they'd never date.
To put it shortly, you would become their next bull's-eye. But... Was staying incognito to most people in here worth breaking this poor guy's heart? No... Would you lead him on by letting him sit next to you? Nahh...
You were just being nice when you forced a smile and scooted away to make some room for him. He sat next to you, quite loudly so, as he practically fell into the seat, overwhelmed with excitement and something else. You tried to ignore the weird looks from the students sitting nearby as you waited for the professor to arrive.
Then it started.
The awful sound of chattering teeth coming from next to you. You didn't even try to hide the wide-eyed, disturbed stare as you looked at him. He was looking ahead, that creepy smirk still on his face as his teeth grinded against each other, making a frustrating sound of rattling, which drew more attention.
How did you get into this mess? Why is this bizarre man all over you? It all started a week ago. Exams were stressing everyone's socks off, whatever time given to complete them not enough. Randall was there too. He had some lectures with you, so you recognized him. You sat at the back of the room, while Randall had to sit in front as every other seat was taken.
You assumed he didn't study well enough, or maybe he realized he wouldn't be able to finish in time but- He started sobbing, in the middle of the auditorium. Not much has to be said about other's reaction, it's obvious what they'd think. While you overheard some students treating this event as a joke and telling it as one, you felt uneasy. You pitied Randy, to be more specific. You hung out in the yard afterwards, zoning out as your friends kept chatting. Randall's sobs echoed through your mind, repeating over and over, causing you to dig deeper and overthink - What was his life like to result in him acting like this?
As soon as you saw him leaving the building, you quickly got up and followed after him.
When you found him sitting on the floor near the dumpsters behind the college building, you couldn't help but comfort him. He had his head buried in his arms, his bag discarded on the floor, sitting in a puddle of garbage juice. That was unlike him, as you had noticed how tidy he was usually in-between your lectures.
Huh. You noticed him a lot for someone that barely paid him any attention.
"Hey... Are you okay? I uh, I saw you crying- Um, which is fine! Not that it's weird... Uh, the Cure was singing about it being okay decades ago! Err-" -You took a deep breath as you nervously rambled. - "I'm here to ask if you need anything..."
"I won't get the full score. I'm a failure."
His voice was hoarse, deep, but he spoke so quietly it hardly mattered.
"Oh? Why do you think that way?" - Your question was quick.
"..." - He raised his head from his arms and you saw his pretty grey eyes behind a layer of tears. "I need to get the best mark." - His voice cracked.
"I'm sure many, including me, probably, will fail. Even an average grade will be fine."
"No. I'm not comparing myself to anyone."
You went quiet for a while, and then an awkward smirk appeared on your face. - "Oh? Are you saying you're so great that it's below you to compare to someone else?"
"No! Ah-" He covered his mouth. He stared at you for a while, before a soft - yet uneasy - chuckle erupted from behind his hands. "What I meant... My mom always says I shouldn't compare myself to others because it sets a low bar."
"Oh, that's a nice advice... You should try your best most of the time but- What happens when you burn yourself out? So what that once in your life you get a grade below hundred because you- because you, uh,"
"I dozed off while studying yesterday..." - he chimed in.
"Yeah, fell asleep. It's fine, you're human and humans can't be perfect all the time. I'm sure your mom will understand."
He had a small smile on his face, before you mentioned his mom. He teared up again. "She'll be so disappointed..."
"...Uh, aren't you too old to let your mom have such a big effect on you? I'm not trying to be rude but..."
"She's all I got. I just want her to pay attention to me. How will I do that if she thinks I'm a failure?" His breath hitched. "Damn it." He buried his head in his arms again.
"Maybe you need some friends? Someone else to rely on for affection and attention?"
He paused and looked up at your suggestion. "Everybody thinks I'm weird. Nobody wants to be friends with a 20 year old that cries when he fails an exam." - You didn't fully disagree with him on that one.
