june bug @oh-poor-you - Tumblr Blog

march.2019 fast but slow, shake shake shake. overwhelming wave of numb. so cold…nothing. she holds her head in her hands. eyes blurred. face drifting away. no name, she is lost . i am lost. are we the same? one person. five personalities. could it be? me all along? stop reading into things. greasy claws scratch. scream. stop reading, stop understanding. withdraw from the fight. it’s only right. who writes?

march.2019 I am so tired. too tired for thoughts, or thoughtful conversation. so happy being alone. without others or my mind. words flow through me. no thought needed. I shake words to paper. cold bones & caffeine fuel my fingers. I have been too expressive to those around me. my words have not been pressed into paper for far too long. an energy switch. a calm paranoia. I do not fear you. because I cannot see you. I think I see him in the walls. in the trees. maybe he is burned into my eyelids. I’m so afraid. charming, charismatic. killer.

jan 11th/2018 my human habits are no longer healthy. i speak of him with a sour tongue, teeth clenched, the reason we begin to love bad people, is because they are always there shape shifting to fit your ideals

march.2019 Silence awakens inside. It is too late to be grateful. Your tongue bruises inside my thigh. All gods have looked away. Hidden eyes. A body of fear, grows within. Crawls up my throat. Suffocates my denial. You can’t keep fighting something that is invisible. No one can help you now. Those personalities which hide behind sharp teeth. Only victims see. Only survivors recount. Unbelieving ears shut you out. Forget your name. Stains that last a lifetime. Contagious. Comforting. Charming. Kills. Sleep softly before the thoughts shake you awake. A scream only ghosts can hear. I couldn’t hear my own screams till now. I guess I’m a ghost.

may.2020 thoughtless yet so full jealousy (unknown) sears through my veins i move separate from myself 2 different entities same face my minds lag behind by approximately 3 seconds sometimes full days i am soft inside and out Yet i ask to be punched so i can prove maybe i have a hard exterior it hurts maybe my voice sounds better in my head i’ve slowly lost my song. (my thoughts are the same) other voices come out sharp or perhaps my ears just filter them that way i tend to blame you for how i understand your words i’m sorry

february.2020 dear narcissus, An act of self expression, ends up jaded by ones narcissism. The world does not orbit around you, you do not exist within an image of perfection. perhaps in your own mind. “do unto others, as you would have them do unto you” You constantly hurt, so what did you expect? It seems in your case water is thicker than blood. Stop trying to climb the ladder. You are just sinking deeper into the pool of self obsession. love, all those you’ve hurt before.

january.2020 I dropped you & I have never felt lighter. the pit in the bottom of my stomach, turned out to be your ego. burrowed inside my open soul. so so empty why not fill it? but my lungs crushed under its weight. your narcissism doesn’t leave room for a passenger on your road trip. highway to hell. it looked so fun on the flyer

#poem #poetry

i have a ball of anxiety in my chest currently.

miscommunications suck, and i’m so anxious that i may lose someone due to actions of another, that are out of my control, and not recognized by them as being possibly harmful.

i feel like shit in my body right now, i don’t know how to cope with it.

i don’t know how to shut off my brain, i hate this so much.

watching them type, makes my skin scream to be taken off my bones.

i care so much about both these people, and this feeling sucks.

rip me apart please, i just want to stop thinking and feeling like shit.

long responses are never good, i feel my stomach emptying yet the weight grows heavier. i am so influenced by those around me, i hate this so much. fuck this.

she doesn’t hate him, i’m just too much. that’s better than expected

I’m scared, scared, scared. I don’t want you to leave at all. Don’t leave, don’t leave. dont...leave. i’m freezing and sick to my stomach. I don’t want to be honest with you because i’m scared it will give you reason to run. I am sick to my stomach and weak to my knees. goose bumps coat my body

i am so fully in love with your being, it’s soul crushing. time may heal all wounds but love cuts far too deeply. a simple look, a glance, an understanding. but no, because you’ve left, you’re gone and i hope she treats you well.

-sick of me?

it’s been so long since i have addressed your presence in my mind.

(i saw an old post which you liked and it burned)

you are not a piece of me anymore, the hatred i hold for you is the only warm memory in my mind. i see you, shattered on the floor. broken glass is dangerous, or so you’ve taught me.

i see him. i see you. i see my old reflection.

stop chasing after shit that will never be the same.

i learned a long time ago, that people don’t usually change. your eyes might be the same colour, but the spirit left them long ago. your fucking hollow bones haunt my nightmares.

can’t you understand that i tried to fucking save you? you were the love of my life, my friend, the one person i truly cared about and you fucked me over. he never gave a shit about you, but that’s because you left your human form on some other guys door step. you were a fucking doormat. but at least you had some kind of soul, some skin on your bones.

now you’re just a shell. you carry the weight of your sorrows so heavy on your shoulders. i can barely see you standing on solid ground.

i hate you, and i don’t ever want you to try and contact me again.

-to an old friend.