Attack on Titan OC Critique #14
Wow, it’s been a while. Anyway, the submitter requested to remain anonymous
Name: Elliot Schmidt
Meaning: Elliot = With Strength and Right.
Schmidt = Blacksmith
Nickname(s): "Elliot the Idiot" - During his trainee days.
Alias (if any): none
Age: 18 1/2
Gender: Male
Birthday: May 14 (I'm still trying to compute, it's a bit hard for me.)
Birthplace: Wall Rose, northern region
Current Residence: Wall Rose, Karanese District
Sexual Orientation: Gay
Marital Status: Taken (Is that counted?)
Language(s) spoken: German, English, Russian, and the language inside the walls.
I might suggest cutting down on the amount of languages as it’s unlikely that most languages have survived over time and were most likely lost or combined into the language spoken inside the walls, but this is a minor thing.
Life-Long Dream: To fulfill the wish of his uncle, and to be with his lover.
Goal(s): To continue the path of his Uncle
Affiliation: Survey Corps (Soldier)
Former Affiliation: 106th Trainee Squad.
Grad. Rank: Outside the top ten (Because he slacks off, no matter how much his lover tells him to be diligent, he always slack off. But that changed when he entered the Survey Corps.)
Grad. Path (Survey Corps, etc): Survey Corps
Number of Titans Killed: 0 Solo, 5 Assist
Status (Alive, Missing, etc.): Alive
Okay, so far so good, if he’s a slacker it makes sense his titan kill count would be low.
Like(s): Sunsets, his family, Gifts from his Lover, Books that he wrote
Dislike(s): Alexander Ehrlichmann, Too much Noise, Himself for being an idiot, surprises.
Is there a specific reason he dislikes Alexander, who is Alexander?
Bad Habit(s): He tends to do something idiotic, A WHOLE LOT. (He's trying not to do be an idiot because he's in the Survey Corps) A bit careless.
It’s good he’s trying to better himself, but being even a little careless in the Survey Corps is likely to lead to an early death, so be careful to not give him plot armour.
Hobbies: Writing A Book, Training, Watching the Stars, Watching the Sunset, spending time with his lover and best friend, (If they'll ever see each other, because his lover is in the Military Police while his best friend is in the Stationary Guard.), and practicing riding a damn horse and 3D gear.
It’s good that he practices, after all, practice makes perfect
Fear(s): Tight spaces, Titans (But has to cope), Not seeing his close ones again, to fail his uncle's wish.
These fears are all pretty understandable, but I’m curious as to if there’s a specific reason why he dislikes tight spaces.
Personality: Friendly, opens up when you get to know him, idiot, helpful (but he'll choose only who'll he help.) Arrogant, very judgmental to those he doesn't know. He's only protective to those he loves. And he's a bit selfish and a bit serious.
This personality could use some more detail, but for what it is it’s not too bad.
Favorites (not necessary)-
Food(s): Vegetable Soup
Color(s): Orange
Season(s): Fall, because of the color orange
Time of Day: Dawn
Extra: He likes his horse, Carrie.
Appearance-
Height: 5'8
Weight: 165 pounds
Hair style (Always Down, Always Up, etc.): Down and layered, it reaches up a few inches form his chin.
Hair Color: Orange
Eye Color: Blue
Skin Tone: Pale, since he comes from the northern area.
Body Shape/Build: Athletic
Birth Marks: n/a
Scar(s): A slash at his thigh, he got it during his trainee days when they were being trained on to use a sword. He played with it a bit. Then, their commander scolded him a lot.
I imagine he’d get in a lot of trouble for messing around with a dangerous weapon, so it’s good that his actions actually had repercussions
Health-
Memory: No problem
Sight: Nah
Mental: He has a sudden panic attack whenever he's stuck. (In all forms of stuck, tight spaces, or even puzzles.)
Physical: He's fine, other than bruises and a bit of scratch marks from the expeditions? He's fine.