"Hm. I want to be your friend." You smiled and he felt his heart freeze. All of a sudden to him you weren't a rando that was trying to do charity, which you probably were, but instead a pure hearted soul, who really enjoyed his company.
"I want you to be my friend too..." - He mumbled. Then, after a slight pause, "...Can you hug me?"
Now you weren't about to crush his dreams right after saying you wanted to be friends, so you did hug him. He hugged you tight, sniffling into your chest and thanking you. You, awkwardly, caressed his hair and patted his back.
A week later he was acting like this, a complete freak. You tried gaslighting yourself into believing that the tent you saw in his pants, a big one at that, was imaginary- Or at the very least not meant for you. What a creep.
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Do thy eyes decieveth thy?! No I'm still alive lol
At this point apologizing for being inactive AGAIN would make me a straight up asshole, so I won't :3 I also won't bother you with excuses. Buuuut I will confirm that I'm still working on the game!! Not that much progress but it's more polished.
Will I continue this specific story? Prolly, yeah. If people like it. It was fun to write about Randy.
Here's where I got the pic from: Unnamed by pyanyasha
Hey love your game can you post about the height of each character from the demo of lover boy? thank you 💕
I'm glad you do! Here's the height chart :D also, answer to the anons below!
Excuse my awful sketches, I'm having the worst art block so far... But yup!
If you're not familiar with centimeters, here's the heights in feet:
• Louise - 6'1ft,
• Lloyd - 5'10ft,
• Andrea - 5'9ft,
• Jenny - 5'6ft (they're 6ft under the ground after, like, 5 minutes of the gameplay 💔)
Aww, thank you! Well now you know!!
Great question! It will be answered thoroughly in the full game but I'll answer as well.
SPOILERS!
So Louise is trans, he came out when he was in middle school and as it always happens, he got bullied a lot. MC, or you, stood up for him! And like sunshine brightens up the whole world, you brightened up his whole world!
I'm so glad and relieved! MC-s are mostly made out innocent or infantilized and I've always been frustrated at that. Maybe I want to feel like billy badass from time to time...
Making MC a possible smoker, drinker and forgive me for the lack of a better word - a whore, was a big risk. Many people look down on people who do that, even if most people do act like that sometimes.
"What if the player isn't a smoker? Or a drinker? Am I not being as inclusive as I want to?" - this question spiraled in my mind. Then I realized making MC a plain piece of paper would be even more awful.
Long story short, your opinion made me feel so much better! Thank you!!! 🖤🖤🖤
Thank you all for engaging with the game and me! Don't be afraid or shy to ask more! Bah bye!
You didn't have that much experience with guys, and the little things you did experience weren't good at all. Everything felt so... Empty. The "Wyd" texts and shallow conversations at the bar didn't satisfy you. You knew what you wanted, and you decided to go for it.
So when you met him it felt so real and unreal at the same time.. He felt real as in he understood you, he engaged in interesting conversations and knew just what was the best for you.
...And he felt unreal as in he wasn't... Human? Like a man from 19th century novels, he was gentle, polite, relatable but mysterious enough to keep you wanting him. The problem before was everybody acting same, now you were weirded out with how unique he was? You started thinking you were the problem.
Therefore, after a few months of dating, when he set up a beautiful dinner for you two, table set out with candles, flowers, perfectly cooked delicacies and asked you to marry him, you said yes.
You cut the steak and...
"Oh... This seems raw..?"
"It's medium rare, dear. But I won't feel bad if you don't want to eat it." - he smiled.
You felt lucky. So, you cut a piece of it, and put the red, moist and almost slimy piece of meat in your mouth. His smile widened as he watched you do so. You chewed and chewed, trying not to think too much about the texture or the taste, instead washing it down with red wine and forcing a smile.
The night ended with him gently holding and kissing you, while not so gently fucking into you. It felt almost like a reward for accepting his proposal, and the amount of times he made you cum only supported that theory.
