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@ofvanitiesx-blog
“You can’t let your fear stop you from going after what you really want,” Marlene spoke in a definite tone. It was like a mantra she had been repeating to herself for some time now.
She immediately shook her head. “I’m not brave like you are. I’m in Slytherin, remember?”
all of me; gideon&emma
Looking into her eyes he began to remember the exact moment he fell in love with her. It was such a magical moment, yet it wasn’t even that memorable. He fell in love with her smile first, then her eyes, then her everything Her entire being engulfed him whole and he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want anything to end. He wanted to stay here on the floor with her. Down here where some of their silliest memories lived on. It had become a proven fact that the beds at Hogwarts were entirely too small for more than one person.
As she spoke, her voice greeted Gideon’s ears like a melody. His grin only grew wider at her comment. “Well, my love I’d hope so.” He teased as he bushed his nose against her’s and pressed a kiss upon the lips he loved so much.
She smiled, and returned the kiss before pulling away thoughtfully. She loved him-- she loved him so much. And she was content to sit here and kiss him forever, but she thought that maybe they should mark that particular declaration by doing something a bit different than what they usually did. Although, it caused her no end of amusement the fact that they had both collapsed to the floor and neither of them were acting as though it was strange. She supposed it had happened so many times at that point that it wasn’t anything special.
She smiled, leaning in for another kiss. When she pulled away she stayed in close, her lips hovering just above his. She couldn’t stop smiling. “Do you want to go take a walk? I doubt we get caught, and if we do it’s just more time together in detention.”
Rather be divisive than indecisive || Emma + Marlene
The blonde felt sort of at ease to have the other girl sitting next to her. It was a familiar comfort even if they didn’t exactly see eye to eye these days. Times had changed, they had both grown up and drifted apart. Things were different now. But somehow they managed to still be there for each other, which Marlene appreciated deep down.
“I’m just peachy,” she replied, handing off the bottle that was about ¾ full. Anyone who knew Marlene well enough would know that it was her standard reply when she really wasn’t doing that hot. But she had never been one to let down her emotional guard. Instead she put up a tough front. She figured it was better that way. “I’d probably be better if there was some chocolate ice cream.”
Emma grabbed the bottle and took a long swig, leaning back and closing her eyes for a moment. “Same,” she agreed with about as much enthusiasm as she had heard in Marlene’s voice. “Life is just grand right now, isn’t it?”
She just felt sick-- was she complicit in all of this? She doubted she could change anyone’s mind, especially Lucinda’s, but maybe she could have tried. Maybe it would have helped. “I’ll be they can find some if you ask nicely,” she gestured absentmindedly to the house elves behind them. Students were so rude so often that they often responded overly well to just a bit of kindness.
“It’s not impossible to choose the right side. You can be with Gideon, if that’s what you really want. I’m not saying it’s not going to be dangerous. We’re all int danger, there’s no helping that. But if you really loved him, then you would do whatever you could to be with him.”
“I’m scared, Mar,” she whispered, looking away. “I don’t want to be on their side, but choosing against them scares me.”
“Emma, why stop now? Why do this? Why do this to us? Why do this to me?” He asked, his voice breaking ever so slightly. “Nothing is safe! Not even the worlds most safest places are safe! Breaking us up isn’t going to make anything safer. It’s going to remain dangerous for the rest of our time on this earth. Whether we are together or whether we are not I’m still going to be a target, and ending this relationship isn’t going to help me get off that list.”
She closed her eyes, finally finding it in herself to pull away. “Hypothetically-- if I were to maybe agree with you. If I were to want you regardless... no one could know. It’d have to be-- to be a secret,” her voice broke over the last word. That was the last thing she wanted, but she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to stay away from him.
Marlene could take a hint. She made her own assumptions on what Emma’s reasoning was exactly, and figured it was right since it seemed pretty logical. Marlene hated to be so pessimistic but she knew the reality of the situation. Two people on opposites sides of the war just don’t work out being in a relationship with each other. Though she knew Emma hadn’t fully declared which side she was on, who she hung around with day to day spoke volumes. “There’s always another way, Em. I need you to understand that.”
