OfYourDreams

37yo male caregiver

[ofdreams193]

Intro

I'm a 37 year old caregiver from the US, who is coming out of a long term dynamic. I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for right this moment, but I do feel it might be nice to talk to some people who can help me through this messy part of my life, who knows what could happen.

When I say I'm a caregiver, I truly mean it. I'm not like the fake ones, as I do genuinely care about others, especially if you become someone important in my life. Not every conversation has to be nsfw, in fact, I prefer forming a real bond before the topic swings that way, as it feels so much better that way.

My heart may be very guarded upon first interacting with me, but I'm hoping that someone may be able to help me open it up again someday.

About me. I'm 5'10", around 210 lbs. Brown hair, hazel eyes. I have a pretty average build. I'm not opposed to sending pictures once I get to know someone. My career is something that a lot of girls find HOT. I can talk about that as well once I get to know someone better.

Some of my interests are hockey, playing games, working out when I can and feel motivated to do so, skating, and good music (love my rave tunes).

For anyone hoping to become my little someday, please understand that I'm looking for something real, which means that eventually, I'd love to see what you look like, and have phone calls too.

[ofdreams193]

It's become very apparent to me that those in my life don't actually care about the struggles I'm going through. Abandoned by friends, family, and even the girl who stole my own heart. I guess noone actually wants a caring guy like me around forever.

As they always say, the nice guy finishes last. Or in my case, not at all. I thought I had something truly amazing, and it was all ripped away from me in the end.

Oh well. I guess I'll push through this life alone, as I was always meant to do.

[ofdreams193]

Did something kind of odd over the past two nights. I never really cared much for the concept of a psychic reading, but while doing some of my pointless research, I came across an app that offers it, though it's paid, and you get to pick out which astrologist/psychic to do it. Over the past few days, I've talked to a couple of different ones, and surprisingly got near exact readings from them. Reading that provides hope. They both gave the exact same timeframe for certain events to unfold, which can't be a mere coincidence for two readers to get the same things. Only time will tell if those readings will actually come true or not. But I do know that those events and timelines were not provoked at all by me. They each came to those on their own. So here I will be, patiently (not so patiently) waiting for that timeframe to come. And during that time, I need to be working on myself and handling my own shit. I need to do it for me, first and foremost, but I also need to do it for my heart too.

[ofdreams193]

Taking things one day at a time right now. Today was a good day in my opinion. Much better than previous days for sure. I know what the signs are telling me right now, but I don't want to let my hopes get out of hand, only to be crushed again. But maybe, just maybe, there is a light shining at the end of this darkness. All I do know for a fact is that I'm not exactly looking to start a new dynamic currently. I'm too damaged to walk into something that strong, and don't need all this weight to end up hurting someone else. And if these signs and thoughts come to be, it will still take a bit of healing before it becomes beautiful. But I'm willing to put in the work. But first, I need to keep working on myself. If the rest is meant to be, it will be.

[ofdreams193]

I feel like I'm going back and forth in my head for if I should actually move on or not. Like, am I ready for that step or not? At the moment, it's nice just getting to know some people and trying to break out of this shell a little bit here and there. Maybe someone will give me similar feelings like my last little did. I know I miss the long calls, sleep calls all the time, playing games together, and just bonding over all the simple things. And of course all the intimate stuff was amazing too. I know it's a tall order for all of that, but surely someone is out there who could make me feel complete again, right?

[un-father3]

Of course I'm over protective of you?

What Dad wouldn't be?

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

[ofdreams193]

Really feeling my caring nature slipping away today, as I was driving pretty recklessly while on my way to therapy earlier. I don't want to become the man I used to be, I really don't. But all the love I once held for someone means absolutely nothing anymore. I would have traded everything I knew in the world, just to be with her.

Oh well, it doesn't matter anymore I guess. I just have to forge my own path in this messed up thing we call life and maybe find the happiness i so desire somewhere else.

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[cherryflavoredgirlll]

fuck i need you right now

[ofdreams193]

I have many fears about moving forward into considering a new dynamic with someone new. Will my heart be accepting of letting a new little into it? Will I be healed enough to not bring my damage from my previous relationships into it? Will my expectations and standards be too high because I thought my last dynamic was perfect? Will I be enough for my next little? Will I feel ok calling someone else my princess, my baby girl, my darling little girl, kiddo, ECT? Will I feel ok hearing a different voice calling me daddy? I'm so scared about thinking of moving on. There are other things that affect me as well in this. Like what if my fears regarding my ex little and her relationship come true, and I've already moved on and am not there to help her through a tough spot in life? What if I'm meant to wait for her instead? I know I should not wait, because she is the one who moved on without me. But my heart is scared of moving on. There's too many what ifs, and they consume me at times.

[slvshgrl]

[hellraisersss]

She just wants to be called a good girl and bred day and night that's all. Right???

[oanap]

[blackvioletgypsy]