The wedding happened shortly after, him making sure it was as big or as small as you wanted.
Everything after that felt like a dream... In a literal sense. You found yourself derealizating on more occasions than you can remember. Feeling dizzy, out of the place and unreal was then a daily accurance for you. And you didn't quite feel comfortable with talking about it with your husband.
But it didn't matter... Not as long as at the end of the day you laid in his arms.
However, even that comfort was broken when only weeks after your marriage, he started staying at his job later and later... As soon as he got home he'd take a shower, too.
Suspecting that your husband was cheating, you decided to follow him one day.
The day went on fine, he stayed at his job til 8, but then he left. You quietly followed, wanting to catch him in the act. He... Went into the woods..? Was he actually fucking someone in the woods? Then you saw another person... But they seemed to not be aware of your husband being there. In fact, he was watching them... Stalking them like a predator would to a prey. The person was obviously wasted, having come in the woods to relieve themself.
Your dear husband got up from his hiding spot, and approached the person... And so you watched in horror as his limbs started twisting unnaturally, making popping and cracking sounds as, his skin changing it's color into a dark red, almost a bloody color. He turned into something incomprehensible... A monster.
His now inhumane looking jaw unclenched, opening so wide he could swallow a man whole, and he took a generous bite out of the person, their bloodcurdling screams not loud enough to bury the sound of your ears ringing.
Something primal and illogical in you made you shriek in fear and devastation, your heart feeling as if it stopped.
Your husband's head turned towards you slowly, and his smile fell.
The dream turned into a nightmare.
Man I just love creepy, cannibalistic, eldrich monsters/gods and not in an only ha they're sexy way (I blame the movie Ritual)
CW: Drug use, manipulation, suicidal stuff, Angst, a bit shorter :P
He's doing it again.
I try not to break down immediately as soon as I hear his sick voice, slurring and barely managing to turn words into sentences.
"I... Need you to come here... I took too much..."
I let out a shakey breath. This has occurred so many times, I let out an almost automated response. - "I'll be right there. Got any Naloxone?"
He groans and I sigh, running into my kitchen and looking for it, hoping there's some left after out break up. I grab the bottle and reassure him, before hanging up.
He did it again.
Whenever he's left with a slight inconvenience, he starts taking drugs like a starved man. Sometimes to kill himself, sometimes when desperate for attention. There have been countless times with me holding his hair as he throws up, giving him medicine while trying not to lose my own consciousness because of my boyfriend literally dying in my arms.
His condition was hard on our relationship, forcing me into a miserable life of walking on eggshells and trying to keep him alive by giving him all kinds of attention and love, even when I didn't feel like it...
I decided to send him to rehab, and he was doing fine for a few months, hadn't touched a can of beer even.
Now I don't know how to look into his eyes, with his constricted pupils, his skin void of any color and his skinny, hollowed cheeks.
I zone out, not even realizing when I arrive in front of his building. It's old and probably moldy inside. I quickly run up a few set of stairs, and barge into his apartment, the pills ready in my hand.
"Baby? Is that you?" I hear his voice call out for me. I run into the kitchen and end up absolutely flabbergasted.
"Ah, there you are!" He smiles and hugs me tight, burying his face in my neck and... Inhaling deeply. I look around: the apartment is shitty, absolutely moldy and infested with bugs, but there's a table, poorly set out with a store bought frozen pizza and two paper plates.
"Are- Are you alright?" I ask, confused. "Why... Is the table set..?"
I pull away from the hug.
He looks... Healthy. His cheeks aren't as hollow, his skin has returned to it's saturated color and his pupils... Are dilated.
It doesn't smell like weed, neither.
"Hey... What's the meaning on this? You seem... Fine."
"I... Got better. Now that you're here especially-!" He chuckles awkwardly. "I knew you'd come... For me. I knew you'd never leave me to die... And I wanted to thank you for all the time you kept me alive."
I stare at him, my brows furrowed. "...Thank me?"