“How?” She whispered. “How is there a better way? If somehow I did the impossible and chose your side... they would be angry. Gideon would be the obvious target. And if I do what’s easy-- if I choose that side-- there’s no future for us. I don’t know what to do, Mar.”
Rather be divisive than indecisive || Emma + Marlene
Setting the bottle down on the counter before hoping up there herself, Marlene had let out a deep sigh of pent up frustration. She wasn’t expecting anyone else to be around so she jumped a little bit when she heard the familiar soft voice of an old friend. “Shit, Em, you scared me,” she confessed, running a hand through her hair. But after giving the other girl a once over, she nodded her head. Misery loves company after all. Marlene was all too aware of Emma’s conflict and how she probably needed someone like Marlene to be around her. In Marlene’s eyes, she was the only voice of reason Emma had. “Nah, I don’t mind.”
She made room for Emma to sit on the counter with her if she wanted and brought the bottle up, offering it to Emma who looked like she could use it just as much as Marlene did. If not more. “Care for a drink?”
She didn’t drink often-- not for some morally ambiguous reason, she just didn’t enjoy the taste. But she thought that it might take some of the edge off today. Her emotions were running high. She didn’t understand why people had to keep getting hurt-- and honestly, she didn’t love that the hurting kept coming from the side that she had all but chosen. Merlin, she wished had had another, a better, option.
She nodded, sitting down next to her friend-- the girl that had been there for every monumental moment in her life, and she was glad to have her now. “That’d be nice if you don’t mind. Are you alright, Mar?”
Rather be divisive than indecisive || Emma + Marlene
@ofvanitiesx
Another day, another person missing or dead, and Marlene found herself drowning her sorrows with a bottle of Firewhiskey. She had it stashed away in the bottom of her trunk for special occasions, but these days just staying alive to live another day seemed special enough. Her go to drinking spot was the Kitchens because the house elves were sweet to her and provided her with chocolate ice cream to go with her drink.
Marlene had been keeping her distance from her friends. Something out of character for her. But too much was going on and no one had anything new to say about it, which had her feeling irritable. Marlene wanted to be alone so she could collect her thoughts and form some sort of plan of action. Not like there was much she could do now. But sitting there and thinking about what she could do somehow made her feel better.
She heard a noise from the other end of the kitchens and got up to go see who had joined her-- she came down here because she needed to think, but also because she needed to do so away from the other Slytherins. They rarely ventured into the kitchens, something they saw as beneath them-- therefore, this was the best venue for her thoughts. And it didn’t hurt that they had a seemingly unending supply of chocolate.
When she saw Marlene she relaxed a bit, walking to join her friend-- Mar was a Gryffindor. She understood what she was feeling. She wouldn’t judge her for thinking that the actions of her housemates were intolerable. “Mind if I join you?” She asked softly, waiting for an answer before sitting down.
“It’s fine. Who else are you going to whine to, right?” She tried to joke about the situation but it probably came off as sort of rude. Which wasn’t ever in her intentions at all. “You did? Emma, I’m so sorry.” Marlene supposed that she really was out of the loop of Emma’s life these days. “Um, is it like awkward between the two of you now or…”
She hesitated, wondering how honest she should be with Marlene-- but it’s not as though Gideon hadn’t guessed her reasoning in about two seconds. So if he knew what was stopping her from sharing with everyone else? “No-- well kind of, because he doesn’t approve of my reason. It’s my fault, but-- I don’t see another way.”
all of me; gideon&emma
He didn’t know how it happened, he didn’t know when it happened, but he sure as hell didn’t care why it happened. Because he loved Emma Vanity. He loved her with every fiber in his being. He loved her with every word in the dictionary. He loved her in every way and in any way he could. He loved her and there was no way he could deny that. He didn’t even know why he hadn’t told her yet. Maybe it was because deep down he felt like she already knew. Deep down he knew that those words were just words, and she already felt how strong his love was. She felt it in every kiss, every bite, and every touch. He knew she felt it, because he felt it from her.
