Flawless. @ohsheflawless-blog - Tumblr Blog

I’ve had a lot going on these last 3 months with family issues, weight gain, and trying to a adjust to a new job where I had to travel a lot and been having to work off a different time zone. I’m very blessed to have this new job opportunity but I’ve just been mentally exhausted where I’ve felt like I’m just “here” and causing me to not really be present sexually with my partner because I just wasn’t in the head space. I felt even though everything else was draining in my life, my S/O was my safe place making me forget about all that life throws at you. Everything else was so perfect with him so I thought to myself what could go wrong with me opening up about this? It was a honest conversation that I felt strong about that he would help work with me to get through this time of mental exhaustion so we could get back to the sex life we had prior when it was more spontaneous and more fun. So I have the conversation on a random night after coming from eating and having a good time. Instead of him trying to hear me and trying to understand me and where I’m coming from, the safe place I thought I had, the selfless man I thought I had did a 180 switch and in the most vulnerable time I needed him… he made it about him and decided that he wasn’t willing to work on that with me because sex is just that important that it has to perfect the whole way through. The same person not even just a week ago was talking about planning a future with me switched up. Just like that I lost my safe place and I feel alone and confused. All my pros, all that I’ve done in this relationship doesn’t out way this one hiccup? What was the point in this relationship if this was gonna be the reason it ended. Praying to understand why I’m not good enough. Praying to understand why am I having these family issues. Praying for a quick adjustment to this new time zone/travel work schedule I am working. Praying to find that happiness again. Praying that I can gain my trust back for really anything.

Here we go again, such a great woman but I’m not worthy of getting the truth or trying for.