He nods, with an uneasy smile.
I huff. "You're disgusting. You lied that you were dying, just to get me here?"
"...I- Yeah, but-"
I tear up. "Is this a joke to you?!" I yell. "All the nights I've spent taking care of you, just for you to try and kill yourself all over again for shit like me not kissing you goodnight?! Not sucking you off?! Don't call me. Even if you're dying, I won't come to save you, never again."
I say the last line calmly, setting the pill pottle onto the table with a loud sound, before turning to leave.
"No.. (Y/N) Don't leave..." He frowns. I ignore him.
He grabs my wrist. "If you leave, I'll actually kill myself. My blood will be on your hands."
"Go fuck yourself."
I roughly remove his hand and slam his front door shut.
♡
My ringtone awakens me. I groan as I look at the id, and see his name, along with an old photo of us hugging. It burns my eyes in every way. I pick up. "I told you to fuck off. That meant not calling me as well."
"Baby... Please, help me..." I hear him sob into the phone. "Couldn't get anything, my dealer fucked me over... I took some pills and I feel nauseous... I need you, please just come here and- and jus hug... Just make me feel loved like you used to... I don't wanna die alone and sad, I want you by my side...."
I hold my breath. "...You're lying again."
Some time passes and he doesn't respond. "...You there?" I ask.
My heart drops at the lack of response and I immediately get up, throw some clothes on and head to his place again. I once again, burst into his apartment and this time see him on his bed with his eyes closed. I tear up as I drop onto my knees next to him. "Can you hear me? Jacob, can you hear me?!" I shake him but it doesn't bring him to consciousness. I take a note of the random medical pill packages on the floor and sit him up, shoving my fingers down his throat to make him throw up.
He gags, his eyes opening as he throws up. I then lay him back down and grab Naloxide from the table.
♡
I lay next to him, the vomit I cleaned few minutes ago still present in my mind, feeling the acid in my nails and the smell hurting my head. He has his arms wrapped around me tight. His heart is still beating. In fact, it started beating faster, he must be awake.
"...Why do you keep doing this?" I ask, devastated.
"...How else do I keep you around?" He asks gently, his voice a little hoarse from sobbing and wailing before on the phone. "I don't wanna live... If I can't live with you. If you're not with me."
I grit my teeth. "...I hate you." I whimper, before breaking out in sobs.
"...At least you're with me." He says calmly, burying his face in my hair while rubbing my shoulder to calm me down.
A/N: Blehhh felt angsty and sad today. Hope you enjoy!
SMUT!! Rough sex, voyerism, non-consentual at the end(?)
I couldn't sleep last night. The screaming kept me awake.
Screaming? It sounded animalistic, the broken voice desperately wheezing and calling for attention. I've heard Jackals can make sounds like that... Even so, I laid there helplessly, clutching my pillow and worrying about whether I locked my doors or not. I was too scared to check them, so I just kept staring at the curtains, my heart almost popping out of its place as I tried to look away from them.
I couldn't, and at about 5-6 am, when the screaming had stopped, I dozed off. I later woke up at 4 pm, and weirdly enough, I was inspired to write some more. I put my nightly terror into descriptive paragraphs and created a monster.
One with long, grey, skinny limbs and hair thin enough to see it's pure white eyes through it... Rotten teeth caging the slithering maggots in its hollow mouth.
I take a deep breath and close my laptop. I grab my phone and see that Nathan had texted me last night.
"Do you drink?"
I can't help but smile and instantly start typing.
"after whatever the hell happened last night, I do."
I put my phone away and make myself a quick meal. My phone buzzes.
"And what happned?"
I chuckle at his misspelling.
"I heard someone or something screaming. I couldn't sleep all night :("
He answers quickly;
"Jackals?"
And I answer just as fast.
"Kind of... It had an artificial echo to it? Don't know how to explain."
I purse my lips and put my phone down. Taking a bite out of the poor excuse of a meal.