He loved the way she got when she was around him. She’d let her hair down and just melt into his arms. Some days it was hard for him to resist her, because she was so Emma. He loved it. He loved running his hands down her back. He loved biting her lips and kissing her neck. He loved her so fucking much that it physically drove him insane. He just needed the world to know this. They needed to know that the girl below him was the love of his life, and he wasn’t sure if he could love anyone else. He did know what do when she was like this. He lost all control, because she was the only one capable of doing that to him. She was magnificent and he needed her to know that. He didn’t know what came over him. He just needed to hear it out-loud. He needed those words to adorn her name.
And as his hand slid up her thigh, and his lips fell to her neck, the words slipped out faster than he could think,“I love you, Emma Vanity.” For a moment he didn’t even realize he had said it, because his thoughts were so loud. but when she froze, he knew. He knew that he had said it. So he just started laughing, because he had no idea what to do. He laughed until he couldn’t breathe. Catching his breath he lifted off of her a bit, and placed both arms on either side of her head. “I love you.” he whispered once more as he pressed a soft kiss on her lips.
She froze, and in that moment she swore she could hear nothing but the thudding of her heart. It was one thing for her to love him, but it was a completely different thing for him to return those feelings-- there were so many other people, so many better people out there. “No, you don’t,” she whispered, jerking away from him, but in the process she rolling off of the bed and into a heap on the floor.
She grappled for his arm, trying to steady herself-- and she didn’t know if she pulled him or if he tried to catch her, but he ended up on the floor, half on top of her-- and she laughed. She threw back her head and let out a bout of hysterical laughter, because wasn’t this so them? Wasn’t this the most them thing there ever had been? She laughed and wiped away the happy tears that had pooled in her eyes. “I love you too, by the way,” she mumbled, tilting her head to the side to look at him.
“Dont–” Was all he could say, he need to stop her from saying it but he was too late. He didn’t want to hear it. He could hear it, because they could. He knew this could work. He knew that she was scared, but hell– so was he. All he knew was that he loved her and that’s all he needed. He need her in his life, because she was his absolute everything. It upset him that she acted as if she didn’t want this, because he knew she did. She couldn’t lie to him. She was an open book to him. “Don’t say it..” he finally choked out. “Just please, don’t say it.”
“I’ve spent most of my life being selfish,” she whispered into the skin of his neck. Pulling away would be near impossible, but she had to find a way to do it. “But I won’t be here-- not with you. It’s not safe, Gideon. You know that as well as I do.”
Marlene bit her bottom lip and nodded her head quietly. She thought she understood. Most Slytherins probably weren’t feeling the same way Emma was at the moment. And the Slytherin girl had never been one to do anything that might ostracize from her peers. “I haven’t seen him ‘cause I haven’t exactly ventured to the common room myself. But I’m sure he’s okay, Em. Prewett’s tough. And his brother definitely wouldn’t let him do anything too dangerous.”
“Sorry--I don’t mean to whine to you,” she mumbled. “I’m just-- I don’t know. I’m worried about Gideon, but I can’t ask him. You heard that we broke up?” Marlene had been one of her best friend as she grew up, but she didn’t know where they stood now. She barely seemed to tolerate her most of the time, and while it made her sad she understood.
all of me; gideon&emma
She was not outgoing by nature. The world seemed to think she was, but it was an unintentional side effect of spending time with people with larger-than-life personalities, like Lucinda. Their fire had a tendency to catch--to make everyone near them seem as though they were ablaze as well. Whereas she was, in fact, rather introverted. She didn’t often feel comfortable in her own skin.
