THEODORE PARSONS, 27Â *taken by tina rae the gorgeous face belongs to lee head-tilt pace
Epimetheus: God of afterthought and the father of excuses
Compulsive liar. Librarian.
Eleanor Parsons (sister), Fallon Thatcher (can see through his lies), Damaris Ashley (friends with benefits)
Epimetheus' name was derived from the Greek words epi-, epeita, and mĂŞtis, and means "afterthought" or "late counselling." Appropriately Pindar names Afterthought (Epimetheus) as the father of Excuse (Prophasis). He was the proverbial fool.
"Scatter-brained Epimetheus who from the first was a mischief to men who eat bread; for it was he who first took of Zeus the woman [Pandora], the maiden whom he had formed."
all these things that I have done:
This is Theodore. He goes by Theo, if he gives you that name at all.
But usually he won't.
When first meeting you, he will most likely tell you his name is something like Tony or Jack.
Though is favorite is Sergio. Perhaps he's a pirate.
That's another thing, his backstory changes with each person he meets.
Sometimes he and his sister, Harriet, escaped from a Turkish prison and are on the run from a Chinese warlord.
Sometimes Allison and John are two Canadians who snuck into the country and haven't left since.
You never know.
But if you want the real story, it's like this.
His parents died in a towering, blazing inferno that burned half the town. Theo and his sister barely made it out with their lives.
They were sent to live with their five hundred year old aunt.
It's true. They saw her birth certificate once.
She must have found the fountain of youth.
Theo still swears its hidden somewhere in her cellar. And only she can find it.
She taught them everything they knew, though typically in the middle of the night when normal people would be sleeping.
Perhaps this is the reason for Theo's crippling insomnia.
Or maybe it's because he often stays up all night reading.
That's a secret he'll never tell.
Actually he'd probably say he's so tired because he was out tailing a Russian spy. He's this close to catching him.
Maybe tonight will be the night.
Or maybe not.
Theo and Ellie barely escaped their aunt's house with their lives. After she was murdered by the hitman who burned down their old house, with their parents still inside, he came for them. But they escaped. They escaped to Westwood.
Ellie says that Theo lies a lot.
He doesn't. He tells things as they happened. And in his mind, everything in his life was an adventure. And why not share those adventures with the world?
Ellie has been trying to "fix him" for years. But how can she fix something that's not broken?
Besides, he could've been "fixed" a long time ago. But Fallon didn't want him. Or so he thought.
And he's been carrying that broken heart around ever since.
But you'd never be able to tell.
Theo has gotten used to always being an afterthought.
No one ever thinks about him first. Except maybe his sister.
She's his best friend and always has been.
He sometimes reads her old diaries because she used to analyse his stories. And he could tell how good they were by how mad she was.
But she stopped writing them and now he just goes with the flow.
Bastille's 'Things We Lost in the Fire' could literally have been written about Theo and Ellie.
Though that's the version of the story he'll never tell.
Books are Theo's life.
He read them so much as a child. They were his friends in isolation.
And he loved the exciting lives of the characters so much he decided to become one.
It was the only way he knew how to get by.
Without his stories, he doesn't know who he is anymore.
So he keeps telling them.
And most people believe his stories.
A few have compared notes with each other but Theo always has another excuse ready, another lie waiting on the tip of his tongue to explain away the miscommunication.
With Theo's adorable smile and awkward manner, people can't help but love him.
And believe every lie he tells.
He's an adorable idiot and a total flirt.
The more he lies to you, the more he likes you.
"You lied to me." "I lie to everyone. What makes you so special?" "I am your sister!" "Yes, well that just makes you more gullible." <-- actual Parsons siblings dialogue.
Though he doesn't always lie to Ellie.
She shared his story and she knows it backwards and forewards.
So he typically only embelishes around her when absolutely necessary.
And she has no idea how to lie to him.
He tried to teach her how once. It didn't go well.
He once told his sister that she was so bossy, she should get paid to tell people what to do.
She took it to heart.
A little too much to heart.
It often seems like she believes Theo is one of her patients.
He once slipped her a twenty and asked her if he should be back "at the same time next week" and even made an appointment with her secretary under the name "Franco Tessio"
He showed up the next week dresssed like a gangster and told her about how the Family business "just isn't what it used to be"
She told him maybe he should try telling the truth.
Franco never made another appointment.
Eleanor's secretary says she missed him.
This bio is a freaking mess.
And it's still a work in progress.
But at least it's a start.
This bio is a true story. The events depicted here happened in Minnesota during the 1990s. At the request of the survivors, the names have all been changed. Out of respect for the dead, everything else has been told exactly as it occurred.
Do with it what you will.
