minjae takes another breath as he stands there, trying not to look so entirely relieved by the thought of kyung not meeting up with anyone. and maybe trying not to look like heās looking right at his plush lips when he bites them. fuck. ā yeah, if itās fine with you. i mean ā¦ ā he cuts himself off, realizing theyāve gone around in a small circle, and he reaches up to scratch at the back of his neck, just looking for something to do with his hands.
he starts after him, picking up his steps to be able to walk beside him, his hands slipping into the pockets of his jeans as he enjoys finally being next to him again, and god - if it wasnāt pathetic enough of a night without him feeling electric just being a few inches apart. he steals small glances over at him as they walk, occasionally catching the younger looking over the flowers with what he must mistake as a smile. regardless, he gives himself the tiny victory and, surprisingly, manages a small smile himself, turning his eyes away just until he hears him speak up again. ā huh? no - i mean. i have a lot of jackets. you should keep it. it looks better on you, anyway. ā he licks over his lips at that, and tries really hard not to think about kyung in his clothes, in a few different scenarios. he doesnāt do so well.Ā his brows furrow when kyung comes to a stop, and he glances up to the diner heās referring to, nodding his head quickly. ā sure. smells good from out here. ā he gives a small smile, even though kyungās still not giving him much in return. he holds onto the small things instead: the way he smiled at the flowers, the way his voice is still so soft and light, the fact that heās still here.
he walks in beside him and settles into the table, pulling the menu from the side so he can start looking through it, but before he even gets the chance to flip a page someone approaches their table ā¦ and immediately turns to kyung.Ā kyu? the unexpected and oddly familiar nickname grabs his attention and he turns a curious gaze toward the waiter that had approached their table. did he and kyung actually know each other? a quick glance back to kyung confirms that they do, if his comfortable smile is anything to go by, and he just barely resists the urge to roll his eyes as kyung proceeds to ask for his personalized recommendation for the night. he knows that he doesnāt really have any right to be upset by something like that, not when he and kyung are currently distant friends at best, but he canāt help the flare of jealousy that bubbles in his chest as the waiter sets his hand onto kyungās shoulder and begins explaining the details of the dish with far more enthusiasm than necessary. the thing is, he doesnāt blame the guy; if he had any sort of history with kyung, heād cling to it and rub it into everyoneās face any opportunity he got as well. what hurts, however, is the fact that it seemed like kyung was enjoying the exchange; a fact that seemed to only confirm the sinking feeling in his stomach that convinced him that kyung didnāt feel anything toward him anymore. and he tried to pull his gaze away from the pair, tried to distract himself with the menu in front of him instead, but even that wasnāt enough to completely get away from the reminder as he could still hear the waiter laughing as if they hadnāt seen in each other in years. and by the time kyung seems to finally remember his presence enough to question his order, his smile has all but entirely faded along with his appetite and he bypasses kyungās gaze entirely for the chance to meet the waiterās gaze instead. ā you know what? i think iāll take the exact same. how could i not after heās made it so clear just how interested he is in this ā dish ā ? ā despite the obvious bite to his words, thereās a polite smile back on his lips thatās almost daring the waiter to call him out on what heās implying, and he holds his gaze for just a second longer before reaching for the glass of water set atĀ his end of the table.Ā ā thatāll be all. thanks. ā thereās still a very obvious annoyed tone to his voice, but he doesnāt spare the waiter another glance, instead taking a long sip of water in an effort to cool himself off as he waits for him to leave.
even while they sit, kyung keeps his eyes on the flowers that minjaeās given him. theyāre pretty, they smell nice and they were from MINJAE. his lips twitch at the thought. despite having a conversation with someone that he always did, heās hyperaware that minjae is right there. because minjaeās always there, in his head, even when kyung doesnāt want him to be and heās tried so hard to forget about him the past few weeks. to get over it. and hasnāt worked, nothing did. not even that week of binge drinking, had it worked.Ā heās looked back down at the menu after asking minjae about his own order but then his head snaps in minjaeās direction when he hears him.Ā
the look on minjaeās face when kyung finally looks back at him, catches kyung off guard. he doesnāt think much of it, he knows minjae has the type of resting bitch face, that he doesnāt smile often, that is until he hears the bite in his own and he raises an eyebrow. kyung hadnāt been flirting back, he never flirted back. he was simply being polite but to hear and see the expression on minjaeās face made him question whether or not that was how it was coming across. but he didnāt think there would be a problem so when the waiter scurries off, kyung scowls at him. dark eyes on minjaeās face, and he doesnāt care if he makes him uncomfortable.Ā ā what was that ?Ā ā he asks him, voice calm but the annoyance etched onto his expression just like it was into minjaeās tone. minjae makes him confused, and he feels the annoyance bubbling. he knows he shouldnāt think about it but he does. everything within a few minutes.Ā sometimes heās positive that what he feels for the other is how minjae feels towards him too, but then others like the day back at the dance studio, where heād been specific enough to tell kyung that it couldnāt be anything. which to kyung, had confirmed that he DIDNāT feel the same way about kyung. that it had been nothing more than a one night stand, which still hurt when he thought about it. it was still fresh but then... then he shows up with flowers at his show night and confuses him even more. so being very un kyung fashion like he speaks up again, heās positive itās the exhaustion thatās warped into annoyance, because he hasnāt slept in days, putting all focus onto practicing .Ā ā you give me whiplash, minjae,Ā you confuse me all the time. and itās not fair.Ā ā he starts, expression now emotionless.Ā ā one minute iām positive you feel the same way i do, and then next itās like nothing ever happened. and now itās like youāre ANNOYED that i can have a conversation with someone else and i donāt know what iām supposed to do.Ā ā his voice is still soft but thereās a bite to his words.Ā Ā ā you canāt be annoyed at me for talking to someone else, which is all it was by the way, TALKING. you made yourself pretty clear the last time we spoke that nothing else would come of it. and if i hadnāt made myself clear that i have feelings for you, now they are because i do.Ā ā not did. not had. DO. becuase he does, even when heās been trying not too.Ā
heās pretty sure heāll regret everything about this in the morning when this is over. when heās slept.Ā Ā he has a feeling minjae might just get up and walk away from him and itās tugging and stinging and he isnāt sure what heās supposed to do but he canāt NOT be honest anymore. canāt hold it in.Ā ā but i donāt know what you want me to do, you let me keep your jacket, you come to my show,Ā you bring me flowers, you want to come to dinner. that implies things like feelings, and maybe iām reading into it too much.Ā ā he says, eyes still on him even with the blush spread across his cheeks.Ā ā but iām tired. i canāt do this run around in circles anymore, iāve done it one too many times and itās physically starting to affect me,Ā because i donāt know how youāll be with me the next time i see you and it has my anxiety hitting the roof everytime i think about you. ā if i see you. he should say but he doesnāt.and he canāt stress enough how TIRED he is. heās done this one too many times and he thinks maybeĀ ā iām tired of my feelings being played on and i canāt do it anymore. ā he says and he rubs his eyes trying not to flinch when he hits a sensitive bit of skin and he opens them again, looking over at him.Ā ā i have feelings for you, minjae. okay? if you feel the same way, then please justĀ tell me but if you donāt,....your friendship is very important to me, more important than how i feel and i can get over it and iād like to get back to how we were if this isnāt ever gonna go anywhere, so please donāt string me along and just put me out of my misery.Ā Ā āĀ