"You could demonstrate, when I take you to a bar in the town."
Smile grows on my face as I reread his messages. I should go, what's the worst that can happen? So, we text each other the details and it's a date!
I leave the cabin and decide to look around the village this time. Ain't no way I'm going into the forest after last night.
I try my best to remember the way home as I walk past the other cabins. I admire the architecture - simple, but charming nonetheless. Then I spot a girl, no older than nine looking at me through the window. I smile and give her a wave.
She stays still and keeps staring at me. My hand falls back to my side, and so does my smile. I avoid her gaze and keep walking. It's the new generation, I guess?
I take a few pictures and maybe make a few angels in the snow, before I see an old woman, just barely walking. I approach her. - "Hello, want me to walk you home?"
I get a better look at her face. It's wrinkled, as if her skin is melting off her face. Her eyes are marble like, despite here irises being as dark as coals. I can barely make out her lips that stretch into an uncanny line. Her hair so thin, she looks like she's balding.
She looks at me before her face scrunches up, even more, into a scowl. - "...What are you doing here?" - My mood falters.
"...I used to come here as a child... My mother passed and I decided to visit for a while." - I explain myself. She raises an eyebrow and grabs my arm for support.
"(Your mother)'s kid. You've... Changed, quite a bit."
I tilt my head. - "Do I know you?"
"You'd always sneak in and play in my father's yard. You used to be an annoying, little rascal."
I chuckle awkwardly. - "I get that a lot. So you live down the road?"
"You've become... A very appetizing person." - She says, avoiding my question. I try not to think about her weird wording.
"...Thank you?" - I say after a long pause.
"I used to be like you. Maybe my skin was healthier." - She scoffs, bits of her saliva falling out of her mouth. - "...Not fair... At all." - she sighs.
I stay quiet as she rambles, a little more comfortable now that we've approached her cabin.
"But whatever it wants, it gets." - She says. She tightens her grip. - "Count yourself lucky, being able to serve it like that."
After that I head straight to my cabin. I can't wait to drink with Nathan tonight.
I don't want to seem like a City-Person asshole, but this place, along with it's people is odd.
Now as I sit on a step of my porch, my ass literally freezing off, I start to feel disappointed. He promised he'd pick me up, but now I'm getting worried he got lost and mauled.
Tiny snowflakes start falling, adding onto the already layered snow that's coating the ground. I sigh and check my phone again. My frown intensifies, when I see there's no new messages.
I almost fall off the step when I see a figure in the corner of my eye.
"Jesus, Nathan. Do you always have to scare me like that?" - I rest my palm on my chest, dramatically so.
He flashes me a Cheshire grin - "Sorry."
I get off the porch and shove my hands into my pockets, a wave of disappointment washing over me when the pockets are just as cold.
"I thought the huge deer got to you." - I tease.
He narrows his eyes. - "I'm at the top of the food chain, you don't have to worry about stuff like that." - He brags and gives me his hand. I take it with a snort, his hands as cold as mine. - "I don't think we can make it to the Bar, it's too far away. And, it's getting dark."
I pout. He chuckles. - "But I know how to make it up to you~" - He says and takes out a flask from his coat.
I raise an eyebrow. - "Charming."
I then walk back to the front door of the cabin and unlock it, going inside. - "Come on in, I'm freezing." - I complain and look at him.
He follows after me with a smile and looks around. - "It's pretty cozy in here."
I chuckle and sit him down onto the couch. - "I think we have some old wine in the attic. I'll get it, try not to miss me too much."
"Don't worry, I'm patient." - he smiles softly.
I turn on the flashlight on my phone after a hard struggle against the attic door, coughing my lungs out when the dust flies around in the air. I climb up and start looking around the boxes for the wine.
I smile when I finally find it. There's two blood red bottles with no distinct label on them, so I pick them up. My smile falls as I see a... Doll? It's made out of straws, clearly resembling a human body. I pick it up and inspect further. Is this a hex? I put it back down and get up, chills running down my spine when I notice a big red symbol on the wall. I stare at it for a while before turning around and leaving with the bottles in my hands.