Sleep patterns: 6-7 hours. He misses his old 8-10 hours of sleep.
I’m not an expert on sleeping or sleep schedules but I’m pretty sure he should be getting more than six hours of sleep.
Abilities/Statistics
3D Maneuvering Gear: 6
Intelligence: 7
Martial Arts: 6
Battle Skill: 6
Agility: 7
Strategy: 4
Teamwork: 9
Passion: 9
Okay, these stats aren’t too bad, but I think his intelligence stat should be lowered if he really is an idiot.
Relationships- *name* = Dead
Parent(s): Troy Schmidt (Father, German), Natasha Arlovskaya (Mother, Russian)
Sibling(s): n/a
Other Relative(s): *Vitali Schmidt* (Uncle, German), Arvo Schmidt (Cousin)
Best Friend(s): Eduard Amsel, Lilia Colombera
Friend(s): *Robert Corio*, Daniel D'Angelo, Durand Favre, Robin Marchand (This is a girl)
Enemy(ies): Toris Vidas
Hero(es): *Vitali Schmidt*
Rival(s): n/a
Squad Leader: Matulis Butkus
Comrades:
- Mellis Johanns
- Kalnus Kallas
- Susan Starzyk
It would be good to have a little info on these characters since they’re all OCs.
History/Life: (Augh summary)
He lived in a protective life from his parents. They don't want their child to join the Military because their son might die. They taught Elliot to farm, to write, and to do household chores. It wasn't until his uncle Vitali came into Elliot's home. Ever since that day, Elliot dreamed to be a survey corps which got his parents more worried than ever.
What exactly did his uncle do that made Elliot want to join the military?
Until one day in the year of 844, when Elliot and his cousin Arvo saw Vitali is going on a expedition. Vitali bade good-bye to the two boys and went outside the wall. The two boys waited for their hero to return, but he didn't. Weeks has passed and there is no sign of their hero, until it was confirmed that everyone in the 34th expedition died. Shocked to hear the news, Elliot was depressed about the loss of his hero. A month later of his uncle's death, he finally got the courage to enter the military not for revenge, but to finish his uncle's will.
You mentioned his parents didn’t want him to join the military, did they try to stop him? Or were they too consumed by grief?
When he entered the 106th trainee's squad a few years later, he met two people. Eduard Amsel, who came from the same district as him and Lilia Colombera who lives in Wall Sina. Those three had a rocky start, but they became the best of friends. In the same time, Eduard and Elliot fell in love with each other and they became lovers in a few years.
During the time when they'll pick a military branch, many students were driven away by the Survey Corps. Elliot and a few others stayed. He knows that Lilia won't join the Survey Corps because she thinks its a stupid branch so she joined the Stationary Guard. Then he saw his lover Eduard is pulling someone else's hand and goes away. He can hear his lover is calling him but he's referring to the stranger that Eduard is pulling. He knows Eduard's eye sight is pretty bad, but he didn't think it's THAT bad! He wants to join his lover Eduard, but he has to fulfill his uncle's wish first. And that wish is to Serve Humanity and Find Peace.
So, if Eduard has such horrible eyesight why is he allowed in the military or at least wearing glasses?
(The Survey Corps arc is coming soon.)
Note that I'm planning this character doesn't meet the canon characters. It's like the same world, but there are no canon characters. The canon characters would be replaced by original characters.
Alexander is like Levi in the story but really different. I based him off from Levi so that I can slowly remove Levi's personality little by little and place it with new personalities. Alexander would be their Humanity's Strongest in this world where canon characters don't exist, since I don't like to write about canon characters in fear of making them OOC. There would be like a Original Character Counterpart of Hanji, Mike, and so on. But the story won't progress the same as the Manga or anime, it has it's own different story.
If written right I could see this idea being interesting, and I understand worrying that characters are OOC.
Overall, Elliot isn’t a bad character, there’s a few things that could be improved but not many.
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