All of that went to the wayside when she was with Gideon-- he made her feel safe and beautiful. He made her feel free. She was free to be herself around him-- she wasn’t afraid of what he would think of her because he made it abundantly clear that he liked her for exactly who she was. There were no pretenses, there were no insecurities. It was pure love-- yes, she loved him. She hadn’t told him yet, but it was as obvious to her as anything. The sun would come up tomorrow, winter would come in just a few weeks, tomorrow was Tuesday, and she loved Gideon Prewett.
But she hadn’t told him yet. As they lay draped across his bed, their bodies so close she wasn’t sure where his ended and hers began, she thought that maybe she should tell him-- maybe she should let him know how she felt about him-- but what if he didn’t feel the same way?
His kisses, his touches... they warmed her, they made her feel like everything in this shit world would be okay in the end, and she didn’t want to ruin that. So she lay there with him, in this moment, content to just be them. She wouldn’t complicate it. Not tonight.
“it’s nothing.” she replied, the small smile still on her pink lips to try and make the other feel more at peace. “you’re allowed to be upset over things like that. it’s a horrible thing that happened and a lot of people were affected.” mary wanted emma to know a lot of people were upset, a lot of people found it disturbing to have something happen so close to the school. “i heard, well, you know i’m close to the boys so he mentioned it.”
“Not in Slytherin you can’t,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. There are some good people in my house, but--” She trailed off, not wanting to talk badly about her friends. “Is he okay?” She asked in a small voice. “I-- I didn’t want to hurt him, but it-- it just had to be done.” She didn’t add that she regretted it more than anything, but she was sure it was written all over her pained face.
Marlene took a few steps closer to the bundle of brown hair in the corridor. Her eyebrows were furrowed in concerned. She didn’t feel the need to ask what was wrong. She just knew. Probably because she was feeling it too, but just handling it differently. “Are you alright? Actually, that’s a dumb question. Obviously you’re not alright. You’re crying in an empty corridor.”
She could write Marlene a book about why she was upset, but she was sure she understood. “I can’t be upset about this in my dorm or the common room,” she mumbled. “It wouldn’t go over very well.” She paused, looking up and wiping away the tears that clung to her face. Marlene was in Gryffindor, she might at least know if Gideon were okay, because that was something she had been worried about since she heard what had happened. He was idiotic enough to have thought he could take on a hoard of Death Eaters on his own. “Have you seen Gideon?” She whispered. “Is he okay?”
analysing her every move, mary couldn’t help but feel the spark of curiosity that lit in her chest. “no one has to know you’re fixing it. anything said between us two will stay just between us. and no, you can ramble, i understand what it’s like to feel like you can’t talk to anyone.”
“I appreciate that,” she said softly. “I can’t be upset about things like what happened in Hogsmeade in front of my friends-- they don’t get why it would bother me.” There was a long pause. “And that’s a huge portion of why I’m upset, but I was upset before Hogsmeade happened because-- did you hear that Gideon and I broke up?”
“Shh.” He whispered, knotting his fingers through her soft hair. “Shh, just don’t talk. We don’t have to talk.” He said, not knowing whether he was talking to her or to himself. He didn’t want her to tell him that they couldn’t be together. He had heard that a million times and he couldn’t stand hearing it again. All he wanted to do was to hold her tight to his chest and never let go. He never wanted her to go. He never wanted to even wanted to have the bloody conversation in the first place. It killed him to hear those words.
He wished that he could follow his heart and not regret it. He wished that all of this happened at a different time– a different place. He just wanted it all to be good and happy and perfect, but he knew that was impossible.
She shook her head, but even as she prepared to protest she felt herself sinking deeper into his embrace. She knew she had to walk away-- she knew that she was going to have to be the one to make the first move here. But she didn’t want too. God, she didn’t want too. She would have been content to stay like this forever. She loved him more she thought was possible-- she loved him more than anything. And that knowledge was all that gave her the courage to act-- he was the only one that was more important than what she wanted. “We can’t,” she whispered, wondering if he could even hear her. “we can’t do this.” I want too though. She didn’t say those words, but they were all she could think, they were all that ran through her mind. God, did she want too.