I have a guest right now and I don't want to freak him out. I'll deal with... Whatever this is, later.
On my way, I go into the kitchen to get glasses.
"I only have mugs and teacups, no fancy glasses." - I say before grabbing the cups and sitting next to him. He throws his arm around my shoulder.
"I don't look like the fancy type though, do I?" - He chuckles and I shrug.
I pour us some wine and sip from my cup. - "So, why did you move here again?"
"Nature always called out to me." - He shrugs. - "And you, Y/N? What's your job and why did you come here?"
I purce my lips. - "Well, I'm a writer. I've written some stuff but nothing special, really. No "New York best sellers". I wanted to write a horror book and came here to set the mood, ya know?"
"And how's that working out?" - He tilts his head.
I sigh. - "I'm having the worst writer's block I've ever had. Barely wrote a few pages."
"Let's see then." - He says, and I hesitantly agree. I grab my laptop and open the file, handing it to him.
I stand up and approach the fireplace, tending to it as he reads for a while.
"It's great." - He smiles and I look back at him.
"Is it?"
"A little complaint... You're trying too hard to explain all the details. Reading is all about letting people warp characters and places into whatever their mind makes up."
"...That makes a lot of sense, actually." - I sit back next to him. - "Can you help me?"
He eyes me and nods.
I don't know how much time passes, but we're now sitting on the floor and already have finished the second bottle of wine, now taking turns on taking a swing out of Nathan's flask. I've been taking notes, typing away furiously.
As I let out a deep breath, I look up from my laptop screen and the whole room starts spinning. I grunt and put the gadget away, placing my head in Nathan's lap. He chuckles and strokes my hair. - "Are you alright?"
"...A little tired. And dizzy." - I pout. Nathan just keeps smiling and sits me up again, making me look at him by taking my chin in-between his fingers.
I keep looking into his eyes and his smile never falters, only getting closer to my own lips. I instinctively close my eyes and part my lips a little, almost melting into Nathan's arms when they connect with his.
My heated cheeks heat up even more when he lays me down onto the soft, warm carpet and lets out a deep groan.
Then I can't even comprehend what happened, when I look to my side and see both mine and his clothes on the floor. Then I feel his erected cock, rubbing against me and realize I'm not wearing any underwear either. I look back at him and pull him into a kiss again, moaning in delight. He then pushes it inside of me, spreading the walls to make more room for himself and and starts gently grinding it deeper in and out of me.
I lose track of time and what's happening again, and this time feel him mercilessly thrusting his hips against my ass, almost steaming air of heat spreading into the whole room while his rough fingers caress all the right spots. I let out moans and whimpers in-between my breaths, while he muffles his in my collarbone.
"Don't stop... Fuck, Nathan..." - I moan out his name and he looks up at me.
He then runs his fingers through my hair pulls my head back, giving me a view of the rest of the room, before he buries his face into my neck and leaves a trail of sloppy kisses.
I get closer to cumming, feeling myself spasm and squeeze around him, before I notice something in the windows. There are people outside my cabin... Naked people. They're chanting something, their lips mouthing something incoherent to me while drawing a symbol on the windows...
It's the same symbol as the one in my attic. I huff and try to stop Nathan but he can't even see my expression with his head buried into my neck. I shut my eyes and try my best not to cry... And soon enough, pass out.
CW: Gore, animal deaths. The religion is made up and in no way do I intent to offend anyone, please don't read if such subjects trigger you.
I stare at my laptop screen, wanting to bang my head against the wall as I observe the blank page.
Yesterday I actually managed to fall asleep. The tapping didn't continue, but that's probably more disturbing. I would've brushed it off as the quirk of the cabin, but it was so random.
