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@ohsoflightlessbird
Over here. Step on into the emporium.
Yes looking after yourself can be difficult and repetitive and without any immediate gratification. But the alternative is being hungry, is being cold, is being lonely, is being unclean in a way that makes your skin crawl, is being miserable. So go get yourself a snack, call/message a friend, wash your face and wear some comfy clothes. It might not solve all your problems but it will stop you experiencing more of them.
i think deciding to love someone continually is like reading the same book again, but each time finding a different line that hits deep and makes you think about something you didn't realize before. and you decide to read it again and again, knowing you'll never get enough of it, knowing you'll always find something new about them to love.
Let your bad thoughts be bad thoughts and your bad feelings be bad feelings. Let "I feel so worthless right now" turn into "I want to do something that'll make me feel better" instead of "the fact that I feel worthless must mean that I am". There is so much power in actively refusing to tie negativity to the way you see yourself, without ignoring it altogether.