I sigh and close the laptop, lazily lifting myself off the couch and deciding to make myself another cup of coffee. I go outside and sit on the porch, drinking the steaming, bitter liquid. I gaze into the forest and feel it drawing me in.
I keep watching the hypnotizing sway of the trees with the gentle wind, before I bring the cup to my lips to sip the coffee again, and realize I've drank it whole. I take the now empty cup into the house and head out again, walking straight into the forest.
I wonder if it's still there.
As a child, I'd always wander into the forest, making mud pies, finding big sticks and hopefully searching for the animals. In my child, naive mind I thought I'd hop on their backs and they'd take me away into the wonderland.
Then I saw it... Not a cute, big eyed, furry animal, but the monstrously enormous monastery. What once used to be a praying space was then broken down and abandoned and despite my fear, I went in.
The walls were painted with blood, carcasses of small animals hung loosely from the ceiling... In the very edge of the room, what I assume a recently killed deer, was hung on the wall, its body was cut from neck to stomach, as if showing off its insides.
I ran home crying and mom never brought me here after that. I assume it was something ritualistic. I shouldn't have wondered into the 17-19th century broken down catholic church anyways.
I sigh and kick around in the snow.
Looking down I see something. I furrow my brows and lean down, looking at what I assume is a deer footprint.
Then I hear shuffling behind me. I immediately turn around and-
"Oh, hi..." - A man waves at me awkwardly. He has dark hair with a matching pair of almond shaped eyes. Lashes, longer than my own rest on his eyelids under his thick brows. His hair is a little overgrown and he has a bit of stubble. He's wearing warm clothes and there's a hunting rifle in his left hand.
"Ah- You scared me." - I chuckle sheepishly.
"Sorry." - He smiles. - "What are you doing here?"
"...Taking a walk, I guess?"
"All alone? These woods are dangerous." - He furrows his brows a little.
"Really? I used to play in here all the time when I was a child..."
"You live here?" - He tilts his head and rests the rifle on the snowy ground.
"Not really, me and my family used to come here in summer. Now I'm here to uh, work, I guess?"
He smiles again. - "I just moved a few months ago."
I eye his rifle. - "You like hunting?"
"I hunt for food." - He corrects me. He then gives me his free hand to shake, and I do so. - "...Nathan."
"Y/N. You said the forest is dangerous? I've only seen deer so far..."
"Wolves, jackals..." - He answers Shortly. - "But yes, there are lots of deer in here. Check this out," - He comes closer and leans down, pointing at the footprints I was observing before. - "I've never seen a footprint of a deer that big. If I manage to catch it, I won't have to hunt for a few weeks, maybe even a month. I swear to God I've been trying to hunt it down for days." - He sighs.
"Oh wow." - I tilt my head. - "Hunting seems intense."
"It's not as hard if you know the basics. Just a long process... And I'm impatient." - He chuckles. - "I could show you."
He looks at me with a smile and I find it hard to decline his offer. I smile back and nod.
We walk for a while, getting to know each other. He then lays down behind a fallen log and motions for me to do the same, which I do. We wait for a while and then two deer walk into our view. Nathan looks at me and brings his finger to his lips to hush me.
It all happens fast, there's a bang and the deer falls as the other runs away. Nathan gets up and approaches it. - "You gotta be humane when killing them, try aiming where it would have vital organs so it dies fast."
I hesitantly follow him. - "Yeah, I don't think I've got that in me... Really impressive and... Humane, though." - Nathan eyes me with a playful look on his face, before looking back at the deer. I look at the deers hooves and only then do I realize the huge difference between these and the footprints I saw earlier. The footprints were three, if not four times bigger.
I start to get bad vibes from this. - "...Have you seen big deer before?"
Nathan looks at me with a puzzled expression. - "Huh?"
"You said the footprints we saw earlier were big." - I say and sit on the nearby rock. - "You see them often?"
"...Not really."
"That's... Disturbing." - I sneer.
Nathan grins. - "Why, you worried for me?"
I snort. - "No, I'm worried for myself. I live on the edge of the forest." - I joke and he chuckles.
"It's totally a deer, I'm sure nothing to worry about." - He shrugs and starts tying the rope around the dead animal. He then grins again when he looks at me. He stretches, comically so, and starts speaking. - "If you're too worried, though..."
He stands up straight and approaches me, placing his hands on the rock, trapping me in-between. - "I could give you my number."
I chuckle and he does too, then he backs up. - "The service is shitty but we can text. I don't like calls anyways."
"Okay." - I grin and he smiles. I write my number in my notepad, tearing the paper out and giving it to him after.
"You should go now, it's getting dark. Want me to walk you?"
I shrug. - "Nope. Just lead me towards the main path and I'll return myself." - I instruct him.
The walk home isn't too long, and I find myself attracted to the man as he waves at me. I walk into the cabin and sigh, happy to be embraced by warmth.
Then the deer footprints float up into my mind and I feel uneasy. How can Nathan be so calm? The deer is probably humongous, why? Is it a type of anomaly?
My worries wash away as my phone buzzes and I see a text from an unknown number.
"So you live on the edge of the forest? If you see a seven foot deer, text me asap ;P"
I look out of my car window and nostalgia immediately washes over me. The forest I used to play in everyday as a child, now coated in a thick blanket of shiney snow hits something in me, something that makes me feel weirdly satisfied. I eye the tiny cottages, each different in their own way and nervously bite the insides of my cheek as I try my hardest to remember wich turn to take.
My mother is dead. Despite my relationship with her, wether it left good memories or not she was a mother nonetheless and she decided to leave her cottage deep in some village, near to Buffalo to me. She took me here a couple of times before when I was a child, but there was some cautionary thingie and people left their homes for a while. Then, when it was taken care of they didn't want to move back in. Having tasted the life in a much more comfortable modern cities, they didn't want to get back to the cold and brutal lands of Haahkéyak.
Now, there's only me and probably 4 more families in the entire place. Isolation will do me good. I'll have more time to finish my book.
I pull over when I see it. All my childhood memories come flooding back as soon as I approach the two story cottage. It's old fashioned, but would still hold up today with it's minimalistic but comfortable design. I grab my luggage, as well as some groceries I grabbed along the way and unlock the front door.
As soon as I enter the familiar smell hits me. Can't really describe, it smells like old people and dust. Despite it's description it brings me comfort... Before I notice that I smell dust because it's quite literally dusty everywhere.
After turning on the electricity, gas and water, I start tidying up a little. Soon enough it starts getting dark outside and I decide to go out before the sundown.
I leave the gates and turn left, looking at the deep, dark woods I used to carelessly play in as a child.
This is a perfect place to finish my book. The setting looks almost exactly what I imagined like, and as masochistic as it might sound spending a few weeks here all alone will surely scare me.
That's what my book is about, a snowy forest with tall trees and the abandoned mansion within. So, now that I stare at the dead looking woods that seem to never end, it gives me enough motivation to go back inside and keep writing the book. I am totally not scared of being out here, in the open, all alone. Shut up.
I go back inside and time passes relatively fast. I make myself some dinner, check out my childhood photos and bring out my laptop to at least finish the chapter.
Then, I turn off all the lights and go upstairs to go to sleep. I get under the heavy blanket and cuddle into my pillows.
I concentrate on my breathing. There's no... Sounds in here, at all.
There's no cars, no drunkards fighting, hell, not even a wind or leaves shuffling - something that would be heard in a heavy forested place like this.
My breaths become slower as my heart clenches and I feel an uneasy shiver run down my spine. I don't like this.
*Tap*
*Tap*
I immediately open my eyes and my heart almost jumps out of its place when I hear the gentle tapping on what seems to be glass.
I let out a shakey sigh as I slowly sit up, looking over the room, trying to spot anything before my teary eyes set on the window in front.
